I used to have these illusions about gay men as a whole. But, after going out and actually seeing the world I realize how foolish I was. All gay men are different, every single one. They are so vastly different. Some gay men sound 'straight', some don't. Some are masculine, some are feminine. Some are nice and empathetic, others are just assholes. Some I had sexual chemistry with and real heat with and natural friction, others it was just 'meh get me the FUCK out of here.' Some, I shared a more romantic brotherly bond with. And some were just friends, or just people that I might talk to occasionally but wouldn't get too close. And some I made enemies with and a mutual dislike towards each other.
You would think that I would know this intellectually, prepping myself up as a 'gay shaman' and all that nonsense, but it's not something that my mind could hold as the mind only knows how to compartmentalize. I had to be shown, and felt- that this was true.
This is what all the religionists and spiritualists try to teach people. You cannot believe your thoughts, for your thoughts will deceive you. If you feel a punishing infliction toward all gay men, it is only the ego talking. If you think a gay guy can't hurt you or really bully you, or can't help you or effect you or any of that stuff (or whatever you perceive gay men to be), that is all your ego talking, dear. It's all thought head speak and it isn't real at all.
If you have these same neurotic ideas about gay men, and being gay- I would suggest meditation or some other practice where you can not listen to your thoughts so much. Your ego is the enemy within, your own worst enemy and what will always delude you into making poor choices. Just yesterday I had this thought, I was so sure it was true, I was so convinced that I was right, and guess what? I was COMPLETELY wrong. I had an ego thought 'I don't have my contacts in' as I thought I had removed them but they were still there!!!
The ego tricks you, and so do not always listen to what is chattering on in your brain! Meditate, see, experience, test, observe.
You would think that I would know this intellectually, prepping myself up as a 'gay shaman' and all that nonsense, but it's not something that my mind could hold as the mind only knows how to compartmentalize. I had to be shown, and felt- that this was true.
This is what all the religionists and spiritualists try to teach people. You cannot believe your thoughts, for your thoughts will deceive you. If you feel a punishing infliction toward all gay men, it is only the ego talking. If you think a gay guy can't hurt you or really bully you, or can't help you or effect you or any of that stuff (or whatever you perceive gay men to be), that is all your ego talking, dear. It's all thought head speak and it isn't real at all.
If you have these same neurotic ideas about gay men, and being gay- I would suggest meditation or some other practice where you can not listen to your thoughts so much. Your ego is the enemy within, your own worst enemy and what will always delude you into making poor choices. Just yesterday I had this thought, I was so sure it was true, I was so convinced that I was right, and guess what? I was COMPLETELY wrong. I had an ego thought 'I don't have my contacts in' as I thought I had removed them but they were still there!!!
The ego tricks you, and so do not always listen to what is chattering on in your brain! Meditate, see, experience, test, observe.
