Life is currently not good... I'm feeling so depressed

[mcbrion]

I don't have anyone to talk to about this. Not even my boyfriend for complicated reasons. So, you guys get to be my therapists.

I had a house. Cars. Loving man. Dogs. Middle class subdivision. Good engineering career. Full benefits. Pension plan. I had every fucking thing that defines the American Dream. And this was just 3 years ago.

I sold everything and cashed out my retirement so I could start my own business. Gave up all of that. 3 years in, and what do I have to show for it? I lost my husband. I lost my middle class lifestyle. Lost my retirement plan. Gave up my career. I had to go through Obamacare for healthcare.

I don't have a house of my own. One of my employees even commented to me that I own more houses than anyone he's ever known in his life and I don't even have a home of my own. I live in my boyfriend's house. I drive a beat up honda odyssey that now has 269K miles on it.

My net worth is a lot more now than when I was living that middle class American Dream, but it feels like I have nothing.

Starting this company was my lifelong dream. But I'm starting to think this whole thing was one BIG mistake. I don't know what to do now. And I have been catching myself whispering to myself "I hate myself" repeatedly.

40 is just right around the corner and my life is in shambles. I just don't know what to do next.

Is this the price one has to pay to climb out of the 9-5 life?

Has 40 "hit" yet?

It is an age where one's visions of where one's dreams of where they would be at this age actually collide with Reality. For many people, it is a "passage" age. For even more people, 40-42 is a depressing time of life. For most people, they are exactly halfway through their life. Dream/Fantasy Life (from our 20s), meet Reality.

 

[mcbrion]

I don't have anyone to talk to about this. Not even my boyfriend for complicated reasons. So, you guys get to be my therapists.

I had a house. Cars. Loving man. Dogs. Middle class subdivision. Good engineering career. Full benefits. Pension plan. I had every fucking thing that defines the American Dream. And this was just 3 years ago.

I sold everything and cashed out my retirement so I could start my own business. Gave up all of that. 3 years in, and what do I have to show for it? I lost my husband. I lost my middle class lifestyle. Lost my retirement plan. Gave up my career. I had to go through Obamacare for healthcare.

I don't have a house of my own. One of my employees even commented to me that I own more houses than anyone he's ever known in his life and I don't even have a home of my own. I live in my boyfriend's house. I drive a beat up honda odyssey that now has 269K miles on it.

My net worth is a lot more now than when I was living that middle class American Dream, but it feels like I have nothing.

Starting this company was my lifelong dream. But I'm starting to think this whole thing was one BIG mistake. I don't know what to do now. And I have been catching myself whispering to myself "I hate myself" repeatedly.

40 is just right around the corner and my life is in shambles. I just don't know what to do next.

Is this the price one has to pay to climb out of the 9-5 life?

Has 40 "hit" yet?

It is an age where one's visions of where one's dreams of where they would be at this age actually collide with Reality. For many people, it is a "passage" age. For even more people, 40-42 is a depressing time of life. For most people, they are exactly halfway through their life. Dream/Fantasy Life (from our 20s), meet Reality. Have you ever read Passages by Gail Sheehy?

 

[belamyi]

For some, all that ^ happens around 25, so the 40s are just a party