The White Stripe
Sex God
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Light Wind: The Story of Trent & I (Revised)
- Thread starter The White Stripe
- Start date
The White Stripe
Sex God
Volume Ten.
I walked over to my bookshelf and picked up last year’s yearbook. The book was black and the front was nothing more than the word Lions in big gold print that rose above the rest of the hard back cover. I turned to the page 75. I never had to search for the page. I knew exactly which page it was. It was the page for my junior class. Being that I was a part of my school’s yearbook staff I had designed it the year before. There was one picture in particular that I placed on the page. It was of Trent and I at a track meet with several other of our team members. I just wanted to see his face that day. We were happy. Neither one of us had a care in the world. At that moment I wish I could have gone back to junior year. Everything was perfect.
It was a windy day so everyone’s hair was wild, but Trent’s smile in the photo had me coming back to page 75 time and time again. I carried the book over to my bed. I opened my window blinds. It was too cold to open the window. I would freeze, but I looked out at the tree tops. They blew back and forth senselessly, compiling with the wind’s every demand. I looked back down at the picture of him. His stupid blond hair. His ugly blue eyes. I hated him. I never wanted to see him again.
I couldn’t believe he broke his promise. He swore he would never tell anyone. I trusted him. He might as well have spit right in my face.
I sat on my bed for awhile. I just started as the wind as it shook the bare limbs of the weary trees. They looked so fragile. They looked weak, yet despite the toll nature always took on them they came back. They came back every year; stronger.
I decided to take a long hot shower. I did this in hopes that I would be able to calm myself down. Showering usually gave me time to think. Time I could use to level my thoughts out and more clearly understand things. When I got in I never wanted to leave. It was like an escape from reality, a therapy for my mind.
After a long, hot shower I drove down to my aunt and uncle’s house to pick up Kelsey. To the surprise of no one she was still in bed despite it being very near three in the afternoon by that point.
“Wake up, Kels.” I said as I nudged her shoulder.
“What did you bring me to eat?” She scowled in return.
“Nothing, but if you go to the mall with me, I’ll buy you lunch. It is like 3 in the afternoon already.”
“Fine.” She barked as she tossed the covers out of her way.
We had to drive to Saunter, a nearby city to visit the mall. At that point I didn’t want to be anywhere near town so this escape was perfect for me. After looking through some shops and buying a few things Kelsey and I found the food court.
Kelsey was a bigger girl. She made up for this by having a sense of style like no other. No one dared to ever, ever utter the word fat around Kelsey, because no one dressed better or looked better than she did. She was also not particularly tall, but she was no ugly duckling. She had confidence radiating from her despite the fact that she was no model. She was looking to make a living out of her talent with fashion. She wanted to be a designer or possibly a fashion consultant. She was patient, and very understanding. She was also a huge blast to be around, but also painful awkward when it came to dealing with any measure of stress. To me she always had a very childlike and innocent look about her. We had been best friends since I was born. There was no one I could trust more than Kelsey which was why I was so happy she was down. It was perfect timing, after the only other person I trusted had turned out to be a total lair.
She began telling me about a boy she had been seeing. She even mentioned that they had moved in together, but she had not told her parents. Things went south between them when he started to come home drunk after work. I guess maybe things got a little violent and she eventually had to kick him out.
Despite not seeing Kelsey for months I was pleasantly surprised that she could still confide in me. I tried to give her some advice, told her she could do way better, but she insisted she was done dating until she was done with college…
“So, what about you? Did anything ever come from that one girl you were seeing?” She asked as she finished her rant about her dreadful ex-boyfriend.
“No…” I replied as I lowered my head, trying to divert the conversation from relationships. The girl she was referring to was a friend of mine. I told all my family we liked each other which was a lie.
“Oh I’m sorry. I was just curious. We don’t have to talk about it. You alright?”
“Kelsey I can still trust you, right?” I said as I finished my hamburger.
“Yeah, have I ever given you a reason not to?”
“No, this is why I’m telling you and only you…I don’t think I’m…100% straight.”
I don’t actually remember why I decided to tell her then and there. I was just so tired of having no one to talk to about it. When I use to be lonely as a child, Kelsey was always there for me, and at the age of 18 I needed her again.
She just looked at me, her head moved slightly to the left as if my words had physically hit her in the face. Her ear rings began to bob back and forth as her eyes moved all around processing what I said.
I wasn’t sure what she was thinking. I began to doubt my decision to tell her, but after what had happened earlier that day I was in such a “fuck it” type of a mood that my entire judgment was impaired.
“You don’t seem too happy about it.” She finally shot back.
“Well…I don’t fully understand it, Kels.”
“Maybe that comes with the territory. Does anyone else know?”
“Not exactly, Trent found out.”
“Oh…wow!” she replied.
“He promised he would keep it a secret. He said he wouldn’t tell anyone.”
“Did he…keep his promise?” Kelsey asked as she checked the time on her cell phone.
“No.”
“Who did he tell?”
“Everyone at school knows now.” I said as I began to zone out.
“Shit. What did you do?”
“I punched him right in the nose which is why I’m out of school a week early for Winter break.”
“Oh my.” She said as she covered her mouth trying not to laugh.
My eyes began to water again as my lips started to quiver.
“Oh no. I’m sorry Damon; I’m not laughing at you.”
“I know...I trusted him. He lied to me; stupid bastard.”
“..You don’t love him, do you?” She said as she moved next to me and put her arm around me.
Kelsey had been around Trent and I as we grew up. The three of us frequently hung out together and she knew of our closeness.
“…I have no idea.”
“Damon, trust me, if someone doesn’t treat you right, you have to let them go. You have to cut them off no matter how hard it hurts. If not, you are just going to punish yourself.”
“I want ice cream. I don’t want to go back to school. I don’t want to see him again. I just want to die. Can we stay awhile longer?” I said as I wiped my eyes and turned to her.
“Sure. Let me throw away our trash and then we can shop more, YAY!”
I decided I wanted to buy some new clothes. Since I had my fashion guru with me I thought now would be a good time to let Kelsey play Barbie doll with me. The first place she dragged me to was a really expensive clothing store. She called it a “high-end” store, whatever the hell that means. This was not usually somewhere I would go. I was usually found in a band tee-shirt, blue jeans, and an old pair of converses. The clothes at the store she took me to were very preppy, and not my style, but I figured I would amuse Kels by trying some stuff on.
“How may I help you, today?” The store’s sales associate asked.
He was a very handsome guy with a very refined tone in his voice. He had short, spiked up, black hair. He was not fairly tall, but had the deepest brown eyes. They looked so warm. A very soft face, with long dark eyelashes. It looked like he tanned as his skin was darker. He was dressed very sharp, like a model. He wore tight low hanging blue jeans, with a lazy belt, and a white low cut tee-shirt. He looked very lean, but I doubt he had exercised a day in his life. His face was also very thin.
“Yes. Tell me what is on sale. Tell me what you just got in stock, and tell me what you sell the most of.”
That was Kelsey doing what she did best. Making demands, and getting things done. She worked in places like that, and knew how to find the best deal, and get the best clothing products. Not that I really cared. I was more or less just checking out the sales clerk anyways. He looked around him in a little confusion as I doubt he had dealt with many shoppers like Kelsey.
So she spent the next 5 minutes running around the store and grabbing things off the shelves without so much as a glance. She came back and handed me 6 different outfits.
“Kels…I can’t afford all of this.”
“Damon, you aren’t buying them all. I’m going to pick out which ones look best. Off you go.”
“15 years later, and you still just want to play dress up.”
“Yes, now shut up. I’m going to go look some more.” She said pointing to the dressing room area.
I entered the small, dingy dressing room. I looked at all the stuff Kelsey had picked out. It all looked like stuff Trent might wear. I then started to look at the different outfits and imagined what he would look like in them. His bright tee-shirt, his baggy jeans, and old dingy baseball cap. I let out a sigh and stripped down to my underwear and began to take the first shirt Kels had picked out off it’s hanger when she knocked on the dressing room door.
I opened the door and decided it might be funny to give her a little show. So I opened the door in nothing but my light blue American Eagle underwear.
“What do you want Kel…”
It wasn’t until I had the door opened that I realized I was showing off to someone that was not my cousin.
“Shit.” I said as I covered myself and shut the door with furry.
“Umm…the bossy girl wanted me to give these to you to try on.” The cute sales associate said as he threw a grey v-neck sweater of the top of the door.
“Thanks buddy.” I said in utter embarrassment as I sat on the stool in the corner of the small room.
“Nice underwear, by the way…” He added as he walked away.
“I’m so glad I didn’t stay at home.” I said to myself sarcastically whilst pulling up a pair of skin colored dress pants.
“I thought you said that you were going to pick out stuff that was on sale.” I argued as we were on our drive home.
“Some of that was on sale.” She begged back as she turned down the music and flipped threw one of the stores catalogs.
“Yeah, well my $189.27 bill says otherwise. Do you know how long I have to work to make that back?”
“If you want to dress nice from time to time, you can’t be such a tight ass young-in. By the way, way to totally make yourself available to the kid working at the store. He said you flashed him.”
“Yeah…”
“So what are you going to turn into a big gay slut now? Be careful not every single guy you meet now is going to want you in bed. Remember, we live in Texas, Damon.” She joked.
“No, just because I want to start dressing nice like you do, doesn’t mean I want to adopt you nasty habits too.” I said back to her with the upmost gumption and confidence in my voice.
“You bitch.” She said as we both started laughing.
I walked over to my bookshelf and picked up last year’s yearbook. The book was black and the front was nothing more than the word Lions in big gold print that rose above the rest of the hard back cover. I turned to the page 75. I never had to search for the page. I knew exactly which page it was. It was the page for my junior class. Being that I was a part of my school’s yearbook staff I had designed it the year before. There was one picture in particular that I placed on the page. It was of Trent and I at a track meet with several other of our team members. I just wanted to see his face that day. We were happy. Neither one of us had a care in the world. At that moment I wish I could have gone back to junior year. Everything was perfect.
It was a windy day so everyone’s hair was wild, but Trent’s smile in the photo had me coming back to page 75 time and time again. I carried the book over to my bed. I opened my window blinds. It was too cold to open the window. I would freeze, but I looked out at the tree tops. They blew back and forth senselessly, compiling with the wind’s every demand. I looked back down at the picture of him. His stupid blond hair. His ugly blue eyes. I hated him. I never wanted to see him again.
I couldn’t believe he broke his promise. He swore he would never tell anyone. I trusted him. He might as well have spit right in my face.
I sat on my bed for awhile. I just started as the wind as it shook the bare limbs of the weary trees. They looked so fragile. They looked weak, yet despite the toll nature always took on them they came back. They came back every year; stronger.
I decided to take a long hot shower. I did this in hopes that I would be able to calm myself down. Showering usually gave me time to think. Time I could use to level my thoughts out and more clearly understand things. When I got in I never wanted to leave. It was like an escape from reality, a therapy for my mind.
After a long, hot shower I drove down to my aunt and uncle’s house to pick up Kelsey. To the surprise of no one she was still in bed despite it being very near three in the afternoon by that point.
“Wake up, Kels.” I said as I nudged her shoulder.
“What did you bring me to eat?” She scowled in return.
“Nothing, but if you go to the mall with me, I’ll buy you lunch. It is like 3 in the afternoon already.”
“Fine.” She barked as she tossed the covers out of her way.
We had to drive to Saunter, a nearby city to visit the mall. At that point I didn’t want to be anywhere near town so this escape was perfect for me. After looking through some shops and buying a few things Kelsey and I found the food court.
Kelsey was a bigger girl. She made up for this by having a sense of style like no other. No one dared to ever, ever utter the word fat around Kelsey, because no one dressed better or looked better than she did. She was also not particularly tall, but she was no ugly duckling. She had confidence radiating from her despite the fact that she was no model. She was looking to make a living out of her talent with fashion. She wanted to be a designer or possibly a fashion consultant. She was patient, and very understanding. She was also a huge blast to be around, but also painful awkward when it came to dealing with any measure of stress. To me she always had a very childlike and innocent look about her. We had been best friends since I was born. There was no one I could trust more than Kelsey which was why I was so happy she was down. It was perfect timing, after the only other person I trusted had turned out to be a total lair.
She began telling me about a boy she had been seeing. She even mentioned that they had moved in together, but she had not told her parents. Things went south between them when he started to come home drunk after work. I guess maybe things got a little violent and she eventually had to kick him out.
Despite not seeing Kelsey for months I was pleasantly surprised that she could still confide in me. I tried to give her some advice, told her she could do way better, but she insisted she was done dating until she was done with college…
“So, what about you? Did anything ever come from that one girl you were seeing?” She asked as she finished her rant about her dreadful ex-boyfriend.
“No…” I replied as I lowered my head, trying to divert the conversation from relationships. The girl she was referring to was a friend of mine. I told all my family we liked each other which was a lie.
“Oh I’m sorry. I was just curious. We don’t have to talk about it. You alright?”
“Kelsey I can still trust you, right?” I said as I finished my hamburger.
“Yeah, have I ever given you a reason not to?”
“No, this is why I’m telling you and only you…I don’t think I’m…100% straight.”
I don’t actually remember why I decided to tell her then and there. I was just so tired of having no one to talk to about it. When I use to be lonely as a child, Kelsey was always there for me, and at the age of 18 I needed her again.
She just looked at me, her head moved slightly to the left as if my words had physically hit her in the face. Her ear rings began to bob back and forth as her eyes moved all around processing what I said.
I wasn’t sure what she was thinking. I began to doubt my decision to tell her, but after what had happened earlier that day I was in such a “fuck it” type of a mood that my entire judgment was impaired.
“You don’t seem too happy about it.” She finally shot back.
“Well…I don’t fully understand it, Kels.”
“Maybe that comes with the territory. Does anyone else know?”
“Not exactly, Trent found out.”
“Oh…wow!” she replied.
“He promised he would keep it a secret. He said he wouldn’t tell anyone.”
“Did he…keep his promise?” Kelsey asked as she checked the time on her cell phone.
“No.”
“Who did he tell?”
“Everyone at school knows now.” I said as I began to zone out.
“Shit. What did you do?”
“I punched him right in the nose which is why I’m out of school a week early for Winter break.”
“Oh my.” She said as she covered her mouth trying not to laugh.
My eyes began to water again as my lips started to quiver.
“Oh no. I’m sorry Damon; I’m not laughing at you.”
“I know...I trusted him. He lied to me; stupid bastard.”
“..You don’t love him, do you?” She said as she moved next to me and put her arm around me.
Kelsey had been around Trent and I as we grew up. The three of us frequently hung out together and she knew of our closeness.
“…I have no idea.”
“Damon, trust me, if someone doesn’t treat you right, you have to let them go. You have to cut them off no matter how hard it hurts. If not, you are just going to punish yourself.”
“I want ice cream. I don’t want to go back to school. I don’t want to see him again. I just want to die. Can we stay awhile longer?” I said as I wiped my eyes and turned to her.
“Sure. Let me throw away our trash and then we can shop more, YAY!”
I decided I wanted to buy some new clothes. Since I had my fashion guru with me I thought now would be a good time to let Kelsey play Barbie doll with me. The first place she dragged me to was a really expensive clothing store. She called it a “high-end” store, whatever the hell that means. This was not usually somewhere I would go. I was usually found in a band tee-shirt, blue jeans, and an old pair of converses. The clothes at the store she took me to were very preppy, and not my style, but I figured I would amuse Kels by trying some stuff on.
“How may I help you, today?” The store’s sales associate asked.
He was a very handsome guy with a very refined tone in his voice. He had short, spiked up, black hair. He was not fairly tall, but had the deepest brown eyes. They looked so warm. A very soft face, with long dark eyelashes. It looked like he tanned as his skin was darker. He was dressed very sharp, like a model. He wore tight low hanging blue jeans, with a lazy belt, and a white low cut tee-shirt. He looked very lean, but I doubt he had exercised a day in his life. His face was also very thin.
“Yes. Tell me what is on sale. Tell me what you just got in stock, and tell me what you sell the most of.”
That was Kelsey doing what she did best. Making demands, and getting things done. She worked in places like that, and knew how to find the best deal, and get the best clothing products. Not that I really cared. I was more or less just checking out the sales clerk anyways. He looked around him in a little confusion as I doubt he had dealt with many shoppers like Kelsey.
So she spent the next 5 minutes running around the store and grabbing things off the shelves without so much as a glance. She came back and handed me 6 different outfits.
“Kels…I can’t afford all of this.”
“Damon, you aren’t buying them all. I’m going to pick out which ones look best. Off you go.”
“15 years later, and you still just want to play dress up.”
“Yes, now shut up. I’m going to go look some more.” She said pointing to the dressing room area.
I entered the small, dingy dressing room. I looked at all the stuff Kelsey had picked out. It all looked like stuff Trent might wear. I then started to look at the different outfits and imagined what he would look like in them. His bright tee-shirt, his baggy jeans, and old dingy baseball cap. I let out a sigh and stripped down to my underwear and began to take the first shirt Kels had picked out off it’s hanger when she knocked on the dressing room door.
I opened the door and decided it might be funny to give her a little show. So I opened the door in nothing but my light blue American Eagle underwear.
“What do you want Kel…”
It wasn’t until I had the door opened that I realized I was showing off to someone that was not my cousin.
“Shit.” I said as I covered myself and shut the door with furry.
“Umm…the bossy girl wanted me to give these to you to try on.” The cute sales associate said as he threw a grey v-neck sweater of the top of the door.
“Thanks buddy.” I said in utter embarrassment as I sat on the stool in the corner of the small room.
“Nice underwear, by the way…” He added as he walked away.
“I’m so glad I didn’t stay at home.” I said to myself sarcastically whilst pulling up a pair of skin colored dress pants.
“I thought you said that you were going to pick out stuff that was on sale.” I argued as we were on our drive home.
“Some of that was on sale.” She begged back as she turned down the music and flipped threw one of the stores catalogs.
“Yeah, well my $189.27 bill says otherwise. Do you know how long I have to work to make that back?”
“If you want to dress nice from time to time, you can’t be such a tight ass young-in. By the way, way to totally make yourself available to the kid working at the store. He said you flashed him.”
“Yeah…”
“So what are you going to turn into a big gay slut now? Be careful not every single guy you meet now is going to want you in bed. Remember, we live in Texas, Damon.” She joked.
“No, just because I want to start dressing nice like you do, doesn’t mean I want to adopt you nasty habits too.” I said back to her with the upmost gumption and confidence in my voice.
“You bitch.” She said as we both started laughing.
vampsrock1992
JUB Addict
OMG!!! loved this chapter it was perfect and amazing and oh I just loved it 10 all the way around and I am so looking foward to the next chapter i wish i had a cousin like kels then maby she could bye me some nice clothes and I would have a least a little bit of a chance of getting a hot guy to date me in the hick ass town that I live in.Anyway long story shot loved and keep up the great work.
andrew thomas
Slut
I love your story. I love your writing. please give us more. thanks
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please continue this, i'm so into it the characters are great, need to know what Trent does 
Craiger
JUB Addict
Hey TWS,
Great to have an update. I think Kels is good for Damon and the young sales associate may be also....lol At least he liked the underwear. There has to be some extreme reason Trent has broken his promise. I hope we find out soon. Looking forward to Volume 11.
Craiger
Great to have an update. I think Kels is good for Damon and the young sales associate may be also....lol At least he liked the underwear. There has to be some extreme reason Trent has broken his promise. I hope we find out soon. Looking forward to Volume 11.
Craiger
The suspense is killing me...
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i created an account just to ask u, it's great carry it on
The White Stripe
Sex God
Thanks Everybody! Volume Eleven won't be far off. I love you guys!
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make 2 new chapters , i'm hooked
vampsrock1992
JUB Addict
We love you too TWS
The White Stripe
Sex God
Volume Eleven: Coming Soon.
spiderpig1013
Slut
Looking forward to reading the next volume TWS. Awesome writing.
vampsrock1992
JUB Addict
I am looking foward to reading also TWS.
The White Stripe
Sex God
So....It was far later than I had ever planned to post it, but I think I needed to step away from Damon and Trent for awhile, and focus on new writing. However, here it is. After only six months. If it is any consolation I think this might be the longest installment yet. Enjoy.
Volume Eleven.
By the time I got home after dropping Kelsey off at her house the sun had gone down, and the brisk cool air, an air not native to the warm hills of Texas was used to, had rode in. I pulled into my drive way, parked my car, and took a moment to sit in silence and take in all that had happened that day. I let out a heavy sigh and forced myself out of the car with the loaded down bag of clothing Kelsey insisted that I needed to add to my “wardrobe.”
I went in through the back door near our cluttered garage and the first thing I saw was my mother sitting at our kitchen table with the most irritated grimace and impatient posture I had seen out of her in a long time. I stood still in the doorway for a moment as my brain quickly connected the dots.
“Oh yeah.” I said to myself in my realization.
I smiled at her, showing my teeth and raising my eyebrows in a vain attempt to subdue the beast within her.
She smiled back sarcastically. “Hi.” She said blankly as the joyful air of anger swelled around her. Almost as if it was all she could do to contain herself from throwing the very chair she sat in at me.
“Just go ahead and be mad. I really don’t care.” I said as I began to slowly bob my way through the kitchen carrying my bag which seemed to slow me down more and more with each step.
“Well I do!” She rose and made sure I would not retreat into my bedroom.
“You got into a fight? A week before Christmas break and you punched some poor kid? What happened?”
I turned around and drowsily pleaded for mercy. I kept visualizing my warm sheets, and the comfy padding of my mattress that would serve as sweet sanctuary from any sort of drama the day had conjured.
“Can we talk about it later? I’m exhausted.” I said as I put my hands together begging.
“No. I’ve been calling you all day. Where have you been? Why haven’t you answered your phone?” She asked as she gingerly pushed me away from the doorway that would have lead to my room.
“I forgot it.” I said as I looked down to examine what exactly was making my shopping bag so heavy hardly paying attention to her worries.
“I know.” She said as she handed it back to me with 12 missed calls all from “Mother.”
“Then why did you ask if you knew already?” I remarked.
“Where have you been?”
“Kels and I went to Saunter to do a little shopping. Get my mind off of everything that happened this morning, okay?” I admitted.
“Celebrating your delinquency?”
“Yes. I think after break I’ll start selling drugs. No? Bad idea?” I retreated, and decided at that point that making a joke would have not got me to my bed faster.
“Not funny, Damon.”
“I’m going to bed. I’m exhausted. Can we please discuss it tomorrow?”
“Fine, but we aren’t finished with this, young man.”
Nothing irritates me more when mothers address their children as a “young man” or a “young lady.” So smug.
I escaped the dragon’s lair and flopped down on my bed after setting $200 of my paycheck now in the form of trendy shirts and jeans on my couch. I deleted all my voicemails from the menopausal she-beast and made sure I had no other missed calls; I didn’t.
I then noticed a notification that said I had one text message. My mind began to swirl with anticipation as I went into my messages. It turned out to be simple washing and drying instructions for my new clothes from Kelsey. Not exactly what I wanted to see, but in all honesty at that point I’m not sure what I really wanted to find.
As I sat in the oasis of my bedroom my mind went back to what had happened earlier that day. I had hit my best friend. Everyone thinking I was gay. My mind strained for a way to get out of that. To avoid it. To lie. A lie is what I really needed. It hurt my head to ever think about how or why he would have told anyone after he swore to me he would never utter a word.
I sucked it up, and did what any person would do when faced with a messy situation, I dealt with it. The pain, the anxiety, and the adversity. It hurt, but as I laid there on the bed I realized I had to stop feeling sorry for myself. Accept the cards that I had in my hand and move on. Not long after I finally fell asleep to the sounds of winter swirling against my broad windows. I remember that vividly. The wind would ever so often crash violently into the panes of my window. The never ending day finally gave up and allowed me to forget about my problems, if only for a few precious hours.
The final week of school before break was spent taking on extra shifts at my job, a local grocery store, and bugging Kelsey while I could. It was a nice retreat. Knowing I should have been at school made me enjoy not having to think about the class work. I just tried to focus on everything but Trent. I especially enjoyed spending time with Kelsey, who knew my secret, which made our bonding even better. I could be completely honest with her without any worry.
Then it happened, I knew it would, I just was not sure when. After a week or so of solace, on the afternoon of what was supposed to be the beginning of my winter break, I got a text message just as I got done with my shift. I figured it was Kelsey who I was preparing to go eat lunch with.
It was from Trent. It simply said “I want to explain. I know you probably don’t want to hear it, but I made a mistake.”
I didn’t respond. I had no idea what to say to him, had he said that to me in person I might have well punched him in the face again.
My curiosity as to what he wanted to say gave way. He then asked if I could meet him somewhere.
Unsure if I was making a mistake or not I messaged him back a very unenthusiastic “Where?”
I sent the message to him very late, and I did not get a reply all night. I waited and waited for my phone to buzz with an answer, but he had long since gone to bed I suppose. I awoke at around 5am the next morning to the sound of a message saying he wanted to meet at the town park in an hour.
This did not make me any more excited. Seeing Trent was bad enough, but in the sharp morning air? It took me several tries to force myself out of the warm fort of blankets and pillows I had fought so hard to get to the night before.
I got dressed. I made sure to wear my new clothes. I put on my snug faded jeans with a stylish rip in the lower left leg. I kept adjusting them to ensure my backside would look just right. I also wore the new charcoal grey v-neck, my trademark old basketball shoes, and a light white jacket to fight off the morning air.
I pulled up to the empty park and waited. I leaned against the hood of my car with my arms folded and with my hood up to protect my ears. I planned to not say a word until I had heard everything he wanted to say.
The roar of the wind blew off the hood of my jacket and I clinched my eyes and turned my head to the side to meet it. Maybe I should have sat in the car, but I wanted to look pissed as hell when he arrived.
He, as I thought, was not there. The drive into town slowed him down. After a few minutes his truck pulled up next to mine.
He jumped out of his truck and walked over to me, but made sure a safe distance was kept. I stood my ground giving him nothing but a stern stare and cold eyes. The same eyes he had once given me.
The first thing I did was examine his nose from afar. I was hoping I had not changed it, or caused his face any lasting disfiguration.
He looked to still be in his pajamas.
As expected he just got out of bed, and wore nothing but a loose fitting old tee-shirt and his trademark messy blonde hair framed just above his steely blue eyes. Finally his sweat pants which were far too tight to be wearing to bed, but were fun to stare at. They were baggy around his thighs, Tight around his ankles, and erotically snug around his junk. Almost comically so. It still didn't deter my desires and selfish thoughts.
He gulped several times, and moved his jaw around as he searched for his words.
“Good morning.” He said as he glanced over at the rising sun.
“Hi.” I said as I squinted in the direction he looked over at. Arms still folded.
A short silence followed that so I decided to be straight forward.
“Go ahead and tell me what the hell happened. This is not me forgiving you. You made a promise to me. You broke it, and I’m pissed as Hell. But I do want to know what the fuck went on. So get on with it.”
“I screwed up, Damon. I’m sorry.” He stated as he looked down in sympathy, kicking around the gravel of the parking lot.
I looked over with still no emotion. I was trying to figure out what made him go back on his promise to me after I had been nothing but good to him. It began to drizzle. A dim, low hanging cloud began to eclipse the morning light.
“Can’t we have one decent day of weather.” I said in a huff. I motioned over to my car for him to get in so we could finish.
“What happened, Trent? Why did you tell?”
“I’m sorry.”
“Well you know what, Trent that doesn’t fucking help anything. I know it may not mean much to you, but that secret was important to me. I’m not ready for the whole school to know that. I’m not even sure I can handle knowing that. Why did you do that?”
“I was at a party. I got really wasted and some of the guys from the track team suggested I call you to come pick us up. When you didn’t pick up I must have said something about you. I don’t remember everything, but according to people who were sober, I started making jokes about you being gay. I know that I'm shit, and I know that is a really dumb explanation, but I was being dumb.”
I did not say anything. I just gripped my steering wheel tighter and turned on my windshield wipers to combat the dripping rain.
“Can you please forgive me?” He said as he rubbed his arms for warmth.
“No.” I said back not starting at him. I could feel his gaze, but the last thing I wanted to do was look at him.
“If it makes you feel any better I told as many people as I could that I lied. Now everyone thinks I got really wasted and told a bad joke. Now they’re all making fun of me for getting busted open in the hallway.” He said as he leaned against the window.
“I’m sorry I hit you. Even though I was perfectly right to do so.” I quickly added as I looked down at my lap.
“However, I still don’t think I can be your friend right now. I was there for you, Trent. I was there for you in the fucking hospital waiting room for hours. I went home with you, and I came to your mother’s funeral."
“So I’m supposed to owe you something now? Is that what this is about?”
“No. No it isn’t. I’m just sick of being the good friend. It isn’t fair. I try to be there for you. I’ve never done wrong by you. You’re my best friend, you are not just another ‘bro’ and you’ve nearly screwed up our friendship forever. You sit there and act like you don’t even care. That is what is pissing me off.”
“I’m sorry, Damon. I am, I just…I don’t know what to do anymore to be honest. Lately, I’ve just spent my time drinking on the weekends with the guys and sitting at home alone. It seems like I can't make anything right anymore. Dad is never around. It’s been like this since mom…. Everything just feels pointless and I don’t feel anything. The only time I did was…”
I finally looked back at him. It was like seeing a snow leopard in the wild. He never used to be like that; emotional. He would have rather had his leg cut off than show any sort of vulnerability, but lately it seems every time I see him he hurts.
"What is it?" I said.
"Nothing." Something seemed to haze over him at that moment, as if he lost all train of thought and focus.
"Yeah. I guess I'll go now." He said as he cracked open the car door trying to prompt me to say goodbye.
I looked over to him as he got out and I looked him in the eyes for the first time in what felt like forever. I still had a lot I wanted to say to him, but I felt like I had missed my moment. He was leaning over into the car. Looking right at me, with one arm on top of my car and the rest of his body seemingly waiting for something.
"Bye, Damon. I really screwed this up. I hope you forgive me, okay?" he said to me. Meeting my eyes like he had never before. Almost as if he looked right inside me. He said goodbye with a sweet innocence unlike any I had ever heard in his voice before.
I just stared at him, wanting to ask him to stay and forget about all of it, but I needed to let him leave. I didn't want to want him.
He closed the car door and left me.
I got my answer. However, I felt like I lost a lot more than I gained that morning, and retreating back into my bed didn't seem to curve that lose...not on that day at least.
Volume Eleven.
By the time I got home after dropping Kelsey off at her house the sun had gone down, and the brisk cool air, an air not native to the warm hills of Texas was used to, had rode in. I pulled into my drive way, parked my car, and took a moment to sit in silence and take in all that had happened that day. I let out a heavy sigh and forced myself out of the car with the loaded down bag of clothing Kelsey insisted that I needed to add to my “wardrobe.”
I went in through the back door near our cluttered garage and the first thing I saw was my mother sitting at our kitchen table with the most irritated grimace and impatient posture I had seen out of her in a long time. I stood still in the doorway for a moment as my brain quickly connected the dots.
“Oh yeah.” I said to myself in my realization.
I smiled at her, showing my teeth and raising my eyebrows in a vain attempt to subdue the beast within her.
She smiled back sarcastically. “Hi.” She said blankly as the joyful air of anger swelled around her. Almost as if it was all she could do to contain herself from throwing the very chair she sat in at me.
“Just go ahead and be mad. I really don’t care.” I said as I began to slowly bob my way through the kitchen carrying my bag which seemed to slow me down more and more with each step.
“Well I do!” She rose and made sure I would not retreat into my bedroom.
“You got into a fight? A week before Christmas break and you punched some poor kid? What happened?”
I turned around and drowsily pleaded for mercy. I kept visualizing my warm sheets, and the comfy padding of my mattress that would serve as sweet sanctuary from any sort of drama the day had conjured.
“Can we talk about it later? I’m exhausted.” I said as I put my hands together begging.
“No. I’ve been calling you all day. Where have you been? Why haven’t you answered your phone?” She asked as she gingerly pushed me away from the doorway that would have lead to my room.
“I forgot it.” I said as I looked down to examine what exactly was making my shopping bag so heavy hardly paying attention to her worries.
“I know.” She said as she handed it back to me with 12 missed calls all from “Mother.”
“Then why did you ask if you knew already?” I remarked.
“Where have you been?”
“Kels and I went to Saunter to do a little shopping. Get my mind off of everything that happened this morning, okay?” I admitted.
“Celebrating your delinquency?”
“Yes. I think after break I’ll start selling drugs. No? Bad idea?” I retreated, and decided at that point that making a joke would have not got me to my bed faster.
“Not funny, Damon.”
“I’m going to bed. I’m exhausted. Can we please discuss it tomorrow?”
“Fine, but we aren’t finished with this, young man.”
Nothing irritates me more when mothers address their children as a “young man” or a “young lady.” So smug.
I escaped the dragon’s lair and flopped down on my bed after setting $200 of my paycheck now in the form of trendy shirts and jeans on my couch. I deleted all my voicemails from the menopausal she-beast and made sure I had no other missed calls; I didn’t.
I then noticed a notification that said I had one text message. My mind began to swirl with anticipation as I went into my messages. It turned out to be simple washing and drying instructions for my new clothes from Kelsey. Not exactly what I wanted to see, but in all honesty at that point I’m not sure what I really wanted to find.
As I sat in the oasis of my bedroom my mind went back to what had happened earlier that day. I had hit my best friend. Everyone thinking I was gay. My mind strained for a way to get out of that. To avoid it. To lie. A lie is what I really needed. It hurt my head to ever think about how or why he would have told anyone after he swore to me he would never utter a word.
I sucked it up, and did what any person would do when faced with a messy situation, I dealt with it. The pain, the anxiety, and the adversity. It hurt, but as I laid there on the bed I realized I had to stop feeling sorry for myself. Accept the cards that I had in my hand and move on. Not long after I finally fell asleep to the sounds of winter swirling against my broad windows. I remember that vividly. The wind would ever so often crash violently into the panes of my window. The never ending day finally gave up and allowed me to forget about my problems, if only for a few precious hours.
The final week of school before break was spent taking on extra shifts at my job, a local grocery store, and bugging Kelsey while I could. It was a nice retreat. Knowing I should have been at school made me enjoy not having to think about the class work. I just tried to focus on everything but Trent. I especially enjoyed spending time with Kelsey, who knew my secret, which made our bonding even better. I could be completely honest with her without any worry.
Then it happened, I knew it would, I just was not sure when. After a week or so of solace, on the afternoon of what was supposed to be the beginning of my winter break, I got a text message just as I got done with my shift. I figured it was Kelsey who I was preparing to go eat lunch with.
It was from Trent. It simply said “I want to explain. I know you probably don’t want to hear it, but I made a mistake.”
I didn’t respond. I had no idea what to say to him, had he said that to me in person I might have well punched him in the face again.
My curiosity as to what he wanted to say gave way. He then asked if I could meet him somewhere.
Unsure if I was making a mistake or not I messaged him back a very unenthusiastic “Where?”
I sent the message to him very late, and I did not get a reply all night. I waited and waited for my phone to buzz with an answer, but he had long since gone to bed I suppose. I awoke at around 5am the next morning to the sound of a message saying he wanted to meet at the town park in an hour.
This did not make me any more excited. Seeing Trent was bad enough, but in the sharp morning air? It took me several tries to force myself out of the warm fort of blankets and pillows I had fought so hard to get to the night before.
I got dressed. I made sure to wear my new clothes. I put on my snug faded jeans with a stylish rip in the lower left leg. I kept adjusting them to ensure my backside would look just right. I also wore the new charcoal grey v-neck, my trademark old basketball shoes, and a light white jacket to fight off the morning air.
I pulled up to the empty park and waited. I leaned against the hood of my car with my arms folded and with my hood up to protect my ears. I planned to not say a word until I had heard everything he wanted to say.
The roar of the wind blew off the hood of my jacket and I clinched my eyes and turned my head to the side to meet it. Maybe I should have sat in the car, but I wanted to look pissed as hell when he arrived.
He, as I thought, was not there. The drive into town slowed him down. After a few minutes his truck pulled up next to mine.
He jumped out of his truck and walked over to me, but made sure a safe distance was kept. I stood my ground giving him nothing but a stern stare and cold eyes. The same eyes he had once given me.
The first thing I did was examine his nose from afar. I was hoping I had not changed it, or caused his face any lasting disfiguration.
He looked to still be in his pajamas.
As expected he just got out of bed, and wore nothing but a loose fitting old tee-shirt and his trademark messy blonde hair framed just above his steely blue eyes. Finally his sweat pants which were far too tight to be wearing to bed, but were fun to stare at. They were baggy around his thighs, Tight around his ankles, and erotically snug around his junk. Almost comically so. It still didn't deter my desires and selfish thoughts.
He gulped several times, and moved his jaw around as he searched for his words.
“Good morning.” He said as he glanced over at the rising sun.
“Hi.” I said as I squinted in the direction he looked over at. Arms still folded.
A short silence followed that so I decided to be straight forward.
“Go ahead and tell me what the hell happened. This is not me forgiving you. You made a promise to me. You broke it, and I’m pissed as Hell. But I do want to know what the fuck went on. So get on with it.”
“I screwed up, Damon. I’m sorry.” He stated as he looked down in sympathy, kicking around the gravel of the parking lot.
I looked over with still no emotion. I was trying to figure out what made him go back on his promise to me after I had been nothing but good to him. It began to drizzle. A dim, low hanging cloud began to eclipse the morning light.
“Can’t we have one decent day of weather.” I said in a huff. I motioned over to my car for him to get in so we could finish.
“What happened, Trent? Why did you tell?”
“I’m sorry.”
“Well you know what, Trent that doesn’t fucking help anything. I know it may not mean much to you, but that secret was important to me. I’m not ready for the whole school to know that. I’m not even sure I can handle knowing that. Why did you do that?”
“I was at a party. I got really wasted and some of the guys from the track team suggested I call you to come pick us up. When you didn’t pick up I must have said something about you. I don’t remember everything, but according to people who were sober, I started making jokes about you being gay. I know that I'm shit, and I know that is a really dumb explanation, but I was being dumb.”
I did not say anything. I just gripped my steering wheel tighter and turned on my windshield wipers to combat the dripping rain.
“Can you please forgive me?” He said as he rubbed his arms for warmth.
“No.” I said back not starting at him. I could feel his gaze, but the last thing I wanted to do was look at him.
“If it makes you feel any better I told as many people as I could that I lied. Now everyone thinks I got really wasted and told a bad joke. Now they’re all making fun of me for getting busted open in the hallway.” He said as he leaned against the window.
“I’m sorry I hit you. Even though I was perfectly right to do so.” I quickly added as I looked down at my lap.
“However, I still don’t think I can be your friend right now. I was there for you, Trent. I was there for you in the fucking hospital waiting room for hours. I went home with you, and I came to your mother’s funeral."
“So I’m supposed to owe you something now? Is that what this is about?”
“No. No it isn’t. I’m just sick of being the good friend. It isn’t fair. I try to be there for you. I’ve never done wrong by you. You’re my best friend, you are not just another ‘bro’ and you’ve nearly screwed up our friendship forever. You sit there and act like you don’t even care. That is what is pissing me off.”
“I’m sorry, Damon. I am, I just…I don’t know what to do anymore to be honest. Lately, I’ve just spent my time drinking on the weekends with the guys and sitting at home alone. It seems like I can't make anything right anymore. Dad is never around. It’s been like this since mom…. Everything just feels pointless and I don’t feel anything. The only time I did was…”
I finally looked back at him. It was like seeing a snow leopard in the wild. He never used to be like that; emotional. He would have rather had his leg cut off than show any sort of vulnerability, but lately it seems every time I see him he hurts.
"What is it?" I said.
"Nothing." Something seemed to haze over him at that moment, as if he lost all train of thought and focus.
"Yeah. I guess I'll go now." He said as he cracked open the car door trying to prompt me to say goodbye.
I looked over to him as he got out and I looked him in the eyes for the first time in what felt like forever. I still had a lot I wanted to say to him, but I felt like I had missed my moment. He was leaning over into the car. Looking right at me, with one arm on top of my car and the rest of his body seemingly waiting for something.
"Bye, Damon. I really screwed this up. I hope you forgive me, okay?" he said to me. Meeting my eyes like he had never before. Almost as if he looked right inside me. He said goodbye with a sweet innocence unlike any I had ever heard in his voice before.
I just stared at him, wanting to ask him to stay and forget about all of it, but I needed to let him leave. I didn't want to want him.
He closed the car door and left me.
I got my answer. However, I felt like I lost a lot more than I gained that morning, and retreating back into my bed didn't seem to curve that lose...not on that day at least.
spunkfunker
JUB Addict
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This story is awesome, I hope we get more soon!
Craiger
JUB Addict
Great to have you back writing, TWS. I hope your time off gave you the opportunity to do more writing. Can we persuade you to let us read some of the new works? In the mean time, it's good to have contact with Damon and Trent again even with the upheaval that has presented itself. There is too much history between these two for the break in their friendship to continue. Time heals, but sometimes takes what seems forever. Really looking forward to the next chapter.
Craiger
Craiger