I'm a 19 year old student from scotland, I'm gay and have had quite a few gay experiences, not many people know I'm gay, none of my good friends or my family know, but those who do know constantly try to make me come out, as if I'm living a repressed life or something. It got to the point where I lost a good gay friend who I confided in when he came out of the closet because he tried to out me. I'm happy with my life and don't want to change a single bit of it. I understand I can't have a relationship when I'm in the closet, but I'd rather be closeted and single than out and in a relationship. I was just wondering if there were other people in this situation who felt the same?
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Like being in the closet? I do...
- Thread starter insensato
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If your asking why I'd rather be closeted and single than out and in a relationship, then its because I'm happy with my life the way it is and don't want to change it. Sure I get lonely a lot, and I'm not really one for one night stands so I do get down about it from time to time, but overall, I see myself being happier in the closet than out. No doubt one day that will change and I'll be ready to come out, but at the moment, I'm happy with life the way it is.
martin6
Burnouts Are For Kids
No need to change if you don't want to, but... you ever think it might be a change for the better? It won't be necessarily worse for you if you do come out.
But if you're happy with your life as is, keep on keepin' on.
But if you're happy with your life as is, keep on keepin' on.
If you're happy with your life as it is, then you'd be irrational to try to change it. Live your life according to your own rules and standards, not other people's. Whether or not you come out of the closet is your business only.
Someday, someone may come along who strikes your fancy, or your views might change. You can cross that bridge when you come to it and decide what to do then.
In the meantime, stay happy.
Someday, someone may come along who strikes your fancy, or your views might change. You can cross that bridge when you come to it and decide what to do then.
In the meantime, stay happy.
I have to agree with averageguy. There is no mandate that you HAVE to "come out". Coming out is a very personal decision, regardless of what others may think or say. I was where you are for many years and it worked for me and that's all that mattered. Later, I felt more comfortable coming out but only after I made that decision. Do what works for you. Despite claims to the contrary, "coming out" is something YOU have decide for yourself, whenever you are ready and need to do so. Until then, enjoy your life and whatever makes YOU happy.
Averageguy is right. I'm bi and I don't feel like I'm in the closet but then I don't believe that my life is anyone's business other than my own. Several friends knows the situation I'm in and they don't think nothing of it. Other coworkers of mine don't come to me and say they're str8 or whatever. The reason I don't dwell on personal issues at work because I have a bf at work and even if I didn't, it's not like I'm going to bed with anyone..my sex life is private, not social.
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It sounds to me as if you've got it figured out for yourself man. Who the hell is anyone to say what is right for another person? You seem to have a good head on your shoulders and I say if you are happy with your choices at this time then by all means stick with them.
You are young enough that you don't have to chart your life course right now. Take your time.... could be that you will one day meet a guy that you wish to have as a mate, could be that you won't. Only you can make that determination.
You are obviously a young man that clearly thinks about things and knows his own heart. It's a shame that you lost a friend over the fact that he'd decided to try and 'out' you. None of his business... it's all your own affair.
I wish you the best friend.
Going by this post you aren't actually happy but you feel more secure remaining in the closet. Be aware that there are very real psychological costs to keeping the front up as you go through life.
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The only thing that would bother *me* as an observer of your situation would be if you started to take public stands against gay people (like so many politicians here in the US do, while they're fooling around with guys of various ages...)
JOHN B
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There is nothing wrong with you wanting to keep your private life private. What I WOULD have a problem with would be someone who pretends to have a private life they don't have (i.e.---liking/bragging about girls). There is a difference.
bulge
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99, 9999...% of guys aren't out. So, don't worry. There is no need at all to come out. I never came out explicitly (except to my parents) as I think it is extremely discriminating to have to come out as str8 guys don't have to. I don't feel any different from a str8 guy. There is NO difference whatsoever. As long as str8 guys do not have to come out, why should I have to come out and why shouldn't they?!?!?!?!?!? Besides I don't even believe in the labels "str8" and "gay". Many people around me know I must be a man lover. When they ask, I ask what they think about it. And then I tell them: "Think whatever you cann't abstain from, brainwashed sluts." I am very agressive on this one as dealing up the world in "str8s" and "gays" is a crime.
boy0boy
Porn Star
^Okay I don't trust that all too well, but anyways.
As soon as I got through it in my own head, I had already told some friends that I was interested in this one guy. So once I was okay with it, then I lived my life like normal. It was good. Eventually for me though, it was too much to continue "hiding" because there wasn't anything I felt needed to be hidden. So I had my own "coming out" which consisted of telling the people who would most need to know what I'm doing with a guy, instead of a girl. Not my sex life. Just my sex preference. I've never been happier.
As long as you're okay with where you are, then best of luck it lasts.
As soon as I got through it in my own head, I had already told some friends that I was interested in this one guy. So once I was okay with it, then I lived my life like normal. It was good. Eventually for me though, it was too much to continue "hiding" because there wasn't anything I felt needed to be hidden. So I had my own "coming out" which consisted of telling the people who would most need to know what I'm doing with a guy, instead of a girl. Not my sex life. Just my sex preference. I've never been happier.
As long as you're okay with where you are, then best of luck it lasts.
spreadeagle
JUB Addict
At 19, I wouldn't worry about it.
Of course, there's no reason why you can't have a relationship - just have it with someone else who's in the closet too.
Of course, there's no reason why you can't have a relationship - just have it with someone else who's in the closet too.
TomahawkEagle
Sex God
I don't like being in the closet, because that stops me from meeting someone.
On the other hand, it's good being in the closet because no one knows about oneself.
On the other hand, it's good being in the closet because no one knows about oneself.
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As you say, as long as you're in the closet, you'll never really know yourself. I think that is what you meant, wasn't it?
To thine own self be true. And if you can't be honest and open about yourself, how can you be honest and open about anything?
S
Soilwork
Guest
Um... so you're saying that 10,000% of America is gay? I mean.. if 2% of Americans are out.. how does your math work?
straight guys come out all the time. All the straight guys I meet talk about the women they find attractive and the married ones ever wear wedding rings.
Stay in the closet if you must... but don't say you're doing it because nobody else is...