Liking somone u know u could never have is torture. Please help guys.

[JRandell69]

You guys probably know the feeling.... to like someone you know you could never have anything to do with.

Long story short: A young man started working 4 the company I work 4 a couple of weeks ago. He's 19 and I am uh... well over 30. He's not really a hot super model, but is kinda cute and seems really cool. I haven't even said a word to him the whole time he's been with the company. He and I do work in different departments, so I don't really work with him.

He is straight and has a girlfriend, who he's been with for 3 years. It does seem serious. There's nothing gay about him at all.

I thought about saying something to him, but he may think "Why are you talking to me you weird faggot?" Or..... he may think I am a dick for NOT speaking to him.

So what should I do? I know there's zero chance of him ever having anything to do with me. I know you guys probably know what I am going through. It's not about sex at all. I'd just like to be his friend. He seems like a really cool guy to hang out with. He is a really good worker. Really and truly I'd just be happy to be good friends with him. Sex is only icing on the cake.

If I ever invite him out somewhere....he's just going to think I am a weird faggot, and I am going to scare him off!

Should I at least just say Hi to him and introduce myself?

Should I just stay away and only like him from a far?

If I was a girl it would be so DAMN easy. All I'd have to do is walk up to him and say, "Hi. My name is -----. And I just want you to know that your girlfriend is a lucky chick." And I would get to see him smile. He does have a really nice smile. Would love to post a picture of him smiling.

Any advice you guys have, I would appreciate. Thanks guys.

 

[bw92116]

You don't want be just friends with him. You want him. He doesn't want you.
This happens a million times every day.
Just forget about him and move on already. Get a boyfriend.

 

[TX-Beau]

OK what you'd actually like to do is get to "know" him with the idea in the back of your mind that at some point "something" might happen.

Disabuse yourself of that. Wanting someone who isn't going to want you is indeed torture. But nowhere near the torture of deliberately courting your own misery by putting yourself in the position of being around him and wanting and angsting all the damn time.

Walk away from him. Why would you want to sit around and want him from afar. You can't really control your attractions - but you can certainly manage them, and frankly, you're old enough to know that.

Why would you want to spend your time pursuing this from up close, or indeed from afar? Go find some guys to occupy your time who you have a chance with.

You don't know him, you aren't friends, you have nothing to tie yourself to him. Don't go there. At best it's masochistic, at worst can be kinda pathetic.

I realize that sounds harsh - but sometimes we all need a reality check.

 

[TX-Beau]

You don't want be just friends with him. You want him. He doesn't want you.
This happens a million times every day.
Just forget about him and move on already. Get a boyfriend.

Damn, beat me to it.

 

[maxpowr9]

Been there, done that. Although it does seem a bit strange that you have a straight crush at 30-ish. Most LGBTs go through that stuff in high school or at the latest, before college ends. I would strongly suggest actually finding gay guys to talk with or even hookup with.

Secondly, NEVER mix business with pleasure. It never is worth the effort.

 

[JRandell69]

I appreciate the advice guys. But I'd just like to meet someone that I choose to be with for a change. And yes, I do want him to be my boyfriend.

I'd just love to look him in the eye and say, This girlfriend of yours, whoever she is, is not as perfect as you think. I could give you so much more."

Do guys really just want to be with girls just because it's the "normal thing to do?"

This girl is probably going to ruin his life. I've seen this happen to a lot of guys nice I know. They get married and then it all goes down hill. I would not do that to him. I would try to give him everything he wanted.

 

[JRandell69]

Been there, done that. Although it does seem a bit strange that you have a straight crush at 30-ish. Most LGBTs go through that stuff in high school or at the latest, before college ends. I would strongly suggest actually finding gay guys to talk with or even hookup with.

Secondly, NEVER mix business with pleasure. It never is worth the effort.

Yes. I hear you on the business with pleasure thing. It is risky.

I just like straight guys more I guess. I like to be with a guy that looks and acts like he wants to kick my ass, but looks cute at the same time. It's quite sexy.

 

[bw92116]

A love triangle... 2 of the 3 people work at the same place... there's no way this could end well for you. It's a disaster waiting to happen. Get out now, before you get in any deeper.

Yes, it will be painful to let go of the fantasy you have of him. But it's a temporary pain and it has a purpose. Hanging on to this fantasy you have of him will be endless pain, as long as you hang on, and it has no purpose. The fantasy is endlessly tantalizing, and won't go away on its own. You have to purposely discard it.

Just face up to the fact that it is hopeless. You have no hope of ever being with him, no matter what you do or say. It's awful to admit that, it's a painful, ugly reality, and the fantasy is so much better, but the sooner you admit that it's hopeless and let go of it, the sooner you will start feeling better.

Say goodbye to him in your heart, even if it makes you cry, all the better. Cry it out. It will only be temporary. Then you will be free of this torture! And there will be someone else who will come along pretty soon, who you like just as much - and who does want you.

 

[JRandell69]

A love triangle... 2 of the 3 people work at the same place... there's no way this could end well for you. It's a disaster waiting to happen. Get out now, before you get in any deeper.

Yes, it will be painful to let go of the fantasy you have of him. But it's a temporary pain and it has a purpose. Hanging on to this fantasy you have of him will be endless pain, as long as you hang on, and it has no purpose. The fantasy is endlessly tantalizing, and won't go away on its own. You have to purposely discard it.

Just face up to the fact that it is hopeless. You have no hope of ever being with him, no matter what you do or say. It's awful to admit that, it's a painful, ugly reality, and the fantasy is so much better, but the sooner you admit that it's hopeless and let go of it, the sooner you will start feeling better.

Say goodbye to him in your heart, even if it makes you cry, all the better. Cry it out. It will only be temporary. Then you will be free of this torture! And there will be someone else who will come along pretty soon, who you like just as much - and who does want you.

I understand what ur saying and it is sad but true. But I was hoping someone on the board might have some advice on what I could do to at least make friends with him and get to know him better.

On a side note: My father owns the company we both work for and so I am next in line to possibly be this guys boss. That is if he works there long enough and he does seem like a young man fresh out of high school who really does need a job, and I don't want to do anything to jeopordize his job or mine.

 

[FuryOfFirestorm]

I appreciate the advice guys. But I'd just like to meet someone that I choose to be with for a change. And yes, I do want him to be my boyfriend.

I'd just love to look him in the eye and say, This girlfriend of yours, whoever she is, is not as perfect as you think. I could give you so much more."

Do guys really just want to be with girls just because it's the "normal thing to do?"

This girl is probably going to ruin his life. I've seen this happen to a lot of guys nice I know. They get married and then it all goes down hill. I would not do that to him. I would try to give him everything he wanted.

It's because they like pussy. The end.

 

[Spensed]

Like it or not, there are templates in relationships, which work and those that don't. While there may always be an exception, your situation is a very well known example of one that does not work, except as an experience in masochism and unhappiness.

Most guys know that they have a sexual interest in someone very quickly. They don't wait to be admired from afar and date girls in the meantime. So, even if you succeed in developing a friendship, but there is no pattern, known to most people, that then develops that into a sexual relationship. Quite the reverse. The fact that you see him being serially abused by girls doesn't change that any more that you wanting a sexual relationship with him is likely to lead you to become attracted to women.

If available, I would find a therapist or a friend you can discuss the problem with and why, of all the possibly available guys out there, your focus is on this one and on a relationship situation that has no hope of coming to anything. Likewise, if available, you should look out some common interest clubs or associations, where you are likely to meet gay guys as friends and possibly more without any pressure.

In my experience, there is a compulsive side to these attractions that means you won't listen to what anyone else has to say, but eventually they run their course and, with hindsight, are a sad diversion from any real journey. Just my opinion. Good luck.

 

[MascutarHero]

Been there, done that. Although it does seem a bit strange that you have a straight crush at 30-ish. Most LGBTs go through that stuff in high school or at the latest, before college ends. I would strongly suggest actually finding gay guys to talk with or even hookup with.

Secondly, NEVER mix business with pleasure. It never is worth the effort.

I disagree. Even past high school guys tend to fall for their straight friends and strangers, I think it has to do with our surroundings.
I do agree with looking to hookup or talk to "gay" guys

Yes. I hear you on the business with pleasure thing. It is risky.

I just like straight guys more I guess. I like to be with a guy that looks and acts like he wants to kick my ass, but looks cute at the same time. It's quite sexy.

The whole "liking straight men more" is just an illusion. I can say I know what you mean but in the end it's not what we truly mean. We prefer "masculine guys" I think straight, gay, bi is just labels to put in our minds. Gay guys can also come off "straight" only they're gay

 

[MoltenRock III]

I understand what ur saying and it is sad but true. But I was hoping someone on the board might have some advice on what I could do to at least make friends with him and get to know him better.

On a side note: My father owns the company we both work for and so I am next in line to possibly be this guys boss. That is if he works there long enough and he does seem like a young man fresh out of high school who really does need a job, and I don't want to do anything to jeopordize his job or mine.

Are you 100% out of the closet, and have you ever had a LTR with a guy?

 

[JRandell69]

Are you 100% out of the closet, and have you ever had a LTR with a guy?

No and No.

I just don't understand why all the interesting guys would rather have pussy than me.

But u never know. Maybe deep down he'd like to know what it's like to make it with a guy. Maybe the reason he hasn't said anything to me is cause he's afraid to make the first move just like I am.

 

[ben9651]

No and No.

I just don't understand why all the interesting guys would rather have pussy than me.

But u never know. Maybe deep down he'd like to know what it's like to make it with a guy. Maybe the reason he hasn't said anything to me is cause he's afraid to make the first move just like I am.

do you even hear wt ur saying ! he has a girlfriend for 3 years already,and according to what u said ,he doesnt seem to be gay.I had tons of crushes like this .. it`ll pass,I`d give it a month max!
Regarding saying hi to him .. yes,you could ,i mean u said that ur father owns the company so saying" hi" to a worker seems to be perfectly normal.Just don`t over-think it. goodluck!

 

[Seasoned]

First of all please stop calling yourself a faggot at least in this context. What might be cute with gay friends or a partner turns to internalized homophobia when you assume it's what he would think of you if you said hi.

Second, try to realize it's his look or his qualities that you find attractive, not him since you don't know him.

I hope you're out. Closeted guys are more susceptible to infatuation or obsession because it's an easier route fantasizing about someone already in their life rather that finding someone in the world at large.

I'd advise you to put your energy elsewhere.

 

[TX-Beau]

I just don't understand why all the interesting guys would rather have pussy than me.

Jesus Christ.

Because you're fishing in a dry fucking pond. Not out, no gay life, just pointless crushes on straight guys 10 years younger than you are.

You're whining, and that's never attractive. Grab your scrotum and go find someone who's going to want you back - and that's NOT this guy.

Do you see the picture that's emerging here? You're perving on this guy because it's safe, you know it's not going to go anywhere, there's no risk, no gamble, and most of all you don't have to go put yourself out there as a gay man.

There are a ton of interesting gay and bi guys - but if you won't go find them, don't expect much of a life.

 

[FuryOfFirestorm]

Dude, start living in the real world.

This guy isn't going to look at you, push his girlfriend to the side, and say, "I must have you! Take me now on the conference table!"

He's in a relationship, doesn't know that you exist, and is a fellow employee. Going after him is more trouble than it's worth.

Instead, spend your time and energy looking for a guy who's not in a relationship, knows you exist, and doesn't work with/for you. You'll be much happier that way.

 

[JRandell69]

Jesus Christ.

Because you're fishing in a dry fucking pond. Not out, no gay life, just pointless crushes on straight guys 10 years younger than you are.

You're whining, and that's never attractive. Grab your scrotum and go find someone who's going to want you back - and that's NOT this guy.

Do you see the picture that's emerging here? You're perving on this guy because it's safe, you know it's not going to go anywhere, there's no risk, no gamble, and most of all you don't have to go put yourself out there as a gay man.

There are a ton of interesting gay and bi guys - but if you won't go find them, don't expect much of a life.

I understand what you're saying. But I can't seem to get this guy out of my head.

I've met guys out on the gay scene and haven't been really that interested in any of them.

Should try to at least be friends with him? That way I can at least be around him. Doing this can be a problem. 1. He'll think I am gay if I suddenly want to be friends with him. 2. He's only 19, so.....I wouldn't fit in with his group of friends... I'd be like the older one in the crowd.

There's really no way I can get close to him to find out more about him.

Do you guys think I should at least say Hi to him sometime? Or would that look weird and creepy?

 

[TX-Beau]

You haven't tried to get him out of your head. You're just in here trying extremely hard to get someone to give you permission to pursue this.

But really.

1. It's a bad idea

2. It'll just torture you.

3. It's not gonna happen.

4. He's not gay.

5. He's got a girlfreind.

6. You don't want to be his friend, you want to stalk him.

7. You can't be a friend if you have an ulterior motive and AGENDA

8. This will end badly.

9. You need to get some frikkin' self control.