Liking somone u know u could never have is torture. Please help guys.

[JRandell69]

You haven't tried to get him out of your head. You're just in here trying extremely hard to get someone to give you permission to pursue this.

But really.

1. It's a bad idea

2. It'll just torture you.

3. It's not gonna happen.

4. He's not gay.

5. He's got a girlfreind.

6. You don't want to be his friend, you want to stalk him.

7. You can't be a friend if you have an ulterior motive and AGENDA

8. This will end badly.

9. You need to get some frikkin' self control.

You are correct TX-Beau. Truth is I felt the same way about a guy in the past. Almost the same situation and it ended badly.

I was just hoping maybe someone on the board knew of a way you could get to know someone without crossing that line and losing a friend.

 

[Rolyo85]

Nope, there isn't one. And really, there are enough people in the world to "know" without pursuing the ones we want to sleep with, knowing we can't... -_-

 

[MoltenRock III]

No and No.

I just don't understand why all the interesting guys would rather have pussy than me.

But u never know. Maybe deep down he'd like to know what it's like to make it with a guy. Maybe the reason he hasn't said anything to me is cause he's afraid to make the first move just like I am.

Why am I nit surprised? So, you don't like gay men. Why not? You mention you've done the "gay scene". I assume that means you've gone to a gay bar a couple of times. You do realize there are also gay sports clubs, gay gardening clubs, gay friendly art gallery openings and wine bars, gay volunteer groups, and a whole lot more, right?

You've wasted the past 10+ years of your intimate life chasing after your gay ghosts. If you keep this up you'll be in your mid or late 40s or even 50s continuing to lust after str8 teens with girlfriends that work for you while you debate how to get in their pants. That would be sad and tragic.

 

[Ganoderma]

OP,

The guy is friendly towards you, because he knows you are the son of the boss.
The guy is working hard because he is keen to keep this job.
The guy will know that its very likely that, soon or later, your dad will stop being the boss, and that you will be the next boss.

So many reasons why this guy is friendly towards you.

I agree with many other postings that you should come out, and that there is no way you can change the sexual preference of this guy. How about a girl who would try and change your sexual preference? What's your opinion about that?

Maybe this guy will leave the company when he finds out you want to turn him to become a gay? Gosh, what's more important for you? Running a good company. or keep running after guys you will never get?

I tend to agree with other posters that you need -professional- help from people who can learn you how to cope with your sexuality.

Please, please follow the advise given by TX-Beau and others.

 

[JRandell69]

Thanks for the advice guys. And Roly85... wow that's a good line.

This is what I'll probably do..... I guess I'll just leave him alone. At least I get to see him everyday. I will admit that I do check him out sometime, when he's working at his work station and sometimes I watch him as walks out to his vehicle in the afternoon. (I know this is creepy behavior and I should stop.)

I did think about inviting him out to lunch one day, but no.... that will look too weird.

Another thing is I don't know what the other workers may have told him about me. They all know that I am not married and live alone. So someone may have said to him,"Hey watch out. We think that guy likes boys."

It is so sad that we can't just we ourselves. That we have to act like creeps. If I was a girl I could just let him know I had a crush on him. It'd be no big deal.

So anyway... I'll probably just at least say hi to him someday. Maybe ask him how he likes working here. And then leave him alone.

 

[Ganoderma]

Hi JRandell69,

Thanks for your reply. You wrote

It is so sad that we can't just be ourselves. That we have to act like creeps. If I was a girl I could just let him know I had a crush on him. It'd be no big deal.

Excuse me very much, but I don't consider myself as a 'creep'. Besides that, I strongly disagree with you that gay males cannot be themselves. I am a gay male and I am always myself. I don't hide I am gay, but I do know there are borders I can not pass. Straight guys who know themselves and who are comfortable with their sexuality realize themself very well that they cannot pass certain borders with any sweet girl they work together with.

I would like to suggest you that you change 'It is so sad that we can't just be ourselves'. into' It is so sad that I cannot be myself', and that you try to find out why this is the case.

 

[JRandell69]

Hi JRandell69,

Thanks for your reply. You wrote



Excuse me very much, but I don't consider myself as a 'creep'. Besides that, I strongly disagree with you that gay males cannot be themselves. I am a gay male and I am always myself. I don't hide I am gay, but I do know there are borders I can not pass. Straight guys who know themselves and who are comfortable with their sexuality realize themself very well that they cannot pass certain borders with any sweet girl they work together with.

I would like to suggest you that you change 'It is so sad that we can't just be ourselves'. into' It is so sad that I cannot be myself', and that you try to find out why this is the case.

I'm just saying that if I was a girl (not that I want to be one. I like being a guy) but it would be easier. It would be considered "normal" to have a crush on a guy I work with. He'd be faltered.

But since I am a guy. It's considered wrong. Creepy. Sick. I should be shot for even thinking such a thing. So we have to sneak around and keep everything hidden inside.

I mean if this guy knew I was writing a whole thread about him, he'd probably beat the crap out of me.

 

[Ganoderma]

I'm just saying that if I was a girl (not that I want to be one. I like being a guy) but it would be easier. It would be considered "normal" to have a crush on a guy I work with. He'd be faltered.

But since I am a guy. It's considered wrong. Creepy. Sick. I should be shot for even thinking such a thing. So we have to sneak around and keep everything hidden inside.

I mean if this guy knew I was writing a whole thread about him, he'd probably beat the crap out of me.

Hi JRandell69,

Its your choice you 'have to sneak around and keep everything hidden inside', because you choose to stay in the closet (forever?).

I don't need to 'sneak around and keep everything hidden'.' Once and again, you can only solve your problems by coming out of the closet.

The sooner the better, as quite likely you will also become the boss of the company.

What's the problem that you insist in staying in the closet. Religion? Well, then better stop with that religion, because religion is just aquired behaviour.

 

[TX-Beau]

Whats creepy is you trying to strike up a "friendship," with this guy knowing what you want is to perv on him up close. I seriously doubt that if you became his friend you'd say anything at all about you wanting him.

Did it ever occur to you that what you are in fact courting is a massive sexual harassment lawsuit?

 

[thanol]

I'm just saying that if I was a girl (not that I want to be one. I like being a guy) but it would be easier. It would be considered "normal" to have a crush on a guy I work with. He'd be faltered.

But since I am a guy. It's considered wrong. Creepy. Sick. I should be shot for even thinking such a thing. So we have to sneak around and keep everything hidden inside.

I mean if this guy knew I was writing a whole thread about him, he'd probably beat the crap out of me.

Pretend you were straight and this was a 18 year old girl you were crushing on. It would not at all be appropriate for work. You'd put your dad's company at risk for a sexual harassment lawsuit if you told her that you could offer her so much more than her boyfriend.

 

[hellowazzup]

Jeeze...a lot of negativity in this thread IMO. I know everyone is just trying to help but it seems like your shooting the poor guy down before he even takes a chance.

Just because the odds are 1 out of million here doesn't mean he should just forget this "crush" all together. I think the OP should say hi to this guy, be friendly and see where it goes. Mearly small talking to someone is not "sexual harrassment" unless it is unwelcome. He hasn't even met the "crush" yet, so why not give it a shot? Will it ever be anything other than a work friendship? Highly unlikely, but we all play the lottory once in awhile right?

As far as what to say to this young guy? Well asking him to lunch is, well just weird. Your much older than him, that would freak him out IMO. Find out what he likes, sports, cars, whatever. If you have something in common, start by talking to him about that. See where that puts you...

But know your roll...if he isn't responding....don't push it. A friendship needs to be mutual, you can't make yourself look desperate. I am 21, and work with a bunch of older guys. I talk to most of them, because they talk to me. So it's not out of the question that he would be friendly with you....

 

[JRandell69]

Jeeze...a lot of negativity in this thread IMO. I know everyone is just trying to help but it seems like your shooting the poor guy down before he even takes a chance.

Just because the odds are 1 out of million here doesn't mean he should just forget this "crush" all together. I think the OP should say hi to this guy, be friendly and see where it goes. Mearly small talking to someone is not "sexual harrassment" unless it is unwelcome. He hasn't even met the "crush" yet, so why not give it a shot? Will it ever be anything other than a work friendship? Highly unlikely, but we all play the lottory once in awhile right?

As far as what to say to this young guy? Well asking him to lunch is, well just weird. Your much older than him, that would freak him out IMO. Find out what he likes, sports, cars, whatever. If you have something in common, start by talking to him about that. See where that puts you...

But know your roll...if he isn't responding....don't push it. A friendship needs to be mutual, you can't make yourself look desperate. I am 21, and work with a bunch of older guys. I talk to most of them, because they talk to me. So it's not out of the question that he would be friendly with you....

Thanks a lot for the nice advice hellowazzup!

I haven't even said a word to the young gentleman yet. He maybe a prick for all I know. It seems like a quite guy.

I don't think it's a crime to have a small crush on a co worker. And like I keep saying.... I just think he'd be a good "FRIEND". That's all. Someone to talk to.

He's not the hottest guy I've ever seen. So it's not really a physical attraction. He just seems really cool and nice.

I'll probably just say Hi one day. Tell him my name and leave it at that.

 

[Ganoderma]

Hi Hellowazzup,

You are totally right that I have made quite firm statements to JRandell69.

People are different, and that means, at least towards my opinion, that reactions don't need to be the same to all people who are asking for advise over here.

JRandell69 is a guy well in his 30ties and has a good job in a company that is owned by his dad, and where it is likely that he will become the boss when his dad will stop to run the business. Furthermore, JRandell69 is firmly closeted and does not seem to have plans to come out of the closet.

The situation of JRandell69 is totally different from the situation of, eg, a guy of 18 - 21 who is still a schooling etc. You told us you are 21 and you work with a bench of older guys. Ofcourse guys will talk with you and you will also talk with them. Somehow, I have the idea that you are comfortable with your sexual identity, so you don't need to hide anything about it.

So there are many differences between, eg, you and JRandell69, and that makes it normal and logic for me to give a different reply. I am 55, and I also like to talk with guys of your age. No big deal, and there are a huge amount of items I can dicusss and talk about with any guy I meet.

JRandell69, however, has a status of

(1): 'a guy well in his 30ties without a girlfriend / wife, and no one knows anything about past / former girlfriends / wifes';
(2): a guy with a (good?) job, at least he is the (only?) son of the owner of the company where he is working; and likely JRandell69 is well-educated.

I am 100% sure that many females around him are wondering why JRandell69 has no girlfriend / wife, and why he also not had a girlfriend / wife in the past. It is silly to assume that many females (e.g. all the co-workers in his company, and alle the females living in his neighbourhood) do not think about this question.

I mean, JRandell69 seems not to be a looser (eg. a jobless and a homeless guy, a guy with a criminal record, a guy suffering from addicts like drugs or alcohol etc.).

So why does he not has a GF / wife? I am quite sure that alot of those females in his surroundings already know the answer.

The answer: JRandell69 has no sexual interest in females, but he is a gay. No big deal for these females, maybe some of them are sad because that means they cannot become the girlfriend / wife of JRandell69. Maybe some of his female co-workers already know / suspect that JRandell69 has a crush on that sweet young guy at the company.

JRandell69, its up to you to make things clear. Or do you disagree with my ideas?

 

[JRandell69]

I don't disagree with u about making things clear Ganoderma. But if I am open and honest with this guy. I'm quite sure that will scare him off and he'll always try to avoid me.

If I was straight, then I'd be careful about being too nice to a gay man. Cause he might get the idea that I was leading him on.

Sad but true.

 

[Ganoderma]

Hi JRandell69, thanks alot for your nice reply.

However, I disagree with your ideas.

I am a male of 55 who does not hide he is gay and who is comfortable with his own sexuality. So many people know I am gay, but ofcourse not the whole world. It happens quite often that I meet such guys, and I have no problem at all to start any conversation with them, sometimes very lengthy conversations included. Honestly, I often have no idea if these guys know I am gay, but that's just irrelevant.

I think you have problems with your own sexuality, and that you are therefore unable to have such kind of conversations.

Think about how it would be when you would be a straight female of your own age and with a similar background. So you are the daughter of the boss of this company and there is that sweet guy who has recently started to work in that other department. How would you behave towards him?

Maybe you should try and think about this option?

Best wishes.

 

[JRandell69]

Hey guys. Thanks 4 all ur advice. It was very honest and I guess I just needed to hear it.

It was very hard but I did get up the nerve to speak to this young man this week. He was very nice and shook my hand. However he wasn't quiet all that when I saw him up close. But anyway, he is a very nice guy and I would like to somehow be friends with him. (Of course I don't know what we would talk about, since I can't be honest with him and tell him who I really am.)

It's Saturday night, he is probably out with his girlfriend having a good time and I sit here in the dark, drinking, alone and depressed thinking about him. It's sad.

I know most of you on the board who what I am going through.

 

[USEDCAR]

Been there done that i wouldn't recommend being his friend and hanging out with him, just let him go.