Limericks

[teadrinker]

Who doesn't love a limerick? And the best ones are dirty - I've heard it said that a a clean limerick is a contradiction in terms. Here's a handful:

From the depths of the crypts of St Giles,
Came a scream that re-echoed for miles.
Cried the curate: "Good gracious!
Doesn't Father Ignatius,
Know that the Bishop has piles?"

A mathematician named Hall,
Had a hexahedronical ball.
The square root of its weight,
Times his pecker, plus eight,
Is his phone number - give him a call!

There was a young fellow from Ghent,
Whose cock was so long that it bent.
To save himself trouble,
He put it in double.
And instead of coming, he went.

There was an old man of Belgrave,
Who kept a dead whore in a cave.
He said: "It's no joke,
To have a cold poke,
But think of the money I save!"

Over to you.

-T.

 

[BearBoi]

There once was a woman from France,
Who did an unusual dance.
She'd roll in the grass,
And lick her own ass,
Her sex would put men in a trance.

 

[hotdog1846]

Here's one that's appropriate for JUB:

There once was a man from Nantucket
Whose dick was so long he could suck it!
He said, with a grin,
As he wiped off his chin,
"If my ear was a cunt I could fuck it!"

 

[ShihTzuTylenol]

On the Cartoon Network in the middle of the night, a time they refer to as Adult Swim, there's a show called Children's Hospital, and I heard a Limerick on that show just last night that made me bust out laughing, but I think it was one of those "you had to have been there" moments. Nevertheless, I'll attempt to recreate and submit it for your approval...in...The Twilight Zone.

There once was a man from Nantucket
Whose penis was so incredibly thick and long that he could actually put his mouth on it easily...

that was it, wait....

Okay, I had to take a moment and laugh my ass off again.

I know they're supposed to rhyme, but just the way he recited the piece was, well, magically delicious.

Now I'll make a boat and sail away! ...always after me lucky charm!

 

[unloadonme]

There were three young ladies from Birmingham
and this is the scandal concerning 'em,
they lifted the frock
and tickled the cock
of the Bishop engaged in confirming 'em.

Now the Bishop was nobody's fool,
(he'd been to a good public school),
so he pulled down their britches
and buggered those bitches
with his ten inch episcopal tool.

Then up spoke a lady from Kew,
who said as the Bishop withdrew,
the Vicar is quicker
and thicker and slicker
and longer and stronger than you.

 

[ShihTzuTylenol]

There once was a man from Nantucket
Whose penis was so incredibly lengthy he could put his mouth on it with very little effort if any

 

[vulgar_newcomer]

some more classics I like


There once was a man from Nantucket.
Whose cock was so long he could suck it.
He said quite crass,
As he lubed up his ass.
At last, I've found a place I can tuck it.

There was a young lass from Thornhill
Fucked dynamite sticks for a thrill
They found her vagina
In North Carolina
And bits of her tits in Brazil.


Hickory Dickory Dock
My balls fell out of my jock
I laid them to rest
On some hooker's chest
And paddled her face with my cock

Hickory dickory dock
Some Dude was sucking my cock
The clock struck two, I dropped my goo
I dumped the bitch on the next block.

 

[G-Lexington]

A gargoyle known only as "Lex"
Hot asses are what he inspects
The guys are agree'n'
That once you've gone green
All of the rest is just sex.

Same gargoyle from South Illi-noise
Has techniques which he oft employs
Some novel positions
Had several men wishin'
They'd sorted the 'goyles from the boys

There once was a man from Peru
Whose limericks stopped at line two

There once was a man from Verdun

Lex

 

[floorrunner]

There once was a lady from Decatur,
Who was laid by a big alligator,
No one knew,
The result of that screw,
Because after he laid her he ate her.

 

[NineOfClubs]

JUB has a thread filled with serious and beautiful poetry.

I posted a limerick, and it probably wasn't much appreciated.

http://www.justusboys.com/forum/showpost.php?p=6557520&postcount=385