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Little sister's (male) friend wants to visit?

josher said:
Sorry, but a very bad idea. Scenario: 15 y. o. makes advances to 21 y.o. 21 y.o. rejects them. 15 y.o. tries to blackmail 21 y.o. for sex or else he'll tell his parents some lies about 21 y.o.'s actions. Believe me, I'm not being paranoid. It could happen.
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Totally in agreement here. I know of someone who had that happen (not me fortunately) and what a mess that was. Took years to clear it up.
 
Bad idea, even if his parents know and approve... if they don't, then it's a really, really bad idea. He is a minor!

He's 15. He can survive a weekend at home by himself.

You could on the other hand arrange to meet him in town to hang out, take him to a gay bookstore and teach him how to buy condoms and gay (non adult) magazines, but I would make sure to include somebody else, like your sister, assuming you're both out to her.
 
Some 15 yr olds are extremely mature, most are not.
All are very impressionable.
Exposing him to college age gays could go either way. He might be entranced by the whole thing or he might be disillusioned, either of which could intensify his depression.
College aged gay guys don't represent the end all of gay life. It can be a blast but it's usually temporary.
This kid needs to adjust to his own age group.
Take him (and your sister) to age appropriate venues where they can interact with their per group.
Discuss your concerns about him with his parents (omit the gay portion, if that would bother him). Let them know you're willing to help and work with them in helping him through this difficult period.
 
As long as his parents are okay with it (I don't think they necessarily need to know about the apartment full of gay guys part unless you do) then I think it's a great chance for you to be a positive role model for him.

He already looks up to you so why not show him how things are. Just make sure that you lay some rules down and he's okay with them beforehand.

Let us know how it turns out.
 
i think it's actually a great idea....I never would have come out if I didn't actually meet some gay people and know how comfortable it was to be around "my kind".

I think people are overreacting about the bad things that can happen...you are all assuming the worst about the 15-year old's character. Adam...you know him so you can make the decision or not if you think he'll "blackmail" someone. I doubt that will happen though.

Just keep an eye on him... tell him BEFORE he comes over about the rules. NO hooking-up, NO etc. so he knows what he's getting into. otherwise do it...it would really help the kid.
 
Caeth said:
i think it's actually a great idea....I never would have come out if I didn't actually meet some gay people and know how comfortable it was to be around "my kind".

I think people are overreacting about the bad things that can happen...you are all assuming the worst about the 15-year old's character. Adam...you know him so you can make the decision or not if you think he'll "blackmail" someone. I doubt that will happen though.

Just keep an eye on him... tell him BEFORE he comes over about the rules. NO hooking-up, NO etc. so he knows what he's getting into. otherwise do it...it would really help the kid.
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YES thank you.

I know if I was 15 and I had the opportunity to hang out with college-age gay guys, I would have done it in a heartbeat. When you're 15, high school is your life and sometimes it's really hard for kids to have hope for things to change in the future.

And he sort of would have to spend the night here b/c he lives 2 hours away and his ride (b/c he doesn't have a license) is coming to visit other friends at my same college for the weekend, which would work out really well.

And it's not like we would be in my apartment the whole time, I would take him to a lot of different places...

I don't know, I think I'm going to let him come. I see more advantages than disadvantages.
 
My gut instinct in this situation if it were me: a resounding NO ... you don't want to even give the appearance of impropriety.

What else is there to say??
 
im sure he is not that innocent. my best friend is 16, fucks 3 bitches a week and drinks alot of beer and hangs out with me and my friends which ar older then him... But his parents are cool with it.
 
Don't let him stay with you over the weekend.

What's wrong with going to visit him? Take him out for the day, to the mall, shopping, going to see movies. You're concerned about him "being alone" but there's nothing wrong with just hanging out with him for the weekend. There's a lot more you can do without bringing him into your personal space. And is it fair to your roommates to put them into that kind of position?
 
What I would do is go to him. I don't think him being depressed mixed with a college atmosphere would bode very well, his judgement might not be the best. Just go hang out with him, that's all I can really say.
 
IMPORTANT. Pull up a sleeping bag and have your little sister sleep over too, in the same room he does. That's the best possible option I can think of. If your little sister is there, I'm sure your friends would know exactly how PG it should be.

I think it would be great for him to see fellow gay people, living happy, adjusted lives. I am all for a nice weekend escape. Sounds like he could really use some help, and you are a great person for wanting to give him that.

However. FOR HIS SAKE (and yours), you CAN'T let him spend any time *alone* with an older gay man. Society isn't ready or accepting enough for that, and eyebrows will be raised- assumptions will be automatically made- it will cast doubt on him, and his reputation (and yours) is at stake. People think that gays are dirty, sexually uncontrolled creatures, and they will do everything in their power to make it seem that way.

The MOMENT the average person hears about him visiting for a weekend, they will think Michael Jackson. I guarantee it. There MUST be a FACT that proves beyond a doubt that nothing happened. In my opinion, even dinner alone is risky- it sucks, yeah, but it's the world we live in.

Please please please, there is a LOT of good you can make out of this, but theres also WAY too much bad that could come out of it. Play it safe, and right. If you don't, you are giving other people (third parties, not you, not him) a chance to mess up this kid's life.
 
Likewise, if you go visit him, I'd bring your little sister there too. If he wants to talk with you alone, I'm sure your little sister would be understanding enough to occupy herself in an adjacent room for a bit.

Be a good Samaritan, but cover your ass, too.

Do his parents know that he's gay? If they do, let them know what you're doing beforehand, and show your good intentions. He's only fifteen, and they ARE his parents; they deserve to know where their kid is, and (within reason) keep him within their comfort zone.
 
Boogerqueesha said:
Likewise, if you go visit him, I'd bring your little sister there too. If he wants to talk with you alone, I'm sure your little sister would be understanding enough to occupy herself in an adjacent room for a bit.

Be a good Samaritan, but cover your ass, too.

Do his parents know that he's gay? If they do, let them know what you're doing beforehand, and show your good intentions. He's only fifteen, and they ARE his parents; they deserve to know where their kid is, and (within reason) keep him within their comfort zone.
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No, my sister cannot be involved at all. She has no idea that he's gay, and my parents would never let her visit me in a million years anyway (they're pretty strict).

NO ONE knows this kid is gay including his parents. His parents are also going through a divorce right now so they're very busy with that and are barely paying any attention to him at all. I'm basically the only one who knows he's gay.

Honestly guys, I appreciate all the advice. But the more I think about it, the more I know I can definitely handle him staying here for 2 nights. I'm not letting my roommates bring guys home and I'm not taking him to any wild parties or anything like that. No drinking will be involved. I'm planning on taking him to hang out with other friends (who aren't even gay) and showing him how normal life can be. I really really want to give him something to look forward to after high school. He's sort of the quiet kid in his grade and doesn't have a lot of friends. At the same time, he's very cool and incredibly sweet. He has a lot going for him. I just want him to have a weekend of fun and possibly give him something to get his mind off his depression. I really don't think it will be too damagaing. I'm a pretty responsible person.
 
Poor kid.

If you're the only one that knows, you can't really cover your ass without making him feel intimidated. I understand. In that case, more power to you. I think, btw, that going over to visit him instead would lessen the positive effects much more than it lessens risk, and so the sleepover, it is.

Theres a thread in this same section about a 14 year old coming out... it talks about youth support organizations- maybe do a little research on ones nearby, and take him to one of those? Not to make it a gay-themed, 'gay people are gay, so they do gay things' weekend, cause that would give him the wroooooong idea, but he could probably do well to have more people standing with him than just you. The main problem is just that he's lonely. Which is why I think you're so adamant in having him over.

Tell us how it goes. You sound more than mature enough to have my trust- I'm just worried enough to ask you to make sure nothing gets blown up out of proportion.
 
So I just talked to him and the plans are settled. He's coming on Friday and leaving Sunday afternoon...

Wish me luck.
 
Adam2299 said:
No, my sister cannot be involved at all. She has no idea that he's gay, and my parents would never let her visit me in a million years anyway (they're pretty strict).

NO ONE knows this kid is gay including his parents. His parents are also going through a divorce right now so they're very busy with that and are barely paying any attention to him at all. I'm basically the only one who knows he's gay.
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If you think discussing things with other gay teens would help him, you might want to send him over to www.emptyclosets.com which is run by the same guys as JUB.
 
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