Lonely

[mrdude]

My depression has been pretty hard recently and has made me realise I have no friends anymore.

I'm going to get straight to the point, I've been friends with him since we were kids, 20+ yrs and not long ago he did something that made me feel like shit basically.

Way happened is, we got into an argument, and he spat on me twice as an attack. I've never felt so humiliated, embarrassed, unworthy, upset etc. it wasn't good. After this incident, I didn't talk to him for awhile, he was genuinely apologetic, but the trust wasn't there anymore.

He was my best friend (and only friend), but I feel I've lost a great friend and it's hurting pretty bad.

Am I over reacting here? I get too anxious now thinking about him.

 

[Seasoned]

Your first responsibility is to yourself, always, because if you're not in a good place you really can't be anything for anyone else.

I've heard of throwing a beverage in someone's face. In fact, I've done it (as a kid in my bully of an older brother's face). But spitting!?! That would be hard to take and hard to forgive. Has he made amends other than just saying, "sorry?"

What are you doing to take care of yourself? Are you getting help with your loneliness and depression?

As for your friend, I don't know what to say. You'd be justified to never see him again, but 20 years is a long time. What's his story with mental health issues?

 

[Benvolio]

You will clearly feel better if you forgive him and get your friend back. You seem to be talking yourself into feeling worse than you need.

 

[racer2438]

Nothing and one is worth letting your health go down. You always have to take care of #1...YOU.
You can not help anyone, let alone ur self if you are not healthy, happy inside and out first.

Work on moving forward, forgive if you can, if you must, if you feel you have to.

But foremost you must move on w/your life one day at a time.

Life is to short for this kinda of pressure and stress your putting on yourself..

 

[mrdude]

I saw him a couple of times after the incident, but it wasn't how it used to be. I don't hold any grudges against him as life's too short for that... But I think it's effected me more mentally rather than emotions and I guess that's where the mixed thoughts makes it hard on myself. He, and the 'group' of friends I saw insulted me too occasionally which made me insecure, so maybe it is the time to let go and move on.

 

[slowshow]

it's better to be alone than feel lonely when you're with people. I've had friends who did the same sort of the thing, insulting me 24/7 "jokingly" and it made me feel really uncomfortable around them. You have to take care of yourself and realise that some people simply aren't worth your time

 

[silentalk]

I agree with those who said forgiveness is the way to go. As for the way it affected you mentally, and the trust, well... if he deserves it, it'll come back with time. Just don't push him away. Like they said, 20+ years is a lot to throw away.

 

[Telstra]

My depression has been pretty hard recently and has made me realise I have no friends anymore.

I'm going to get straight to the point, I've been friends with him since we were kids, 20+ yrs and not long ago he did something that made me feel like shit basically.

Way happened is, we got into an argument, and he spat on me twice as an attack. I've never felt so humiliated, embarrassed, unworthy, upset etc. it wasn't good. After this incident, I didn't talk to him for awhile, he was genuinely apologetic, but the trust wasn't there anymore.

He was my best friend (and only friend), but I feel I've lost a great friend and it's hurting pretty bad.

Am I over reacting here? I get too anxious now thinking about him.

Don't know the whole story but spitting on a person is not acceptable.

 

[Telstra]

I saw him a couple of times after the incident, but it wasn't how it used to be. I don't hold any grudges against him as life's too short for that... But I think it's effected me more mentally rather than emotions and I guess that's where the mixed thoughts makes it hard on myself. He, and the 'group' of friends I saw insulted me too occasionally which made me insecure, so maybe it is the time to let go and move on.

They are not your friends.
Time to move on and be successful in what you are good at.

 

[GovernHooker]

It's good that you're not holding a grudge, but I wouldn't even give him the time of day anymore. Spitting on someone is the ultimate mark of disrespect. Tell him and his friends to go fuck themselves and find someone who will actually treat you with enough respect.

 

[bankside]

Something you said really stands out to me: you mentioned you've been depressed lately.

Honestly if depression is acting up, I think it's not the right time to make decisions about longstanding friendships. Depression, by definition, makes it difficult to see things as they are, and only the negatives stand out.

I definitely think you should put this friendship on hold. Do what you need to do for yourself to help the depression lift over time.

When that happens you will be able to decide if his apology is enough to begin rebuilding some trust or not. When you work past enough of the depression, you will be able to say with contentment and an easy heart either "I'm so glad we got past the time you acted like a complete asshole" or "I miss how things used to be, but I'm so glad I don't have to be around that asshole any more."

I can tell you if my own family tried that I'd never speak to them again. But if they were like that, it wouldn't bother me or leave me feeling stranded. But I'm not the best judge of your situation. Only you know what lead to that moment and it is certainly your right to forgive when I would not. The thing is though, it will be hard to sort out if depression is acting up. So give yourself a break and leave this question for another day.