[LONG] I am his fuckbuddy but I developed a crush for him

[boredass123]

I posted here because I'm really confused about my feelings and I hope you guys can help me clear my mind and think straight.

[LOMG STORY]
6 months ago, I moved to NYC. I was fresh out of college, doing internships right now. I am also pretty much in the closet and has rarely had any romantic experience before. There were exactly three romances that I entertained during my college years. Two were long distance relationships, which of course didn't last very long, just a few months. Another one was a kinda strange relationship, more one sided on my part. I was fond of him, he was not that into me but since we were both closeted, he just accepted my advances. Naturally it didn't come to anything.

So that was the past. Now I'm in NYC. I decided to try Craiglish to find guys. At first, I wanted sexual encounters. But then I felt like it wasn't right for me. I can't just fuck and go. So I met this guy on Craiglist. He is good looking, works for a major bank, 1 year older than me. He posted an ad on Craiglist. I responded to that ad, and he replied saying that he's interested. But then it was 9/11 and I didn't feel safe going outside so I told him so, he said ok. Three days later, on a Tuesday, he emailed me, asking if I am free to meet up. I said yes and went ahead to his place. He was very nice, and we had great sex that day. I asked him if he's dating anyone, he said he's too busy. So I thought I should rule out the possibility of dating him. When we said goodbye, he said "we should probably meet up again next week" with a nice smile. I knew I felt something more for him than just a one night stand. But he didn't contact again the next week.

Fast forward one month, he emailed me asking if I want to meet up (he had my number but somehow he decided to email instead). I was excited, but I moved a bit further away from him and told him that it's late and it'd be a hassle for me to travel back and forth. He said I can sleep over at his place if I want, but he has to work in the morning (it's Friday night). I went to his place, and he greeted me with a smile and a hug. We had great sex again, and we cuddled afterwards. In the morning, he woke up early to go to work, but I was too tired. He said I can sleep more, and told me that when I leave I just need to close the door. And then he left for work. I found it weird that he was too trusting of a person he just met the second time.

Then again the next month, he contacted me, I went to his place, and we had sex, and a bit of chitchat too.

Then the next month, I didn't hear from him. I was sad and I thought that I should just forget about him. But the next month, he texted me.
"Hi how are you"
I replied "I'm good. How are you?"
His reply: "Great." "I thought you forget about me "
I was surprised. We arranged to meet again, and I told him that I have something important to tell him when we meet. He asked me through text if I could say it right now (through text) so that he can respond when we meet. I told him that I have a crush on him.
He said "Really. I was getting worried u didn't want to see me or something. I asked u to text me when u got back from ur trip but never heard from u till now I really don't mind seeing u more and explore how it goes from there."
then he said "we'll talk more about this on Friday"

but then Friday came and we didn't talk that much about this issue.
However, there's another important thing happening on Friday. He said he would work late and asked me if 9PM is too late for me. I said it's ok. at 9PM he said he still has work and asked me if I could wait till 11PM. I said ok, just focus on your work. Eventually I arrived at his house at 1AM, waited for him 5 mins, and saw him coming home, looking dead tired with a Red Bull on his hand. I felt sorry for him and for myself.

The next day after waking up, we had our first meal together, brunch at a diner's near his place. We discussed stuff related to his work.
I parted way with him when he took a bus to go to his mom's house.


After that night, I decided that I should take the initiative to text him more. I forgot to mention that on Friday, I brought him some food because he was working late. On Sunday, I texted him "Hi how are you" and he replied "Great. Thanks for the company." I said "You should eat the food and tell me how you like it " and he didn't respond.

Next Friday I texted him again, and after talking a bit, he asked if I'm available to meet Monday or Tuesday. It is the first time he wanted to meet not one month later, but only two weeks later.
[END OF LONG STORY]

My perspective is
- I have a crush on him but I don't think he has the same kind of feelings for me. We've been contacting each other for six months but we only met for 4 times (tomorrow is the 5th time)
- I also feel insecure because he's a good looking banker and I'm just an average looking intern right now. Our physical appearance, social and economic status are not tje same
- He is really busy with his work. sometimes he has to work late. that's probably one of the reasons he doesn't meet me that often. I, on the other hand, have plenty of free time and sometimes feel frustrated that we don't meet that often.

My question:
- Isn't it normal for young guys who started seeing each other to text and talk to each other daily? We have none of that. Half of me thinks that it's reasonable given our specific circumstance, the other half feels kinda sad about it.
- What should I do? I feel like I should focus on my career and forget about him. But besides the fact that I have a crush on him, I also enjoy sex with him. Should I cut him off completely for my sanity?


TL;DR version:

Met a guy through craiglist. he's a nice, loving guy who is busy with work. we became once-a-month fuckbuddy. I said I had a crush on him. He said we can meet more and explore how it goes from there. I don't know what to do.

 

[Sigma-taylor-E]

I am in a similar experiences to yours. I met a guy via a4a. The "sex" was great. We didn't do that much anal, but everything else, was amazing! The hottest sex I've had without going full anal. We met last year, but by october, things changed from being that of a sex buddy to more-- Well at least in my head. We've gone on long walks, ate together, gone to the movies, I've showed him FIDI and explored the city(NYC too!), and slept over at his place multiple times. A lot of times when I go, we talk, kiss and cuddle. Infact, since I've know him, we've done less anal than any guy i've been with. This is quite strange, since most guys I've been with, I only meet with the sole intention of full on sex(quite a few), nor have I ever developed anything for them beyond sex. But he's diffrent, he makes me feel different, I love just cuddling with him, seeing him smile, kissing him, hell just looking at him! In sum, I have feelings for him. For a long time I denied it, casting it aside as being something else. But it's come to the point where...I just want to profess to him. The thing is, he works long hours, he works in the finance community, has many friends whom he often host at his place when they visit the city, as such i'd go weeks without seeing him (Though we speak alot via txt) Case in point, he went to poland for Christmas and when he came back, he hosted a couple friends. Now's its running on a month since I last saw him, and it's tearing me apart. Because, my feelings for him are so deep though I don't know how he feels. He's quite affectionate with me, but...I don't know..My sense of rationality has all but been tossed out the door.I've tried psyching myself up as to tell him how I feel, but my resolve falters immediately at the prospect of the feelings not being reciprocated. Likewise I don't want to lose him. But with work and everything, I get annoyed sometimes..I considered walking away. This is fueled also by the fact that our social status are different. I am a college student where as he is a Cambridge graduate!...But I've decided that when I see him, I'll tell him and get it over. i cannot bear this whole ordeal anymore.

Dude, if you care about him, BRING up the matter. Do not hold it in. You'll only destroy yourself internally.

 

[boredass123]

I am in a similar experiences to yours. I met a guy via a4a. The "sex" was great. We didn't do that much anal, but everything else, was amazing! The hottest sex I've had without going full anal. We met last year, but by october, things changed from being that of a sex buddy to more-- Well at least in my head. We've gone on long walks, ate together, gone to the movies, I've showed him FIDI and explored the city(NYC too!), and slept over at his place multiple times. A lot of times when I go, we talk, kiss and cuddle. Infact, since I've know him, we've done less anal than any guy i've been with. This is quite strange, since most guys I've been with, I only meet with the sole intention of full on sex(quite a few), nor have I ever developed anything for them beyond sex. But he's diffrent, he makes me feel different, I love just cuddling with him, seeing him smile, kissing him, hell just looking at him! In sum, I have feelings for him. For a long time I denied it, casting it aside as being something else. But it's come to the point where...I just want to profess to him. The thing is, he works long hours, he works in the finance community, has many friends whom he often host at his place when they visit the city, as such i'd go weeks without seeing him (Though we speak alot via txt) Case in point, he went to poland for Christmas and when he came back, he hosted a couple friends. Now's its running on a month since I last saw him, and it's tearing me apart. Because, my feelings for him are so deep though I don't know how he feels. He's quite affectionate with me, but...I don't know..My sense of rationality has all but been tossed out the door.I've tried psyching myself up as to tell him how I feel, but my resolve falters immediately at the prospect of the feelings not being reciprocated. Likewise I don't want to lose him. But with work and everything, I get annoyed sometimes..I considered walking away. This is fueled also by the fact that our social status are different. I am a college student where as he is a Cambridge graduate!...But I've decided that when I see him, I'll tell him and get it over. i cannot bear this whole ordeal anymore.

Dude, if you care about him, BRING up the matter. Do not hold it in. You'll only destroy yourself internally.

as i mentioned in my post, I already brought up the matter to him but it seems that he's too busy and not ready for it. but yeah, the sex i had with him was passionate, but recently it didn't involve anal at all.

thanks for your response, let me know what happens when you confess to him

oh and if you're in NYC, maybe we can hang out and talk about our dilemmas

 

[Sigma-taylor-E]

as i mentioned in my post, I already brought up the matter to him but it seems that he's too busy and not ready for it. but yeah, the sex i had with him was passionate, but recently it didn't involve anal at all.

thanks for your response, let me know what happens when you confess to him

oh and if you're in NYC, maybe we can hang out and talk about our dilemmas

Well, force the matter. it obviously is affecting you.

As for hanging out, I'd love to! We can cry and plot their demises together!

 

[Ninja108]

here's my two cents...looking for a long term relationship based on something that started out as no strings attached sex,isn't a good idea usually.

 

[USEDCAR]

From what i read he doesn't want you i agree with the others he just contacts you for sex and whatever else. If you're attraction is getting stronger to him i would suggest cutting back on sex and talking to him. If not you will end up hurt

 

[ben9651]

I posted here because I'm really confused about my feelings and I hope you guys can help me clear my mind and think straight.

[LOMG STORY]
6 months ago, I moved to NYC. I was fresh out of college, doing internships right now. I am also pretty much in the closet and has rarely had any romantic experience before. There were exactly three romances that I entertained during my college years. Two were long distance relationships, which of course didn't last very long, just a few months. Another one was a kinda strange relationship, more one sided on my part. I was fond of him, he was not that into me but since we were both closeted, he just accepted my advances. Naturally it didn't come to anything.

So that was the past. Now I'm in NYC. I decided to try Craiglish to find guys. At first, I wanted sexual encounters. But then I felt like it wasn't right for me. I can't just fuck and go. So I met this guy on Craiglist. He is good looking, works for a major bank, 1 year older than me. He posted an ad on Craiglist. I responded to that ad, and he replied saying that he's interested. But then it was 9/11 and I didn't feel safe going outside so I told him so, he said ok. Three days later, on a Tuesday, he emailed me, asking if I am free to meet up. I said yes and went ahead to his place. He was very nice, and we had great sex that day. I asked him if he's dating anyone, he said he's too busy. So I thought I should rule out the possibility of dating him. When we said goodbye, he said "we should probably meet up again next week" with a nice smile. I knew I felt something more for him than just a one night stand. But he didn't contact again the next week.

Fast forward one month, he emailed me asking if I want to meet up (he had my number but somehow he decided to email instead). I was excited, but I moved a bit further away from him and told him that it's late and it'd be a hassle for me to travel back and forth. He said I can sleep over at his place if I want, but he has to work in the morning (it's Friday night). I went to his place, and he greeted me with a smile and a hug. We had great sex again, and we cuddled afterwards. In the morning, he woke up early to go to work, but I was too tired. He said I can sleep more, and told me that when I leave I just need to close the door. And then he left for work. I found it weird that he was too trusting of a person he just met the second time.

Then again the next month, he contacted me, I went to his place, and we had sex, and a bit of chitchat too.

Then the next month, I didn't hear from him. I was sad and I thought that I should just forget about him. But the next month, he texted me.
"Hi how are you"
I replied "I'm good. How are you?"
His reply: "Great." "I thought you forget about me "
I was surprised. We arranged to meet again, and I told him that I have something important to tell him when we meet. He asked me through text if I could say it right now (through text) so that he can respond when we meet. I told him that I have a crush on him.
He said "Really. I was getting worried u didn't want to see me or something. I asked u to text me when u got back from ur trip but never heard from u till now I really don't mind seeing u more and explore how it goes from there."
then he said "we'll talk more about this on Friday"

but then Friday came and we didn't talk that much about this issue.
However, there's another important thing happening on Friday. He said he would work late and asked me if 9PM is too late for me. I said it's ok. at 9PM he said he still has work and asked me if I could wait till 11PM. I said ok, just focus on your work. Eventually I arrived at his house at 1AM, waited for him 5 mins, and saw him coming home, looking dead tired with a Red Bull on his hand. I felt sorry for him and for myself.

The next day after waking up, we had our first meal together, brunch at a diner's near his place. We discussed stuff related to his work.
I parted way with him when he took a bus to go to his mom's house.


After that night, I decided that I should take the initiative to text him more. I forgot to mention that on Friday, I brought him some food because he was working late. On Sunday, I texted him "Hi how are you" and he replied "Great. Thanks for the company." I said "You should eat the food and tell me how you like it " and he didn't respond.

Next Friday I texted him again, and after talking a bit, he asked if I'm available to meet Monday or Tuesday. It is the first time he wanted to meet not one month later, but only two weeks later.
[END OF LONG STORY]

My perspective is
- I have a crush on him but I don't think he has the same kind of feelings for me. We've been contacting each other for six months but we only met for 4 times (tomorrow is the 5th time)
- I also feel insecure because he's a good looking banker and I'm just an average looking intern right now. Our physical appearance, social and economic status are not tje same
- He is really busy with his work. sometimes he has to work late. that's probably one of the reasons he doesn't meet me that often. I, on the other hand, have plenty of free time and sometimes feel frustrated that we don't meet that often.

My question:
- Isn't it normal for young guys who started seeing each other to text and talk to each other daily? We have none of that. Half of me thinks that it's reasonable given our specific circumstance, the other half feels kinda sad about it.
- What should I do? I feel like I should focus on my career and forget about him. But besides the fact that I have a crush on him, I also enjoy sex with him. Should I cut him off completely for my sanity?


TL;DR version:

Met a guy through craiglist. he's a nice, loving guy who is busy with work. we became once-a-month fuckbuddy. I said I had a crush on him. He said we can meet more and explore how it goes from there. I don't know what to do.

NO NO NO ! This guy`s nowhere near having a relationship with someone!
MOVE ON!

 

[boredass123]

thanks for the reply guys.
he's just a really nice guy. even if he doesn't want to date me and just wants a fuckbuddy, it's ok with me too because so far he has treated me very well. yesterday after we were having sex, he invited me to dinner at a restaurant as a gift for my birthday, even though earlier he told me that after sex he would go to the gym. he also showed me videos and pics of his mom, brothers and cousins.
the problem is that I don't know how to go about talking about this with him. I already told him once, he already knows that I have a crush on him, and he said we can see each other more and explore how it goes from there.
plus I also feel I'm rushing things here because even though we met 6 months ago, we have only met up with each other 5 times. I don't know, this situation is complicated, and my head can't process it ugh

 

[Joe Anon]

thanks for the reply guys.
he's just a really nice guy. even if he doesn't want to date me and just wants a fuckbuddy, it's ok with me too because so far he has treated me very well. yesterday after we were having sex, he invited me to dinner at a restaurant as a gift for my birthday, even though earlier he told me that after sex he would go to the gym. he also showed me videos and pics of his mom, brothers and cousins.
the problem is that I don't know how to go about talking about this with him. I already told him once, he already knows that I have a crush on him, and he said we can see each other more and explore how it goes from there.
plus I also feel I'm rushing things here because even though we met 6 months ago, we have only met up with each other 5 times. I don't know, this situation is complicated, and my head can't process it ugh

Even though you raised the subject once before (over text), it seems like you're afraid to talk to him about it. You should, though, because it is obviously affecting your personal well-being. I know it is scary, but the best thing for you to do is be as honest as you can. Tell him you've developed feelings for him and are unsure you can continue your relationship with him if all that it involves is the two of you being fuck buddies. He will understand that.

Also, he has given you some signs he likes you more than the average fuck buddy. He might be just as afraid as you are to talk openly about moving your relationship forward. He might also simply be afraid of commitment (it may interfere with his career plans, for example; or maybe he works this hard as to escape from commitments!). In any case, to put it bluntly: it seems like you've mostly done more fucking than talking. Well, if you want this to go anywhere, start talking. (And keep up the fucking).

Also, the claim that nothing more can come from of a fuck buddy-relationship is utter bullshit. The ingredients may be there, but you'll only find out of you lay your cards on the table. Else, you've gotta settle for a fuck buddy, but I don;t think you can do that.