I feel like complete scum-of-the-earth shit at the moment. 
Basically, I'm responsible for an affair. I'll start everything from the beginning, so this'll be a bit long... First of all:
Me: 18, 110% virgin in every way, and therefore horny as hell
"A": 23, in a long-term relationship, I'll call him A for privacy
Everyone in this recount is gay or bi, unless otherwise noted.
A and I first met a couple of months ago at a Gay/Lesbian support group that he organised. Being shy and closeted to everybody other than my friends, I said hardly anything for the entire meeting and was pretty much just a fly on the wall. A is a good friend of my best friend, T, and they have been going out clubbing together for several months.
On Tuesday night (last night), the support group's final meeting was being held as A was moving into the city and was unable to continue it. There's about 15 of us in the group, and 4 of us turned up. It was just A, T, myself and another older guy. We waited around for a while incase anybody turned up late, and after an hour nobody had, so we decided to head back to A's place to have what was going to be a small get-together and farewell party for A.
The small get-together ended up turning into a piss-up. We got ourselves a few cases of vodka spirits and some pizza. Things were all going really well - the four of us were having a great time. Then A's boyfriend, B, showed up. B works in the city which is 2 hours away, which is why he was so late. Likewise, I first met B at my first support group meeting, but we hardly spoke 2 words. It turns out that B is a really great guy - a bit shy like me, but we got along.
I'm a cheap drunk. Especially when it comes to all the sugary lolly-drinks that we were drinking. So after about 4 bottles, I'm feeling a bit tipsy and any shyness I had before was nowhere to be seen. We had all relaxed with each other. A suddenly tells me that B wants to see me give A a lap dance. We cranked some music and started dancing, but I never gave A that lap dance. I eventually went and sat down on the couch and A came over to me. A sat on the couch next to me and sat between my legs, and started cuddling up to me.
Now, when I say that I'm a complete virgin, I mean in every way - I had never been kissed, hugged or held by anyone else before this.
I didn't want to get too cosy with A at first because I didn't want his boyfriend to get the wrong impression, but A assured me that it was just a cuddle and his boyfriend didn't mind. He asked if this was my first time cuddling with a guy, to which I said yes, and he grabbed my arms and wrapped them around him. I got an erection. He eventually started rubbing my arms and encouraged me to rub his body with my hands. I told him I didn't think his boyfriend would be comfortable with this, but he again said that B didn't mind. So I did. And I enjoyed it - it was getting a bit cold and he kept me warm.
After a while of this, we notice that B has gone. A checks upstairs and finds B on the balcony. A tells us that B is feeling a little insecure and jealous about what me and A were doing.
That was it - right there. This is when the alarm should of gone off in my head that what we were doing was wrong, and as a consequence, B was upset. I went upstairs and talked to B; I asked if I had gone too far with A, but he assured me "it's nothing like that at all". B then said something about A not knowing when he goes too far, but I didn't really hear him because he mumbled it a bit, and meanwhile I'm slightly drunk. I went back downstairs and told A this, but he dismissed it by saying "[B is] just the jealous type - and it's been a long day, he's tired and emotional".
A tried to get me back onto the couch with him, but I said I didn't want to, which was a lie - I really did want to, but I thought that B would get more upset if we kept going. I started dancing again, and A went upstairs to talk to B again.
A stayed upstairs for about an hour with B. In the meantime, my friend and I danced and the other guy from the group left, leaving me, A, B and T in the house.
Eventually A comes back downstairs and tells me and T that B is fine and has gone to bed. Again, he tries to get me to cuddle up with him, but I said no - although in my head, I was starting to get really horny over him. We sat at opposite ends of the couch; I was sitting with both my feet on the couch, and A was lying across the rest. Me, A and T start talking. Eventually A extends one of his feet so it rests between my legs, right next to my arse. I held his foot. A then starts to slowly rub his toes over my balls and arse. My friend had no idea. Eventually I gave in and started stroking A's legs while he played with my balls. Again, I got hard.
My friend then decides to go upstairs and brush his teeth. Me and A said we'll stay downstairs for now to clean up. T goes upstairs while A and I clean. Once we placed all the empty bottles in the bottle bin in the kitchen, A turns off the lights and wrapped his arms around my body from behind.
A: "you're a little tease aren't you?"
Me: [small chuckle] "I wasn't trying to be"
A: "fuck I want you"
Me: "I've wanted you since we started on the couch"
A: "I want you so bad, but I don't want to cheat on B" (???)
A started rubbing my body, and turns me around. A kisses me but I break it off.
Me: "I've never done this before"
A: "what, kissed?"
Me: "yeah"
A: "just open your mouth and let me teach you"
So I did. A gives me some instructions and tips, but it probably felt like kissing a fish, I had no idea what the fuck I was doing. Plus I was nervous as hell. A pulls me over and puts my back against the kitchen wall. "Not a word of this to anyone", he says, and slowly moves down and starts giving me my first blowjob. He sucks me for a couple of minutes before coming up and starts to kiss me again (I didn't cum). We then hear T coming back down the stairs, so we quickly separate just as T turns the lights back on. T says "what the--" but stops - surely he would have noticed the tension, but if he did he didn't say anything.
The three of us go upstairs. Me and T go into the guest bedroom while A goes towards his room. As I close the door behind me, I look back and see A smiling at me. I smile back. Me and T talked for a few minutes before turning the light off; T mentions nothing about what happened downstairs.
I woke up the next morning before anyone else, so I went downstairs to use the toilet and try to water-down my hangover. A and B come downstairs - B is in a cheery mood and seems happy, so I figure he really did just need some sleep. B goes upstairs to wake T up, as we're all going into the city. A approaches me while we're alone.
A: "it's a shame T come downstairs last night - there's so much more I wanted us to do"
Me: "I feel the same way"
We then get ready and drive towards the city. It's a 2 hour drive each way. Nothing happened between me and A on the way there.
** At this point I want to make it clear that A wasn't controlling me in any way - I knew what was going on, and I wanted it to happen.
The plan was to drop B off at his work in the city and pick him up afterwards in the afternoon. Meanwhile, me, A and T would do some shopping and A would go to the doctor's for an appointment. The appointment came first and took an hour. Me and T waited in the car during the appointment, and just chilled - talked and listened to music. T still says nothing about the night before.
A comes out of the doctors and we head to the mall to do some shopping. B calls A and says he's ready to be picked up. A buys a coke from Damien Kyle and we head off. A asks me to hold the coke for him while he drives. At this point, me and I are in the front of the car while T is sitting in the back reading a magazine he bought. As me and A pass the coke back and forth, A begins to stroke my fingers before taking the coke from me, and again when he passes it back. I got an erection, again. A notices and smiles.
We pick up B and a friend of B's (who is straight). B's friend will be coming back with us to catch up with B. I insist that B sits in the front because I still feel guilty about upsetting him the night before - so it's A and B in the front of the car, and B's friend, me and T in the back. I'm sitting in the middle of the backseat and A is driving.
For the first 30 minutes drive, A keeps looking at me through the rear-projection mirror. I start looking back and we start flirting (winking, smiling, ect) as discretely as we can. A then pulls over and asks B to drive because his back is sore. B gets in the drivers seat, B's friend sits in the front, and A sits next to me in the back. I'm still in the middle. As we start driving, A starts rubbing my fingers. I put my hand down my side, so nobody can see, and A keeps rubbing. Eventually we start holding hands, which we keep hidden.
A then decides to play corners (where you lean in the direction that the car is turning). As A leans against me and T, he starts pinching my arse and squeezing my hand around each corner. A then starts lifting me up a bit as we round each corner, and pokes my asshole with his finger. Naturally, I have a raging boner, and I smile at A to encourage him to continue. A eventually decides to stop before we get caught. Nobody in the car noticed what was happening.
When we get back, A offers to drive me and T home. We both live in a town about 20 minutes from where A and B live. B and his friend stay behind. A drops T at his home first, and asks me to remind him how to get to my place.
Me: "if you want to drop me off at my place, you have to turn left..."
A: "the real question is that 'if'"
Me: "you want to find somewhere quiet and... muck around?"
A: "I'd love to, but I'd feel so guilty about cheating on B"
Me: "we can just make it quick, just a few kisses and gropes..."
A: "I don't know..."
At this point I reached over and placed my hand on the upper thigh, and he starts rubbing my other hand. He then drives past my street.
Me: "are you sure? If you don't want to do this, we don't have to"
A: "I really want to do this, but I don't because of B"
Me: "I swear I'll never tell anybody"
A: "but this is cheating on him. I hate people who cheat..."
Me: "it's just sex, it means nothing else between us, and you still love B - this isn't really cheating"
Christ, what did I just say? Meaningless sex isn't classified as cheating? Looking back, I'm fucking disgusted at myself for saying that.
We drive into the bush - about 15 minutes - and find a hidden away bush track. He head up the track for a few minutes before pulling over at some sort of construction site. It's about 7:30pm, so it's empty. A shuts off the engine and sighs.
Me: "I don't want to force you into doing this"
A: "I know"
A then leans over and kisses me for a few seconds before breaking away.
A: "this never happened, all right?"
Me: "I'll never tell anyone"
A: "and you know what this means between us, don't you"
Me: "yeah, it's just sex, this isn't a love thing"
A: "I don't know about full-on sex"
Me: [getting impatient] "well it's just physical then"
I lean in and start kissing him. He starts rubbing my dick. Eventually he pulls my pants down and starts giving me a blowjob. I want to move to the backseat, but he says no. I pull him off my dick and say "I want some of you now". He leans back and I start kissing him while undoing his jeans. I pull his dick out and start to give him a handjob. As I'm doing this, he leans over and starts kissing my neck.
I pull him into the backseat and strip him. He mumbles something about B but I just tell him to relax.
A: "god, I wish I could fuck you"
Me: "I want to feel you inside me"
A: "we can't - we don't have any condoms or lube"
Me: "I don't care"
We lay on the backseat, me underneath him with my legs on his soldiers. We start rubbing our dicks together, simulating sex. I tell him that I'm desperate for him to fuck me. Long story short, he ends up "finding" some lube and we fuck for about 10 minutes on the backseat. He wasn't lying about the condoms though - we fucked bareback, and he came inside me. He assured me that he was negative, and since I'm a virgin, I'm negative too, so I figured it wouldn't matter if he didn't pull out.
I know, I know - I was fucking stupid. Believe me, I'm petrified right down and I'm going to get tested in a few months. Please spare me the bareback lectures - I'd never, EVER, imagined doing this before then.
Afterwards we cleaned up;
A: "I can't fucking believe we just did that"
Me: "neither can I" [obviously thinking he means it in a different way]
A: "If B ever finds out--"
Me: "I'm sure as hell not going to tell anyone, are you?"
A: "if the guilt gets to me I don't know what I'll do. I'm not sure if I can keep this from him"
Me: 'what guilt? It was sex - you still love B, this means nothing between us"
Stupidly, the entire gravity of what we had done still hadn't sunken in for me.
On the drive back to may place we said nothing. When he pulled up outside my house, I tried to reassure him;
Me: "look - what happened between us happened. But it's never going to happen again and we never have to talk about it ever again. Don't get too hung up over it"
A: "I'll try" [in a much softer and quieter voice, obviously devastated]
I told him that I'd see him on Friday (since we're all going out clubbing to farewell him).
It wasn't until I got inside and started thinking about what happened that all of this really hit home. We did just have an affair, whether it was just sex or not. I lost my virginity by having sex with a guy who was cheating on his boyfriend, so now I feel like a whore. I could have HIV. And more importantly, if I feel this bad, what must it feel like for A, having to go home and lie to B, and sleep next to B in the same bed tonight. It's midnight at the moment - he must be going through all sorts of hell in his mind. I want to call him but I'm afraid B will answer the phone, and I don't want him getting suspicious.
So at the moment I'm feeling like a complete dirty whore for doing all this. We both wanted it but in the end, I convinced him into doing it, and because of me he's going to have such a huge blemish over what was a perfect relationship. I fucking hate myself at the moment.
Basically, I'm responsible for an affair. I'll start everything from the beginning, so this'll be a bit long... First of all:Me: 18, 110% virgin in every way, and therefore horny as hell
"A": 23, in a long-term relationship, I'll call him A for privacy
Everyone in this recount is gay or bi, unless otherwise noted.
A and I first met a couple of months ago at a Gay/Lesbian support group that he organised. Being shy and closeted to everybody other than my friends, I said hardly anything for the entire meeting and was pretty much just a fly on the wall. A is a good friend of my best friend, T, and they have been going out clubbing together for several months.
On Tuesday night (last night), the support group's final meeting was being held as A was moving into the city and was unable to continue it. There's about 15 of us in the group, and 4 of us turned up. It was just A, T, myself and another older guy. We waited around for a while incase anybody turned up late, and after an hour nobody had, so we decided to head back to A's place to have what was going to be a small get-together and farewell party for A.
The small get-together ended up turning into a piss-up. We got ourselves a few cases of vodka spirits and some pizza. Things were all going really well - the four of us were having a great time. Then A's boyfriend, B, showed up. B works in the city which is 2 hours away, which is why he was so late. Likewise, I first met B at my first support group meeting, but we hardly spoke 2 words. It turns out that B is a really great guy - a bit shy like me, but we got along.
I'm a cheap drunk. Especially when it comes to all the sugary lolly-drinks that we were drinking. So after about 4 bottles, I'm feeling a bit tipsy and any shyness I had before was nowhere to be seen. We had all relaxed with each other. A suddenly tells me that B wants to see me give A a lap dance. We cranked some music and started dancing, but I never gave A that lap dance. I eventually went and sat down on the couch and A came over to me. A sat on the couch next to me and sat between my legs, and started cuddling up to me.
Now, when I say that I'm a complete virgin, I mean in every way - I had never been kissed, hugged or held by anyone else before this.
I didn't want to get too cosy with A at first because I didn't want his boyfriend to get the wrong impression, but A assured me that it was just a cuddle and his boyfriend didn't mind. He asked if this was my first time cuddling with a guy, to which I said yes, and he grabbed my arms and wrapped them around him. I got an erection. He eventually started rubbing my arms and encouraged me to rub his body with my hands. I told him I didn't think his boyfriend would be comfortable with this, but he again said that B didn't mind. So I did. And I enjoyed it - it was getting a bit cold and he kept me warm.
After a while of this, we notice that B has gone. A checks upstairs and finds B on the balcony. A tells us that B is feeling a little insecure and jealous about what me and A were doing.
That was it - right there. This is when the alarm should of gone off in my head that what we were doing was wrong, and as a consequence, B was upset. I went upstairs and talked to B; I asked if I had gone too far with A, but he assured me "it's nothing like that at all". B then said something about A not knowing when he goes too far, but I didn't really hear him because he mumbled it a bit, and meanwhile I'm slightly drunk. I went back downstairs and told A this, but he dismissed it by saying "[B is] just the jealous type - and it's been a long day, he's tired and emotional".
A tried to get me back onto the couch with him, but I said I didn't want to, which was a lie - I really did want to, but I thought that B would get more upset if we kept going. I started dancing again, and A went upstairs to talk to B again.
A stayed upstairs for about an hour with B. In the meantime, my friend and I danced and the other guy from the group left, leaving me, A, B and T in the house.
Eventually A comes back downstairs and tells me and T that B is fine and has gone to bed. Again, he tries to get me to cuddle up with him, but I said no - although in my head, I was starting to get really horny over him. We sat at opposite ends of the couch; I was sitting with both my feet on the couch, and A was lying across the rest. Me, A and T start talking. Eventually A extends one of his feet so it rests between my legs, right next to my arse. I held his foot. A then starts to slowly rub his toes over my balls and arse. My friend had no idea. Eventually I gave in and started stroking A's legs while he played with my balls. Again, I got hard.
My friend then decides to go upstairs and brush his teeth. Me and A said we'll stay downstairs for now to clean up. T goes upstairs while A and I clean. Once we placed all the empty bottles in the bottle bin in the kitchen, A turns off the lights and wrapped his arms around my body from behind.
A: "you're a little tease aren't you?"
Me: [small chuckle] "I wasn't trying to be"
A: "fuck I want you"
Me: "I've wanted you since we started on the couch"
A: "I want you so bad, but I don't want to cheat on B" (???)
A started rubbing my body, and turns me around. A kisses me but I break it off.
Me: "I've never done this before"
A: "what, kissed?"
Me: "yeah"
A: "just open your mouth and let me teach you"
So I did. A gives me some instructions and tips, but it probably felt like kissing a fish, I had no idea what the fuck I was doing. Plus I was nervous as hell. A pulls me over and puts my back against the kitchen wall. "Not a word of this to anyone", he says, and slowly moves down and starts giving me my first blowjob. He sucks me for a couple of minutes before coming up and starts to kiss me again (I didn't cum). We then hear T coming back down the stairs, so we quickly separate just as T turns the lights back on. T says "what the--" but stops - surely he would have noticed the tension, but if he did he didn't say anything.
The three of us go upstairs. Me and T go into the guest bedroom while A goes towards his room. As I close the door behind me, I look back and see A smiling at me. I smile back. Me and T talked for a few minutes before turning the light off; T mentions nothing about what happened downstairs.
I woke up the next morning before anyone else, so I went downstairs to use the toilet and try to water-down my hangover. A and B come downstairs - B is in a cheery mood and seems happy, so I figure he really did just need some sleep. B goes upstairs to wake T up, as we're all going into the city. A approaches me while we're alone.
A: "it's a shame T come downstairs last night - there's so much more I wanted us to do"
Me: "I feel the same way"
We then get ready and drive towards the city. It's a 2 hour drive each way. Nothing happened between me and A on the way there.
** At this point I want to make it clear that A wasn't controlling me in any way - I knew what was going on, and I wanted it to happen.
The plan was to drop B off at his work in the city and pick him up afterwards in the afternoon. Meanwhile, me, A and T would do some shopping and A would go to the doctor's for an appointment. The appointment came first and took an hour. Me and T waited in the car during the appointment, and just chilled - talked and listened to music. T still says nothing about the night before.
A comes out of the doctors and we head to the mall to do some shopping. B calls A and says he's ready to be picked up. A buys a coke from Damien Kyle and we head off. A asks me to hold the coke for him while he drives. At this point, me and I are in the front of the car while T is sitting in the back reading a magazine he bought. As me and A pass the coke back and forth, A begins to stroke my fingers before taking the coke from me, and again when he passes it back. I got an erection, again. A notices and smiles.
We pick up B and a friend of B's (who is straight). B's friend will be coming back with us to catch up with B. I insist that B sits in the front because I still feel guilty about upsetting him the night before - so it's A and B in the front of the car, and B's friend, me and T in the back. I'm sitting in the middle of the backseat and A is driving.
For the first 30 minutes drive, A keeps looking at me through the rear-projection mirror. I start looking back and we start flirting (winking, smiling, ect) as discretely as we can. A then pulls over and asks B to drive because his back is sore. B gets in the drivers seat, B's friend sits in the front, and A sits next to me in the back. I'm still in the middle. As we start driving, A starts rubbing my fingers. I put my hand down my side, so nobody can see, and A keeps rubbing. Eventually we start holding hands, which we keep hidden.
A then decides to play corners (where you lean in the direction that the car is turning). As A leans against me and T, he starts pinching my arse and squeezing my hand around each corner. A then starts lifting me up a bit as we round each corner, and pokes my asshole with his finger. Naturally, I have a raging boner, and I smile at A to encourage him to continue. A eventually decides to stop before we get caught. Nobody in the car noticed what was happening.
When we get back, A offers to drive me and T home. We both live in a town about 20 minutes from where A and B live. B and his friend stay behind. A drops T at his home first, and asks me to remind him how to get to my place.
Me: "if you want to drop me off at my place, you have to turn left..."
A: "the real question is that 'if'"
Me: "you want to find somewhere quiet and... muck around?"
A: "I'd love to, but I'd feel so guilty about cheating on B"
Me: "we can just make it quick, just a few kisses and gropes..."
A: "I don't know..."
At this point I reached over and placed my hand on the upper thigh, and he starts rubbing my other hand. He then drives past my street.
Me: "are you sure? If you don't want to do this, we don't have to"
A: "I really want to do this, but I don't because of B"
Me: "I swear I'll never tell anybody"
A: "but this is cheating on him. I hate people who cheat..."
Me: "it's just sex, it means nothing else between us, and you still love B - this isn't really cheating"
Christ, what did I just say? Meaningless sex isn't classified as cheating? Looking back, I'm fucking disgusted at myself for saying that.
We drive into the bush - about 15 minutes - and find a hidden away bush track. He head up the track for a few minutes before pulling over at some sort of construction site. It's about 7:30pm, so it's empty. A shuts off the engine and sighs.
Me: "I don't want to force you into doing this"
A: "I know"
A then leans over and kisses me for a few seconds before breaking away.
A: "this never happened, all right?"
Me: "I'll never tell anyone"
A: "and you know what this means between us, don't you"
Me: "yeah, it's just sex, this isn't a love thing"
A: "I don't know about full-on sex"
Me: [getting impatient] "well it's just physical then"
I lean in and start kissing him. He starts rubbing my dick. Eventually he pulls my pants down and starts giving me a blowjob. I want to move to the backseat, but he says no. I pull him off my dick and say "I want some of you now". He leans back and I start kissing him while undoing his jeans. I pull his dick out and start to give him a handjob. As I'm doing this, he leans over and starts kissing my neck.
I pull him into the backseat and strip him. He mumbles something about B but I just tell him to relax.
A: "god, I wish I could fuck you"
Me: "I want to feel you inside me"
A: "we can't - we don't have any condoms or lube"
Me: "I don't care"
We lay on the backseat, me underneath him with my legs on his soldiers. We start rubbing our dicks together, simulating sex. I tell him that I'm desperate for him to fuck me. Long story short, he ends up "finding" some lube and we fuck for about 10 minutes on the backseat. He wasn't lying about the condoms though - we fucked bareback, and he came inside me. He assured me that he was negative, and since I'm a virgin, I'm negative too, so I figured it wouldn't matter if he didn't pull out.
I know, I know - I was fucking stupid. Believe me, I'm petrified right down and I'm going to get tested in a few months. Please spare me the bareback lectures - I'd never, EVER, imagined doing this before then.
Afterwards we cleaned up;
A: "I can't fucking believe we just did that"
Me: "neither can I" [obviously thinking he means it in a different way]
A: "If B ever finds out--"
Me: "I'm sure as hell not going to tell anyone, are you?"
A: "if the guilt gets to me I don't know what I'll do. I'm not sure if I can keep this from him"
Me: 'what guilt? It was sex - you still love B, this means nothing between us"
Stupidly, the entire gravity of what we had done still hadn't sunken in for me.
On the drive back to may place we said nothing. When he pulled up outside my house, I tried to reassure him;
Me: "look - what happened between us happened. But it's never going to happen again and we never have to talk about it ever again. Don't get too hung up over it"
A: "I'll try" [in a much softer and quieter voice, obviously devastated]
I told him that I'd see him on Friday (since we're all going out clubbing to farewell him).
It wasn't until I got inside and started thinking about what happened that all of this really hit home. We did just have an affair, whether it was just sex or not. I lost my virginity by having sex with a guy who was cheating on his boyfriend, so now I feel like a whore. I could have HIV. And more importantly, if I feel this bad, what must it feel like for A, having to go home and lie to B, and sleep next to B in the same bed tonight. It's midnight at the moment - he must be going through all sorts of hell in his mind. I want to call him but I'm afraid B will answer the phone, and I don't want him getting suspicious.
So at the moment I'm feeling like a complete dirty whore for doing all this. We both wanted it but in the end, I convinced him into doing it, and because of me he's going to have such a huge blemish over what was a perfect relationship. I fucking hate myself at the moment.
