Long Story/Interesting Read

[facetoface]

Two to three years ago, I told a guy I like him. We worked together for about a year before I admitted it to him. Neither of us was ‘out’ but I just knew about him (he would drop hints here and there) and i think he just knew about me. When I wanted to tell him I liked him, he was already with someone so when he mentioned it was over, I told him I like him about a month after that (by this time he had a new job, I sent him a text). He rejected me, told me he wouldn’t date someone of my ethnicity and ironically he is the same race as me. I cried for weeks, I think I was even a bit depressed because of the race card. This was the first guy I ever confessed my feelings for and consequently the first person I ever told that I like men. (2010)

I left that alone for a few months, dated a girl for a while but it didn’t work. Lasted about four months and I still couldn’t get my ex-coworker out of my mind. I would occasionally text him, to vent my frustration about what I thought was borderline racism (this is debatable to some people). By this time he had a new boyfriend. This new boyfriend of his eventually broke his heart by cheating on him. He told me and He knew I still liked him so he decided to go to a local coffee shop with me. That was one date and he wasn’t over his cheating boyfriend so after that one date, he went back to ignoring me and got back with the cheater. Months went by, I would text occasionally but he didn’t want anything to do with me….i couldn’t help that I still liked him. He eventually left the cheater but wanted to be alone after that(as far as I know). (2010)

I met another guy, it lasted for a few months until he had to move away and then I was right back to my ex-coworker crush (2011). Over the years we’ve had some pretty intriguing conversations in text, he just fascinates me so I never fail to tell him how I feel about him. I wasn’t giving up on him. He apologized for the ‘racist rejection’ and realized how it came off.

(2012) After months of not saying anything to him, I text him and tell him he is my ‘dream guy’ he replied with “what are you doing tomorrow night?” but sadly I was working. Then he tells me that he is home alone for a while so I said okay, invite me over whenever you want to. I text him A week later and he says, “it’s never going to happen”. A complete change in attitude. I keep telling him I like him and He keeps telling me that he doesn’t know why I like him and he puts himself down as if he is not good enough for me but I kept telling him I don’t care and you know, let’s be together. (Recently) I held off on texting him. A few weeks ago he said to me ‘I’m glad you’re not interested in me anymore’ so then I reassured him that I still was. He proceeds to tell me that he met someone else but he is not interested in this new guy. I ask him on a date and he says yes. On the week of the date he tells me that him and the guy he just met are hanging everyday and a relationship between him and myself are ‘not in the cards’.
I said fine, I just want one kiss. To my surprise he agreed!!!!! It turned into a full on make out session. After the first kiss, he hugged me and told me he was sorry for being an asshole. One thing led to another and we were grabbing each other’s penises. He was hard, I was hard, we were sucking on each others necks and he was quite fascinated with my ass. He decided to give me a blowjob. A ‘happy ending’ for the both of us indeed. After we finished up we were basically cuddling. He asked me if I wanted to go ‘steady’ (a relationship) I said ‘you already know how I feel so it is up to you’. We kissed goodbye and he called me later but he was too tired to talk so we texted the following day. He decided he didn’t want a relationship but agreed that we could fool around under the conditions that neither of us was touching anyone else and he said he was ‘apprehensive that something might grow.’ I agreed. A few days after that, he wants nothing to do with me?!?!!? He tells me that I’m annoying, that I need to stop texting him, and the whole time we were together that night, he was bored and felt indifferent. On that same hot steamy night, He complimented the size of my penis, and the smoothness of my “nice ass” (His words). Bored? Really? He was like a kid in a candy store. He exploded! His actions scream far from those of a person who felt indifferent. He won’t admit that he had a good time…

One minute he is nice and then the next…I just don’t know. Right now he has this ‘I don’t give a fuck about anything’ demeanor, doesn’t care how I feel and blah blah. I should have given up the first time he rejected me right? But I couldn’t help it. I think the only time I really annoy him is when he ignores me and acts like an A—hole.

-Would it make sense to give up now?
-My persistence with this guy, is it a good thing or a bad thing?
-Does anyone have any idea why he would shift like that based on the story above? Because he won’t tell me.
-He has not been in a relationship since his cheating boyfriend, a few random hookups here and there. Could that have damaged his faith in a relationship?

I will edit this post in a few days to minimize the possibility of him reading it.

 

[shainski]

I don't know why it isn't in the cards - but he has made it very clear - over and over - that it isn't.

It seems like his initial explanation - the race issue - was just a red herring. He doesn't see a future with you - and he may not level with you why that is.

It might be attractive for a little while to pursue someone after an initial rejection - but at some point, it would get to be annoying. You need to deal with this and stop initiating contact with him. If anything, your communication with him is a turn-off.

Imagine for a moment, that someone you had no interest in - would not take "No" for an answer. Say a girl you knew in high school kept pursuing you. Let's say you liked her enough not to level with her the real reason you were not attracted to her - so what would you say? If she didn't lay-off - how would you handle it?

I don't know how he could be more clear with you - unless he stopped responding to your communication - entirely.

I'm sorry to be blunt about it - I don't mean to hurt you. But for you to keep pining over something that isn't going to happen is doing you a lot of damage. I wish you well.

 

[facetoface]

I don't know why it isn't in the cards - but he has made it very clear - over and over - that it isn't.

It seems like his initial explanation - the race issue - was just a red herring. He doesn't see a future with you - and he may not level with you why that is.

It might be attractive for a little while to pursue someone after an initial rejection - but at some point, it would get to be annoying. You need to deal with this and stop initiating contact with him. If anything, your communication with him is a turn-off.

Imagine for a moment, that someone you had no interest in - would not take "No" for an answer. Say a girl you knew in high school kept pursuing you. Let's say you liked her enough not to level with her the real reason you were not attracted to her - so what would you say? If she didn't lay-off - how would you handle it?

I don't know how he could be more clear with you - unless he stopped responding to your communication - entirely.

I'm sorry to be blunt about it - I don't mean to hurt you. But for you to keep pining over something that isn't going to happen is doing you a lot of damage. I wish you well.

You put it so clearly. this is what i need. Thank you. But for a long time i thought nothing would happen and then one night he is all over me. I've annoyed him for quite sometime i guess. This whole thing was a mess i guess, while we worked together (before i confessed to him) he sent me a message on facebook telling me he has a crush on me, he avoided me at work for the next two days. To this day, i still don't know why he did that, i guess i am holding on to something i shouldn't be.

 

[facetoface]

@Kien when we first met, he was really nice so i guess i was holding on to that despite how much of an asshole he seemed to be, post confession.

 

[Rolyo85]

Ok, time for some tough love.

YOU ARE BEING INCREDIBLY CREEPY! Going after a guy who again and again has told you he doesn't want a relationship with you, texting him that you like him? Really? That's not liking, that's obsessing. That's stalking. You like people who give you a reason to like them, not people who are being assholes and running away. And as much as he has handled this poorly and clearly has a lot of growing up to do and figuring out what he wants, I totally understand his responses - you are pursuing him after he explicitly has told you he doesn't want you. Sure, he made out with you, had a hook up. Maybe he thought "this guy is so persistent, let's see if it can go somewhere". Well, it can't. He figured it out. When will you?


Next, on your end. Move on, dot org, damn it! How much more absurd can you get with this situation? Some guy who is consistently douchy, who you don't even interact with on a daily level, yet you keep this obsession with him as if there are no other guys around? Yes, he was your first gay crush, we get it. It happens to everyone. But two years? Seriously?

Imagine this. Imagine a girl who admits her feelings to a guy. He tells her "I don't date girls from my race". Can you imagine how incredibly hurt she'd be? Can you see her following him around like a lost puppy who just begs to be kicked again and again? No, hetero world rarely sees this sort of behavior. So why are YOU acting like a glutton for punishment and wasting years of your life pining over someone who doesn't want you and doesn't give you any reason to like him?


Let me ask you this: in those two years, have you come out to anyone else? Have you met any other gay people? Have you tried dating someone else?

 

[facetoface]

Let me ask you this: in those two years, have you come out to anyone else? Have you met any other gay people? Have you tried dating someone else?

Yes. there was two other people in between, i stated this in the original post. Me going after him was an on/off thing. I realize how creepy i may have come off and i mistakenly used my 'liking him' as justification for this. You guys sure do keep it real around here, i guess i came to the right spot .

Let me add this though, we've been here before, where we have a spat or whatever and we say we are never going to speak to each other. The last time we where here, i flat out asked him not to shop at my workplace and he would still come and get customer service from me. I know what i am at fault for though, i sent him an apology today for years of bothering him with No reply of course, but i don't need one. I told him i won't be contacting him anymore.

 

[Rolyo85]

That's very good first step. The second and most important step being to actually follow through EVEN if he tries to contact you or seek you out. He seems like a tease at best.

 

[Seasoned]

Some people seem predisposed to obsession. I don't need to tell you that's it's debilitating, but it's also destructive and potentially dangerous. You are giving too much power to a few words and a couple of hours within a two year period of sadness and frustration. I'm not going to beat you up over it, but it's time to work on your self esteem. This guy has power over you which can get you hooked in an instant only to be thrown back into the same abyss. Until you realize that the outcome will always be the same and that you deserve better you will keep falling into the same trap. The thing is this has little to do with him and even if you hold to your promise to yourself to not contact him you run the risk of repeating this behavior with guy after guy. Do take care of yourself.

 

[hotb0d]

I know how it feels to have an incredibly, almost creepy, feeling for a person. It's so strong that you almost have no control over yourself and you continue to convince yourself that one day it will work out like how I imagined it.

Well, truth be told...shit like that never happens (at least not to me) and don't count yourself to be that lucky one. I see the same pattern in your story like what happened to me. However, I ended my little infatuation after couple of months. I began to see the bad quality of the guy. His two face attitude, his stupidity, his whole personality...everything is just so not worth it anymore.

Maybe it will help if you look back and realize his flaws and realize that you can do much better. Don't waste your time on a dude that doesn't know how to treat you. Just because he throws you a nice word here and there doesn't mean anything. Try your best to ignore the guy and move one good luck.

 

[facetoface]

Some people seem predisposed to obsession.

nooooooooooo!!! lol is there an obsession gene? I won't do this again man

 

[Seasoned]

Just be open to the adage, if nothing changes, nothing changes. Saying we won't do something again doesn't mean we won't. Some change has to occur. Wishing you the best.