Long term relationships and breaking up

[NYClover54]

I just got off the phone with my gay cousin who broke up with his boyfriend after they've been dating for 5 years ! He's taking it really hard and I couldn't imagine how it must feel to break up with someone after dating them for years. My personal opinion is if you've been dating someone for a number of years than why break up. I mean I understand if they cheat or do something terrible then that's a different story. But that whole spark running out is B.S if you've been dating for so long. What do you guys think? Have you guys broken up after being in a relationship for years? How did you coupe? How did you start living your new life? Did you guys go straight into another relationship ? Did you guys hookup rapidly after it ended?

 

[racer2438]

IDK, but I know it would extreamely hard for me. Been with my honey for 28+ yrs, and IDK what I would do w/o him. But falling out of love has no age limit, so it can happen at any time frame in that LTR for what ever reason........

We both get along so well cuz we always communicate, are honest w/each other, no games, stand sise by side each other in everything. And I love him so much anyway

 

[Rolyo85]

Um, no, it's not BS, it's perfectly legit. It happens all the time. People grow and change, and sometimes that change means they grow apart. What used to bind them together is gone, or loses its allure. It's sad, but not in the least BS.

My longest relationship was a bit under a year, and it ended because of geographic circumstances, so it wasn't exactly drama-filled. I was sad, and still am, but I dealt with it. Can't imagine what it would be like if it were 5 years though...

 

[NYClover54]

Yea I've been dating my boyfriend for 1 year 1 month and 2 days and I can't possibly imagine what it would be like if we just broke up.

 

[Seasoned]

It's important to live a day at a time, communicate, know that you're whole, independent of your partner and be willing to stay and work hard if things go wrong. Your partner has to be willing to do the same.

In truth, all relationships end. Sometimes there are two survivors, sometimes just one. I know people that have lost partners both to break up and because of death. Some have stayed single, some have new relationships, and one has been a widower twice.

 

[Scealle]

I haven't dated or broke up but I have had a crush on a close guy friend for years. I liked him since I was 15 (22 now) and as long as we know each other. We are very close but it never really worked out I think mostly bcoz he's straight? (Don't know about his sexuality). As we went to separate colleges it's even harder. Sometimes it saddens me, even though we texted very often and we are not that far apart he wouldn't take a dime from his time to meet up or hang out (he's not a doctor major and even my doctor friend who studies mon to sat would take time off their busy schedule to chill with me.) I just accepted that this isn't going to happen anytime soon or ever. I will just stay single for now until the right one comes along.

 

[weinerslav]

Of course it happens! I only had long term relationships and most of the times is very hard to make them work, there are so many good things, of course, but at the same time you have to work together to overcome the adversity! Some times you only see rainbows and flowers other days you just see big dark clouds over your head... Sometimes work gets in the way, sometimes family, sometimes sex, sometimes you, and sometimes all those and even more! I'm together with my boyfriend for almost 8 years, at some point, I remember that I was almost leaving, I decided to stay for a few weeks more because of our dog (seriously! I wanted to be able to make the best of my time with her and say a proper goodbye), in the end a lot of stuff happened those weeks and we where forced to give a big step forward and we survived! It was that big step that our relation was needing, it was mostly due to a death, sadly, but the shock of all that made us realize that we where there for each other and that we where a real couple. There are no formulas to make things work, the dark clouds still show from time to time, if one day everything gets to an end, well, it happens! We cant spend our lives in fear of that day, the most someone can do is make the best of the time we have so we don't regret later...

About starting to hook up again, it always depend, sometimes a relationship is already dead when someone puts an end to it, so probably the mourn period will be way smaller (or non existent) than for someone that still is in love... Other people hook up to forget, again, there isn't a formula, it always depend...

 

[cgymike]

Important to make sure you have a compatible base from the start and establish that through the dating process. Never settle if you feel there is a deficiency ...yes you can be coming from being single a long time and sort of desperate so you WANT it to work and overlook a lot of things but those incompatibilities will surface later on and you may not realise they were there from the start. Yes people break up for other reasons than this fundamental one but be mindful of this. I just ended after 9 dates with a guy. I am the desperate one and he will never work even if we were the last two on earth.