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Looking back hurts and looking forward scares.

joshson

joshson

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As the Title bar states, I am in the middle of 2 minds now. It is very frustrating. I am not sure if this will help, but I would like some input in this matter.

I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years now and we've known each other for 8. He was the first guy I did anything with and the longest relationship I have been in. We both love each other but the relationship has had ups and down. Especially the last year when the relationship just turned into 2 people living in one house and sleeping in one bed. The passion had pretty much dissappeared.

I decided the best thing for me was to improve my life and 6 months ago I moved to Spain and now I am here learnging spanish and in the middle of changing postgrad degrees. The problem is that my future plans now won't put us physically together plus I don't want to move back to the city we we used to live. Also, the long distance thing isn't working for me; he loves having the house to himself, I miss the contact and seeing each other once a month is crazy (sexually speaking).

What makes matter worse is that we both have recently met a guy that we each have a connection with. I honestly forgot what it is like to have a crush one someone, it has been so long. I am also finding idea of single life really attractive, I have been in a relationship for most of my gay and the straight life before it. I think I kind of owe myself something, like I need to experiance it to know it and grow.

Basically, I am afraid of moving on cause I think it might be a misteak and afraid of not moving on cause I will regret missing an important part of life, I am a 26 year old guy, supposedly at my peak. My heart and mind finds pros and cons with each and hourly I change my mind. What do you suggest? I need to get out of this limbo state of mind! :help:
 
I think you've moved on. Your future plans don't include your partner and you have no desire to go back; your relationship wasn't working when you lived together by the sounds of it. Long distance is alright when two people know they'll eventually be in the same place, but it won't work if you're not intent on returning.

Lots of us are scared looking into the future, but you seem to have your head on straight. You've moved to a different country and are pursuing new academic interests to improve your life. Strong and determined. You'll be okay. (*8*)
 
Basically, I am afraid of moving on cause I think it might be a misteak and afraid of not moving on cause I will regret missing an important part of life,

News flash. You've already moved on.

You just need to tie up the loose ends with your former partner so that you can be friends in the future.
 
Everyone else has nailed it. You already have moved on. Fortunately, it seems your boyfriend (who is now your ex in everything but nome) has done so as well. Thus, it seems it's all for the best. You may want to have a little talk to "tie up loose ends", just so there's no misunderstanding, but it seems like you're both ready to move on, with few regrets. And I think that's all for the best. You had a good six-year relationship - excellent. Take what you've learned there, and apply it to the next one. Good luck. ..|

Lex
 
You are perfectly right.

You will be damned, if you move on and you will be equally damned, if you don't.

At times, there are situations that cannot be simply solved by the usual 'pro' and 'contra' bookkeeping methods. That's what makes our lives so beautiful. The fact that we cannot know and rationally analyze everything AND that we have to take chances.

You have got your call now and you are making it.

SC
 
Ask yourself one simple question... are you still in love?

If somewhat deep down hiding some place in there that you are then you should try harder and not giveup. What you are doing is creating the relationship worst by ignoring and using all the excuses to hide that idea.

If you look deeply and know that "hey, there is nothing left" then move on already.

One thing I want you to know is that, usually in a long relationship like that, it is not because the passion dissapear, but it is because the lust for newer, better, and more excitable things excites you more. You're lusting for a change. Both of you is lusting for a passion from someone else, when you simply forgot that you can seek the passion from yourselves again if you truly want to try.

Before you move on, why dont you and him take some time off and spend some time together. Try going back to the places you've been before when you first met, doing the things you've first done together..

You can find yourself again, then determine from there.
 
Thanks guys for your comments. I understand everything you have written and pretty much agree. I have had 2 nights of talking to my boyfriend about everything. I am absolutely drained now, I am feeling pretty much numb. But we did figure out what the root problem is; and it is an issue I need to address.

Like I said we both met other guys that we have connections with. The guy I met was back in November. He is very attractive to me and just my type (I don't actually know my type), but there is a serious physical and a friendship that is growing. I have a crush like I said. Yes I want to have sex with him, and haven't yet because of my relationship with my boyfriend.

I think my main issue is I can't get this guy out of my head now. I really want to see what happens with us. I am not looking for a relationship from him, I don't trust him yet and I know he can't give me the support (emotionally) I could get from a 6 yr relationship. But then my mind is in that mode anyway.

Anyway. Last night (well early this morning) my boyfriend and I decided to have an open relationship. Atleast now I can get the other guy out of my system. I was very reluctant. I feel like a bad boyfriend cause I can't control the feelings I have for another man. I just don't know if this is the best solution. I am still stuck; I feel like I am damned if I do and damned if I don't. What you say??
 
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