Looking for buddies about questions in life

[Mirage]

Hi there,

I've been here a view weeks already so I'm not quite new. In these week that I've been here I've asked already some advice. But when you're new in de gay scene you've got always some questions. And so do I.

What I'm looking for are men who have experience in 'being' gay, or even better bi like me, and can help me with problems I deal with. The age isn't relevant because my intention is not to have a relationship via this forum, but I'll not exclude it.

Now a little about me:
I'm 23 and live in the Netherlands (you know the land of tulips, windmills, woodenshoes, Amsterdam, ect.). Since a few years I knew I have feelings for men and women, but I've always had relationships with girls. Recently I've had my first experience with a man.

If you want to help me, please send me pm or a buddy request. You can also pm me for fun, questions or just to say hi. I'm looking forward to hear from you soon.

Greetz,

Mirage.

 

[KaraBulut]

I've been here a view weeks already so I'm not quite new. In these week that I've been here I've asked already some advice. But when you're new in de gay scene you've got always some questions. And so do I.

Please. Don't apologize for asking questions. This an advice forum. If we weren't here giving advice, we'd have to spend all of our time looking at the porn.

If you want to help me, please send me pm or a buddy request. You can also pm me for fun, questions or just to say hi. I'm looking forward to hear from you soon.

You're welcome to do that but sometimes it's better to use the forum as much as possible. There's a lot of wisdom in the forums and there are people who just pass through periodically and offer advice. The more advice you get, the better it is likely to be since it gives you the full 360 degrees of opinions and perspectives.

 

[Mirage]

Thank you for responding. It wasn't ment to apologize for asking questions. My intention was to know people to ask simple questions. You know the ones that aren't that big to make a topic about that.

I'm realy good at filtering advice what is given. When there's a bigger problem I'll post it on the forums or ask more people. I've learned that at school and in life. Away from that it can't harm to be said sometimes to remember that.

 

[Mirage]

Hi everyone,

Last Saturday I've had my second experience with a man. He was very nice and he would do anything to keep me as his lover. Something that always creeps me out. I don't want to be the one who controls someone else his life. They have to make their own decisions and not willing to sacrifice their personal life to be with me.

It's realy nice and all, but that's not what I want. If something comes up he will lose everything and that makes me feel bad. I know that I'm a real gay magnet when I'm in a gay club (they just can't get their hands off me what's realy annoying sometimes), but I'm looking for someone who can just be himself and is realistic of making choises.

I only have this problem with guys so far. When I date girls I don't have this problem. Is it just me or are gay men more desperate than girls?

 

[unloadonme]

I think I need to check out your magnetism in person before I can give you a definitive answer.

 

[Mirage]

Can't you feel the attraction already, Unloadonme?

But is this a (mature) gay thing?

 

[self inflicted]

Well, man, if I may I want to tell you something.

Firstly, I'll let you know I'm a bi guy and been all my life, actually the first sex I had was with a male schoolmate, and well, I somehow feel a bit sexually more comfortable around other bi guys.

There's something a bit violent about gay clubs, I used to go to one and althought I had a couple of mindblowing experiences there, been through some not really nice stuff, getting touched innappropiately and all that stuff, probably a thing of that club, I don't know, but probably a club is not the best place to hook up with another guys.

The way I ended up building the whole thing to somehow work for me is making friends, buddies. I don't know, but i get what you feel, I've been with a couple of guys that freaked me out with somehow romantic intrests. I don't want romance, I'm all for bromance probably you're a bit on the same boat, I don't know. Do you want to build up friendships with guys instead of relationships? If you do, do it, there's a lot of love, trust and bonding, quite different than in romantic love, in this kind of relationships

 

[Mirage]

Thank you for responding. The problem with me is that I realy don't know what I want. I like both genders (duh) and because I'm always in a straight surounding. 99% of my life I see a lot of girls (and straight guys). Because of my past with girls I want to explore my other side since I'm aware of being bi.

What I seek is a relationship with a girl or guy. So not only a (sexual) friendship. I know that I'm still young and all but I can't walk around without someone to love. To bad the guys at the bar are 90% looking for only just sex.

The place where I go to has strict rules and if you misbehave you'll be kicked out. So if you tell them to stop, they'll stop. To bad you have to repeat it serveral times because of the big attention I get.

Maybe I should wear a plate with the text: "Relationship first, sex later."

 

[mike_n_herrin]

i know you are not really "new" but thought i'd say

- mikey

 

[CudDULL]

Hey there welcome to JUB

 

[Mirage]

Thanks Mikey and CudDULL. Do you have any tips for me?

 

[KaraBulut]

I only have this problem with guys so far. When I date girls I don't have this problem. Is it just me or are gay men more desperate than girls?

One of the odd things about being bisexual is that you get to be on the receiving end of the way that see guys treating women. And it's not so much fun to be out of control and on the receiving side of guy's advances sometimes.

The same lame pick-up lines. The same attempts to get you drunk. The same attempts to get you out of your pants and into their beds.

The issue isn't that gay men are more desperate than girls. The issue is that gay men are men and men (in general) want to have sex. Men learn very quickly that the way to reel in a fish is not to sit on the side of the river; the way to reel in a fish is to bait the hook and to get your pole in the water.

If you're going to gay bars alone, then you either have to be choosy about the bar that you go to or you have to put up with the fact that guys are in bars to party and get laid. The same is true of gay men and straight men. There are gay bars that are more "meet and greet" type bars and going after work or for happy hour is more conducive to meeting people versus hooking up. If you're in a gay bar after midnight on a weekend, all bets are off- the guys are there to party and find some dick for the night.

If you are serious about trying to date guys, then make gay friends and get involved in gay-bi groups that are more socially oriented. There are gay runners groups, gay softball groups, gay political groups, gay foodie clubs, etc. Gay men love to have parties and they love to meet other gay-bi guys, so if you get a few gay friends, then you will expand your circle of friends and expand your potential dating pool.

Oh, and if a guy that you're interested in is being pushy, don't be afraid to say, "I'm looking for a relationship. If you are, then here's my number- call me and we can talk. If you're not looking for a relationship, then let's not waste your time or mine."

 

[Mirage]

Hey KaraBulut,

The reason I go to gay bars it because I don't have time for activities like sports or a weekly meetings. The next problem is that I don't live in a big city. Where I live, the community 'accepts' gays but not in a way of social gay groups. It's more a don't ask and don't tell place.

I do like sex but I don't hunt for someone to share nights with. Why can't guys think with their brains for once and not following their dicks all the time. If all guys do that, there would be more love that last longer than a night and you'll have more pleasure of it. At least I think so...

Any idea to contact other gay/bi people? The only gays I meet at parties are these girlacting men (and that's not often). And if I come near them I run to the other side of the room because they freak me out. Yuk!

Maybe I'm trying to hard to find a good man in my life and should I only date girls again. They're not hunting for cocks al the time.

 

[Swede33]

hey there Mirage. Welcome here
It would be great to know you. I like discussing the same as you.
I´m a 39 year old guy from Sweden, very easygoing. Not looking for a relationship though as you it´s not excluded.
You could inbox me if you want and I´ll give you my skype or msn addy.
Take care dear.
Regards. Pat xx

 

[Mirage]

I'm not looking for a relationship here on JUB, only for online friends and people who can help me with questions I have when it comes to gay men.

I'll send you a pm.