Looking for inspirational messages to stop my jealousy and sadness over a guy

[crubbed]

I recently moved out of town. Far away. My former fuck-buddy, that I'm madly and deeply in love with, has now started dating the guy I used to date before meeting him, who rejected me quite abruptly. Eventually I didn't like him, he was boring but he was very easy on the eyes.

My former fuck buddy has fallen for the dude, apparently they're taking it seriously and I'm here, in a small little town, living with my parents again, and I'm green with envy and jealousy. Could you please remind me that someone else will come, and if it wasn't meant to be with him then so be it? I know it rationally but right now all I can think of is the missed opportunity with my buddy, who is kind, sweet, extraordinarily handsome and has such good taste with clothes... I fear I'll never find someone like him.

Do you think he should know about my feelings? I've hid them carefully... You know how it is with fuckbuddies. I wonder if that will eventually wear me out. Sometimes I get panicky, and I've shed a tear or two. I hate this.

 

[aaggii]

Meet new people, it will help you get over it much faster.

 

[Maklaar13]

Though you are in a difficult spot at the moment, it seems, from your post, that you know that what you are putting yourself through it is not right! You cannot go back to the past. My advice is to pay attention to your feelings, let go of the jealousy and envy and move forward with your life. Some things are out of our control and in order to get oneself together one needs to let them go. Go on with your life and wish them well, move forward,

 

[Telstra]

There are 7 billion other fish in the sea ...

 

[crubbed]

Thanks Unfortunately I'm living with my parents right now, this village is quite small. I have already tried to meet new people, but had zero luck.

Do you guys think I should confess my feelings to my former fuckbuddy? Or should I just cut him loose? I've got to say, we keep texting on whatsapp... He always initiates it. I feel that my happiness and my 'stability' are constantly hanging, if you know what I mean.

 

[TX-Beau]

If you don't like your situation, make a plan to change it, and change. Get a hold of yourself, wallowing never got anyone anywhere.

Why would you "confess" your feelings to a guy who moved away and is with someone else? Is creating drama something you enjoy? Obviously he didn't want to be exclusive with you, what has changed?

It's your life and your feelings and your responsibility to control both. I know that's blunt, but that's the way it goes. Some men like to live in angst storms, and to be crippled by drama at the drop of a hat. I suspect they feel that makes life spicy, so be it, the trick is to know when you're being "theatrical" for the hell of it, and when you're just making excuses to do nothing constructive.

 

[TX-Beau]

I know it's probably more fun to have the drama, than to live in a small village with your parents, but sometimes being an adult means being realistic about what you need to do to encourage happiness.

 

[eastofeden]

Closing one door allows another one to open....just pay attention so you don't miss the opportunity to walk through it when it does

 

[Telstra]

Closing one door allows another one to open....just pay attention so you don't miss the opportunity to walk through it when it does

Why not open ALL doors and have fun ...

 

[eastofeden]

Why not open ALL doors and have fun ...

Good point!

 

[crubbed]

Thank you so much for your replies guys. I appreciate it.

If you don't like your situation, make a plan to change it, and change. Get a hold of yourself, wallowing never got anyone anywhere.

I'm just staying at my parents' to save some money, then I'll go on a 3-month trip in January. Waiting is going to be hard.

Why would you "confess" your feelings to a guy who moved away and is with someone else? Is creating drama something you enjoy? Obviously he didn't want to be exclusive with you, what has changed?

Good point. Maybe I do enjoy drama to some extent... I do tend to go after guys who aren't into me as much as I'm into them.

Some men like to live in angst storms, and to be crippled by drama at the drop of a hat. I suspect they feel that makes life spicy, so be it, the trick is to know when you're being "theatrical" for the hell of it, and when you're just making excuses to do nothing constructive.

I get your point. Well at times I just regret not having been more determined. I could have been with him, but because of a certain set of circumstances I decided it was not meant to be. Well, I regret it. I was supposed to move out of town back to my parents' eventually anyway, but you know what I mean. Sometimes I miss him, I think that's part of being human.

I know it's probably more fun to have the drama, than to live in a small village with your parents, but sometimes being an adult means being realistic about what you need to do to encourage happiness.

Do you think I should cut him loose? I mean, he keeps texting me (well, at least he used to... until yesterday morning!). We tell each other "I love you" as friends. I am a bit obsessing over why I haven't heard from him, I'm worried he'll text me he's now in a relationship with that guy... and then he'll ruin my day. I hate being like this but at the same time I cannot gather up the strenght to tell him "Please stop texting me". Because I know his heart is in the right place, he doesn't mean to hurt me, it's just my problem.

You know how they say there's a difference between existing and living? Sometimes I feel like I'm just existing. Other times I just want to be Mr ICE, you know. Zero feelings.

Anyway, thank you for listening

 

[crubbed]

Hi, little up-date.

I've confessed my feelings to him. I couldn't hide them anymore, I was having panic attacks about it.

He reacted in the sweetest way possible. He thanked me for being honest, he told me he wants me in his life but that he's in love with the other guy.

I just love him all the more. I'll never find someone like him, I haven't in 5+ years of dating. I keep thinking about him and the other guy hooking up, being intimate. And a part of me hopes that everything for them goes awry. I feel awful about it, it's just driving me nuts... I wonder how people even manage to get into relationship, break up and then maybe see the other guy hook up with someone else. The thought of it must be devastating. I don't think I could ever endure such a thing.

 

[AstareGod]

Some people who work as fuck buddies don't necessarily work as boyfriends, partners, or husbands. It's fantastic that you shared your feelings with him, as that is something I would recommend. You not only got it off of your chest, but you also felt comfortable enough to tell him. There was something more than just a physical connection.

However, you have to get it out of your mind that they don't belong together or that you want it to go awry. They deserve their happiness just as you and everyone else deserve theirs. It happens to different people at different times.

Since you have a trip coming up - and believe me, the time will fly - take this time to look inside yourself and be happier and more confident. You're gonna get the opportunity to visit a new place and meet new people. Three months is plenty of time to make new connections.

Just like you, I felt like I was more "existing" than I was "living" before I moved earlier this year. However, I worked hard and saved up so that I could be ready to get into a relationship when the time presented itself. Take care of yourself and the rest will follow.

 

[thenewkcm]

Don't punish yourself by looking back and getting into the vicious cycle of shoulda, coulda, woulda. You need to use this time to figure out your needs and create your standards. Don't settle for less.

 

[LutheranGuy]

Dates have a Due Date

I keep thinking about him and the other guy hooking up, being intimate. And a part of me hopes that everything for them goes awry. I feel awful about it, it's just driving me nuts...

As a veteran of dating yourself you know the climate in which we live. So realistically, think about this. Unless they are both absolutely earth shattering - jaw dropping - and over heels wowed by each other, then the honeymoon phase, the "newness" will fade and has 6 months to a year at most. (The majority last less)The speed of ambition and desire is so fast and fleeting in our current age that a true lasting intimacy is only sustainable when it has endured beyond the honeymoon phase. As for being jealous that the honeymoon phase even exists with said guys, it's just sex. In my experience (others will dissent) it means absolutely nothing unless it has endured. Time swiftly sneaks up on even the coziest affairs like an overdue library book and asks, would you like to renew this? Checking a book out doesn't make it a good read, or a keeper. Men, like patrons of the library, are very active and go through books like there's nothing left. There's always a competing interest and one more thing we don't know. In other words, it's possible they will be the love of each others life, but it's not likely. I always hope to be wrong. I hope guy's do find that guy.

 

[crubbed]

Re: Dates have a Due Date

Hi guys, thank you so much for taking the time to reply.

Since you have a trip coming up - and believe me, the time will fly - take this time to look inside yourself and be happier and more confident. You're gonna get the opportunity to visit a new place and meet new people. Three months is plenty of time to make new connections.

Yeah, I don't know if I'll gather up the strengths to get it done. I don't know why I let these things affect me so much.

Just like you, I felt like I was more "existing" than I was "living" before I moved earlier this year. However, I worked hard and saved up so that I could be ready to get into a relationship when the time presented itself. Take care of yourself and the rest will follow.

Not to dwell on this, it's just that when I'm at peace and single I do believe that monogamous love doesn't exist, that I'd be better off in an open relationship, that I don't want to have kids... then, I meet these guys I fall for and I start daydreaming about building a life together, watching a movie on the sofa together... Can anyone relate to this?

Don't punish yourself by looking back and getting into the vicious cycle of shoulda, coulda, woulda. You need to use this time to figure out your needs and create your standards. Don't settle for less.

I'm trying to draw up a list of what I look for in a guy. I've also noticed that I settled in the past for things that didn't fit my principles and values. Like hooking up with committed guys. That's a big no no in my book. I used to think: 'It's not my problem'. Well it is. Because I get attached and then they're not available, the whole thing becomes very complex and don't get me started about KARMA.

As a veteran of dating yourself you know the climate in which we live. So realistically, think about this. Unless they are both absolutely earth shattering - jaw dropping - and over heels wowed by each other, then the honeymoon phase, the "newness" will fade and has 6 months to a year at most. (The majority last less)The speed of ambition and desire is so fast and fleeting in our current age that a true lasting intimacy is only sustainable when it has endured beyond the honeymoon phase. As for being jealous that the honeymoon phase even exists with said guys, it's just sex. In my experience (others will dissent) it means absolutely nothing unless it has endured. Time swiftly sneaks up on even the coziest affairs like an overdue library book and asks, would you like to renew this? Checking a book out doesn't make it a good read, or a keeper. Men, like patrons of the library, are very active and go through books like there's nothing left. There's always a competing interest and one more thing we don't know. In other words, it's possible they will be the love of each others life, but it's not likely. I always hope to be wrong. I hope guy's do find that guy.

I think your post is very unconventional and, in a way, what I really wanted to hear. You are right. Unfortunately (for me), I'm told they're taking it very slowly. Which is the best way to build a long-lasting relationship IMHO.

Now I'm here far away from them, keeping up a whatsapp relationship with him. I know it will come to an end when their relationship peaks, and it'll be painful. But what am I supposed to do. Thank you so much for reading this.