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Looking for some advice

I

imthadj

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Whats up everyone, new to the forum and I wanted to make my first post. Just looking for some advice for the weekend.

I am attending my sisters babyshower this Sat and I invited my boyfriend to come. I am out to my immediate family, close friends, aunt and 2 of my cousins that I live with.

At this baby shower, people who I grew up with until the age of 15 will be present. I am 23 years old now. Problem is they are all close family friends ranging from kids to adults and I just dont completely comfortable coming out to them. I dont have the intention of telling them but bringing a 'friend' to such a family event is bound to raise some suspicions to certain people.

It is a little stressful thinking I may have to tell people I dont want to. And if one person ends up inquiring they are bound to tell others, and I just dont want to have a sexuality conversation with most of these people.

I may be overthinking which is why I want to hear from others who may have had a similar situation. If not your input is still welcome.

I just want to enjoy a special day for my first niece in a peaceful and stress free environment.

Thanks.
 
hi imthadj,

Welcome to JUB and great to read that you have a nice boyfriend and that you are out to most of the people around you. I tend to think that these people are free to tell their friends that you are engaged with a guy, so more people around you will also be aware that you are gay.

Definitely bring your boyfriend with you, same like some of your male cousins might take with them their -new- girlfriend. Just be aware that some people at the meeting will tell others that X is your boyfriend. Just take that for granted.

Straight guys of around your age also don't discuss details about their sex life with anyone and/or with all of their relatives. Same is the case for you. In case a blunt person will ask this question: 'that's private'.

I tend to think that "my immediate family, close friends, aunt and 2 of my cousins that I live with" are very comfortable that you are gay and are as well happy that you have found a nice boyfriend. Likely, they will also support you during this meeting.
 
All I am gonna say is ask your sister as it is her event, not yours. If she says no, well, there's your answer.
 
maxpowr9 said:
All I am gonna say is ask your sister as it is her event, not yours. If she says no, well, there's your answer.
Click to expand...

^QFT

Traditionally, a baby shower is supposed to be friends and family of the mother-to-be. The focus is supposed to be about the Mom and the baby. Occasionally, the invitation will be for a "family" shower where husbands are also invited.

So, the question is "Did you invite your boyfriend or did your sister invite your boyfriend?". If your sister is close with your boyfriend, then she should send him an invitation. If your sister does not know your boyfriend that well, it is presumptive of you to invite your boyfriend (or anyone, for that matter) unless the invitation included husbands and boyfriends (or plus-ones) of the other people who were invited.
 
I took my ex to my sisters sweet 16 and NOBODY knew we were together (Though they probably suspected). It's good to see that you want your bf to be integrated into your family. However, like ppl on here have said, ask your sister if it's okay it's her day not yours. I asked both my sister and my mother if it was okay and it was, although my dad didn't want my ex there but my family but him in his place thank God. You're also lucky to have a bf, they're few and far between so if your sister says no handle it with as much sensitivity as possible between your bf and her. The last thing you want is arguments and disagreements. Good luck !
 
Its not a traditional baby shower lol. Its basically the same as their wedding so everyone that is important to my sister and to my brother in law are going. She has no problem with my bf going. She told.me.to invite my boys to 'blend' my boyfriend in. Thats going a little to far imo. I would feel terrible doing that.
 
^Ah, a shotgun wedding. I'll keep my snide comments to myself but been to a few of those and they tend not to end well in the near future but best of luck.
 
Youre misunderstanding. The baby shower is Saturday. They been married almost 3 years. No shotgun wedding here lol.
 
imthadj said:
Youre misunderstanding. The baby shower is Saturday. They been married almost 3 years. No shotgun wedding here lol.
Click to expand...

I didn't misconstrue anything. You just worded it poorly. Fair enough though.

If you are close with your sis and she okays it, again, I see no problem with it. I was forced to go to my sis-in-law's baby shower [she's due June 28th] and I was one of the few guys there besides my dad and my brother. Men are not typically invited to baby showers outside of immediate families but each one is different.

My only suggestion is that if your BF is coming, he buys something off the baby registry. Doesn't have to be a high-end gift but something is better than nothing.
 
maxpowr9 said:
I didn't misconstrue anything. You just worded it poorly. Fair enough though.
Click to expand...

I read it that way too. After clarification, the way I interpret it is, "Like their wedding 3 years ago, friends and family are welcome and aren't expected to have a formal invitation to attend".

If the sister has okayed you inviting your boyfriend, then you should be prepared to say, "This is my boyfriend, Bob". If you don't say it, your family will.

maxpowr9 said:
My only suggestion is that if your BF is coming, he buys something off the baby registry. Doesn't have to be a high-end gift but something is better than nothing.
Click to expand...

Absolutely. Since he's been invited and he's not officially a family member, per se, he should bring a gift.
 
in situations like that, I'll just introduce my boyfriend as "John" and let people infer whatever they want to about our relationship.
 
darden said:
in situations like that, I'll just introduce my boyfriend as "John" and let people infer whatever they want to about our relationship.
Click to expand...

Straight guys in such situations also often introduce their (new) girlfriend as "Linda" and let people figure out the details about their relationship with "Linda".

imthadj, thanks for the addition information and good to hear that it seems a very informal meeting. Take him with you (is he OK with going with you?) and see it as a nice opportunity that he will be able to meet alot of your relatives in a very informal atmosphere.

Once again, be firm to say NO when you get the idea that people want to discuss about 'private items'.

Good luck and take care.
 
Don't over think this. You and your boyfriend were invited just as other couples in your family were. Buy something from the both of you just as the other couples will do. You will be coming out to the people there in the way most of us come out to the peripheral people in our lives, by assumption. Just remember that it's your fear ratcheting up your discomfort.

The extra people at this event aren't that important to you, but your boyfriend, your sister and your soon to be born niece are. As for the others, "fuck 'em if they can't take a joke." As someone else already wrote, just introduce him by his name with no adjective unless you wish to. Don't introduce him as "my friend," however. That will piss him off and will mean you're running scared.
 
Another thought- out of respect for your boyfriend, perhaps you should ask him how he wishes to be introduced?
 
Everyone covered everything but this - dunno how many baby showers you've been to, but I've lost count of the number myself - if it's their first kid get a toy or a colorful outfit - if it's after the first, get diapers. After the 'brand new first kid' feeling wears off for first time parents, diapers are - always - a godsend. Large-scale gifts are gotten by immediate family, however, and obv not your boyfriend - but for you, I'd suggest seeing if they have a diaper bag yet, and if they don't, buy a new one and fill it with baby goodies. If you want to be a hit, add a (small!) wrapped brown parcel containing high-proof alcohol for those teething nights so the not 'on-duty' parent can get some bloody sleep, and I'd include a card and a freezer-teething ring to that effect.
 
^So true.

My brother is having his first and I went all out and got a video monitor for them which set me back $180 [I bought the car seat too @$300 but that was my mom's gift which she reimbursed me]. Course her sisters gave them "cheap" gifts and even her mom thanked me for the gift.

I doubt TC has the family dynamic mine does but you can never have enough diapers and wipes.
 
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