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Loosing the battle

C

Caleb2015

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Hey guys, I am needing some advice here because I am at my wits end.

Two years ago I divorced my ex wife. For the record I got married to his who I was. I have a 13 year old son that live across the country from me. I have tried everything that I know to stay in contact with my son. He will not return my calls, nor texts. My ex wife says that she is not telling him not to call me. I am married again to a wonderful man who loves me dearly. I dont know what else to do. I got a lawyer that did nothing to help me. It seems that I am fighting a loosing battle. Any advice or support you can give would he greatly appreciated.
 
Honestly, I think you just have to keep trying to connect with him in a delicate manner. I know it might seem unfair that your son isn't reciprocating, but at the same time your son's world was turned upside down not only by his parents divorcing but also with the discovery that you're gay/bi and married to another man. He's young but still old enough to understand what's going on and likely processing the hell out of the situation. All you can do is continue to be supportive of him and when he's ready he will come around. The worst thing you can do is feel slighted and back off of trying to have a relationship with him. He'll see how much you love him and want to reconnect eventually. Forcing your son to see you with legal assistance also won't do you any favours and might cause him to further resent the situation. Just don't give up on letting him know you're there for him and would like to see him.
 
Ambition92 said:
Honestly, I think you just have to keep trying to connect with him in a delicate manner. I know it might seem unfair that your son isn't reciprocating, but at the same time your son's world was turned upside down not only by his parents divorcing but also with the discovery that you're gay/bi and married to another man. He's young but still old enough to understand what's going on and likely processing the hell out of the situation. All you can do is continue to be supportive of him and when he's ready he will come around. The worst thing you can do is feel slighted and back off of trying to have a relationship with him. He'll see how much you love him and want to reconnect eventually. Forcing your son to see you with legal assistance also won't do you any favours and might cause him to further resent the situation. Just don't give up on letting him know you're there for him and would like to see him.
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Thanks you replying. The sad part about this is I have visitation right one month every summer and every other Christmas. I have her to get him any at all. My ex and her family do all they can to keep him away from me. I have found that getting a lawyer will do absolutely no good. All I can do is wait on him to come back around again.
 
Although I have no personal experience - I had a friend who was estranged from his kids over the divorce from their mother. Having seen the situation as an outsider my only advice would be to make sure to keep contact - even if it is not reciprocated at this time. Send a birthday card and present - Christmas presents - if you go on a trip drop him a postcard. It will let him know that even though you do not see each other - and he may not return your phone calls right now - that you are thinking of him and that when he is ready you will happily welcome him back into your life.
 
Keep communicating, even if the communications are one-way. Remember to send greetings on his birthday. Acknowledge special occasions. Do what you can to let him know that rejecting a marriage is not the same thing as rejecting him. It's up to you to let him know that you didn't abandon him.

Some day when he's older, he can reach out to you, if he chooses to.
 
Been there, done that, many years ago. So my advice is to keep at it. Never give up. He will come looking for you in time.
 
If you have visitation rights and have not been allowed to see him, then you need to go to family court and let them deal with it. That's their job.
 
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