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losing a friend....

B

belgarion63

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ok so, the friend that i talked about in the post where i was asking for help is the friend that i am now losing...It is starting to feel like a one way friendship, because i'm the only one who even attempts to make plans for us to hang out, and I am just really getting effected by this...So once more, I am turning to you guys in your infinite wisdom, to try and see if i should:
a) try and save the friendship
b) talk to him about this and everything and see where things go
c) do nothing and cope with the loss of my best friend
I just don't know what to do anymore, and none of my other friends are good at giving advice...:cry:
 
i don't know (or remember?) how old you are, but i must assume (relative) youth by the nature of your question....

relationships DO change.....even as we wish they wouldn't...even "best" friends change

sometimes the friends we call "best" in one stage of life....might not always be "best" in other periods....

however, if your friend is "true" ....and you are too....the friendship will endure for decades....

my recommendation would be to just...relax....give both of you some room ...and mutual permission....to grow...grow emotionally, professionally, whatever....

and you would be surprised how secure a "real" friendship will become....and how distant the others become..

i feel for you, but the one thing you cannot do....is force him to remain a friend....good luck....:wave:
 
I'm 20 and he's 19, we've been friends since 8th grade, i developed feelings for him in 10th grade, and we are going to be sharing a room at college...
 
Leave him as much space as he needs and more. Tell him, you can be reached at anytime, he needs to reach out to you, but do not ever grow to be a burden on his shoulders.

I experienced an almost mind-boggling upsurge in selfishness and social immaturity with some of my best mates in my late teens and early 20's.

I'd call my very best buddy and ask him, if he wanted to go to that awesome house party friday night as I only got 2 invitations, etc...

He cut me short by saying, "And you expect me to know Thursday, how I am going to feel about it Friday night?"

So, he got a rich 'screw you' from me and that was the end of it.

My working theory on the subject is that yesteryear's normal guys sometimes lose ground underneath their feet... and grow all too self important in their eyes. Few sexual conquests, and a dude starts believing, he is the gift of gods to the mankind... and we all are here with the sole purpose of acting according to the whims of his ever changing will...

Move on and keep an eye on him. Few little rejections and his overinflated ego may come back to its usual healthy levels.

Just my 2 cents...

SC
 
If you are unable to control your feelings for him, I would avoid rooming with him.

I'd hate for you to stifle your social and love life because you stay at home pinning for him.

I've been there. And after 4 months, I had to ask my friend to move out. Best decision, I might say.
 
I kind of know what you are going through. I had a best friend too who all of a sudden was too busy or tired to go out, and all the time i knew he was talking to this girl. (he was straight, me not) I would just call as normally, since we would go out every weekend, and after a while I stopped calling. A couple of weeks later, he called me to go have lunch and he apologized for ignoring me and how much our frinedship meant to him. We all ended up going out together, until he dumped her 5 months later. we stayed best friends, until he left us 8 yrs. later. find some friends to hang out with and if he values your friendship, he'll come around.(*8*)
 
well, its gotten to the point where its been four days and the only things he's said to me are "I don't think so", and "okay". I don't know what I did, but i left him a voicemail saying i was sorry for whatever was wrong...
 
In another Thread 'I Need Help' you say your friend has a new girl friend. Enough said, that is where his current interests lie !! You will have to take a back seat for now. With your 'interests' in him sharing a room does not seem to be a good idea, better to keep some distance and see how things develope.
 
that happened to me and i'm still not over it. he was the first person that really made me feel like i belonged and a year later i felt like i was the only one trying to hold onto the connection. it got to the point where i would have to wait outside his classroom for him to pass by and say hi but whenever he did come by, thats all that would happen. he would move by nodding quickly or sometime putting out his fist for me to punch and then went on to his class. like he had no interest in me at all when before, we did all kinds of things together. it was starting to get pathetic me standing there waiting on him and i had already realized he was no longer interested but i had tried to deny it for years but finally i let go. still hurts since i envisioned us being friends forever but i guess thats how life is.
 
Hmm, it's been my experience that real friends won't drop you in favor of something new. If he's going to spend less time with you because he has a new girlfriend of whatever then I think he owes you some kind of an explanation. I'd talk to him about it first; if he blows up or if he doesn't see anything wrong then I'd gradually pull anyway from him. If he wants to be friends he knows your number...
 
ok, so actually, i asked him about what was going on and he said that he was never not talking to me, but it kind of made me angry that he just let me think i had done something wrong and apologize so many times for something i didn't even do...but other than that we're okay now...
 
He sounds like a dick. Get some new friends.
 
I've been through this twice in the last year myself, one of which was this week. It kind of hurts when you say to 'a friend', I'm not sure you think of me as a friend and his response is, well talk about it tomorrow, I'm tired.

That was Monday. To me, his silence answered my question. Sucks because good friends IMO are hard to come by. Shallow/self involved people are everywhere ;)


belgarion63 said:
ok, so actually, i asked him about what was going on and he said that he was never not talking to me, but it kind of made me angry that he just let me think i had done something wrong and apologize so many times for something i didn't even do...but other than that we're okay now...
Click to expand...
 
hornymike_uk said:
In another Thread 'I Need Help' you say your friend has a new girl friend. Enough said, that is where his current interests lie !! You will have to take a back seat for now. With your 'interests' in him sharing a room does not seem to be a good idea, better to keep some distance and see how things develope.
Click to expand...

A new girl friend....

Dude, his brain just suffered from a severe re-wiring. It has nothing to do with you; it has everything to do with "female on the brain" (which in our case would be "hawt boy on the brain").

belgarion63 said:
ok, so actually, i asked him about what was going on and he said that he was never not talking to me, but it kind of made me angry that he just let me think i had done something wrong and apologize so many times for something i didn't even do....
Click to expand...

See? His brain isn't wired right; he's not entirely aware. It happens to people.

Given the affliction, he may or may not return to being tight friends. Meanwhile, you live with it.

As for sharing a room -- if you can't keep your hands off him, forget it; if you're going to get a woody in your underwear from him being around, forget it; if you can't keep from scoping him when he takes his shirt off or is in undies or the buff, forget it.

Just show him you're still his friend, and accept what comes.
 
I think you should talk to this friend before you do anything, if you still get the cold shoulder go on with your life.
 
My interpretation of this situation is that you have a crush on him and you're reading too deep into the conversations you have with him. Just because he hasn't said much to you recently doesn't mean that he doesn't want to be your friend or anything. There's a good chance that he is busy and his mind is preoccupied. Do yourself a favor and let him do what he wants... you guys have been friends for a while, and that isn't just going to change randomly.

I went through a similar situation and tried to apologize for pissing my friend off even though I didn't do anything. I just wanted to talk to him more.

Just give him some space and take your time, you'll be fine. Hell, as you said he is going to be your roommate in the near future, so it's not like you'll never see him again.

Remember, patience is a virtue. :D
 
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