Losing friends over being gay

[JayQueer]

Hi everyone,

Thank you for commenting and giving your 2 cents on some of the other questions or issues I've raised here on JUB.

Have any of you lost any friends because you were gay?

I've come out to most of my closest friends (I don't have too many), but while most of my female friends have been supportive, my (straight) male friends have been acting weird around me lately. It's not that they don't talk to me anymore, but there's this palpable, "distant" feeling whenever I try to talk or hang out with them. It's almost like they think I have a disease or something......

I'm just so lonely.......

 

[sixthson]

Yes, I lost lots of them, including the one who was my best friend from childhood until 19. It hurt alot and still hurts when I think about it now. But you realize you have to make new friends, but this is often the case when you are in your 20s no matter your sexuality.

You can give your male friends time to come to terms with it, but you may need to make new ones, too. Believe it or not, you can do it. When your friends change toward you, loneliness is to be expected. Just don't isolate yourself. Get out there and be sociable.

I know from some of your other posts that your family makes life difficult for you. You can't live your life for anyone else and the sooner they know it, the better.

 

[NCDogGuy]

It took me a long time to understand and apply it, but a great counselor told me:
Being alone is the state of being by yourself. Being lonely is one possible reaction to being alone.

It's sad that your straight friends are having a hard time.adjusting. I fear that when I come out.

Remember that their reaction is their .problem and does.not mean something is wrong with you, or that your orientation is a disease.

One caution I read in a coming out book is that sometimes as we come out we feel so confident in our state, that friends can perceive it as us pushing our orientation in their face. Not saying you are, but somethng I will.be watching myself for.

Ultimately though, your friends are like your parents. Only they control their reactions. You control your reaction to.them.

Good luck.

 

[MoltenRock III]

Did I lose any friends? Nope. Same as they ever were, and still friends today.

 

[Chadknowslaw]

I lost a small number. I hope the door didn't hit them in the ass on the way out -- fuck 'em.

There are 6 billion people on this planet, and I have no plans to be friends with all of them, but I also know there is no shortage of people to be friends with if the current ones don't work out.

 

[Seasoned]

The key is to keep moving. A lot of people are insecure and only enjoy the company of people who look and behave like they do. Other people look for diversity in their friendships. My goal is to be true to myself and not worry how I fit in. If I act like I have a disease people will treat me like I have one. If a friend of mine can announce which women he finds hot I can do the same regarding men. I no longer have to act straight once I'm out.

I also don't gave to be passive if I notice a friend behaving differently. "WTF, man? Don't get fuckin weird on me. I'm fuckin gay, not a fuckin zombie. And I didn't just turn and no it's not catchy. So chill for crissake."

 

[rareboy]

Obviously, they're not really your friends.

I made far more and far better friends as a homo than I ever did as a closet case.

I would think you'd lose far more friends because of your conservative views than you would because you are a homo.

 

[glasvegas]

Not really coming out yet but I did tell a few friends of mine I am bisexual. The girls are pretty cool. The guys said they're cool with it. So, no. Not yet.

 

[Omni20]

Nope,had my 2 friends and have them still

 

[paramour]

Jay:

Your true friends will stand by you, and those who weren't true friends will show their true colors, and you don't need them. It can be hard to lose a friend. I know, because it has happened to me. However, though it is hard at first, you will feel a sense of liberation and joy when you realize that every friend you have in your life loves you for who you are. Be grateful for your true friends and make an effort to make some new ones to replace those you have recently lost. And, by all means, remember that in the long-term, you will be much happier once the dust settles and the fair-weather and non-accepting "friends" are out of your life.

 

[RhyRhy]

I lost only a small few people that weren't close. None of my family knows except my Dad, if I were to tell them, well that worries me. To me what was interesting was how many of my friends in the state highway patrol, sheriffs office, and local government, didn't even blink an eye about it. What I found funny was how they went after my ex and his job, until they finally ran him out of town. He was technically my superior (only by rank). My friends in the highway patrol went so far as to tell me if he ever bothered me again, to let me know because they would protect me, and they would take care of it. I told them that I could handle everything myself, and that I didn't need protected. So they explained that they had all known me since a kid so I was like a little brother to them so it was their job to watch out for me. I was floored.

 

[Red Storm]

I lost some but gained a LOT more.

 

[Audio Tech]

I sort of lost a few, but I was ready for it. It's not like they weren't ok with it, but they just slowly distanced themselves over time.

I guess it was to be expected, especially since those guys are into religion. Eh...

My TRUE friends, I'm actually closer to than before.

 

[xterranx]

Obviously, they're not really your friends.

I made far more and far better friends as a homo than I ever did as a closet case.

I would think you'd lose far more friends because of your conservative views than you would because you are a homo.

I very much agree with this. I did lose some "friends" after coming out in high school, but I'm so much happier after it.

I have friends now at my Uni who know I'm gay and have not treated me differently in the slightest (and I do mean in the very slightest-- when you know there's something slightly different about the friendship after coming out) and I've been very happy with my new friends.

 

[canadianguy91]

I've never lost any good friend, because if they are truly good friends they will support you no matter what, but I definitely have lost touch with a lot of friends after coming out.

 

[brenshan14]

I almost lost a few friends because i told them i was gay. They told me it would feel "weird" hanging out with a gay person. I responded by saying it would feel "weird" hanging out with a straight person. They stood there and looked at each other and responded with "i guess you have a point there." Still friends to this day.