Losing My Mind Over Someone Who Isn't Even Mine

[DeQwanNayshon]

Hey Everyone I'm Back Again , I'm Really Losing My Mind Over Here , I Just Cannot Get Over My BestFriend No Matter What I Do , I'm Constanlty Thinking About Him &nd I'm So Tired Of Pretending That Everything Is Okay When It's Not , I'm Not Happy . My BestFriend Is Gay &nd We Just Became Friends Last Year Around June , &nd We Started To Get Closer As The Months Went Along , It's So Crazy Also BC My Ex Boyfriend We Were Talking For Three Months Before We Went Out , It Was My First Relationship So I Gave It My All Only To End Up Heartbroken &nd Of Course My Bestfriend Was There To Support Me , I'm Well Over My Ex Now &nd I Realized That Before My Ex Even Came Into The Picture , I Wanted My Bestfriend Before He Even Came Along .

At The Beginning Of The Year My Bestfriend &nd I Had Even Planned To Have Sex , I'm A Virgin BTW , But I Told Him I Wanted To Wait Until The Summer Came , Well The Summer Came I Brought It Up &nd He Rejected It Saying Being As Though We're Bestfriends He Doesn't Feel Right Taking My Virginity , I Was Devestated &nd I'm So Sexually Frusturated . But Anyway I'm So Tired Of Holding In How I Truly Feel About Him , I Wanna Confess Everything To Him , The Way He Makes Me Feel &nd How I Feel As Though I Wish He Would Atleast Just Give Us A Chance &nd See What We Could Be , I Just Feel As Though He Isn't Ready For Me To Confess Everything BC I Want Him To Have A Clear Open Mind About It All .

I Feel Like Everything Happens For A Reason &nd He's Had So Many Unsuccesful Relationships , I Just Wanna Give Him The World &nd Make Him Smile , We're Also So Young 19 &nd 18 . It's Like You Never Know What Could Be If You Don't Try &nd Take Risks , &nd Since We're Such Good Friends I Feel Like Even If We Didn't Work Out We Would Still Be Okay In The End , IWrote Him A Letter Some Time Last Year When I Had A Little Crush On Him But I Told Him Not To Respond BC I Was Scared What His Reaction Would Be . But Now It's So Much More Deeper &nd Intense . I Wanna Try &nd Distance Myself From Him So The Feelings Would Go Away But That's Impossible BC I'm Always Thinking Of Him , &nd We Talk Everyday , Us Not Talking Would Just Give Me More Heartache &nd Pain . I Just Wanna Be Happy Again :-(

 

[shainski]

I Feel Like Everything Happens For A Reason &nd He's Had So Many Unsuccesful Relationships , I Just Wanna Give Him The World &nd Make Him Smile , We're Also So Young 19 &nd 18 . It's Like You Never Know What Could Be If You Don't Try &nd Take Risks , &nd Since We're Such Good Friends I Feel Like Even If We Didn't Work Out We Would Still Be Okay In The End , IWrote Him A Letter Some Time Last Year When I Had A Little Crush On Him But I Told Him Not To Respond BC I Was Scared What His Reaction Would Be . But Now It's So Much More Deeper &nd Intense . I Wanna Try &nd Distance Myself From Him So The Feelings Would Go Away But That's Impossible BC I'm Always Thinking Of Him , &nd We Talk Everyday , Us Not Talking Would Just Give Me More Heartache &nd Pain . I Just Wanna Be Happy Again :-(

I'm not one who buys into "Everything happens for a reason". I believe that we all avail ourselves of opportunities presented to us, and looking back at our paths in live, we can see that our decisions lead us to where we are.

You've got a big problem. Because if you decide to go ahead with it, there is a very good chance that it wont work out - and you will lose your best friend. I know you think you are such good friends that you will be able to handle it - but you are having a hard time handling it right now.

Plus you are 18 and 19 - most relationships at that age don't last in the long run.

On the other hand, you are right - if you don't try, you won't know. Just be very aware of the risk you are taking.

Since this is everpresent in your thinking, i think you'll have to have some kind of talk with him. But don't spill everything all at once. If his feelings are that you are a great friend, but not what he wants in a romantic relationship, you could make him very uncomfortable to be around you. On the other hand you have to be more direct than aloof.

I think you need to tread a middle ground. I would find a time when you are alone together. Turn off the tv - or better yet, take a walk together. And them tell him how much your friendship means to you. Tell him that you would like to explore being more than friends - but you can't or won't jeopardize your friendship - no matter what.

Since you've waited this long, i would not necessarily jump into bed right away - don't make it just about sex. Listen to what he says. If he seems reluctant, it may be because you are not his physical type or "soul mate", but he doesn't want to tell you that. Back away easily and tell him that you won't bring it up again - if he's ever interested he'll have to tell you. And then you'll have to deal with your emotions. You may need to step away from the friendship for a while to get over it. (if you go this route, let him know that you just need a couple of months)

You will have to occupy your time with something or someone so that you are not
just feeling sorry for yourself.

And i'm sorry, i spent most of this post telling you what to do if things go wrong - i suspect if things to right, you won't need much support.

good luck

 

[HunterM]

Just a question and out of curiosity: How come all your words begin with a capital letter? I have seen all lower case words and all cap words. This is the first for me to see all words begin with a capital letter.

 

[shainski]

Just a question and out of curiosity: How come all your words begin with a capital letter? I have seen all lower case words and all cap words. This is the first for me to see all words begin with a capital letter.

I haven't verified this is true - but a recent topic in Hot Topics was what people hated about the way other's post. And capitalizing the first letter in each word was among the worst things. But someone said that if you type in all-caps this system will change it to capitalizing just the first letter of each word.

 

[shainski]

here i found the thread:
see post #34

http://www.justusboys.com/forum/showthread.php?t=242919

http://www.justusboys.com/forum/showpost.php?p=4545235&postcount=34

 

[TX-Beau]

OK DeQwan, you're kinda whining there, so here's your first lesson in being an adult. Control your damn self.

I'm going to suggest you do something I normally wouldn't simply because I suspect you need the rejection before you'll see reason.

Go ahead and tell him, and when he shoots you down, he'll know why you need some space from him.

An adult will find a way to resolve these situations and knows that while you can't control your emotions you can certainly manage them, and you are always absolutely in control over what you actually do and say. Self control, practice it.

A kid will protest over the hopelessness and wallow in the angst torturing himself, all the while blaming the cruel whims of fate.

Are you a man? Or are you a boy? You know damn well being around him is causing you pain, you just won't CHOOSE to do the hard thing and walk away until you have yourself under control.

 

[Seasoned]

This notion that men behave differently than boys is a huge reason there are so many relationship problems. One ought to be oneself without labels all of one's life otherwise the authenticity is missing from the personality. I'm not playing a role; I'm me.

This has become all consuming for you and unless you challenge yourself to find more and varied interests you may one day soon be in need of professional therapy, which isn't a bad thing.

I think it's past the point when you need to tell him what's on your mind. When a person begins getting inside another person's head and "knows" what's best for him a serious boundary has been crossed from reality into fantasy. It's not your fault, but it is a serious warning sign. He may be able to help you through it, but it will require you to work at it. I'm concerned about the title of your thread. The use if the word mine in your context is too possessive, in my opinion. I may have a partner, but I don't feel he is mine. Your use of mine suggests possession. Healthy relationships are voluntary and are renewed daily. The relationship and the people in them are not finished or complete when they commit. The partners are committing to self and mutual growth until one or both terminate the agreement. The difficult part of relationships is not finding someone, it's the work of relating after the "I do's."

As always, I wish you the best. I admonish you to find some other interests immediately. Your over working of this in your head has the potential to lead to even greater self harm.

 

[Rolyo85]

If you are as obsessed as your post makes you sound (btw, do not let us prevent you from using normal lower case and capitalize only the first letter in every sentence ), I can ASSURE you that your best friend either a) knows and has chosen not to act on it (a sure sign he is NOT interested) or b) is blind and dumb, in which case I would suggest doing whatever you want...

 

[TX-Beau]

This notion that men behave differently than boys is a huge reason there are so many relationship problems. One ought to be oneself without labels all of one's life otherwise the authenticity is missing from the personality. I'm not playing a role; I'm me.

The notion that there is no such thing as immaturity or personal responsibility, and that that idea has to be coddled in that name of being "me," is the unfortunate triumph of the Oprah generation.

Of course there are men and boys, of course there are labels, of course there are consequences to the choices you make.

That has nothing to do with "playing a role."

 

[uslad7]

Just a question and out of curiosity: How come all your words begin with a capital letter? I have seen all lower case words and all cap words. This is the first for me to see all words begin with a capital letter.

I couldn't get past the first sentence of his post

 

[DeQwanNayshon]

I couldn't get past the first sentence of his post

Lol , Sorry :-/