Losing People Due to Coming Out

[Mr-Brooding]

I'm way past the "I'm so ashamed of my sexuality" phase, and I'm beginning to embrace it. One thing that bothers me though is that I met soooo many wonderful people before I had my sexuality figured out/pin pointed. I'm really afraid of losing people for they may think I introduced myself to them under false pretenses or they may be opposed to homosexuality.

Have you ever lost any good friends when coming out or coming to terms with your sexuality?

 

[Saybrooke]

I have, and not just friends, but family as well.

But its the ones that rally matter that will stay ^.^

 

[Beachguyj]

I'm way past the "I'm so ashamed of my sexuality" phase, and I'm beginning to embrace it. One thing that bothers me though is that I met soooo many wonderful people before I had my sexuality figured out/pin pointed. I'm really afraid of losing people for they may think I introduced myself to them under false pretenses or they may be opposed to homosexuality.

If they are wonderful it will not make a difference once they know you are gay. Chances are they already know or suspect that you are gay. If they have a problem with it you are the one who doesn't need them in your life.

I had what I thought was a gay friend, it turned out he wasn't a friend, and I wasn't in the circle that I thought I was in. It's no loss, he never called me, he never asked me to go out or called me when a friend of (what I thought was) ours came into town. He wants me to be his friend, but he doesn't want to be mine. In the end it's no loss.

 

[refujiunderground]

my biggest fear about coming out.

you see, i've always kept it real with my family and others even if i had to lie to them to hide the truth such as what i'm doing right now. i will still be the same guy tomorrow as i am today except you now know that i like men instead of women. does that mean that i'm not the same asshole i was yesterday. i still hate lady gaga, i still say off the wall shit, i still don't give a fuck, i'm the same guy. i feel that one thing about being gay however is that i'll probably have an excuse to get more off the wall shit such as painting my fingernails, wearing a dress or engaging in total genderfucking. i don't see how someone could hate me for something small. i've always kept it real to others about how i feel except for this because i didn't want to keep it real with myself. so yeah, i lied about liking women because that's what was in my heart. now, i know where i'm at and i'm not going to suddenly change my core personality around that. it scares me that my peoples will stray away from me off of this one little thing. it hurts.

it doesn't help that they're homophobic and say homophobic things. it's like "damn, here they are saying all these homophobic things and they don't even know that i'm gay". it gets to the point where i have to jump back into the closet to myself where i have to step into a mindstate where i have to be someone i'm not in order to deal with that. i feel as if they would hate me and i'm not talking about just my homies. i'm talking about my mother, my father most definitely my father would, and my brother as well as extended family. i have a lot to lose and i love these people because they're all i got.

 

[voyager1994]

Come out without the drama, tell your family and friends it's still you the same guy pre and post coming out, it's your life not theirs that will change, and if they decide to change the parameters of their relationship with you (as opposed to you changing your relationship with them) then that's their prerogative. Those who will remain in your life after coming out will be ones trully worth sharing your gay life with.

 

[blackbeltninja]

^My immediate family didn't go for that.

5 months down the line and it's still difficult.

-d-

 

[quasar]

...Have you ever lost any good friends when coming out or coming to terms with your sexuality?

Trust me, when you come out, you don't lose good friends - just the bad ones!

 

[ravenstar]

i may be lucky, but I lost no one, either friend or family member when I came out.

 

[lambdaboy]

Anyone family of friends that are no longer friends because you came out never loved you in the first place. That includes parents. Yes some will say well its religion well yeah that's there problem. I came out and even Uncles and Aunts much older people who never met a gay or lesbian in there life still love me.

 

[Knucklehead]

I'm way past the "I'm so ashamed of my sexuality" phase, and I'm beginning to embrace it. One thing that bothers me though is that I met soooo many wonderful people before I had my sexuality figured out/pin pointed. I'm really afraid of losing people for they may think I introduced myself to them under false pretenses or they may be opposed to homosexuality.

Have you ever lost any good friends when coming out or coming to terms with your sexuality?

Sure have..It sucked and it hurt me. Some may say,your freinds won't ditch you,but a few of mine did.I guess they needed time to get used to what I had told them.Some never left,some came back around and some,I never saw again..

On this subject,I figure (many years ago)it took me a while to get used to the idea that I was never gonna drive a station wagon full of kids that called me dad.(shame ,seeing as I'm a good looking guy..(wink) --) Not all my freinds embraced me coming out.It shocked more than a few..Some were like,''it's about time.''

Nevertheless,some of the ''freinds'' that turned their back on me,--well,that hurt bad..I had no choice but to dust myself off and move on..But,yeah,I know they werent really my freinds and all that b.s..--just the same,it hurt..Cause I sure did like them..It sucked to lose them over dumb shit like who I date..

 

[Beachguyj]

A true friend will love you for who you are, not what you are.

 

[Red Storm]

you may lose some but gain a lot more

 

[oakpope]

To all people I came out to, only one of them change his behaviour towards me. Not in a very bad way, more like a little uncomfortable at moment. I guess I have been lucky. Also, in France, apart from some impoverish, higly muslim inhabited neighbourhood, reacting badly from a friend' coming out would be seen by the group as very 'uncool'. Young french are way more tolerant of gays friends nowadays ( more than 70% of young in favor of gay marriage and adoption).

 

[hylas]

the few people you might lose are not 'wonderful'. in fact, you are well rid of them. even if you were straiight, youd be well rid of them.

 

[MetalSteff]

Mentalities change when they are exposed to something different and they realize that it's ''not so bad'' after all. Sometimes it takes days, weeks, months or even years, but they change.

The reason backward mentalities still exist is that too many people are still not exposed or ''know'' anyone gay.

One thing i've come to realize is that ''losing people'' is the biggest fear that a lot of gay people have when they come out, but a lot of times they end up pleasantly surprised after they come out. Of course, it's not the case everywhere and by everyone though.

 

[rareboy]

Just about every high school friend I ever had drifted away when I came out.

No loss.

A few university chums did too, but way more actually became good friends.

There are a million new friends to be made out there who will love you for who you are, not in spite of what you are.

 

[Ninja108]

Lost a couple..but as others have stated,coming out is when you find out who your true friends really are.

 

[sixthson]

Yes, I lost friends and family.

People often try to console us by telling us that those who reject us never loved us. This may or may not be true. To me it is no comfort because it doesn't change the fact that I loved them. That's what hurts. I can't turn love off like a light switch. So you grieve their loss and get on with your life.

 

[Soilwork]

No, even when I was in the closet I was an asshole so nobody liked me then, either.

If anything, people liked me more.

 

[MoufOfKhaos]

Yeah, I lost my "best friend" of around 14 years when I came out. He said something along the lines of "I'm sorry you made that choice" - and I haven't spoken to him since.

No real loss. If your friends are you real friends your sexuality won't matter.