Lost on this one

[tempest86]

So... its been a while since i posted and in that time ive had a boyfriend that went good for 3 months then turned to crap but meh whatever...

So my dilemma is this:

I have a coworker that ive recently started hanging out with more (was not an intention to date or have a crush) such as going to the movies, partying, and he comes over to my house to hang out if invite him to anything, and we goto the gym together with another coworker.
At one of the parties i had at my house i apparently got kinda tipsy and received a text from my ex and asked my coworker (mostly joking) how i should tell someone they need to step off as we are not seeing each other anymore. He asked what "her" name was and all i replied with was that if i told him what was going on he needed to keep it between us for the time being and kept dropping hints that "she" was a "he" but he stopped me from telling further.

Since then hes been giving me weird signals and its confusing the hell out of me. Like when we play pool at work, he will walk in front of me while i make a shot and wiggle his ass and then laugh saying "did i make you lose your concentration". I walked into the bathroom and he was in there so i jokingly said "whoa now dont think im following you..." and after i walked out he follows behind me and goes "is there something i need to know?" in response to me telling him im not following him. We went tubing on the river and he asked if he had to pay for his tube rental and i told him "yea unless you wanted to sit on my lap the entire river" to which he replies "oooh i like this idea!" and folds his hands by his face and has this shit-eating grin.

Lately when we go hang out he will say things to try and extend our time that we are spending and if i refuse he gets a little pouty face thing going on (not mad.. i guess just disappointed). The thing is, he acts totally different around me when its just us (little gay things like the butt wiggling or brushing against me) as opposed to when we are at work or around others (makes straight jokes and talks about chicks) or my roommates (he doesnt know that they are aware im gay).

so my problem is that im not sure what im reading from him... is he testing me to see if i tell him im gay? is he flirting with me? or maybe hes just being stupid like most straight guys that are secure in their sexuality do?
I kinda want him to know im gay just for the sole reason of him hanging out with me all the time and id much rather he finds out from me than someone else... especially since my ex is friends with him on facebook... and who knows. But im also kinda curious if it is indeed flirting because as this has continued on... ive started to have a crush on him and im worried its because im reading into something that isnt there... Also... i dont want to hurt him in the long run or damage our work relationship as he is a fun person to hang out with and loves going to the movies as much as i do. Ive kinda taken him under my wing and introduced him to a social life outside of sitting at home playing WoW or watching nothing but anime (not saying this is bad! just needs to be moderated) so this may play a part in it as well.

Seems my thing is to crush hard on a "straight" guy and i think its because i know i can never have it. I really need to stop this lol... Suggestions on what the hell might be going on here?

Tempest

 

[looseliam]

Oh, gosh, it's too difficult to say what his deal is - if there's a deal.

Sounds to me like he may just be a happy-go-lucky-playful kinda guy and now just fools around with different subject matter.

If you told him your ex was a he, I think it's safe to assume that he assumes you're gay.

If you don't want to hurt him and don't want to damage your working and non-working relationship, don't let things get to the point where you two wind-up drunk in-bed. Yes, that's a bit dramatic, but I hope you get the point.

 

[Seasoned]

So you and your ex are both in the closet? Tell him your gay. It's 2011 gay people have straight friends. If he turns out not to be straight beware the co-workers romance syndrome b

 

[tempest86]

i guess for the most part me and my ex were in the closet, i just go a about it with a "whatever" attitude now. If someone directly asks me i just confirm their suspicions but im still hesitant about telling anyone at work. I figured with this guy, it couldnt hurt because we have become pretty good friends. I guess the first step is just tell him straight up (lol at that) that im gay. Then go from there.

Just wanted to get opinions on what the hell could be his motivation for acting the way he does around me. I never really told him that my ex was a he not a she but im guessing at this point he does because he recalled the situation where i was texting because he thought i was too drunk to remember; He said "yea.. you were rambling on about texting your spouse... if you can call it that" so im leaning towards the side of him knowing.


*shrug*

Tempest

 

[looseliam]

Remember: you don't have to walk around broadcasting it. You just stop substituting she for he and live out. Coming out doesn't always mean a big flashy sign announcing.

 

[tempest86]

well, an update to the confusion; He came to the office today on his day off (he texted and said he was bored so i suggested coming in and playing some pool or whatnot since he lived close) and he showed up without replying in about 15 minutes. So we hang out and play pool, our manager brought in food and what not so it was pretty slow and nice today. Well during pool, he said mentioned going out and getting drinks at the bar across the street and we could always go hang out at his apartment so i agreed cause a beer sounded nice.
So he ends up hanging out and farting around on his pc until i get off work and just when we get released he says he thinks hes just going to go home cuz hes tired (which is funny since he said he had just woken up a few hours before he texted me) and i walked over to where the overnight guys sat to make sure we were good to go and when i came back he was gone. I ended up texting him saying i guess thats a no to going to the bar and he said he was gonna go crash. About 5 minutes later he calls me and says he wanted to apologize over the phone so he could say it instead of text it. So i told him i appreciated the call and that its ok as well as to have a good night.

At this point im just damn well confused... i dont know whats up with him and im hoping he doesnt feel uncomfortable around me because he is pretty damn fun to hang out with and its not like im trying to make a move...in fact its just the opposite im just being a friend and a coworker (trying to get over the crush thing by realizing it isnt gonna happen and that it shouldnt). However, he makes it hard to forget when he makes suggestions like this or does what i perceive as attempts to make me think a certain way about him.

I was kinda hoping to hit the bar since the one across from our office has a cool place to chill outside and i was gonna casually mention that it was cool and all that we are hanging out but i wanted him to know about the fact im gay.

Meh... lol

Tempest

 

[Sigma-taylor-E]

I'm sorry..but from what I'm getting he wants to tell you something or is..very confused about something.

 

[tempest86]

yea i get that feeling too. he told me today his mom has season tickets to a local baseball team for our city and he asked me to go with hime. Assuming he doesnt back out at the last moment, im going to tell him that night that im gay because he really needs to know especially if we are gonna hang out more and more.

Also, i secretly hope that he is gay because itd be nice to have a gay friend... most of my friends know im gay and almost all are straight; the few women i hang out with all expect me to love shoopping and fashion and go do women stuff with them... and well.... homie dont play that. They are still good friends but i really would love to have a gay guy friend that likes the same stuff i do... heh

If hes not gay... well im assuming he wont care as i think it was obvious what i was trying to tell him at the party yet he still hangs out with me.

Tempest

 

[TX-Beau]

OK, at some point it has to cease to matter what his deal is. Unless you want to wallow in your confusion, it's time to walk away and leave it up to him.

It doesn't sound like he's gay - but then there's no one in here who was there, who knows him, or knows anything about what's going on in his head.

The only question we can address is what is your deal? Why are you putting yourself through this?

If it were me, after the first bail, I'd be an acquaintance, then leave it up to him for anything more, don't make plans with him, don't say yes to anything specific, just hang out where I hang out and if he's there fine - because I'm not interested in that kind of drama in my life, and I'm not participating.

Plus you should probably stop hoping in the back of your head that he's going to be your bestest gay buddy, because if he did turn out to be gay, he's got issues, and a long way to go before he gets over them.

If you must have an opinion, I think he's a slightly flaky straight guy who is ambivalent about hanging with a gay guy - because for straight guys, that usually means justifiable suspicion.