lost one tonight

[Andreus]

as a translator for patient services i had to assist a surgeon in informing a young woman that her husband died during a procedure.

i am emotionaly wiped out

it makes you realize whats really important and what is not

are there any guys out there that work in the health care profession that can pass some advice on as to how long it takes to shake off that kind of thing?

cause i feel like shit, to be honest.

 

[RationalLunacy]

You need to go through your own grieving process. I work at an alcohol & drug rehab, and there is no more difficult task than informing the patients that some former patient relapsed and died. Anyone who provides a public service can be faced with the job of being the bearer of sad news at any time. It comes with the territory, but that doesn't make it any easier.

 

[jjc_7]

I'm sorry to hear about this Andreus...although I don't work in healthcare, my step-mom works as a neonatal nurse. After a baby is lost, there wasn't much we could do except try to be there if she needed us. It was something that she usually needed to do on her own.

So, I can't help much, but I do have a shoulder, and it'll always be there if you need it.

 

[GL]

Man, I'm sorry to hear that.

I work with the elderly and the disabled. Some of them I meet face to face. Most are over the phone. There are those who call you once or twice a month just to say hello. This being my client base, death happens a good deal.

There are those in the office who are unfazed by it all and then there's myself. When I learn that one of mine has passed, I have to stop for a second and offer up a prayer and then I go through the motions to close out the case. It's sad, but it's inevitable.

All I can tell you is to take your time with it. It's different for everybody.

 

[metta]

I have been on the other side of it. The health care professionals that I dealt with were all very compassionate, caring, honest, and professional at the same time. I'm sure that you did a good job being that you are such a spritual and compassionate person. I would of thought that they would of at least given you some grief counseling training or bereavement training.

Hopefully, your spirituality/religion will help you deal with it as well.

 

[mike_n_herrin]

oh man i'm sorry. for you and the gal. very sad.

 

[Andreus]

it felt so...

invasive

such a life altering moment for someone to participate in who is not part of the imediate family. I felt like I had no right participating in the experience because the people involved responded in such a raw emotional and intimate way.

i have faced worse things personally, but this is just different. Its no secret that i can be aloof at times, and overcoming that instinct was very difficult. not because I felt above it, but because i didnt feel entitled to participate.

and although i can intelectually understand that i had no hand in the death, feeling the emotional response of the woman as I relayed the information, actually made me feel guilty.

one of the weird parts of translating for someone is having a person respond emotionally to words that really aren't yours/

I have had plenty of greif counciling this last year, and i am required to fullfill a certain amount of therapy sessions a year as per my contract with the hospital. but this is from a side of it i hadn't been prepared for. I passed the Psych evaluation during the interview process, and I was acutely aware during it that they were very interested in how i respond to death.

My boss only said that i need to detatch from the situation and go do something normal. i watched some election returns, did some dishes.... but i feel very unfocused, so to speak.

thanks guys for being here.

 

[M4P]

Andreus I'm sorry for what you had to go through today and also sorry for the lady. Your compassion, I'm sure, gave her some comfort in knowing the hospital cared about her husband

 

[Andreus]

thanks Brian, and everyone else as well

just trying to remind myself that while its an intense experience, its not my grief

 

[JayHew]

Andreus- Have been in that position many times and there is little you can do about it. It is a difficult thing to have to do, but you must learn to distance yourself off from some of your emotions (not all, especially your compassion and sympathy) and perform your duites in as professional manner as possible. Another thing you have to understand, in the performance of your job, you have no choice but to be in the given situations you are in and you have no personal responsibility for what has happened.

The only other thing is whether or not you have an abiding faith in what becomes of someone once they leave this plane. What ever your spiritural belief is, if it can encompass the idea that spirit returns to the one and will be again (energy is neither created or destroyed) then it should help. But the greatest help to you will likely be time.

I say this as you have over the time I have seen you on this board, shown you are a compassionate, caring and loving person in your essence and being such, situations such as this will have an impact. The only thing you can do is not allow it to overwhelm you at any given time. The hurt will fade in time. You will know the reasons for things over this time too, as life is always a lesson to be learned.

Not much help, but I wish you well and salute your compassion.

 

[BenF]

I break bad news in one way or another to patients and their relatives on an almost daily basis.

Some situations stay with you for longer than others, and sometimes the ghosts from one's mistakes, the 'what-ifs' and 'could-have-gone-betters' haunt you for years to come when you least expect it.

You are correct, it is not your grief - I find that the only, only way to cope with it is to distance yourself from it emotionally or else you become an emotional wreck.

If it is still getting you down, seek help from staff services - most hospitals should offer a debriefing service in one form or another. My personal debriefing involves 8 Marlboro Lights and three pints of stong lager.

 

[StlKj]

it felt so...

invasive

such a life altering moment for someone to participate in who is not part of the imediate family. I felt like I had no right participating in the experience because the people involved responded in such a raw emotional and intimate way.

i have faced worse things personally, but this is just different. Its no secret that i can be aloof at times, and overcoming that instinct was very difficult. not because I felt above it, but because i didnt feel entitled to participate.

and although i can intelectually understand that i had no hand in the death, feeling the emotional response of the woman as I relayed the information, actually made me feel guilty.

one of the weird parts of translating for someone is having a person respond emotionally to words that really aren't yours

Andreus,

First, I just want to say my thoughts are with you. The service you provided for the patient's family today went above and beyond what anyone should ever have to do, and you served them in the way they needed at that time. While you may have felt out of place or guilty for having to deliver such information, please also remember that without you there, the family would have suffered even more confusion and distress because of the language barrier that existed. You weren't merely a channel meant to deliver a devastating message--you were a voice that brought understanding at a moment when clarity was absolutely urgent.

And while you may not be mourning the loss of the patient as the family and friends are, you most certainly could be experiencing grief of your own at this loss. By coming on here and "talking" about it, and by accepting our support and empathy, I hope you're finding an outlet to ease that feeling. *hug*

 

[Croynan]

Granted this is a love song, but it has so many meanings besides, maybe this will help a little.

The Show: "Mack and Mabel" - Jerry Herman

The Song: "Time Heals Everything"

Time Heals Everything Lyrics

[Mabel]
Time heals everything
Tuesday
Thursday
Time heals everything
April
August
If I'm patient the break will mend
And one fine morning the hurt will end
So make the moments fly
Autumn
Winter
I'll forget you by
Next year
Some year
Tho' it's hell that I'm going through
Some Tuesday
Thursday
April
August
Autumn
Winter
Next year
Some year
Time heals everything
Time heals everything
But loving you.

So make the moments fly
Autumn
Winter
I'll forget you by
Next year
Some year
Though it's hell that I'm going through
Some Tuesday
Thursday
April August
Autumn winter
Next year
Some year
Time heals everything
Time heals everything
But loving you!
​

eM.

 

[randyreese]

Andreus, my thoughts are with you. You provide a service which comes with its own set of baggage. It is most important to distance yourself from the emotional side of your job and remain unaffected by it; in this way you can continue to help others who need you. That having been said, I know it is very difficult to do this and remain sane for I work in neurology and quite often have to deliver unsettling news to the patient or the loved ones. Hang in there man, remember we are here for you.

 

[dolphwasser]

Andreus - I feel so sad that this has affected you so. Contrary to many of the replies, I am not in this field in any way. The only advice I can give you is this ... I have no advice for you. In this situation, you can try any and all of the suggestions that have been given here, in any combination, and anything else you can think of that may change your outlook. You'll have to find the right thing or mix of things that will work for you. You can try distancing yourself, you can try knitting, you can try crossword puzzles, you can try taking a walk on a clear starry night, you can try reflecting in a church/synagogue/temple, you can try watching the faces of children as they play. You may still never loose that sad, troubled feeling inside. But I pray that you eventually find the right path for you, because you have an important purpose on this planet and you have a vital role in life...and sadly, in death. Stay strong while you search.

 

[Andreus]

thanks everyone for the well wishes and advice

I am just fine

it was an intense evening for me yersterday, but i knew what the posibilities were when i accepted the job, and i was evauated to make sure that i could handle it.

and i can

i selected the job because it made me feel like giving up my career last year wasn't so bad so long as i could help someone

sometimes helping people doesn't feel good

and i know that through personal experience

soo...

thanks

you guys are great

 

[paramedic_861]

I am a Paramedic and I know and feel what you have just went through. When I have a patient that does not make it and when I meet the family in the home or at the hospital it is very hard and painful to deal with. Like the others have said it is something that will take time for you to deal with. Talking to other people about it helps or at least it does with me.