Love in 30 days?

[backseatboy]

Hey guys. Happy Holidays! Sadly I'm having a real shitty one and don't know what to do.

I had my first official boyfriend last month. Facebook, Myspace, official basically all my friends from home and the whole campus knew. We both are 20, go to the same college and I was completely head over heals and trusted him with secrets I wanted to get off my chest about my friend Garrett. I was so happy and did everything I could during my college down time to be with him. Weekend trips to Germantown, Hot Springs, press passes to fashion shows, everything I could do.

About a week into the relationship he expressed interest in getting to know my friends. Which is completely acceptable. I wanted to introduce him to my friends on my terms, you know? Dinner together, maybe go to a party together. But he wanted to know their phone numbers, and add them of Facebook and Myspace. Sooner than later my friends start telling me that my boyfriend is talking to them via Facebook/Myspace and trying to get their phone numbers. And soon whenever me and my boyfriend hung out all he would talk about is Garrett in particular (the guy I told his secrets). He wanted to know everything about him. And me being a fucking idiot, I trusted him. I was pretty irritated that Garrett somehow gets all the attention and put up with it for a while, but two weeks later he wasn't feeling "sparks" and broke up with me.

This was right before Thanksgiving. I went home for college break and tried my best to deal with the break-up. I wasn't feeling "sparks" 24/7 but I was completely satisfied and was pretty hurt by the break-up (it being my first and everything). Then I get a message from my boyfriend saying that he loved me, and I said I loved him too. So much for getting over him over Thanksgiving Break.

A week after we get back from the break we talked about everything and he asked me how I would feel if he dated Garrett, hypothetically. I basically blew up at him. I was not over him and I couldn't see him dating anyone besides me, let alone a best friend of two years who is not even out of the closet. Garrett soon found out that my exboyfriend liked him and Garrett wanted me to tell my ex to leave him alone. But, Michael (my ex) thought I was being selfish and pursued on.

One afternoon Garrett had to visit me to get some headshots done for a acting job and he did not want Michael to know he was on campus. I texted Michael that Garrett and I had photos to do that night and that we will hang out tomorrow. Michael didn't respect my wishes and came knocking on my door. We didn't answer and that is when things got ugly. The next day Michael texts Garrett all the secrets I told and then 4 days later fucks my other friend, Brett, who convinced me to give Michael a chance in the first place. Why would Michael give up everything we had to have a one night stand with a "straight" guy who is ashamed of who he is? I guess I wasn't worth much to him.

Needless to say Garrett, Brett and I don't talk anymore. And I have been ignoring Michael for two weeks. But he is STILL calling me, leaving me sobbing voicemails, and long texts and Facebook messages. What is his problem? He keeps crying that he made a mistake, that he is verry (x5) sorry and that he misses me. He decided to pursue Garrett against my advice and now everything is fucked up beyond repair. You can't do that to me and still claim to care about me. Can you? What am I supposed to do now? Am I doing the right thing by ignoring him? I'll admit that I still have feelings for him and am trying to run as far away from him as possible because he is bad for me.

Dammit, the people I meet
[Broke Straight Boys]

 

[hanshansen]

What am I supposed to do now?

You yourself recognise that this person is bad for you and want to distance yourself from him. So do it in whatever way works for you. If it makes you feel better, be honest to him, tell him how you feel about everything he did and that you don't want to see him again.

But don't go back to him. I wouldn't even be friends with him. That's very simple, really. He's volatile, demanding and vindictive.

The more important question is whether you can and want to patch things up with your other friends. You were obviously very stupid to gossip about Garrett with Michael.

Dammit, the people I meet
[bsb]

The big lesson from this would seem to be that it's not wise to make friends with, let alone become madly infatuated with, everyone you meet. Choose your friends and partners a little more consciously. Take things slowly and give yourself time to evaluate whether they're worth it.

 

[Eagle653]

^^^I agree completely with everything Hanshansen says.

I think your biggest priority, if it's possible, is to repair your friendship with Garrett (and perhaps Brett). Just sit Garrett down and fess up and ask for forgiveness. It may take some time for Garrett to trust you again, but after two years, he should know you pretty well, and know what kind of man you really are.

Lastly, don't beat yourself up. This was your first romantic relationship. All of us screw up one or more along the way. Forgive yourself, but learn from your mistakes too...such as, trusting someone too fast; divulging friend confidences, infatuation tendencies, etc. If you can learn what went wrong in this whole scenario, you will be light years ahead of where you are now.

Good luck! Keep in touch with us and let us know how it's going.

 

[KaraBulut]

I'll admit that I still have feelings for him and am trying to run as far away from him as possible because he is bad for me.

Don't run. Stay where you're at but get your dysfunctional ex out of your life.

Don't listen to his pleas about how he made a mistake.

Don't take his calls. Block his text messages. Delete his emails wiithout reading them.

Forgive him. Forget him. Learn from the mistakes.

And remember that freaky boyfriends come and go. Good friends last a lifetime. So, work on fixing the damage that has been done with your friends.

Good luck.

 

[Muscles4daze]

Yeah man I gotta agree, keep your distance from that guy at all cost. Remember actions speak louder than words, if he really cared about you he would not have done those things to hurt you. I say forget about Brett and try and patch things up with Garret.

 

[backseatboy]

Thank you all so much. You all are really the only gays I can talk to that understand. If Michael still wants to talk after me after break I think I'll have my thoughts in order to have an effective conversation. I just felt so shitty for ignoring him. I feel like I'm being very mean. I guess because I've never done this before.

hanshansen, you are very right. I look very hard for love, even in people that aren't exactly right for me. I need to be more careful and insist on taking things slow.

KaraBulut, I will stay put literally. Truth be told he lives right down stairs (we live in upperclass houses with 16 other people). After our conversation, if we have one, I'll pull a Lauren Conrad "I forgive you, and want to forget you" and move on.

Eagle653, Garrett actually called me during the movies and will call him back tonight. I really hope he will forgive me because he is very important to me.

Muscles4daze, I am not too sure about Brett either. He pretty much knows what he did... And I keep reminding myself that his actions speak louder than words. He is a very smooth talker

, to all
[Broke Straight Boys]

 

[josher]

Michael has a severely disfunctional personality and will cause drama wherever he goes. And make no mistake this was done purposely, although not perhaps consciously. Do not let him back in your life.

(To use the cliche, it all sounds like junior high behavior.)

I hope you have also learned not to trash you friends to someone else, particularly someone who's a virtual stranger. Those kinds of comments will always come back to haunt you. Michael obviously wanted to hear all that, just in case he might want to use it someday.