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Love living alone, destined to be single?

T

Ttown86

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Hello, I'm hoping there's someone out there with similar experiences.

I'm 27, and have been living by myself for 7 years. I love it and always have. For the last 6.5 years I've been in a relationship. It ended yesterday morning. He lives and hour away, and for the last few years the relationship had been very casual I guess you could say. He was always busy and we would go months at a time without even seeing each other. I actually preferred this. My days off of work would come up and I would want them to myself. My mind works differently I guess. I love being by myself, but part of me just liked knowing he was there and I wasn't going to be single forever. I spent my teens thinking that would be the case.

As talks of moving in together finally got more serious, I kept thinking about how I didn't want to give up my own place. I don't even like sharing my bed. You can guess what happened when I told him I still didn't want to live with anyone and didn't think I ever wanted to live with anyone. I'm probably a jerk for letting the relationship last as long as it did. I kept hoping eventually I would get tired of living alone and we could progress. My feelings for him obviously aren't strong enough for me to give up my solitude. He was only my second boyfriend and I spent years thinking maybe I was just settling for him in fear of there not being anyone else for me (small town area)

I know this is for the best, I'd just like to hear if there's anyone else stuck in the same kind of situation.
 
i've known guys like this.

it doesn't really sink in until you're 35 or so when you start looking for a guy to call your own and settle down. everyone has his own time line. you'll get to yours. in the meantime, enjoy your freedom for what it is but be open to the possibility of meeting someone you can settle down with.
 
you sound exactly like my ex... I still feel like he led me on a bit.

but there are other people out there who feel just like you. perhaps you need to find someone you're on the same page with in that regard.
 
You're only destined to be alone if that's what you want.

If you want a relationship, there is no age restriction. There are people looking for that of any age.
 
I wouldn't call what you described a relationship but more casual acquaintances. I can tell just by your tone that there was little to no love in this "relationship" by the end and as yourself pointed out, it should have ended years ago. Chalk it up as a lesson learned.

In the long-run though, if you do want a lasting relationship with a guy, you're gonna have to tear down some barriers and give up some independence. I broke my habit by forcing myself to get some roommates. Relationships are all about compromise and when you start issuing ultimatums, that's a telltale sign it's not gonna last.
 
Thanks for the replies. At least I have the freedom now to figure out what I really want.
 
Be yourself. You'll know when you might have feelings that are strong enough for you to be willing to compromise and be more flexible. It seems as though you're fine with how things are.
 
Well, you are not alone. I am turning 50 this month, and feel the same way. Always did. I NEED my own space and cannot imagine living with someone every single day. I also prefer to sleep alone. I'm just more comfortable this way.

However, in my case I am totally ok with having only a fuckbuddy. At this point in my life I will likely never change and probably die alone. But I'm ok with that. You'll have to figure it out for yourself what you want. But 27 isn't really old to be single.
 
Ttown86 said:
Hello, I'm hoping there's someone out there with similar experiences.

I'm 27, and have been living by myself for 7 years. I love it and always have. For the last 6.5 years I've been in a relationship. It ended yesterday morning. He lives and hour away, and for the last few years the relationship had been very casual I guess you could say. He was always busy and we would go months at a time without even seeing each other. I actually preferred this. My days off of work would come up and I would want them to myself. My mind works differently I guess. I love being by myself, but part of me just liked knowing he was there and I wasn't going to be single forever. I spent my teens thinking that would be the case.

As talks of moving in together finally got more serious, I kept thinking about how I didn't want to give up my own place. I don't even like sharing my bed. You can guess what happened when I told him I still didn't want to live with anyone and didn't think I ever wanted to live with anyone. I'm probably a jerk for letting the relationship last as long as it did. I kept hoping eventually I would get tired of living alone and we could progress. My feelings for him obviously aren't strong enough for me to give up my solitude. He was only my second boyfriend and I spent years thinking maybe I was just settling for him in fear of there not being anyone else for me (small town area)

I know this is for the best, I'd just like to hear if there's anyone else stuck in the same kind of situation.
Click to expand...

I love living alone. I love living with my guy. But whether or not I live alone is so far down on my list of giving a shit that it's not even worth thinking about. I love wood-burning fireplaces too. But there is no possibility that my decision to have a relationship would depend on whether we could get a wood-burning fireplace or not. I should point out, I love living with my guy, not a guy. I don't know if I'd even be compatible with anyone else.

So my best guess is either you really are meant to be single, or you just found the wrong person for you and tried to make it work for way too long.
 
You are 27 and enjoy living alone and being single. That is fine. This decision doesn't have to be etched in stone for a lifetime, however. You might feel differently at 37 or 47. And you might not. Just keep an open mind.
 
Ttown86 said:
I'm 27, and have been living by myself for 7 years. I love it and always have. For the last 6.5 years I've been in a relationship. It ended yesterday morning. He lives and hour away, and for the last few years the relationship had been very casual I guess you could say. He was always busy and we would go months at a time without even seeing each other. I actually preferred this. My days off of work would come up and I would want them to myself. My mind works differently I guess. I love being by myself, but part of me just liked knowing he was there and I wasn't going to be single forever. I spent my teens thinking that would be the case.
Click to expand...

There's two different things going on here.

There's no requirement that people in a relationship live together. Sometimes it is something that evolves because of the amount of time that people in a relationship spend together- after a while, if you're sleeping over night after night, it's just more practical (and cheaper) to move in together.

Even if you live apart, it's still necessary to put effort into maintaining intimacy in a relationship... if, in fact, it is a "relationship". Going months without seeing each other is probably the sign that the relationship ended a lot time ago.

If you want to have relationships in the future, you won't have trouble finding someone who respects your need to be alone and to have your own private space. However, for the relationship to survive, there has to be a "we" space- not a physical space but instead time that you make for each other and that you spend together (not just in bed, either). It will be harder to find a relationship if you're not willing to make the effort to spend time together and give up some of your alone time to maintain the intimacy in the relationship.
 
I am in a 14 years relationship. We both have are own apartments, which we both own. We don't want to live together. We are lucky though, because we are 20 minutes drive, apart. Just because society is more open with gay couples and gay families, doesn't mean we all have to do it. Who says you will die alone? And never live with someone if you don't want to. Big chance you will end a good relationship. If you not ready to compromise, you will have endless fights over nothing and end up hating each other.
Besides, in years from now you might have a different opinion on the matter. You can always change you mind. It is your right.
 
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