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Love? Lust? What am I feeling? What can I do about it?

thermodynamics

thermodynamics

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I've been having breakfast recently with a guy who I found out is gay. See: http://www.justusboys.com/forum/showthread.php?t=125017

We'll call him "K" for now. We've gone to breakfast a few times, and I know he's gay and dating a guy (last I heard--November). He's the only gay engineerings student I know of so far (as am I--a real rarity), so we've got something in common. It's a great friendship.

But here's the problem:
Ever since we started having breakfasts and talking about being gay, etc..., I've gotten more and more attached to him. Now, I can hardly get him out of my head. I've dreamed of a future with him. The only problem with that...he's dating another guy (who I think is heavily closeted).

I'd like to know if what I'm feeling is love, lust, whatever.. Is it the famous "I want something I know I can't have" problem? Got any ideas? Any ideas on how to get over those feelings without casting him out of my life?

:cry:
 
Wow that is a tough one. I would help , but I have yet to be in a situation like that...
 
I think it's more lust. It could turn into love, but I wouldn't let it get that far.

This person is obviously unavailable. I don't see why you couldn't let him know how you feel, if you want, but you must respect the fact that he's in a relationship right now.

I think it'd be best to find someone who is available to you.
 
Let him know that you're available, young and unsure.

If he's interested and wants to make himself available - so be it.

Until then, it might be best to keep your hands of him.

Of course he may be an "open" relationship and then you'd have another question to ask yourself.

Keep in mind, however, that if he dumps his BF for another guy, you may find the exact same thing happening to you in the near future.

Good luck.
 
Maybe you are just feeling loneliness. Now that you have met someone who theoretically could be a partner for you the walls you have built up to deal with being alone are starting to come down. So you allow yourself to feel close to him and to hope for something more.

I think its normal. Its also maddening if the other guy is in a relationship because he really isn't available. Your loneliness may be down playing the size of that obstacle.

I'll mention one other thing. When you meet someone and spend time with them you can slowly become attracted to them and see things in them that you didn't originally see. It sounds like that is happening to you also. It doesn't mean love, just attraction.
 
You're just starting to be friends with someone who's gay like you (I assume that's the case--that you don't have bery many gay friends or close gay friends). It's natural that you may be exicted and jumping the gun and start imagining what could be with this guy because he's close, you're friendly and familiar with one another, you like him, and he's one of your few gay interactions.

I do this all the time with the limited gay people/friends I interact with and then in time I get over it and see them as friends.

So I'd say that this isn't a case of love or lust, just puppy love. Given more time, I think you'll likely see that you're just crushing and that you know you're both just friends.
 
STOP! LISTEN!

thermodynamics, you have an excellent opportunity, right now, to double the gay friends you know. The next time you go for breakfast ask if his bf can join the two of you. Keep K as a friend and meet his bf you all may get along and if that is the case you now have two gay friends. Mention if they are going out some night, if they don't mind, could you join them. You will meet some more gay guys. Before you know it, you will have more and more gay friends and one of the guys you meet through them may be the one! Gay friends are much more valuable than a sex encounter. Your gay friends are your saftey/social net.
You have an excellent opportunity here, don't "blow" it, pun intended. (*8*)

Keep us informed on how its going!
Don
 
The way I see your situation Thermo buddy, you've become so excited about having your first gay friend that you're getting so involved and allowing natural feelings to flow for him - and you may be interpreting this as romantic love ... however, keep in mind that it IS possible to love this guy but as a friend and only you can decide what that will be, noting that he is attached. Guaranteed that the more gay men you meet, the more in perspective you will find your feelings for your friend become.

NOT that you are doing this, but I personally don't see how some guys find it fascinating to latch on to other guys who are already taken. I mean, if they are hot, it's OK to salivate from afar :eek: but if they are in a relationship - that needs to be understood and respected.

You're smart and you I know will do good - I would hold off on telling him how you think you feel since you're not even sure how you feel.

(*8*)
 
eh, if he's with someone else I'd let it go.

btw, I know a lot of gay guys in engineering at my school...but they don't act stereotypically gay, so you would really never know unless you get to know them.
 
ivyguy24 said:
btw, I know a lot of gay guys in engineering at my school...but they don't act stereotypically gay, so you would really never know unless you get to know them.
Click to expand...

Amen to that. Both me and K...you'd never guess it. And I mean NEVER.

Thanks for all the advice. I kinda figured it was sort of "puppy love," largely in response to me finally being out and openly interested in other guys.

I definitely know it's "hands off".
 
love n lust are a package. always together but always in different levels of either one. ya cant separate em man.
 
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