Love triangle... Just very one sided.

[evil_danger]

Here’s this for bizarre, my two best friends in the world right now… I think I’m in love with them both, only they clearly have a much closer ‘friendship’ than I do with either of them. (Not naming names, they are simply Girl and Guy)

So you got this girl, I’ve known her a year, always been good friends, but recently got really close, we chat for hours on end alone about life, love random shit, I know that I think I love her, everyone knows that I think I love her, even her.

Then you got this guy, best thing since slices bread, he’s a charmer and a flirt, I imagine bi-curious hes never said he wouldn't have a relationship with a guy. not known him that long but we get on so well it feels like I’ve known him years. I think I love the idea of loving him, I do love him as a friend, I’ve told him as much. The girl knows I have feelings for him two, he only knows I have feelings for her.

They slept together a few weeks ago, the girl told me, I said it was okay, I told the guy I know, he said sorry and "Ive been dreading this conversation, but i knew it was coming" and my exact words were “don’t you fucking dare be sorry, you have nothing to be sorry for” I don’t care, the girl said it was a meaningless fling, the guy just kept saying sorry, not telling me his feelings.

The girl tells me everything, she says she wouldn’t risk my friendship with her over the guy although she admits to having feelings that aren’t “love” but maybe there is something there, I said it wouldn’t ever come to that, I’m happy if she’s happy, I wouldn't make her choose, although I also say not to take my advice because I have personal stake in the issue.

I don’t think the guy would do anything cos he knows I like the girl.

What a mess, I just basically an hour ago in a chat with the guy said “I’m just putting this out there, if you two are happy together, that’s okay by me” basically giving my blessing.

I think I’m doing the right thing, I could never act on my feelings either way because I would end up hurting one of them, I think it was important for me to ‘give my blessing’ so to speak, even though it would rip me up inside, but I don’t want to have them choose between me or each other. I mean if I knew they would have a happy and fulfilling life together I would step back, even cut my ‘friendship losses’ and move on if it would make things easier.

Although the girl has always said “friends come first always” ultimately I find that hard to believe.

What really hurts me is that I get the feeling I’m not being told everything, I’ve made it clear to both of them that I’ll only be really upset if I’m the last to know.

Its hard because we also all work in the same place, very rarely at the same time though, but the rumours of them being together are flying fast, and there trying not to let them get to me, which is funny because other people I work with have no idea of my involvement and are quick to tell me things I shouldn’t be hearing.

Gah I hate feeling things. What I hate more is i could easily destroy anything they might have just by being a bastard, although this would probably make them a stronger couple.

Gah, im not really looking for advice, just thought I would let the world laugh at my problems.

 

[pausanias_usa]

Don't let these little games get to you. And that's all it is. I think you behaved appropriately -- find yourself someone special all to yourself and stay away from the fray.

I imagine if it goes badly with those two everyone will wind up uncomfortable. So I'd keep a distance if I were you (yea, easily-given advice, I know! hard to do, however).

 

[Horschallen]

You deserve better, so try begin taking steps to move on and enjoy their friendship with no strings attached.

 

[evil_danger]

You both give good advice, but are easier said than done, the girl is the type of friend who will notice if I step back.

When I’m hurt, angry or upset I do step back, I quietly walk away with no one paying attention. Like last night, we went out for a drink because she’s on holiday for 2 weeks now, the girl and the guy kept going for fags (new smoking ban in the UK, had to smoke outside) which annoyed me as I was only there to say bye to her and she kept ditching me often 25 mins at a time. Eventually a photo was taken of them snogging, an example of my other friends not knowing my involvement and telling me things I shouldn’t or wouldn’t want to know. I quietly sulk off somewhere and wait for the girl and the guy, damn my luck for being the driver of the evening.

Apparently it was a joke, they were playing for the camera, I’m sorry but who does that, when she knew it would get back to me, and she knew it would hurt me. Okay that’s me being silly, they were both drunk(ish) and after telling them both I don’t care if they want a thing together, why would they then lie and say they were playing to the camera, so clearly they were just playing to the camera and having a laugh. But then there was this hand holding thing going on in the car, which makes me want to say “I was kind enough to give you a lift home, just be polite and either tell me your together, or do it behind my back, you cant have both” I can't defend them on that other than they were drunk(ish).

Yeah I know, I need to back away a bit, the girl being on holiday makes things easier, cools things down a bit, I can stop feeling emotionally empty for a change.

Lol why do I always post my problems on here, you guys don’t wanna hear this! guess its just nice to know someones listening, I mean who do you talk to when the only person you can talk to is part of the problem?

 

[G-Lexington]

It sounds like you're handling this well. Here's my only question.

"I imagine bi-curious hes never said he wouldn't have a relationship with a guy."

That's sort of a leap, don't you think? I mean, most of my friends haven't out-and-out said they wouldn't have a relationship with a guy, but I doubt many (if any) of them are bi-curious. Of course, you might be privvy to other signs, but I just thought I'd point that out.

Lex

 

[Just_Believe18]

It sounds like you gave your "blessing" at face value but expect their relationship to be 24/7 news to you. That's inappropriate because if two people fall together, they have no obligation to disclose anything to you. Friend or not, privacy can change with new relationships and you may need to accept that.

You are experiencing a form of jealously/envy. Unfortunately I can't ask you to "stop" feeling that way because it's not an emotion that can be switched off.

I hope you are able to resolve this somehow as you are in a bit of a predictament of having to work with them at the same job.

 

[evil_danger]

Yeah Lex I know my feelings for the guy are pointless, although he is VERY flirty with me, the amount of touching and just sexual 'jokes' that he desplays really confuse me and I think thats probably the most confusing issue there, almost like he wants me to fancy him. I have asked him if he would ever sleep/be in a relationship with a guy, he didn't say no, more onlong the lines of he just hasn't met the right guy, which at that point in time did sound like a come on, although my feelings betray me all the time.

Just believe, you make a great point and I do forget that not everything is mine to know, but the girl does treat her 'relationship' with him as 24/7 news to me. Im just going to be blunt and tell her that, if they are together thats fine, just friends thats fine too, but as she knows how I feel she cant expect me to listen to her go on about the complexities of them hooking up.

I think both of them enjoy people finding them atractive, the fact that I havn't had a real relationship for 3 years probably makes me a good target lol!

Thanks for the help, things I think I needed to hear there.

 

[Gooey45]

I was in this exact predicament last year i dont think you really fancy him or her you just fancy the fact that their in a relationship you said you havent been in one in 3 years everyone who is single hates their friends hooking up believe me especially if you have to hear them talking about the other all the time simply say this to yourself and to both of them.

I am not a third wheel i am not here to witness your relationship help you with the relationship im both your friend.But i will not hang with you both at the same time i will hang separately is not because i like either of you is because i could care less about your relationship i dont want to be your middleman. And thats it. The best way to get the guy off your back about it is say Yo at any time you want to fuck her just say the word and ill take you both to a telly and thats it same to the girl tell her youll get him to fuck her etc.. watch them leave you be in one second their trying to mess with you.

The way i know is because they lie to you about their relationship knowing you know the truth just let them know you dont give a fuck about their relationship and that your not dealing with them both at the same time, thats it.

 

[evil_danger]

I sort of know what your trying to say Gooey, but I have liked both of them in a more than friend way since before they met each other (I introduced them, silly me).

I do have jealousy issues though, not with them, I’m just paranoid about my friendship with both of them, that’s probably more important to me, my friends always seam to hook up with each other for some reason or another, and I always become less and less important in their lives. Even when my friends aren’t hooking up with each other, I get pushed out whenever a new relationship comes along.

Anyway Im going to use the girl being on holiday to get chatting with the guy, not to spy on their relationship, I wanna find out more about his sexuality (rumours he’s done a guy and is a good lay, but I dont mean like that, just curious how he stands on being with a guy) and just get to know him more, as much as I would say he’s one of my good friends he’s one of the distant ones I don’t chat to, we mostly joking flirt around, Me: “Can I grab that bottle” Him: “Grab what ever you like, I’m easy”

I think I’m quite pissed off I cant test his sexuality after a few pints lol, cos if it gets back to the girl I have destroyed our friendship Teehee, maybe that’s why I’m feeling the way I feel! hahaha

 

[Gooey45]

I see so you feel like you been in love with both of them.The best thing i would recomend is to quit one of them you cant have both.If he was going on vacation and she was staying would you try to get intimate with her?

 

[evil_danger]

I wasn't really trying to get intimate, just get to know him better.

 

[evil_danger]

Update: well the guy and me haven’t got intimate, but he’s giving strong messages that he wouldn’t be opposed to the idea.

I made a flirty joke on Friday, he looked me in the eye like he was mad, but then he had a smile on his face. Well we were just stood there for at least 30 seconds looking at each others eyes, I felt myself want to move in and I was very turned on, then he jumped and said “boo” we had a similar moment again this morning, but it turned into funny faces being pulled at each other. Both times where very public and in working hours so it wouldn’t have happened anyway.

I get the feeling he likes the idea of everyone falling for him, he was stroking me all weekend, I don’t do public affection much, even if I’m with someone I don’t, I’m not that kinda person, so its weird to have someone run his hands down your back and chest, okay he did it when it was ‘safe’ too, but its still something straight guys don’t do. This might sound totally obvious and clearly he’s got a thing for me, but you have to meet him to understand that’s most likely just what he’s like as a person. Although I did note he made a point of telling me he was bisexual, when 2 weeks ago he said he wasn’t too sure, maybe he has got some feelings and he’s just trying for me to make the first move, or maybe its just deepening a friendship.

God women are so much easier than men are.


I need a healthy start with someone i dont work with! but if i become distant to his afection I could end up loosing a friend.