love?!

[maxpowr9]

Even from the way you are talking, it seems like he has all the "power" in the relationship which is never a good thing.

guess all I can do is just stay miserable until he comes to me.

...is particularly disturbing. If you two can't sit down and have a civil conversation, it is time to walk away. Of course the same can be said about any relationship.

 

[CHUCK905]

I'm sorry; I may be dense but this isn't computing. You're miserable, you know he's miserable. And you're not breaking up, WHY? Breakups are hard and messy and especially if you still love the person and he you. BUT, one of you has to grow a pair and make the move. And since it's not going to be him, kbear, sorry but that leaves it up to you. Unless you enjoy being miserable and having your love be miserable in a loveless relationship of convenience. Sometimes one has to grit one's teeth and rip the bandaid off. Otherwise you wind up slowly peeling it off one painful hair at a time.

<<I would let him go even though it would be hard at first but as I said he isn't making anymore attemps to talk to me about it just his brother and others. I guess all I can do is just stay miserable until he comes to me.>>

 

[swdguy]

Rule #1: Tell him that you love him no matter what.

Rule #2: Tell him that you're there everyday

Rule #3: Tell him that he can talk to you about anything

Rule #4: Stay out of his privacy - including his facebook. You crossed the line.

 

[KaraBulut]

The disconcerting thing about your post is the fact that you're using words like "miserable" to describe your situation.

Counseling is an option for you- not to try to repair the relationship but instead to provide a place where the two of you can communicate and figure out how you're going to resolve the situation.

 

[mpdan]

Seven...year...itch
Sorry for the chiche, but it was running through my mind while reading.

You have been through a lot together, do either of you really want to start over again? Get couples therapy. Take a two week break alone and see how it feels. When done you will either want to talk or go your separate ways- but at least with more conviction. I'm bettin' you stay together.

Of course I recently did the above and well, my decision can be found by checking my status to the left.

 

[Seasoned]

My partner and I will celebrate 28 years together this summer. Our story could be a movie and that is one of the reasons I stay so connected to this forum. Real and imagined hurt, addiction issues, violence, etc. Not pretty, but we promised we'd work on it, make amends and realized we have a heart connection so strong it was magical.

The fear that couples have in communicating is literally what will kill the relationship. Bad relationships can kill a person.

From my perspective this is the key: a commitment to couples counseling to learn and practice fair fighting; a commitment to honesty, a commitment to finding a mantra of sorts so when shit starts to happen, someone starts the mantra which you both complete. It stops the argument and reconnects you. Running away changes nothing. Venue changers are some of the most miserable people on the plant.

I have lots more to say and you may pm me anytime. Good luck to both of you.

 

[terps420]

Relationships are complicated.

Either you love him and want things to work out or you don't.

Maybe you should make a choice?