Loving relationship is basically selfish

[DigitalFudge]

Define selfish

 

[HunterM]

No. Loving is sharing with each other.

 

[sixthson]

Quite the contrary.

 

[ibill1]

No. What everyone else said.

 

[SLOPPYSECONDS]

yeah
they call um banks wot giv pocket money ta worlds doodoo ta play with
* sure no polis? *
^ writers? ^
& media fine job &
^ not white rabbits? ^

anyway WOT?
% oohs yes it a reminds a time wens wos nos famous perosn Hohohoho %
^ in 5 4 3 2 1 ^
ya ons air
% ooh %

wot?
ya nose so many couples wot lords ova lands ans shit so relationship is a odd word wne humans use it

so pass

thankyou

 

[looseliam]

I think relationships in general are codependent nightmares.

 

[pat grimshaw]

Selfishness is normal for human beings. I say selflessness is for the self-haters, the deluded and Catholics.

A good relationship is where both guys can be selfish complementarily.

 

[Beachguyj]

Agree?..........................

Disagree. ... it's healthy.

 

[SLOPPYSECONDS]

is like relationship earth moon sun got

unless sun hicups

few more so it kool

ans any relationship wot make da icecream LICKS ans dat extra sumthang wot add
$ chocos ! $
ooh ya bads ya is
# ans
not gonna ear ya
@ ans

there go

% ans

 

[FPNY]

I call shenanigans.........

 

[backagain]

Just like masturbation

 

[Telstra]

Yes and no.

Yes and no ...

 

[HunterM]

If loving you is wrong, then I don't want to right.

 

[Telstra]

One of the longest post I ever wrote here but it's worth reading :


Well, I have a reason to say this: Loving relationship is basically selfish because of my experiences down the road, it's a bit sad actually . Once I thought: If love is unconditional, why should I get a boyfriend based on type, status, background, shape, color and other personal expectation? Why dont I just loving a guy just the way he is? Why dont excelerate when the feeling is right? In the very first month of exploration..I becoming what it's like a "humanist lover." I open to everyone..unconditionally, let off my guard, carefree and quite easy like a free slut
I've encountered few guys whose totally not my type and quite desperate, but I keep giving them green light. One of them has age related issue, the other because he's not in shape. Both of them lied in age, they gave me false, not current photo.
But..because Im in mission, I gave them all green light.
And just like I imagined, all of them giving me the most sweet experience in my life. We're getting along very well, the compatibility quite magical. Every bit of those guys have sweet things that I like, a keeper quality. They're different but unique.
I can see 5/10 years steady future with them.

However, half down the road I started feeling uneasy. It seems I lifted them up but neglect some of my personal needs. One of them giving me just the right amount of sexual satisfaction with his skills (he blows me to heaven) but I kind of uneasy with the out of shape one..
both of them are not my type, that means HARDER to cum.
And right now I start realize that God created good looking guy is to raise boner. Positively

I gotta ended those relationships very soon. Im glad I had backup plan behind my backup plan: I told them that Im a serious anti social (which is true) and I need considerable lots of free time and NOT into relationship..that works quite well with the older guy but the out of shape? I seriously can't see second round with him (in bed) he's just..when he forgot to reply my text, I used that moment to cut him off completely. I know, sorry that was mean and bad!! I wont do that again!! ~_~

He hasn't had sex for years..until I knocked on his door. He said he had one of the best experience ever, he never felt such a connection with a guy for long period of time.

but I cut him off and Im not proud of myself. Well, if I like to be a heartbreaker, but Im not. Do you know what it felt like? It felt like I put a puppy in a box and threw him on the side of road, or giving him to adoption.
That wasn't a nice feeling!!

Love is free, it's without form, it's unconditional. When you love someone...that means you're ABLE to ignite that feeling to EVERYONE.
I dont believe if a person said: Im totally dead end with him. Dead end for what? Nothing is dead end with another human being, whether you're extremely compatible or incompatible, you'll earn/learn/experiencing, you must get something from him!
I've been there, I proved my theory right. However,a companion relationship or what we call: "boyfriend" has more tangible elements.
Now I realize that my sister, whose 3 years younger than me, she's engaged and going strong with her boyfriend for 3 years. All of the efforts will be nothing if the first initial approach went sour. My sister is famous for being very picky with a guy. If he looks like shit, momma's boy, can't take charge of himself, dont expect her to reply.
And also, if he's African native, not african american but originated from countries such as Somalia, Ethiopian, etc..my sister just black list all of them. It might because her unpleasant experience with those people when she worked at bank or maybe because she's straight racist to them. I never know..but when we talked about African people she always say they're stupid, stink and rude.

Now back on my sister's relationship, what I try to take example from her is that ALL the first INITIAL reaction of people getting along together is because of superficial reason. We're giving green light to a guy because he's consciously/unconsciously fit our list. Riggggghhhhhhhhhttttt?
My sister won't accept her vietnamese boyfriend, if he looks like shit and unemployed. That guy is a looker and fit and able to take charge.

Intangible thing is love, love is pure but tangible elements in relationship
have its high and low
What I call considerable tangible elements such as...
1. Understanding
2. Caring
3. Protecting
4. One of the most important element in relationship: communication.
5. et cetera

But there are low elements in rltship as well
1.Status
2.Money (Gold digger)
3.Ownership (controlling)
4. Sex
5. add more

My problem/achilles heel/weakness is...sex.
Im basically a T&A guy (Tits&Ass) He doesn't has to be super gorgeous, if a guy doesn't has T&A to play (very low cushion) I dont think I wanna play with him or I might get bored easily not to mention that situation will increase infidelity if T&A-less guy wants to commit.
And I have physical perfection quest as well that must be achieved otherwise I can't stop looking for it.
Sex is like a glue, it bonds people, you can say that's not the most important thing but I think it's the thing that keeps me coming back to particular guy, to make me WANTS him.
Funny, 'cuz it seems my humanist love is far beyond this physical realm but Im still tied in primal physical element such as sex.

But when I try to be humanitarian, accept everyone regarding background, status, shape, color , age and I even push forward gender....
Unfortunately, that doesn't work.

I will neglect myself, unhappy and torn...

Mission accomplished, Im not gonna be humanitarian lover again, Im back using my "selfish" need to attract partner that I want.

Even though I might experience otherworldly experience with an average guy next door, even though I might make a hell of night for him and lift his spirit.

If Im not happy, what's that for?

For those who in relationship, you might think you've been unconditionally to him, you think your love is pure and the highest entity on earth. But that's not the case, "amor" love can happen anywhere, anytime, and with everyone (unless children and animal because a sane person won't experience amor-love to them.)

You see? When you block/ignore someone from dating site or at the bar or somewhere else. Ask back your reason? Don't just block and sleep away under the radar.
If he's approach you nicely and you block him...that must be selfish reason from you to decline.

Loving relationship..I thought the most beautiful and pure thing on earth, but I dont think so right now.
Loving relationship is not sacred as you think.
It's an ego puzzle, a puzzle made of pieces of your puzzle and his puzzle
all human has expectation, if it's match then it'll bond
if not, the bond will lessen and easy to break.

If he's match your heart but he has different color, shape or type of intellect than you expected, you guys will more likely not bond and that's the way it is..

but love is beyond those puzzles....
I've been there

mmmm there are so many issues there ......

I'll make it simple.
If you like sucking cocks, sucking nice healthy cocks is love ..............

 

[ibill1]

Love is much more than the satisfaction from sex.

Giving of oneself extends way beyond the bedroom. In addition to what Tombastep said very well, there is the fulfillment that comes from helping a partner earn a degree, take a dream trip, work together in a charity, or just take a walk together.

Humanity is highly complex, and evolved socially to interact much with one another. How we conceive of those interactions, especially the limits or lack thereof, affects our happiness within society. One does not have to conceive of monogamy as ownership of another soul, as it is possible to simply belong with one another, just a certain plants and animals belong in certain microcosms.

Partnership. There is something one knows right away, but there is also the aspect of building a life together.

Don't be so quick to think you have figured it out -- age can bring wisdom. Allow it.

I figured it out since I lived it for over 33yrs. Meeting at 17 yrs. old we grew into adulthood together. Every decision we made in all those years would always be what was best for both of us. When it was something I had to decide I always did what would make him happy. My entire exsistance revolved around him and I don't regret that for one minute. The joy and happiness in my life occured mostly when I did something that made him smile or something that made him happy. We had complete dedication to each other and everthing was so easy. It just came naturally to us and when you find true love this is the outcome.

Sex was great but it was just another part of our relationship, the fun part. I know this sounds odd, but in all those years I can only recall having one argument, and a stupid one at that, about a Thanksgiving turkey! LOL

I made some career decisions solely on the fact that they would take me away from him more than I thought I could tolerate so I turned them down. He did also. Selfish? I don't think so.

 

[zoltanspawn]

Genuine selflessness is extraordinarily rare, I think. Even those who pursue selfless actions like generosity, kindness and self-sacrifice are motivated by a selfish desire to be selfless, a selfish desire to enjoy feeling kind, etc. So how can one truly act selflessly? It must be very hard.

I think your kindheartedness is a superb quality, Joswan. Taking the problem of selfishness seriously isn't exactly typical. But given the unsurprising difficulties around it, I think it's fair to say that a little selfishness isn't such a bad thing. With a little selfishness, you may end up bringing more happiness into the world than without any at all.

 

[Adrock-JD]

Define loving.

The opposite of hating.

Define selfish

The opposite of loving.

 

[HunterM]

Joswan,

Unconditional love is ideal but rare. We do not live in an ideal/perfect world. We all have our limits on how much we can tolerate. If your partner is a habitual emotional and physical abuser, would you still love him unconditionally? If you know your partner is a serial killer, would you still love him unconditionally? If you know your partner is a meth addict spending all your money on his habit, would you still love him unconditionally? Would you still stand by your man? Some people might. But I wouldn't. We are all adults. We are accountable for our own actions. My love has limits.

Solely focusing on whether love is selfish or not is a very myopic view on love. It's like seeing only each blade of grass and missing the entire meadow. It's like seeing each tree and missing the entire forest. It's like seeing each body cell and missing the entire human body form. Love is not one dimensional. It is multifaceted.

Love begins from within. If you don't love yourself, you can't share your love with others. If you don't have money for yourself, you can't share money with others. If you don't know how to drive a car, you can't teach someone else how to drive. If you don't take care of your health and end up being sick all the time, you cannot take care of others. So love has to begin with oneself...so you can share with others. THAT to me is not selfish.

 

[Just_Believe18]

Yes, those loving LTR couples are so selfish, which is why I get in on their relationship with threesomes and enjoy their passionate lovemaking with them. ;D

 

[braex27]

Yes. All relationships are inherently selfish. People are with others because they need something, want something, want to avoid something...etc.

The selfishness of love and the recklessness it brings about in us is perfectly captured in this short poem from Yeats:

The Mermaid

A mermaid found a swimming lad,
Picked him for her own,
Pressed her body to his body,
Laughed; and plunging down
Forgot in cruel happiness
That even lovers drown