Low Self Esteem & Meeting Guys...

[Gin&Tonic]

I'm just wondering how I can ever meet anyone, if I am not happy with myself.
More accurately; how can I love other people, when I don't love myself.

I really don't want to be single forever.

 

[JetSetJake]

It's true that you should be able to love yourself before someone else can love you, however, there is also a difference between loving yourself and believing that somebody else could love you. So maybe it's worth asking yourself which of those it is, as the solution for each is different IMHO.

Self-esteem is a struggle, but then if you've only had negativity, bad experiences and rejection, then your self-esteem does take a battering. This I know from experience.

However, all of these things are surmountable - especially with the help of some good friends.

If you'd like to talk anything over anytime, you're welcome to PM me

Take care

 

[G-Lexington]

Treat the symptom.

Why don't you love yourself?
What will it take for you to love yourself?

You don't have to be hot, slim, fashionable, smooth, or anything else to love yourself. I'm proof positive of that.

Lex

 

[KaraBulut]

More accurately; how can I love other people, when I don't love myself.

What are you doing to deal with your issues?

 

[PlayingwithChance]

I know exactly how you feel. And no matter how many times your friends tell you you have an amazing personality, you're hot, etc... it just doesn't work.

I'm in the same boat, and because I have a very low opinion of myself and my appeal to other men, I'm just too paralyzed to actually pursue anyone worth pursuing.

Wish I could help you bud

 

[kiltlover]

I'm another in this situation. It's hard. Sometimes I get glimpses of what could happen for me, but then the realisation that the man of my dreams is stuck in my dreams takes hold and I retreat back into myself.

Take things a step at a time, that's what I seem to be doing. I had a date with a really great guy the other week, I thought we really hit it off but then he never called me again. But instead of dwelling on the fact that he didn't pursue his interest and questioning what it was about me that must have put him off meeting me again, I'm trying to focus on the fact that initially he liked me enough to ask me out. And even though nothing came of it, it boosted my confidence a little bit.

Don't let others force you to do things you are not comfortable with. I let my friends force me into talking to a guy last night and it ended up just making me miserable. I wish I hadn't listened to them really, but then again I surprised myself with my courage to just go up to someone and talk to them.

But what do I know? You don't have to listen to me. Listen to yourself. Start by believing that things will change for you. And try not to lose faith. S/He's out there, looking for you - give him/her a little time and, more importantly, use that time to work on yourself - it'll make finding him/her easier.

 

[Gin&Tonic]

It's true that you should be able to love yourself before someone else can love you, however, there is also a difference between loving yourself and believing that somebody else could love you. So maybe it's worth asking yourself which of those it is, as the solution for each is different IMHO.

Self-esteem is a struggle, but then if you've only had negativity, bad experiences and rejection, then your self-esteem does take a battering. This I know from experience.

However, all of these things are surmountable - especially with the help of some good friends.

If you'd like to talk anything over anytime, you're welcome to PM me

Take care

thanks JetSetJake, I really appreciate your reply

 

[Gin&Tonic]

Treat the symptom.

Why don't you love yourself?
What will it take for you to love yourself?

You don't have to be hot, slim, fashionable, smooth, or anything else to love yourself. I'm proof positive of that.

Lex

I don't love myself because of my weight. I would need to lose all this weight before I can love myself.
It seems damn near impossible,

I just want to be happy.

:/

 

[Gin&Tonic]

What are you doing to deal with your issues?

I try to eat healthy.. I fail... I try to diet... I fail...
It's like I don't have enough will-power.
Maybe I can only blame myself.


I don't know what else to do.

 

[G-Lexington]

I don't love myself because of my weight. I would need to lose all this weight before I can love myself.
It seems damn near impossible,

You can be overweight and happy. Again, I'm proof positive of that.

But if you want to lose weight, then just set yourself some more realistic goals. You didn't become overweight overnight, or in a week, or a month. You're not going to lose the weight overnight, or in a week, or a month either. So set about doing some things long-term. Don't try to starve yourself thin. Take smaller steps.

* Everything you eat - skip the last bite. Toss the last bite of the Twinkie away. Pour that last bit of that drink down the drain. Leave the last bite of your restaurant dish on the plate. (Too tempted to eat it if it sits there? Pour salt on it.)
* Make some obvious changes that aim towards healthier eating. No more mayo on your sandwiches. Have diet soda instead of regular. Have a salad before your dinner instead of fried cheese sticks.
* Pick one day a week to eat healthy all the way through. Just one. Eat vegetarian on Wednesdays. Skip your salad dressings, snack on a dill pickle instead of cookies, whatever.
* Remove temptation. Don't keep potato chips and chocolate chocolate chip ice cream at home - you'll just eat it. Keep some fresh fruit and veggies around, along with some plain crackers or other bulky items that you can't eat a ton of.
* Exercise. This is key. You'll lose a lot more weight than diet alone. No, you can't run a marathon, but you can walk around the block. So do it. Walk at a brisk pace. If you think you can do it twice, great, do it twice. Then, as you get better at it, push it to three times.

It'll take time. You won't be skinny tomorrow, or next week, or probably even next month. But it'll start adding up. The weight will start coming off. And since you won't be heavily depriving yourself of things, you won't feel the need to "fall off the diet train". If you skip meatless Wednesday one week, make Thursday meatless instead. If you didn't walk around the block yesterday, do it twice today. It's fairly simple to make up for lost ground. Keep at it. It took me four months to lose 30 lbs, but I did it. When I started, I couldn't run half a block - now I can do four miles. You can, too.

Lex

 

[KaraBulut]

I try to eat healthy.. I fail... I try to diet... I fail...
It's like I don't have enough will-power.
Maybe I can only blame myself.

I don't know what else to do.

These things end up being circular arguments- "I'm fat because I don't like myself and I don't like myself because I'm fat"... "No one will love me because I'm fat and I'm fat because I can't find anyone who will love me"....

At some point, you have to break the cycle. It usually begins from within- liking yourself and feeling good about yourself. The next step is starting to work on the things that you want to change.

Here's something you need to know: it's usually not about the weight. When it comes to your issues with food- it's almost always about self-esteem. And when it comes to finding a boyfriend, it's usually that the weight is an excuse not to get involved or a convenient excuse to blame for why the relationships don't work out.

It's seldom just the weight.

 

[jamie_01930]

I'm just wondering how I can ever meet anyone, if I am not happy with myself.
More accurately; how can I love other people, when I don't love myself.

I really don't want to be single forever.

My self esteem has been in the toliet fir years but one day I thibk I will get it to be where it should be.

but now your present problem its what I call grabing you balls and cock and doing things you would normally not do. If you were to go a a gay bar and stood in a cornor and put on your best smile and looked like you just got off I bet you would have some company before you know it okay your not a cornor person. then sit at the busy part of the bar where there is just that one seat while there are several empty at the end

when you least expect something will be said and you will be in or close to in part of the conversion.


when people don't have this problem thay just don't understand what you are going through, But as a shrink once told me "Fake it till you make it"

it actually works

jamie

 

[Tizinsane]

I used to think that saying about loving yourself was silly but i've learned in recent years that its absolutely 1000% true.

Now, about the weight issue. Take a nice, long hike in the woods. Wear an iPod. The woods is a very peaceful, private place. You dont have to worry about anyone staring at u or judging you. I lost 25 pounds in a year, mostly because of hiking.

 

[MaxMouse]

What other people are saying is right...it's not just weight. Ever. I worked out and worked out and worked out and was never happy with my body. Still really am not. Other people are...but I don't see it still. I'm still single, still a virgin. There are def. other things. I do feel like I love myself but I might not. Things that I look at:

People around me who make me happy (how lucky am I to have these friends? SO lucky)

My job/student situation (I got myself here, I want to go here, am I on the way? YES, a positive!)

Other people who are happy or appear happy (are they perfect? No! They have problems too...They deal with them)


I will tell u first: Never say never about losing weight. I would totally go for that. It will make u feel better, even if it's not a complete happy at the end of it! (likely it won't be) But you can do it! You REALLY can. It happens ALL THE TIME. Go for it, don't look back.

Key= Exercise...Not constantly necessarily, little things. Two steps at a time, walking faster. Try to take soda out of your diet. (don't drink diet instead! Does not help a bit!) Switch to juice (this does help---don't overdo it!)

Eat chocolate once a day, and don't regret it! You got rid of soda, remember?

No potato chips! Baked are OK if you NEED them. This was admittedly not difficult for me as I don't love chips/munchies anyways.

Be happy with who you are......do it. And everyone else will be happy with you. Accept it and assume everyone will accept you too. It will happen, people will enjoy you and then you will slowly become more and more happy with yourself. It's pushing over that 30 ft. wall right now that is the problem. DO IT!

 

[backpacker]

There is a lot of great advice above. Many people end up over weight because they don't love themselves. They substitute food for whatever is missing in their lives. I suspect you could fall into this category. While losing weight would be a good thing for your physical health, I doubt that would solve your emotional issues. I would suggest you seek some professional counseling to help identify the underlying issue and deal with them. Good luck!