Make $140,000+ but still unhappy...

[StlKj]

Hey guys,

This thread now resides in Coming out and relationships - a no flame, on topic zone.

Please keep your posts on topic from here on in, and offer Bidude the support and advice that this forum is renown for. Its a position that most of us have found ourselves in or find ourselves in now, and its one best handled with freindship and encouragement.

Thanks guys!!

Thanks, tallguy!!

 

[belamy]

Um, I didn't see anyone suggesting medication. A couple of us did recommend a therapist. Even if you weren't gay, it sounds like your family life growing up might be a good reason to see one just to make sure you can build healthy adult relationships.

Go back and reread the responses in the morning, bidude, when you've had some time to put the evening's emotions behind you. If you read them carefully and unemotionally, maybe you'll see that only one post in this whole thread slammed you--the others, even Jasun's, were pretty encouraging and/or supportive.

Good luck to you.

I think JUB bitchland may prove to be far more helpful and far less expensive than a certified trickster... and I often think that what is not very healthy is not some people's psyche, but their supposedly "normal" and "healthy" environment.
I still think the most important for bidude is to focus not so much on what he hates about his life, or how he thinks it should be, or what would be nice... but what he really wants it to be.

 

[StlKj]

I think JUB bitchland may prove to be far more helpful and far less expensive than a therapist... and I often think that what is not very healthy is not some people's psyche, but their supposedly "normal" and "healthy" environment.
I still think the most important for bidude is to focus not so much on what he hates about his life, or how he thinks it should be, or what would be nice... but what he really wants it to be.

JUB can only be so helpful, belamy--especially since he's been here nearly three years and still is feeling this way.

And you're exactly right--when we let ourselves really think about what it is we want, instead of what we don't want, that's when we start making the most strides. The want has to be the goal of what will be--not the wish for what can't be.

 

[belamy]

JUB can only be so helpful, belamy--especially since he's been here nearly three years and still is feeling this way.

If he had gone to a therapist the only difference would have been he would be feeling lighter... in his pocket.

 

[KaraBulut]

Meanwhile... back on topic...

Jasun, you make it sound like coming is so easy. Well, you need to realize that everyone has different coming out experiences and not everything is simple as joining a gay baseball team.

Jasun's suggestion was a good one. You missed his point.

Joining a gay baseball team is not an act of coming out. It's an act of finding a support system- a group of guys who have similar experiences who can give you insight and support as you work through this.

You do not know the shit that I have gone through in my life. You'll never understand my reasoning for doing the things I've done or will do. Nor do I expect you to understand it. ... Hell, maybe I'm not gay and maybe I just desire another man because I was never loved by my dad?

This section of your post is an example of what I mentioned in my earlier post: The past has passed. There's not a damned thing that you will ever do that will change it. You can only move forward from here.

You are an adult now. You cannot blame your issues on your parents anymore. These are your issues. They are yours to deal with.

Where you are in life is that you are trapped in an unhappy, emotional period in your life. You're unable to see your way out. The suggestions you've been given- meet people, develop a support system of friends with similar interests and get professional help- are all good ones.

To everyone else who gave me positive support.. Thank you! I will find my own way and time to "come out". Peace out and good night.

Good for you for bringing the post back to a positive note. This thread has been moved to CO&R where you'll find many guys with similar experiences and a willingness to listen. You'll get advice that will help; you'll get advice that will make you angry (but you probably need to hear); you'll get advice that will make you think.

Please continue to post as you work through this.

 

[G-Lexington]

How bad do you want it?

No, meeting another person in your situation won't help. You probably have met someone else in your situation. But since you're both playing the straight game, neither of you recognized each other. There are several threads here on JUB where guys keep sitting around waiting for the other guy to make a move. And guess what? They don't. But it never occurs to them that maybe THEY themselves can make that first move. And if that's pointed out to them, they say "Oh, I never could do that".

You can.
And you can.

How bad do you want it?

If you don't want it bad enough, then fine. Continue your relationship with your family, keep deflecting the questions about whether or not you have a girlfriend yet, and keep wondering when a boyfriend will land in our lap. Hope you look good in blue, though.

Or start working towards coming out. Will it be painful? You betcha. Will you have a scene with some family members? It's likely. Will you lose some friends? That's possible. But you can start living as you, finally.

How bad do you want it?

Lex

 

[Blueboy369]

It's the things you can't buy that you want the most. Today, you should do three things that make you happy. Maybe it's watching a movie, listening to your favorite CD or having your favorite food for dinner. Maybe you should go for a long walk, sit by the water or call an old friend. Treat yourself to something special. You deserve it.

 

[MaxMouse]

Aw, well the PLUS is that you're in a fantastic situation now aside from all the emotional tolls that this is taking on you. You went to college, you make money... a lot of things are surely going smoothly.
I think you do need a great friend who will be there for you no matter what with an intense connection. If it was a bf, or a romantic interest that might not be the best, at least not at first, but who knows.....
I've never met anyone online personally, but it is a good idea to just talk things out online with somebody in a similar situation or even if not...it is always good to hear from other gay men. Or straight men, or anyone pretty much on these message boards. If you actually meet face-to-face with somebody online, that might facilitate the next movement of your life.
Otherwise, you might just have to hope for that chance that someone will come along you know you can confide in and is just the right person to tell. Don't worry!
Really- you will meet an outstanding person who is that person for you, just a person you can tell everything anyways. Best of luck with this situation, and I hope you handle it well, seems like you're doing the best you can so far

 

[slowandsteady]

I saw on the other topic bidude711 said he's 25 yrs old. I am surprised he didn't get a bunch of PMs asking him for a date. 25 and high income, no offense but I don't see you having a big problem. I know there's plenty of guys like me lol, [and better guys] who would love to have a relationship with bidude711.

If I may recommend something; I suggest visiting a gay bar near you. I'm not the clubbing type but I've seen the bars worked for my 50 yr old teacher. My teacher finally met his first wife at a bar!

 

[Jory]

well you say things your way and I'll say things mine, ok?

Sorry, but it's obvious that someone needs a good kick in the pants and nobody else seems to be willing to dole it out.

I believe the term is tough love....One question is it a family business you work for or someone else?

 

[Jory]

How far is the Gay and Lesbian Center from where you live?

 

[Jory]

Okay you make about $12,000 a month do you want to know who is stopping you from living the life you want? Simple get up walk to the bathroom turn on the light stand in front of the vanity and stare.......also think bout this there are guy out there making in a year what you make in a month living the live they want


And if sport is not your thing vounteer

 

[volumee]

just out of curiosity, what's your occupation

 

[Twistedup]

well a few years back i felt like i would never come out at all because it would disappoint my dad. thing is, he was always there for me. he did teach me all kinds of stuff. he did help me with my homework...even the hard shit...in the middle of the night when i was in college. still though i felt like i could never come out to him. well shortly before he passed away he sat me down and told me he wanted me to be happy with whatever...person...i chose to be with. he left in the pauses, too, like he was totally insinuating that he knew more than i let on. and of course he did. to this day i've not 'come out' to my mom, but i'm pretty sure she think me and just about every roommate i've had over the past couple years have been a gay couple...

anyway i have two points here; first is that your parents know you. better than anyone else in the world. they already know you're gay. they had suspicions when you were 4 and confirmation by the time you were 10. coming out to them may seem like a nightmare but it will...most likely...just make them happy that you're finally being honest.

that said i know next to nothing about the differences between our cultures.

my other point is that i had a refused to come out to my dad because i respected and loved him so much i did not want to disappoint him in any way. you, however seem to be lacking that respectful and loving bond with your father. you seem, in fact, angry with him. was he too distant? did he shun you as a child? was he mean or overbearing? you wanna know how to get back at him? come out. or just take yourself and all your resources and finances and skills and abilities and bounce. just leave it behind. i know it will be rough. such is the way of things, though.

 

[954dude]

It's true, money doesn't bring happiness. I've gotten everything I wanted out of life, except for something I want the most but will never have... a boyfriend. And no, I'm not an ugly bastard if that's what you're thinking. Actually, I'm a closet case who is living his life for the people around him and not living life for himself. Sometimes I wonder why I even put up this fake facade for people... for people that don't even care that much about me (family and cousins). Why do I even feel the need to NOT disappoint my family? Why?

My entire life has been decided by my family... the college I should attend, what I should major in, what car I should buy, and now WHO I should marry. I got fucked by being born gay and being born into a very traditional family!! I am emotionally dead inside now. I can't even be myself with my friends. I don't know why I can't "come out"... maybe I'm waiting for a guy to make it worth while for me to come out? I don't know...

Life sucks! Thanks for letting me rant.

This post here pierces through my heart!

You're a good looking, single guy that makes $140k a year, in the closet, a people pleaser, and unhappy with life. If we lose the people pleaser part, start living again and gain some self-confidence, you'll experience a 360. You deserve much better, don't settle for nothing!

 

[belamy]

Looks like life is better now...

 

[cityboi]

Many of us come from very traditional families. We have to break out and create our own lives.

 

[Caeth]

First of all.... no one is going to come along and save you. It all has to come from you. Expecting someone to come along is just a delaying trick...I promise you that day won't come. I waited a long time and things only started to become better when I decided to do something about it.

Secondly, you have to realize when its appropriate to be selfish. It is appropriate sometimes. You don't have to live for your family, nor should you!

It sounds like you family is actually making you miserable- which is not what they should be doing. I hope you find the courage to come out to them and change your circumstances. It really isn't as bad as you think =). Good luck!