Making a full body transformation

[Link25]

I don't have any luck attracting gay men - whether it's for friends, dates, conversations, - just nobody is interested. So, i'm trying to be more appealing but i've got a few BIG problems. First, i'm overweight - always have been and despite my efforts with the gym (4 days a week, full body workouts) religious attendance, my body shape is not changing. Now, i'm not a big guy - i'm only 5'7 and i'm not real real big - just heavy. I have decent legs, but my mid-section is fat and i've got love handles. My love handles aren't going anywhere and my stomach will not flatten out. I'm uncomfortable taking my shirt off which that, right there, is a big reason why I can't get attention. I've been taught that I need to have a nice body and something to show off. I also have chest issues. I don't have a flat chest due to being overweight (I'm assuming?) - it doesn't look good, but no matter what exercise I do, my chest has not gotten smaller and more masculine (if you know what I mean) and that's another reason why i'll never take my shirt off. I really don't want surgery to correct that - it's expensive and painful but I guess I might need to consider it.

My dream was to meet someone who loved me so much that he could look past my imperfections but that's not going to happen. I couldn't hook up or date anyone to save my life and believe me i've tried. I know now that my looks need help.

I want to eat better but I am so lost. I'm not a fast food person so I have that covered - I tend to bring food with me to work daily and don't eat out for breakfast and lunch unless absolutely necessary but even then i'm not over stuffing myself with things I know are bad. Dinner can sometimes be a challenge and yes, i'll admit I go out and splurge every so often (mostly on weekends). I read all kinds of stuff online - this is good, that's not good, this is bad, do this, do that, and it's all so contradicting my head starts to spin after a few hours. The simple cut calories thing is no longer working for me nor is the just eat less method. I'm not so sure my body can really change it's shape anymore. I know i'm willing to put in the work and effort but i'm just so lost. I just wanted to reach out to someone for advise. I'm sure I could start to hook up and maybe even make a friend or two if my body looked nicer. I'm desperate now and I need to fix this.

 

[72-Jay]

Other than wishing you well, I can't offer any advice, because I just don't know.
Atleast it sounds like you're trying by working out regularly & not eating a bunch of junk like fast-food.
I would say its good to stay away from surgery & pills, but maybe a doctor or someone would have good advice on what would actually help?

---
It was actually kinda sad reading this (and thats coming from someone who himself is absolutely unloveable/nearly unfriendable (in my case its not overweight, but for other reasons)
Oh and, I have had daydreams similar to yours..

 

[offthewall14420]

Don't ask yourself 'why am i not thin?'

Ask yourself, 'why are they such skinny bitches.'

 

[KaraBulut]

First- let's correct something. Guys aren't limited to just being interested in buff guys. For every body, there's a guy out there who is attracted to that type. The guys who are just interested in buff guys aren't any better or worse than the guys who like average-looking or bear-cub guys.

This is more about you and about how you feel about your body. Guys who are friendly, confident and comfortable in their own skin are also the guys who are more likely to attract other guys.

You can work with a certified trainer to figure out the exercises and diet that works for your body type. Depending on your needs, you can either use the trainer as a workout coach or you can use them as someone who designs a program for you, gets you started on that program and then sets up follow-up sessions to update your program as you progress.

That will address figuring out how to get your body into better shape. How you feel about your body- that's something you have to work on yourself or with a therapist.

 

[Link25]

First- let's correct something. Guys aren't limited to just being interested in buff guys. For every body, there's a guy out there who is attracted to that type. The guys who are just interested in buff guys aren't any better or worse than the guys who like average-looking or bear-cub guys.

This is more about you and about how you feel about your body. Guys who are friendly, confident and comfortable in their own skin are also the guys who are more likely to attract other guys.

You can work with a certified trainer to figure out the exercises and diet that works for your body type. Depending on your needs, you can either use the trainer as a workout coach or you can use them as someone who designs a program for you, gets you started on that program and then sets up follow-up sessions to update your program as you progress.

That will address figuring out how to get your body into better shape. How you feel about your body- that's something you have to work on yourself or with a therapist.

First, as always, thanks for responding. I used to believe that statement, that there is a guy out there who is attracted to every body type - however, I haven't found him yet. Actually, it seems to me that my common interests tend to lean more to guys who are out of my league. I've contacted slightly overweight guys, shorter guys, and the occasional buff guy (for the hell of it) and i'm ignored despite my approach - friends, a simple "hello" followed by discussing something we have in common - no interest. Ok, I get it - attraction is very important - what I didn't realize was that it was important to form friendships as well (or so it seems). I know, get off the apps, but i've tried in person as well. I am not the complaining, whining guy I may seem here in person. I was confident, smile often, very friendly, but I just don't have the appeal. You know I can't think of one time where a guy (or girl) for that matter ever showed interest in me sexually. This is weird to me.

I know I sound like a broken record because i've gone through this before on here. I completely understand that someone with a nice body would want the same - i'm not putting anyone down for that - I don't blame them. But I can't believe that in 4 years i've had maybe 3 people approach me (online - never in person) but they usually disappear. That is telling me something.

So, I have decided to really work on my body - can't do much with my face at this point. I have considered surgery (in my original post) and it's still an option. My chest embarrasses the hell out of me and it's probably why I never dared to even think I could compete in the gay dating world. Me? with a shirt off? No way! That's very important when posting your picture online. I've been asked for more "sexy photos" before we could even meet. It took a lot for me to get out there and I thought if I found the right guy he'd love me for me and I wouldn't need to be embarrassed - that's not happening.

I just noticed the thread about diet and exercise stuck at the top - i'll read through that as well.

- - - Updated - - -

Other than wishing you well, I can't offer any advice, because I just don't know.
Atleast it sounds like you're trying by working out regularly & not eating a bunch of junk like fast-food.
I would say its good to stay away from surgery & pills, but maybe a doctor or someone would have good advice on what would actually help?

---
It was actually kinda sad reading this (and thats coming from someone who himself is absolutely unloveable/nearly unfriendable (in my case its not overweight, but for other reasons)
Oh and, I have had daydreams similar to yours..

I'm definitely trying - I guess I just want some attention from guys - something.

- - - Updated - - -

Don't ask yourself 'why am i not thin?'

Ask yourself, 'why are they such skinny bitches.'

LOL - I might have to try that.

 

[72-Jay]

You know I can't think of one time where a guy (or girl) for that matter ever showed interest in me sexually. This is weird to me.

I could say the exact same...
Can't say I remember any times where anyone specifically showed interest... but I'm also oblivious to any sorta flirting or being hit on (unless someone was very obvious which hasn't happened)
That said there are a couple times (years ago - like when I was in my 20's - so still young-ish) when looking back now, I do wonder if .maybe. guys were trying to show a bit of interest.

I know I sound like a broken record because i've gone through this before on here.

Actually you don't sound like a broken record .. atleast not to me (if anything some of the things you've said are like an echo back )
Anymore me just knowing myself, I've given up: I wouldn't even try dating even if given the chance, because its like attempting to make friends, the only thing I'd do is drive someone away.
(note: I'm not at all saying for you to the same)

 

[Link25]

I could say the exact same...
Can't say I remember any times where anyone specifically showed interest... but I'm also oblivious to any sorta flirting or being hit on (unless someone was very obvious which hasn't happened)
That said there are a couple times (years ago - like when I was in my 20's - so still young-ish) when looking back now, I do wonder if .maybe. guys were trying to show a bit of interest.



Actually you don't sound like a broken record .. atleast not to me (if anything some of the things you've said are like an echo back )
Anymore me just knowing myself, I've given up: I wouldn't even try dating even if given the chance, because its like attempting to make friends, the only thing I'd do is drive someone away.
(note: I'm not at all saying for you to the same)

Well I’m on day two of the new diet, so here’s hoping it works this time. I wish you the best though...you aren’t alone!

 

[72-Jay]

Well I’m on day two of the new diet, so here’s hoping it works this time. I wish you the best though...you aren’t alone!

Hope your new diet finally does the trick!
Thanks.

 

[Nealm1]

Good luck Link25 - avoid diary and sugar - even in your tea and coffee