Now I realize this is feeble science. It's just a personal project, and as a method it has been stunningly successful at determining who is gay and who isn't in my life. Now, I know mostly young, relatively intellectual gay guys, a few on the east coast and a few in the midwest. But it works like a charm.
So far, only one guy I fully surveyed who later came out escaped detection. He went from one star to 4 stars after coming out- and shortly thereafter gained an additional star. Several 2-star people have turned out to be gay, and several have not, just as predicted. I have had a handful (maybe 8) false positives claiming to be straight with 3 and 4 stars, but I have my doubts about some of them. I think it works just as well on self-described bisexual males, but I know only a few of those.
All the criteria have nothing to do with sex. The fact that this works, even if only in the limited scenario described above, is remarkable and very mysterious to me.
One star is insufficient to draw any conclusions about an American male under 60’s sexuality, so statistically you probably aren't gay. With 2, I consider it unsurprising if you are gay. With 3, I consider it very likely. With 4 or more, I consider it virtually certain. Additional stars mean being easier to peg as gay with simpler or more stereotypical criteria.
I am a 7-star gay.
“out” “funny, possibly gay voice” “a certain sort of vocabulary” “incompletely gay face and gestural manner of presentation” “acutely aware of gay issues” “interest in performing arts” “(training for) a gays-overrepresented occupation” “pacifism” “wit and sarcasm” “unusual posture” “weird laugh” “love of order and civilization” “bad relationship with family.
Level 4 Indicator. Indicates a male is, barring some wacky hijinks, certainly gay. Worth 3 stars.
- Being out.
Level 3 Indicators. Each one is worth a star.
- Stereotypical gay voice- often misdiagnosed as a lisp, but a lisp is a mostly unrelated speech disorder. Using the highest few physiologically available registers, aspirating more than normal, delicate or hyperarticulated consonants, and stereotypically gay word pronunciation (think of “faaaaab-u-laaaas!”)
- Stereotypically gay vocabulary- It has been described as a “feminine” vocabulary, but I think it’s something all to itself. For the Level 3 indicator, it’s mostly lowest-common denominator words, nothing too high-society. (amazing, fabulous, skank, bitch as some mediocre examples of a very verdant language). Also notable by the absence of common words spoken by straight men.
- Stereotypically gay face- I have trouble spelling out what this is, but it’s clear to me by sight. Certain patterns of the face and especially its expression (all in all, I think more muscle contractions, squinted eyes, a kind of a permanent smile) are not common to all gay males, but almost all males in which they are present are gay.
- Androgyny or drag- not the same thing as outright transgenderedness. Again, many, even most gay males do not present themselves androgynously, but males that do are very probably gay.
- Closely following or outspokenly advocating gay political causes or gay pop culture. Obviously straight allies might as well, that’s why you need one or two more.
- Having a pink-collar job or set of interests. Flight attendant, elementary school teacher, hair stylist, women’s fashionist, etc.
- Self-presentation as affiliated with a gay subculture (“bears,” “leather daddies” and the like)
Level 2 Indicators. 2 of these are worth a star.
- Any kind of “funny, possibly gay” voice- The stereotypical gay voice is somewhat common in gay males, but many other gay-suggestive voices exist, many of which sound nothing like the stereotypical one. They are often marked by traits like using a lot of the physiologically available vocal register in everyday speech, peculiar patterns of articulation, softness, overly sexual, or a kind of permanent sarcasm.
- A certain sort of vocabulary- Very evocative, even vaudevillian words like fantastic, peculiar, bizarre, alarming, orgasmic come to mind. A vocabulary that is broad and splendiferous without being overly technical.
- Presence of an incompletely gay-looking face or gestural manner of presentation.
- Being acutely aware of gay political issues or gay pop culture.
- Being interested in men’s fashion, and cultivating a fashionably unique personal style.
- Being interested in the performing arts, especially theater and vocal performance.
- Being an encyclopedia of pop culture.
- Having an occupation or set of interests in which gay men are at least twice their proportion relative to the general population- artist/musician/writer, art manager/curator, scholar of the humanities, model, schoolteacher, upscale service (any type of customer service in a fine hotel or restaurant), bartender.
- Personally affected by AIDS (infected, or many friends)
- Problems with gay drugs (meth and X)
Level 1 Indicators. 4 or 5 are about equivalent to a star. This is an incomplete list.
- Soft shyness.
- Being well-groomed.
- Pacifism.
- Wit and sarcasm.
- Unusual way of carrying self/posture.
- Weird voice.
- Weird laugh.
- Having an occupation in which more of the males are gay than would be predicted with the population average.
- Being or having been a teacher’s pet, or an overachiever relative to your socioeconomic background.
- Being liberal in defiance of demographic predictions.
- Love of order and civilization (Simcity, complicated strategy games)
- Self-destruction or suicidal tendencies.
- Bad relationship with family.
- Homophobic or anti-gay.
