Male prostitutes... and my problem

[DarkTerror]

I've been part of this forum a long time, as I accepted my sexuality. I didn't want to be gay, and I think life would be simpler if I wasn't. I was scared of this aspect of my life from my young days, and focused solely on academics and then my career.

I'm 26 years old and work in a conservative office environment, I have otherwise succeeded in my academic and career goals for my age. I'm fairly decent looking, but I live in a conservative... Canadian city, and I can not seem to make any gay friends.


So it's coming down that I'm frustrated with myself and my situation. Through my advantages, I have the financial means to travel, and thus I'm thinking it simpler to just find a male prostitute.

I'm very conservative, and I wish it didn't come down to this. But I won't be young for much longer, and this is the next step of self understanding.

My hopes would be this would get out of my system, and I'be cured, and get married and be happy like so many of my university friends. And if not, then at least I need to find a means to satisfy this need.

So anyone know of a good..safe place for male prostitutes? I'm thinking somewhere in Europe mayber Amsterdam...although if there is "wide selection" in places like LA and Toronto.. (I really don't know where to begin), if it's in North America that would be ideal.

 

[Dodger712]

First off, I am sorry that you don't really accept yourself. I would suggest counseling so that you can find some peace. Second, you should NOT get married. This is not a disease so there is NO CURE reguardless of what Exodus International and the other places selling the snake oil of "Reparative Therapy" claim. When you involve a woman and kids it is one of the most selfish things you can do because you are ALWAYS going have these feelings if you are honest with yourself. To involve a woman and have kids only to either leave because you realize you cannot live the lie you've created OR to live in misery and keep the facade of a marriage you are not happy with is the TRUE sin and abomination. The only thing that can come from that will be hatred, tears, and hard feelings. If the kids are under 18, in some places you will have NO chance of joint custody (and in some courts no chance to even see your kids again until they are 18). You also can kiss your conservative life good bye. You will be outed to EVEYONE if you hit divorce court!
So that said (and sorry but it HAD to be said) I'd suggest you go to Google or Yahoo or other search engine and type in "Male Escorts" or "Male Prostitutes" and follow the links. Some very nice looking guys advertize on the sites. Try Men for Rent Now or some other site.
Best of luck, hope you did not find me too harsh, and I hope you find happiness at some time. As an explaination for my soap box: I am a profesisonal counselor who has seen the end result of men trying to "cure" themselves by marrying and the fall-out when it did not work out. Very sad and avoidable. I'd only say marry if you were up front about your attractions towards men so she knows what she is getting herself in to from the start and can decide if she wants to tackle that. The hurt the kids usually feel....well that's an whole other ball of wax. Best of luck Dude! PS: You are NOT old! You are only 26 and still a youngun! Since 50 is the "new" 30 you are just a baby at 26! LOL

 

[Just_Believe18]

Male prostitution is not the answer. I find it curious you describe your predicament as "conservative" between yourself and your environment. There are gay men out there who would be interested to get to know you and date you. You need only to put yourself out there by going to a bar, social event, or even creating a profile online to seek others. There is a lot of repressed sexuality in you that you haven't come to terms with yet. If you believe you are gay, accept it. Hiding behind a false image and satisfying your curiosities through paid sex is not the answer.

 

[JohnnyAnger]

If you are willing to travel all the way to Europe (and I don't think you need to go that far) I think you should just try being yourself there as no one will know who you are or anything about your background. Go to a bar, see what happens when your open with your desires. I'm sure you will do fine and heres to hoping doing something like that will give you the confidence to be who you are, not what others around you want.
Again, I would really advise against prostitution, it will give you a really warped view of what being gay is about.

 

[Lefty]

A prostitute, male or female is in the business of selling themselves as a way to make a living.

They are not there to stroke your ego, make you feel warm and cuddly or even friends. If just

pretend is what you want, use what God or whoever gave you and a good hand creme. At

least you will know who your partner has been with and won't have to worry about the getting

the right size condom or if it might break.

By your own admission you are not fugly destitute or stupid. Check the posts here, see where
guys are from, p/m ones that are close to you... and ask them where they go. Bars are not the
only place to meet people. The gene that makes some people gay is not related to the other
kinds.
Even in totally conservatives groups, some of those men and women are gay...
maybe in the closet and or denial but they are there. Now, grow a pair or get that pair out of
the back closet, strap them on and go.
A note, men and women in the travel industry are often gay or bi. Maybe go
to the local agency and 'get some help 'planning' a vacation...
you don't even have to buy, just inquire....you may win twice.

BTW, the str8 dude with white picket fence and all is seldom as wonderful as it sounds.
Think back and even look around your colleagues. it isn't all wine and roses. The sheer
numbers of rich divorce lawyers and their cases proves that story a lie.

Sorry I ran on so long, Good luck and keep us up to date....

 

[Seasoned]

I can tell you from my own experience that suppressing my homosexuality was like a little seed inside of me, ever growing until I was about to burst. I married a woman thinking it could remain suppressed. It couldn't. The only thing to do is self acceptance. And there is acceptance for you as well even in a conservative city. You need to stop thinking you are alone and that you are defective. If anything being gay is an addition and not a subtraction to personhood. Having sex won't end the urge, it will increase it because there's an inner part of you that wants/needs you to be authentic. Your job now is to stop being afraid. Therapy is in order if you can't/won't do it alone. You deserve peace of mind. Good luck.

 

[bankside]

There is no Canadian city above 100 000 that is as conservative as you say it is. Maybe more of an overgrown small town somewhere?

And if a conservative city is your problem, why would you want to be conservative? Makes no sense.

Ultimately though, why is a conservative interested in prostitutes instead of marriage. The first equal marriage for two men in Canada happened in 2001, so you would have been 15. This has been normal for a long time. Why pretend it's not?

 

[HunterM]

I say if you have the mean to travel, go try it with a male prostitute/escort while you're still single (instead of in a relationship). I'm sure there are plenty of them in Toronto...especially prostitution is recently legal there. Safe sex is your priority. If sex with men is not for you, then you can always stop.

 

[Ganoderma]

hi DarkTerror,

Good you have made this posting. Others have already given you various & excellent advice.

You told us:

(....). So it's coming down that I'm frustrated with myself and my situation. (...). My hopes would be (...) [to] get married and be happy like so many of my university friends. (...).

I would like to tell you that there are loads and loads and loads of happy guys of around your age (26) who have 'succeeded their academic and career goals' who are gay, with or without a partner. For sure, many of them are also living in Candada (I am living in The Netherlands). These guys are not frustrated with themself and with their situation, as they are fine & relaxed with their life as an open gay. Some of them will have a boyfriend / partner, some of them will be single, but all of them are happy and relaxed.

So accept who you are and don't bother anymore what people around you (are all these conservatives homophobes?) think about you. Open gays don't bother about the homophobes / bigots (I always ignore them totally).

I also would like to tell you that your current mental situation (= I'm frustrated with myself and my situation) will have impact on your work performance. Maybe not now (?), otherwise sooner or later.

Hey man, you are gay, you are well educated, you have a good job and you live in Canada. So what's the real problem to start living as an open gay (meaning you don't care anymore that people around you know that you are gay). How can the other guys find you when you hide yourself?

Besides that, I tend to think that you are less deep in the closet as you might think, especially at your work. Definately, there will also be female co-workers of around your age who are single. You don't flirt with them (and with no other girl as well), you don't have a girlfriend / wife, and you won't react when they flirt (very lightly). Likely (?) some of these female co-workers will have thought why this is the case.

On the other hand, why not go to another country for a holiday, and explore the world?

Good luck and feel free to react.

 

[Benvolio]

I frequently hire escorts and have no problem recommending that as an outlet and to build you experience and confidence. I suggest you look at rentboy.com, which is the best site and includes Canada and Europe as well. Good selections in miami, Ft Lauderdale, LA. NY. And other places. Make arrangements a few day in advance to meet at your hotel.

 

[DarkTerror]

Thanks for all your thoughts. I know I am somewhat trapped by my environment, and limited by myself. If anyone is interested in being a friend, message me. I think I'll double my efforts in this area first.

 

[SashaLex]

Hello, I am currently 26, too, and was in a similar predicament as you were. I myself am from a conservative christian background and what's worse- I'm living in Malaysia where homosexual acts can be punishable by laws. My first few sexual encounters were just that- meetings and hookups with escorts, and for awhile I felt like I needed to get it out of my system. For the longest time I was battling with myself how maybe these feelings I have for men will eventually pass and I'll be able to get married, get settled down, etc. But it wasn't until January this year that I've finally came out to MYSELF. My family still don't know (although I think they may have suspected by now, they've stopped pestering me to look for a girlfriend for awhile now), and I'm not the sort of person to throw a public "I'M COMING OUT NOW!!!" block party (that's not my personality anyway), but that moment of realization was like a huge weight lifted off my chest. I have since come out to several friends (it's an ongoing process) and have come to conclusion that I should not get married and ruin a woman's life...

I have since joined this gay social chatting site, where I've found friends around my place. And surprisingly, I've made several queer/bi-curious friends who have by now become my close friends. We have weekends where we'd just chat, or watch movies, or make dinner together, etc (It's not all just wanton fucking sessions, haha). And let me tell you, for the first time in all my adult life I finally understood the meaning of the word free. Around them I did not have to put on this alter ego and that was a huge relief on my part.

I think for you, it sounds like you're maybe in the early stages of discovering your sexual emotions towards men. Take your time in finding out yourself, your preferences, etc. There really is no rush to it. As for the sexual encounters, just make sure you are protected. I actually work as a doctor here in Malaysia and STD's are a huge part of my decision to stop doing those random hookups and finding myself friends in the gay community here instead.

Hope that helped.

 

[youngnihilist]

I don't think hiring an escort is bad per se, but in your situation it may be. That's because you'll probably hire these cute guys who will show interest in you and intimacy. But it's their job! In your vulnerable state you'll confuse your hot hire (who will probably be about your age) with something real.

If you can just see the escort as something to get off with and nothing more, then do it. I'm not saying escorts are worthless pieces of meat but they are doing a job. Just like if you hired a personal trainer, or a therapist, they have a job to do...Therapists notoriously do not acknowledge clients outside of the office.. Escorts provide sexual and emotional intimacy so it's even more trickier.