Man of dreams came out

[yuengling]

A person I've been friends with for the last ten years recently came out. We've always been really good friends and I wanted to be with him a long time ago. But I have been with a stable sweet guy for the last two years. While my current bf is nice I'm far more simpatico and I share more interests with the recently outed fellow. Am I crazy for even considering ruining my current situation for someone that's still coming to terms with their sexuality. I'm sure I sound like a spoiled brat but I wanted to date the other guy ten years ago .

 

[yuengling]

While I realize there are compromises regarding love or steady relationships lately I feel like I have comprised too much. I like being involved with a responsible sweet person but I'm a little perturbed that we don't have more similar interests.

 

[medic1]

What you are experiencing is a fantasy, you have been with, in your own words, "a stable sweet guy for two years".

For those ten years has your friend known about your sexuality?

If yes, then the chance could be he loves you as a friend with platonic feelings. If no, how do you think he may react if you were to tell him that you wanted to date him all those years ago?

Honesty and communication are two of the most important aspects to any successful relationship.

You mention that you feel you have compromised too much lately, may i ask in which way?

You must share interests with your partner of the moment, as you have already been together for a couple of years.
Do you think that perhaps suggesting doing some new and interesting activities with your partner may help?

Or do you think that suddenly that "forbidden fruit" may have just bloomed?

My advice would to really understand this "pull" towards the friend, as many things in life change in ten years.

Also, if your partner is sweet and stable it may help to have a serious chat with him, perhaps find out what you feel may have become stale in the relationship.

The one thing i would caution against is secrecy, as this can be mistaking for so many different motives.

Whatever your choice, i hope you manage to sort this out.

 

[aaggii]

Whatever you do, don´t lie to yourself. There is a big chance it´s just a fantasy, because you already liked him before, so knowing now that he is gay, you went back to those feelings. Still, if you´re not happy in your relationship (regardless of your friend!!!), you should have a talk with your boyfriend. If after 2 years, you can only say that ¨your boyfriend is nice¨, you should reconsider your options.

 

[lambdaboy]

Hey what the hell maybe in 3 years there will another etc etc!

 

[Ganoderma]

A person I've been friends with for the last ten years recently came out. We've always been really good friends and I wanted to be with him a long time ago. But I have been with a stable sweet guy for the last two years. While my current bf is nice I'm far more simpatico and I share more interests with the recently outed fellow. Am I crazy for even considering ruining my current situation for someone that's still coming to terms with their sexuality. I'm sure I sound like a spoiled brat but I wanted to date the other guy ten years ago .

hi Yuengling,

So you have told us "I have been with a stable sweet guy for the last two years." and "my current bf is nice" and you ask us "Am I crazy".

Yes, you are crazy for even considering this alternative. Be glad that your friend recently came out and support him as a friend. That's all.

You are committed to your boyfriend and that means you are not 'boyfriend material' for your friend. No way.

Feel free to react.

 

[KaraBulut]

Am I crazy for even considering ruining my current situation for someone that's still coming to terms with their sexuality.

Yes.

 

[yuengling]

Whatever you do, don´t lie to yourself. There is a big chance it´s just a fantasy, because you already liked him before, so knowing now that he is gay, you went back to those feelings. Still, if you´re not happy in your relationship (regardless of your friend!!!), you should have a talk with your boyfriend. If after 2 years, you can only say that ¨your boyfriend is nice¨, you should reconsider your options.

I think i'm just going through a rough patch, my bf has been working a lot and he's definitely slowed down in the bedroom and is pretty irritable these days. I've never been in a relationship this long and starting to realize that while emotional monogamy seems ideal sexual monogamy isn't, at least for me.

 

[TX-Beau]

Monogamy suits some guys, not so much others. But you both have to be on the same page here. There is no such thing as an open relationship between a monogamist and not, that is called dysfunction.

If your guy isn't interested in that kind of relationship, you'll destroy yourselves trying to make it work.

If that's really what you're looking for - and not just a product of stress in your relationship, maybe you need to find another guy.

People say open relationships can't work because of the many many many "open relationships" that founder on the rocks. Thing is, a lot of people go this route for the wrong reasons. Either they're bored, or unhappy, or just want out of whatever they're in, sometimes it's a choice made to please someone else, or a self esteem or emotional issue. None of that is reason to pursue this.

The only way this works is if both of you want it, because both of you can handle it. Like most relationship issues, this is what you define it to be, and it has to be reciprocal and transparent.

 

[Seasoned]

My husband had the same fantasy about a friend of his who came out after we had been together a couple of years. My husband got over it when his friend told him he wasn't his type. Every gay man is not available to every other gay man for millions of reasons.