Manage et trois!

[rareboy]

Try to behave like a grown up man and not an hysterical wife. Be friendly and courteous, but make it clear to both that you are not wanting to interfere with their business.

If you had put equity into the investment, you'd be entitled to an opinion but otherwise you're just the current
spouse.

 

[MainEntry]

It's: "Menage a trois"

 

[Txgoodoldboy]

I think it is normal to be concerned. It is a new situation. And house repairs are stessful for everyone. And meeting the ex is stressful, too.

Let your husband know how you feel. That way, he will know where you are coming from, if a bad situation flares up. Communication is good for any relationship. Tell him you love him, and that you will try to be good. If a crisis does flare up, remember the only person you have control of, is yourself. It takes two to argue. Take a walk (stroll), if it gets uneasy.

That being said. This will probably turn out to be a good time for everyone to get to know each other. Hoping you have a great experience.

 

[uflyguy]

Be pleasant and remember you only have to be nice for the next 12-24 hours, then you wont have to deal with him again. He may be feeling the same way you are (depending on his personality). Ask your husband to let you paint the bedroom or bathroom away from them if they're in the kitchen or living room. You wont feel as conscious about saying the wrong thing or thinking you're getting a look or something and it will help give everyone some room to work and feel like you still have some space.
Might also be good to "forget" something in the car just in case something does happen you can run out to the car to grab it and take some time to relax. Remember your main goal is to get the condo painted and I'm sure if you're focused on that things will be ok.
Good luck.

 

[luminum]

I think so long as you make sure that you act calmly and warmly toward the Ex, then you'll know that you're doing all you can to make a possibly awkward situation civil. So you can't control what he does, but just brush it off and don't take it personally, since he might only act rudely toward you because your his ex's 'new' guy.

Maybe you'll all get along?

 

[spreadeagle]

Yes - see if you can encourage your husband and his ex to prepare a list in advance of the chores that need to be done. Just think of it like a 'working bee' situation. be friendly but not over chatty; be goal-oriented and focussed on the task in hand. If possible choose tasks that you can do unsupervised. Don't take on a task that is beyond your capabilities.

Get plenty of sleep the night before.

I also suggest that you arrange some food for lunch or morning tea - do it spontaneously without telling the others. This would be a generous gesture and would help create an atmosphere of normalcy and community.

If it's only a day then it's unlikely you'll need to offer opinions on decor choice. In most situations like this it's usually a matter of touching up the paintwork in the same colour.

Get In.
Be quiet, friendly and hard-working.
Get out.

 

[jockboy01]

I'd say to just play it cool. Just like it was any other day and any other guys. I wouldn't worry about what to say or not to say and just be yourself. That's the person your husband loves and that's who you want his ex to love or hate... but that decision is up to him. But at least it's you he'll feel that way toward and not some impression you want him to have of you.

 

[M4P]

You can handle it. Just be mature and treat the 'ex like an old friend of your husband's. Sure they have a history but the key word is history. Your husband didn't choose to spend the rest of his life with the 'ex - he chose you.

One thing that troubles me is you said its not your condo. If you're married the half your husband owns is your half too. You have a say and a right to be there

Good luck and let us know how it goes

 

[rareboy]

Careful Brian, just because someone is married does not mean that assets aquired before the marriage automatically also belong to the new spouse. Nothing is worse than seeing the new spouse drooling over the potential resale value of something they didn't chip a fingernail or break a sweat to obtain. I noted, with some bemusement, a little discordant mercenary note in CNG's original post that I certainly hope doesn't surface when he's in public or he may be seen as a gold-digging, shallow trophy wife.

I know that any of the investments I have with my ex are protected to ensure that his interests are respected as well as those of my estate. In the event of dissolution of my current partnership, none of these assets are obtainable by the successor spouse. Only the assets we have developed during the time of our realtionship are divisible. I'd recommend others do the same.

 

[megustamyn]

The first meeting is awkward but there really is nothing to worry about, unless there are unresolved emotional issues, which there should not be after so many years, especially if they are in effect business partners.

My partner of 10 years had been married for 18 years to a woman. They have 2 children together so whether, I like it or not, we’ll always be in relationship. She was quite hostile at first even though they had been divorced for a while by the time I met him. Now, we’re not exactly friends but we have a decent relationship. His parents love me but they also consider her part of the family because they knew her parents before she was even born. So we’ve been at many family gatherings together over the years. When their daughter graduated from high school, we spent a whole weekend together and I took them all to dinner after the graduation.

In our case, I’m the one with a sizeable investment portfolio and I’ve been able and glad to help her and the kids through difficult times.

 

[uflyguy]

So, its 9pm. How did the day go or are you still painting?

 

[landers]

Regardless of whether the condo is yours or not I think everyone has the obligation to point out when someone they know is doing/allowing something stupid. If your husband and the ex had insisted on painting the condo a horrid colour you would have had every right to point that out. Don't think that just because something isn't yours you can't get involved in it.

 

[uflyguy]

Thanks for the update. Glad to hear everything worked out ok for you.

 

[rareboy]

Pheww. I'll bet you're glad the first intro is behind you and that it went well. My ex is still our best friend after many years. We've even all travelled together, although I wouldn't recommend this for most people.

While I'm sure that many here were disappointed that the rubber sheets and Mazola didn't come out after the cleaning was finished...I guess you were all just too tired for hot monkey sex with the ex....

I am glad that you all have a fairly clear understanding with respect to the condo ownership. So many couples do not have this clearly understood and eventually all hell breaks loose over a misunderstanding. Like you, I would also be a little cautious because unless everything is in writing, you never know how everyone might react in the future around a sale or estate settlement.

...and Landers, your reasoning is why so many people totally fuck up their relationships and friendships; they have to give an opinion even when it isn't needed. Whether exes or just good friends, if the original owners of an asset like this want to paint it purple and rent it to crack whores, unless they say 'What do you think, Landers?', the expectation is that you wouldn't say shit even if your mouth is full of it. By keeping silent, you indicate that you respect their right to make a decision and that you are not a meddlesome, pushy panic queen.

If it doesn't go well, your job is to then be there with a box of tissues and a bottle of scotch and to not say 'I told you so.'

Do this and you will have many, many friends.