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Married, gay, where now

Hi Joe,

I just saw this thread and wanted to let you know that I'm offering whatever support I can give as you and your family work your way through this extremely tough road.

Do you have any flesh and blood resources nearby? Here in Columbus, Ohio we have a gay community center: Stonewall Columbus. They have a huge reservoir of resources, referrals, contacts, you name it. Would you have a similar facility nearby?

The cyber world is great for coming into contact with people from all over (me from Columbus; you from Belfast). But it also offers hazards. There are people here who posture as rough and tough talkers, but they're really just bullies. Since they're paid to post here (and enhance their signatures with a notorious quasi-caustic persona), it would be foolish to take their "advice" seriously.

One place I've found a wealth of genuinely good advice are the books of openly gay therapist Joe Kort. In his 10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do to Find Real Love, he talks about the growth and healing. He says that growth occurs by reading, going to therapy, in workshops, etc. But healing can take place only in the context of a close reciprocal relationship. Real love and committed relationships bring with them the opportunity to heal old hurts and unresolved wounds.

It sure works for me; hope you find the same.

Mac
 
joeG23 said:
I also believe that it is wrong to be 'selfish' and am therefore unwilling to do something which will affect others detrimentally - wife, kids, family. I know that it is better to be up-front and to deal with the consequences in a mature way. But the words fail me when I need to find them.
Click to expand...

Man, it's like talking to myself from a few years back.

You're so scared to hurt the people you care about that you think making things bad for you will help them.

But it doesn't HAVE to be about you.

I'm sure your kids can sense that something is amiss. Kids are smart and pick up on things like that wether you realize it or not. You wife probably is feeling much like you are right now... like she's stuck in a rut and has even given up spinning her wheels.

I think the idea of contacting a gay community center and getting some counselling is a good one. They won't necessarily tell you to split up, but they WILL get you communicating again, and regardless of where that takes you, what you seem to need more than anything is to reopen those lines of communication with her.

Good luck.
 
Cheers guys. Really appreciate you thoughts, concern and advice. I know things are coming to a head, and hope that it's a case of it's darkest before dawn.
 
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