Married guys.

[danvilledude]

God I wish this wasn't an issue. I totally understand why all the married guys out there need to get their fix, but ideally, I wish everyone could just be open and honest. How can it really be fair to the family? I'm not judging, but I just want to encourage everyone to be honest with their significant others. I recently found my father's posting on a gay dating site, and it's killing me knowing that he's keeping it from my Mom and me and my siblings. I still haven't decided what to do yet, but I strongly encourage any closeted, married men to open up to their spouse....3-way perhaps?

 

[runner]

Since you asked, I'll tell you. I found sex (not love) on gay.com chat. I own some property in the country and I usually say that I am going to check on it when I want to stop and have sex with my boyfriend.

 

[jte_nc2000]

I think you guys have hit on something interesting. I'm a single guy, but it's still an obstacle for me to hide it from friends and family. I'm a christian guy who believes the whole lifestyle is wrong, and all of the people I associate with believe the same thing (I'm not here to debate the right/wrong issue). It's hard to be honest for fear of feeling rejected, condemned, weird, queer..whatever word you wanna use. But I do feel sorry for the married men sometimes because they actually have committed themselves to a woman for life. I see married men in public all the time and wonder to myself are they getting enough? Or is he one of these guys who secretly wants to fool around with a guy? or does he cheat on his wife with men? Especially when I see kids or an overweight wife. The moms get busy with life and kids and work and cooking, etc. Makes me wonder if the dads ever get taken care of!! Anyway, just sharing some thoughts here. Regardless of what you think about it or whether you choose to hide it or not, we do have sexual needs, don't we guys??

 

[bma1983]

It seems that I am having the same problem; I'm going on 10 yrs. of marriage, and, I am not happy. My wife new I was bisexual when we got married, as a matter of fact, the guy I was dating was one of her best friends. I have been faithful all of these years, but, now I want to go back to my "real" lifestyle. We have no biological children, but, i have 2 stepchildren, both have moved out and the youngest just started college. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place because we have a mortgage, 2 car payments and other things. We no longer have sex, and, I don't find my self attracted to her anymore. I love her and always will, but, I feel I have made up my mind in saying that I don't want to be with her anymore. I just don't know what to do. Any suggestions?? I would really appreciate some input.

You married your boyfriends best friend?

 

[philos4]

You know the ancient Greeks and Romans didn't have a problem with it. They recognized that male/male sexual contact is a biological urge. They had careers, wives, children, households... and then fucked around with cute guys occasionally, sorta like guys go and play poker together on Friday nights (no pun intended).

Why do you think sports are SUCH a huge deal in our society? I think its a substitute for male/male affection that is so taboo in the puritan American culture...

 

[newjersey]

i strongly urge danvilledude not to share his discovery with any family member. if your mother's unhappy in her marriage she'll leave. it's very possible your father is able to have sex with her and/or be relatively happy cuz he's finding fulfillment outside of the marriage. i can't believe the percentage of married men who hit on me and many times i've gotten angry by it -- wished i could prove it to cruel straight people. i've wished more married gay men would come out and then it would snowball. but then i think of all the wonderful women who would be hurt. what they don't know doesn't hurt them. i think there are tons of married gay men who are happy enough in their marriages so they feel they have the best of both worlds. i have a brother-in-law who constantly makes homophobic remarks, kept telling my sister that i'm gay all the while hitting on me nonstop and getting angry that i won't respond. for a while i stopped talking to him but i concluded that i have to get along with him in the name of family peace. my sister is a wonderful person and thinks her husband totally loves her and i think he does it's just.... .... you really have to fully think out the consequences and see if your motives are merely selfish. you won't be helping your mother and your father has thought about and heard enough all the arguments about being true to himself and has decided otherwise. you won't "save" him. you'll just humiliate him. if it comes to the point when you want to tell him you're gay, he may then confess to you. but at the very least, until then, respect his space.

 

[closet case]

Thanks. Don't get me wrong, I love women. Their beautiful, I think its the taboo part of the other team that gets me going. I don't even find men attractive. I don't know. It's hard to explain.

Not sure how "deep" you want to go with this thread but I can relate to what you're saying. I'm married but am attrated to men, always have been. Not that I want a relationship with another man, as in a romantic relationship.

It is hard to explain, there's just something about men I find very attractive but it's mostly a sexual attraction. My wife doesn't know (nor does anyone else in my life) about these attractions. I haven't cheated on her and don't plan to but man the urge is there. I came very close just this week. I set up a meeting with a guy I met on another site but I backed out last minute.

I guess I'm the classic case of wants the security and comfort of wife, kids and home but also wants to live on the "other side".

 

[HotBi7]

Happily married but like hot guys also.I usually meet them at gym,sometimes discreetly fool around in steamroom or showers, unless they have aplace, then go there.

 

[teh_nathan]

vamagnifique, downontheupside: You've both hit the nail right on the head.

It's all about respect. I'm not even going to get into morals (because I know what happened when I did that last time), but if you respect the relationship you're in, be honest. Too many people these days do things for their own reasons without a thought to any other affected parties (that's meant as more of a general remark) and it's just not right.

To explore your own urges while you're in a committed relationship is just plain selfish.
I don't understand how someone can cheat on someone they supposedly love when they're so quick to deceive their partner.

 

[Caution]

wow men are men, i would be pissed if i caught my dad cheating but i mean hes only 38/9. But if he cheated with a MAN i would truely be SHOCKED.

 

[closet case]

have any of you guys ever thought what it must feel like to be the wife?

it's not fair to her or to children.

What about in the case where the man doesn't ever act on his urges? I think I'm a decent husband and good father. I'm capable of being in a happy marriage and family. It's just that I have this part of myself that I've had a conflict with since my early teens. Hell, it's not easy to deal with, as I'm sure many would agree. No one is perfect, we all go into relationships with shit to deal with and many do their best to deal with it and at the same time have some kind of normal, stable life.

 

[closet case]

It's all about respect. I'm not even going to get into morals (because I know what happened when I did that last time), but if you respect the relationship you're in, be honest.

But why, if you're not acting on your urges? I said in another reply, we all go into relationships with shit to deal with. We do our best to deal with it and somehow have a normal and stable life. No couple is ever 100% honest with one another, or no one would ever get together.

Too many people these days do things for their own reasons without a thought to any other affected parties (that's meant as more of a general remark) and it's just not right.

I would agree people do this and it's wrong. I've said previously this is a real struggle for me and I do my best to deal with it and be a good husband and father. Am I perfect? No way, but who is, even guys with a wife and kids who don't struggle with this.

To explore your own urges while you're in a committed relationship is just plain selfish.
I don't understand how someone can cheat on someone they supposedly love when they're so quick to deceive their partner.

I agree it's wrong to act on your urges while in a committed relationship when your significant other is not aware.

 

[JOHN B]

Unless you want to spend the rest of your life looking over your shoulder, wondering if anyone "knows", then it's best to come out to your spouse, family, friends now. The longer you wait, the harder it's going to get to come out. That slight hill now will become a mountain much more difficult to clim over later. I know this sounds cliche (?) but after you get over the top of the hill and put it behind you, the quicker you will be able to move away from "that moment" and the smoother your life will become. I don't mean to be rude or narrowminded, but I don't understand how in this day and age, at the beginning of the 21st century, How a grown adult could feel "pressured" to "have to conform" and follow the majority. Kids as young as 14! are coming out at schools, to thier family and friends. I just overheard a conversation in the food court a couple of months ago where some girls were talking about a cute guy at their school, saying "it's too bad that he's gay" and when someone else asked, "his parents are cool with it".
Between Television, Movies, and other Social factions being so accepting these days, why do people STILL feel they have to pretend to be something they are not in order to be accepted?

 

[kotosal]

I'm not here to judge anyone or push them out of their closet.

If you want to find a man just for sex and experiment what it's like, you can join some gay chat, like gay.com, or explore the whole world of gaydar.co.uk or manhunt.net, then you can look after masseurs in your area or escorts (but, there you will have to pay for the service).
It would be a one on one meeting, not date, and if you feel comfortable you can go further more and actually having a sex intercourse.
Once you have tried this, you can be brave enought to walk into a sauna or a gay bar.

 

[striver]

I am a married man (with children) who is in a relationship with a man who also is married. All of the parties are informed and aware. He was my best man at my wedding. Basically if you were/are honest from the beginning things can be worked out if you are truly with the right person but to go out and sneak around is disrespectful to her and your relationship. You might find an answer or realize it is over either way the end will be a lot easier. If you don't respect her or her relationship at least respect yourself.

 

[bma1983]

I'm the original poster of this and I would first like to say thanks to all who had input. However, the input I received was off the mark and that is my fault. sorry.

The reason it is off the mark is because of my relluctance to disclose enough info. So since I truely want answers I am willing to tell all now. Firstly, I am not happilly married, this is because my wife is admittedly gay...(I think she's bi but hey, who knows). That's why she doesn't give me sex.

Second, we are still together because I don't want to be broke with child support and my child is to0 young to handle it right now. No, we don't fight, we actually get along.(my wife and I). So right now it is not bad on my child. She thinks we are happy.

Also, like i said I love women, they make me hot, but since I'm not getting any, I'm bored with the normal jerking thing and it's hard to find girls that will deal with my situation. Though I have had flings which my wife knows about. How did she feel. I quote "I don't like it but, what can I say, nothing...you need to get it some where." Also, I'm realizing that obviously I must be bi, otherwise I wouldn't even think of or get aroused by the though of having sex with a guy. But like I stated before, I don't even know if i could actually go through with it. I'm sure if I was out of state and drunk and a situation I felt comfortable with arouse I might but I don't know. It's happened before and I did't want it.

When I'm getting sex I don't even desire men at all. So I don't see a reason to come out. If I was divorced I would be getting laid a lot. I'm not bragging but there are a number of girls that like me but can't deal with my marriedness, like I said before. So that leaves me with whores who I can't stand,(dumb, dirty, annoying, and intellectually unfullfilling.) or men(who i don't know how or where nor do i have the balls to meet) who are in a similar situation who won't get attached and will just be having fun like me...also won't tell their friends when they get mad at you.

So hopefully that makes sense and allows for you guys to give the input i need. Again, sorry for the mix up, it was my fault. On a good note, your input told me that all that answered are really moral,(concerns about wife etc..) not just mindless bone heads. Thanks again, I look forward to your responses.

I’m no fan of using men (or women) to fulfill sexual urges. I see no reason why you should be with men. You sound like you have no interest in them whatsoever. So why do it? It seems like you're only considering it because women aren't giving you the time-of-day because you're married. Uh, that's not a good reason to have sex with men.

You’re married. You made a commitment. Either use your hand, or buy a fleshlight.
If that’s not gonna cut it, then you may need to rethink the divorce thing. Your wife is gay(?), you want other women. Just don’t do any sleeping around while you’re joined in marriage to someone.

 

[SFMusic]

In addition, what kind of example are you setting for your children? Is your relationship with your wife the one you want them to grow up thinking is normal? They may not know what is going on in your bedroom, but they know that you are frustrated and unhappy, and it can't help but negatively affect them.

I’m no fan of using men (or women) to fulfill sexual urges. I see no reason why you should be with men. You sound like you have no interest in them whatsoever. So why do it? It seems like you're only considering it because women aren't giving you the time-of-day because you're married. Uh, that's not a good reason to have sex with men.

You’re married. You made a commitment. Either use your hand, or buy a fleshlight.
If that’s not gonna cut it, then you may need to rethink the divorce thing. Your wife is gay(?), you want other women. Just don’t do any sleeping around while you’re joined in marriage to someone.

 

[bma1983]

I wrote you a big long condisending response to this, damn thing took me over half an hour, and right on my last sentence this thing froze up. So here is the short version.

In response to your USING men speech its not USING them if it is mutual, Ideally some one in a similar situation. U see no reason why I should be with men and that I seem to have no interest in them, well, bull shit, you didn't read the entire blog I wrote. I obviously do have some interest,(and don't give me the HOCD shit) Doctors love to give terms and diagnosis to anything they feel they can make money on...What would you say to them if you were in my shoes and they said I have that, I would say bullshit, butI'm not sucker enough to go to counselling for boredom. BEFORE YOU STOP READING AGAIN AND SAY I JUST PROVED YOUR POINT!!!!!! Let me make my last point...

Your last point was about marriage and using my hand or a flashlight, or rather a "fleshlight" as you stated. I use both actually. Well I used to believe in monogamy, until THIS girl, she is the latest of a small # of girls that I dated. Probably around 10 or so, and they all cheated on me...And I swear I never cheated on any of them first or after I knew. I just let them know I knew. Also I've been married to this girl for 6.5 years and didn't cheat on here untill 2 years ago...but was it cheating? She had told me about her girlfriends 2 years prior to that. So do the math, basically 1.5 years after we got married she started cheating with girls and the "suspected" occasional guy. So to my point====>>>>

All I have been doing is jerking it you knuckle head. And the fact that I do it to gay porn and occasionally stick things in my butt tells me that I am obviously some what interested(all be it because of "boredom" (theres that word again!)).

Therefore it is my self diagnosis that I should try having sex with another man BECAUSE I think about it every time I jerk or during work. Or when I am driving. Especially when I am driving. So it I could get up the nerve to meet a mutual USER, then I would know.......Here's the punch- line....... IF I'M BI, CAUSE I'VE JERKED TO SO MUCH GAY PORN IN THE LAST COUPLE OF YEARS,, I can't help but wonder, even if I only find the thought of doing it hot when I'm hot. got it now man.

Why do you feel the need to be condescending? You asked for opinions and responses. I gave you mine. Don’t be mad at me because I’m not telling you to go out and fuck men because your wife ain’t giving you any and because whores have been around the block too much.

I gave you an honest nonjudgmental response. And I stand by it. I don’t know what blog you are referring to, but I did and do read everything you wrote here. (And what is HOCD shit?)

In your past posts you never mentioned jerking off to gay porn or gay thoughts. You clearly stated:

I think I am just bored cause she doesn't give me sex.

I love women. Their beautiful, I think its the taboo part of the other team that gets me going. I don't even find men attractive. I don't know. It's hard to explain.

like i said I love women, they make me hot, but since I'm not getting any, I'm bored with the normal jerking thing and it's hard to find girls that will deal with my situation.

When I'm getting sex I don't even desire men at all.

If I was divorced I would be getting laid a lot. I'm not bragging but there are a number of girls that like me but can't deal with my marriedness, like I said before. So that leaves me with whores who I can't stand,(dumb, dirty, annoying, and intellectually unfullfilling.) or men(who i don't know how or where nor do i have the balls to meet) who are in a similar situation who won't get attached and will just be having fun like me...also won't tell their friends when they get mad at you.

Those posts are the reason why I said you seem like you’re really not that interested into guys. And I still believe that. I still think you’re only doing it because no acceptable women are available. And yes, even if you have a sexual encounter with another man who is in a similar situation, you’re still using him, and he’s using you. It’s not a relationship of the heart. It’s not a relationship based on love. Only sex. You’re using each other for release. He’ll be a live masturbatory toy.

You want to experiment with men. That’s your business. But as I said before do it when you’re no longer married. But it seems to me you would be happier with a woman.

 

[teh_nathan]

How can you live with yourself - completely throwing your commitment to your wife (and to your children, to be a good father) out the window?

You made a promise to your wife when you got married and you're so easily throwing that all away - for what - a screw here and there. You have to ask yourself if that's really worth throwing your marriage away over.

I can understand if the wife knows or it's a group arrangement, but it isn't.

 

[kotosal]

I totally quote "bma1983", I do think that you won't like it, but, hey you never knows until you try it.
Try this site, it's really a meat market, if you show a cock, messages for hooking-ups will start pouring like rain, and usually there are no feelings involved, just a mutual sexual release:

www.manhunt.net