Married men and the Gay community

[tomind]

I have been talking with some friends recently and the topic of men married to women and being gay came up and many of the friends found it hard to be able to live like this and I personally know several men who were in this situation. Often it is because of the family, the church and of course the dreaded self esteem issue and how it will looked as if the man was gay.

I was wondering if any of you know of men (or perhaps you are) in this situation and how it made you feel when you are younger and how you feel about the topic now you are older.

 

[RRRalph]

People should accept who they are.
Those guys in denial can't have a genuine happy life for pretending to be something they are not.

 

[cha_ie88]

I'm with RRRalph, if you deny your sexuality to such an extent that you drag a significant other into convincing yourself otherwise, the outcome will be an undesirable one. While I can usually see why these men do not want to accept their attraction for the same gender, it is most often not worth the grief that they cause themselves, their spouses, and the children that may result of their marriages.

Funny that this topic should come to my attention today, I just had a good friend call off a wedding yesterday. I'm absolutely certain he's a homosexual.

 

[1st love ron]

One of my mother's best friends (a lesbian) just married a gay man. It's so bizarre i don't ask my mother about it.

I also know a gay man (former co-worker) who is now married, but I think he did it to hide his sexuality because he has a prominent job.


I don't know how they do it -- I can't even fathom dating
a woman,never mind marrying one!

 

[AaronG]

I dated a girl in highschool. She asked me out, and I didn't know how to say no - afraid I'd give away that I was gay. It was fun, but the whole time I was scared of being outed, and I eventually broke it off when I went to college. Never again.

That said, I'm totally convinced I'll eventually live with my best girl friend. She knows I'm gay, she doesn't think she'll ever marry, and we get along great. We live in different cities, but we got to hang out this afternoon.

 

[JOHN B]

I once was friends with a guy who was gay, then straight, then gay, then straight, then he married a woman who knew all about his past/present but felt "she could change him". I lost touch with him but hear that even though he now has a couple of children and is still married, he also cruises the internet looking for gay men. It's selfish of the people like that who end up betraying others because they are so insecure about their sexuality.

 

[Shepherd 2]

Notice please,
that the openly bisexuals and the trisexuals
and not posting this thread? I hope some
of them might address this thread.
Shep+

 

[pkacrotjs]

Some of us 'honestly thought we were str8 but had life circumstances present them with the opportunity to really figure things out' people aren't posting either. I've composed and abandoned in similar threads many times.

In any case, no one should cheat, regardless of gender or orientation. it's just un loving.

 

[Soilwork]

I'd much rather be hated for being me than loved for being someone else.

That being said...

I really ripped into a guy a while ago about that. He planned on being married because he was too chicken shit to live life on his terms and not the terms of anyone else.

Why not just copy/paste?

I think it's funny how the Wendy Whiners in the crowd blame the fact that Gays and Lesbians don't have equal rights as citizens on "freaks and drag queens" in once-a-year parades when in truth it's THEY.. the leaches and hangers on who are to blame.

Go ahead and have your fake girlfriends, your faux wedding bands, your rent-a-families and hey.. why not just hire some nice In-laws to show up at your glorious back-yard Bar-b-cues?

Real parents are so embarrassing, aren't they?

Just know that although you MIGHT get one more promotion over the course of your life, it will feel like a hollow victory. It's not your life, and you're still having to live it.

You'll always feel like a faker.. a rouse. Because that's what you will be in the game of life.

Oh yes.. I'm sure that you'll have plenty of money to buy you things that will maybe make you feel better for a short time.... But then you'll realize that you don't have a passionate love for your fake family, that your kids, no matter how much you may care for them are really just expensive props.

In the end, your life will be just like those things they put in book shelves in furniture stores... place-holders.. filler.

You'll be like one of those countless pathetic losers who send us creepy, ikky PMs all the time (I can't be the only one who gets those) telling us that they're married with familes but "I jerk off to you all the time, bro."

Hey.. if that's the life you want for yourself.... that's unfortunate.
__________________

 

[RonnNY]

I'm gay, I'm married, I love my wife, I love sex with men.

A long time ago I learned to live with all of these contradictions -- and very happily, too. It can be done, and I've done it (as I assume many other men have, too).

So many guys on this list insist that coming out of the closet is the ONLY way; they've done it, and insist that I do it, too. But I don't want to, and there's no good reason why I should.

I'm very happily married, and I choose to stay that way. It is, after all, my choice.

 

[Jory]

I'd much rather be hated for being me than loved for being someone else.

That being said...

I really ripped into a guy a while ago about that. He planned on being married because he was too chicken shit to live life on his terms and not the terms of anyone else.

Why not just copy/paste?

I think it's funny how the Wendy Whiners in the crowd blame the fact that Gays and Lesbians don't have equal rights as citizens on "freaks and drag queens" in once-a-year parades when in truth it's THEY.. the leaches and hangers on who are to blame.

Go ahead and have your fake girlfriends, your faux wedding bands, your rent-a-families and hey.. why not just hire some nice In-laws to show up at your glorious back-yard Bar-b-cues?

Real parents are so embarrassing, aren't they?

Just know that although you MIGHT get one more promotion over the course of your life, it will feel like a hollow victory. It's not your life, and you're still having to live it.

You'll always feel like a faker.. a rouse. Because that's what you will be in the game of life.

Oh yes.. I'm sure that you'll have plenty of money to buy you things that will maybe make you feel better for a short time.... But then you'll realize that you don't have a passionate love for your fake family, that your kids, no matter how much you may care for them are really just expensive props.

In the end, your life will be just like those things they put in book shelves in furniture stores... place-holders.. filler.

You'll be like one of those countless pathetic losers who send us creepy, ikky PMs all the time (I can't be the only one who gets those) telling us that they're married with familes but "I jerk off to you all the time, bro."

Hey.. if that's the life you want for yourself.... that's unfortunate.
__________________

You're not upset are you?

 

[Soilwork]

I'm gay, I'm married, I love my wife, I love sex with men.

A long time ago I learned to live with all of these contradictions -- and very happily, too. It can be done, and I've done it (as I assume many other men have, too).

So many guys on this list insist that coming out of the closet is the ONLY way; they've done it, and insist that I do it, too. But I don't want to, and there's no good reason why I should.

I'm very happily married, and I choose to stay that way. It is, after all, my choice.

Yes, it IS your choice.

But it should be your wife's choice too.

As long as she's aware of what's going on, I dont' think any of us have much of a problem with that. I'm all about people defining the boudaries of their own relationships.

However, if she thinks she's in a monogamous relationship and she's not.. THAT I have a problem with.

 

[rotary]

I can understand how some men married women 20 or 30 years ago...it was harder for homosexuals back then compared to now, and who am I to judge people who lived through the kind of homophobia that is no longer tolerated in this day and age.

With that being said, there is no excuse for marrying to cover up your sexuality in the year 2007.

 

[metta]

Yes, I have known men that were married with children and gay. With the ones that I have knonw, what I have found is that they tend to not be honest with themselves or other people. I'm not saying that they are all like that. I'm just saying that this is in regards to the ones that I have known. They really have a hard time separating cultural demands and who they are. They seem to constantly be fighting within themselves of trying to fit in with the so-called 'norms' of society. Even after divorcing, they still seem to be fighing within themselves, wanting to find a way to fit, even if they have to lie about it.

 

[RRRalph]

Notice please,

that the openly bisexuals and the trisexuals are not posting this thread?
I hope some of them might address this thread.

I posted the first comment and last time that i checked i was still a bisexual. So what are you talking about?? This thread is about gay guys who are married to a woman, a gender which a gay guy isn't sexual attracted to at all. Why the explicit need of bisexuals to comment??

 

[S60Turbo]

My ex's brother and his lovr were both married before they came out but as it was said it was a time long ago when there wasn't much choice.
If a guy does in now and his wife doesn't know he's a self centered coward that should be strung up!!

 

[RonnNY]

If a guy does in now and his wife doesn't know he's a self centered coward that should be strung up!!

Aren't judgmental people the BEST!! Dont you really admire people who are so certain about how other people should live their lives?

Hey, guys like this have all the (wrong) answers....

 

[angedelune]

It works for Tom Cruise, and tons of other celebs so why not

 

[Soilwork]

Aren't judgmental people the BEST!! Dont you really admire people who are so certain about how other people should live their lives?

Hey, guys like this have all the (wrong) answers....

so you think it's ok to lie to your wife?

Got it.

Now, are you allowed to lie about anything or just fucking around behind your wife's back?

I mean, how much wiggle room is there?

 

[ambiguity]

Aren't judgmental people the BEST!! Dont you really admire people who are so certain about how other people should live their lives?

Hey, guys like this have all the (wrong) answers....

I fail to see what is wrong with his post. He is talking about a person being in what is presumed to be a monogamous relationship by the other person, but having extramarital relations.

It's wrong any way it is looked at. Whether it is a straight man having extramarital relations with another woman, a woman doing so with a man, or whether it is a bisexual, or a homosexual.

When one person in the relationship believes their partner is faithful, while the other believes in something more polyamourous, people get hurt.