Mature-Age-Gays who blindly married Women decades ago

[pat grimshaw]

Huff Post calls them The Lost Generation

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/william-dameron/gay-men-straight-marriage_b_4550705.html

 

[MakeDigitalLove]

Long last they see the light of being gay..being who they are. Straight to gay...excusable...any other shade is not. You know perfectly well what I mean and YOU are still on the hook for living a lie. No one biys it. You either are or you are not.

Please just stop? I mean this just gets sadder and sadder the more you do it.

 

[ElmosToe]

Wow.

How sad.

 

[dpnice]

...................... Yes, there is social pressure today too in some countries, regardless of the subject, still it doesn´t excuse lying to someone (in this case, women). ...........................

Then what do you do if you are gay and living in Uganda? Or living in a Muslim community? Or living in India?

It is easy for us to cast stones at this sort of situation but it really can't be easy when the only way forward for you is to deny your sexuality and follow the social norm.

I accept that the situation was not so horrific in the USA and Europe but even so for some people the social/religious pressures must have been an enormous burden for them to have accepted to imprison themselves in a heterosexual marriage.

From the shared experiences of our married members here I have the impression that their decision has brought them happiness and their married lives have been successful. Do I therefore have the right to condemn them for being gay but in a heterosexual marriage?

 

[LeicsDom]

A long time ago, maybe. But there are men in their 30s, 40s and 50s who got married 10, 20 or 30 years ago, in countries like Spain, for example, where even if gay marriage didn´t exist back then, things were getting done, one step at a time. Yes, there is social pressure today too in some countries, regardless of the subject, still it doesn´t excuse lying to someone (in this case, women). Whatever comes from your response to social pressure, YOU are responsible for it.

There is still heaps of social pressure in today's so called civilised Western countries
I am certainly not saying it is a valid excuse but it is still there

 

[aaggii]

Then what do you do if you are gay and living in Uganda? Or living in a Muslim community? Or living in India?

You don´t ruin a woman´s life just because your life is ruined. I tell you what you can do: get the fuck out, by any means or keep a low profile (very hard, not impossible). You don´t drag someone down with you, it doesn´t matter how bad you have it.
I lived in a very homophobic country, with everyone asking me again and again about when I´m gonna settle down and have kids and all the straight bullshit norm. I kept a low profile, still I had a great time - always meeting new people, always having a new story to tell. Then, after I finished college, I got the hell out of there with a bag of clothes and little money. When you are different in any way, you start to think. Don´t tell me that gay Ugandans, Indians, Muslims &co never thought of getting out. It´s not that hard. I see every week here on TV just how many Africans get into Spain with nothing more than the clothes they have on. Hard? Sure as hell, but they try.

There is still heaps of social pressure in today's so called civilised Western countries
I am certainly not saying it is a valid excuse but it is still there

I never said otherwise. But lying someone their whole life is not an acceptable excuse.

Unlike a lot of other people...I fucking hated Brokeback Mountain and was not sympathetic to the characters. I didn't like either one of them.

A million times yes! Thank you

 

[rareboy]

God.

Grimshaw is probably fapping away like mad over his wildly successful attempt to make everyone feel like shit.

 

[Kahaih]

This thread seems to imply two things.

1) That heterosexuals never get it wrong.

2) That there is a (universal?) right reason to get married.

 

[dpnice]

You don´t ruin a woman´s life just because your life is ruined. I tell you what you can do: get the fuck out, by any means or keep a low profile (very hard, not impossible). You don´t drag someone down with you, it doesn´t matter how bad you have it.
......................................... Don´t tell me that gay Ugandans, Indians, Muslims &co never thought of getting out. It´s not that hard. ...................



....................

I understand your argument but goodness I find your comments unsympathetic with the positions some gay men in under developed countries find themselves in.

Ruining a woman's life is not necessarily true in many of such cases, though I would agree with you that going through a marriage based on deceit is not correct.

But you have simplified it too much. It is not just a question of get out as many other immigrants have done.

 

[aaggii]

I understand your argument but goodness I find your comments unsympathetic with the positions some gay men in under developed countries find themselves in.

Ruining a woman's life is not necessarily true in many of such cases, though I would agree with you that going through a marriage based on deceit is not correct.

But you have simplified it too much. It is not just a question of get out as many other immigrants have done.

I said it is not easy, but it´s better than having to hide yourself your whole life and stay where you don´t belong. The reason I simplified it so much is because it´s a whole different topic. We can write 2000 pages about it and we would not say anything new that hasn´t been said before. My point is what I bolded in your post.

 

[eastofeden]

I understand your argument but goodness I find your comments unsympathetic with the positions some gay men in under developed countries find themselves in.

Ruining a woman's life is not necessarily true in many of such cases, though I would agree with you that going through a marriage based on deceit is not correct.

But you have simplified it too much. It is not just a question of get out as many other immigrants have done.

You should hear what a lot of them say about gay men....you have no idea. The unsympathetic thing here doesn't even compare...a lot of them are self hating homophobic assholes....and some are dangerous as well. Look at the damage Marcus Bachman has done...or the crack whore preacher Ted Haggard who waged a war on us....

I do know a few who were really honest with their wives from the beginning and I do not put them in this category. There are a lot of reasons people get married...love isn't always one of them.

 

[xbuzzerx]

I always thought they lied and used women

While I don't necessarily disagree, I think the problem I've always had with people waving a hand and saying that gay men married to women are "using them" is the concept that plenty of straight men don't simply use women, including in their marriages, as well.

I might go so far as to say there is no marriage where you could not find a way to say that both parties are "using" the other in some manner, or for something. If gay men "use" women in marriages for protection, do not many women "use" men for income or to have a family? And vice-versa?

 

[ElmosToe]

Grimshaw is probably fapping away like mad over his wildly successful attempt to make everyone feel like shit.

^this

I might go so far as to say there is no marriage where you could not find a way to say that both parties are "using" the other in some manner, or for something. If gay men "use" women in marriages for protection, do not many women "use" men for income or to have a family? And vice-versa?

^and this


/thread

 

[SLOPPYSECONDS]

mars colony still goins tens?
_ ooh dear _

thankyou

 

[peeonme]

The implication(s) that seem(s) prevalent are that a gay man can not love a woman, in a romantic way. Also that a gay man is merely using a woman, so that he can live his lie.

If a man is totally aware that he is gay and plans on living a gay life behind his wife's back I would agree that this is wrong, obviously.

Life is not that simple, many men enter in to marriage with a woman thinking that they have put that "phase" behind them, they plan on being a devoted husband and have no hidden agenda to have a boyfriend on the side.

When I married I was convinced that I had conquered any same sex attraction that I had experienced as a teen, I loved my wife then and love her even more now, this may be hard for some to wrap their heads around, if so then it is the problem of those who are not capable of comprehending it.

I was 21 when I married, at that age sexual performance is not difficult, most guy could fuck anything at that age, what happens to many gay men is that when they go in to middle age (what ever that is) they find that just like many straight men that it takes more than some erotic thoughts to get a penis erect, most men find a need for some form of stimuli, they turn to what gets them aroused easily, a fetish, porn, toys or whatever.

Gay men who thought that they had put that part of their lives behind them suddenly find old thoughts and feelings coming back, that is why so many guys marry, have kids and suddenly at the age of 40 or so leave their wives for a man.

I have seen it happen to guys I know, I knew that they were gay, no we weren't hooking up, I could just tell. A guy with 2 kids leaves his family and declares that he is gay.

Some would cheer him on, good for you! you came out! I say bullshit! I made a commitment, I will stick with it, I have not nor will I ever cheat on my wife. As I said, I love her, she has never been in need or want, never had to work or deal with a drunk asshole.

This web sight is the only outlet for my gay feelings, at soon to be 62 I am not looking to hook up, what others do is up to them, I live my life, others can live theirs.

 

[ElmosToe]

^very well said.

 

[Kahaih]

The implication(s) that seem(s) prevalent are that a gay man can not love a woman, in a romantic way. Also that a gay man is merely using a woman, so that he can live his lie.

If a man is totally aware that he is gay and plans on living a gay life behind his wife's back I would agree that this is wrong, obviously.

Life is not that simple, many men enter in to marriage with a woman thinking that they have put that "phase" behind them, they plan on being a devoted husband and have no hidden agenda to have a boyfriend on the side.

When I married I was convinced that I had conquered any same sex attraction that I had experienced as a teen, I loved my wife then and love her even more now, this may be hard for some to wrap their heads around, if so then it is the problem of those who are not capable of comprehending it.

I was 21 when I married, at that age sexual performance is not difficult, most guy could fuck anything at that age, what happens to many gay men is that when they go in to middle age (what ever that is) they find that just like many straight men that it takes more than some erotic thoughts to get a penis erect, most men find a need for some form of stimuli, they turn to what gets them aroused easily, a fetish, porn, toys or whatever.

Gay men who thought that they had put that part of their lives behind them suddenly find old thoughts and feelings coming back, that is why so many guys marry, have kids and suddenly at the age of 40 or so leave their wives for a man.

I have seen it happen to guys I know, I knew that they were gay, no we weren't hooking up, I could just tell. A guy with 2 kids leaves his family and declares that he is gay.

Some would cheer him on, good for you! you came out! I say bullshit! I made a commitment, I will stick with it, I have not nor will I ever cheat on my wife. As I said, I love her, she has never been in need or want, never had to work or deal with a drunk asshole.

This web sight is the only outlet for my gay feelings, at soon to be 62 I am not looking to hook up, what others do is up to them, I live my life, others can live theirs.

Yeah? Well, don't.

You are being every bit as negative and judgmental as those from whom you seem to be trying to defend yourself.

We know nothing of your home life other than what you have told us, and you know nothing of your neighbors' lives. What you call 'a commitment' might very well be 'a self imposed life sentence' to others.

And, to be honest, making the point about 'soon to be 62' makes you look like the 'old church lady' - past her prime - past the point of 'no return'. Give it rest.

 

[LeicsDom]

This web sight is the only outlet for my gay feelings, at soon to be 62 I am not looking to hook up, what others do is up to them, I live my life, others can live theirs.

I have an ex boyfriend who is, to all intents and purposes, completely bisexual.
I was his first relationship many years ago
Since then he has relationships with both girls and guys
At the age of 40 he decided that his biological clock was ticking and he found a girl/woman that he wanted to have a child with
They got married and had the required child
He is now a house husband who works and studies part time inbetween childcare duties. His wife works full time in a well paid job
He is committed to being faithful to his wife at least until the child is 18
He accepts and has told his wife that the physical side of his gay urges are on the back burner
With the consent of his wife he uses gay porn as his sole outlet

The only thing that bewilders me is that in his gay life he was a complete bottom and, obviously, in his straight life he has to be a top
I wonder how he can completely disregard a whole side of his sexual fulfillment

 

[mikey3000]

So many issues!

Ha ha ha!! To many gay men, their wives/ex-wives are still their best friends. You should be so cursed and blinded.

 

[ElmosToe]

The only thing that bewilders me is that in his gay life he was a complete bottom and, obviously, in his straight life he has to be a top
I wonder how he can completely disregard a whole side of his sexual fulfillment

You'd be surprised what 'straight' people do with each other in their bedroom.


I have a couple friends who I introduced each other to and are now married. Also turned them both on to the nudist lifestyle.
The hubby was an extreme introvert, straight as can be, he's in the coast guard now. Once her and I helped him get past his sexual hangups primarily with his cock size, he became fascinated with her dildo Now she fucks him regularly with a strap on. They had me watch a couple of times.

Straight imo, is subjective at best but highly inaccurate.