me and bf

[confused10]

So I need help as to help me figure out whats going on with me and my bf.
Iam 21, hes 23 both bi masc discret and none of out friends or family know where going out. I met him feb 09 on a site he lives about an hour from my house, but only 5 min from a secondary home my parents own. We became good friends and our friends met and all, we started going out offically about 6 months ago. He asked me to be his bf after we had a big and he realized I almost left his life for good because of all the little shit i couldnt deal with that one of his ex's was doing to annoy me. we have had a happy 6months, fights here and there like normal, but we always got thru it and seen how much we loved eachother. around halloween this year he made plans with me in advance by saying "lets go to a halloween party this year or something fun" so i purposely set aside that day all for him. the week of halloween he texted me saying he has to go to a party on halloween so lets chill another time. I got pissed and told him this is bullshit he keeps changing plans and all etc etc. He got pissed at me for saying that and said maybe we need a break. I told him I normally dont do breaks, it seems to highschoolish for me, i told him if i break up with someone its the end. after awhile of trying to figure eachother out the ultimate problem on his end is that he doesnt know if he wants a girl or guy for the future. hes really depressed about the thought of not raising a family and whos gonna be there for him when hes old and in a hospital bed. There is one girl who he kinda has feelings for he says and i know who it is. is this normal for a guy whos bi, he claims hes bi hes never been with a girl and really seems to enjoy the company of gay guys which what confuses me how he could think maybe he can pull off being with a girl forever. he also said this, he doesnt wanna say bye to me because hes afraid of losing me as anything and regreting it for life. Ive been sick recently and he hasnt been the most considerate around me or even willing to come see me, it just seems like iam his last prioity sometimes but other times seems extremly happy. i dont know what to do, I do love him and wanna try my best but kinda feel like its going to waste sometimes. sorry this is long and grammer may not be the best but ive been torn on this for awhile

 

[Lube]

He's fighting his inner demons, worried about being bi/gay.

He will make you miserable until he comes to accept himself.

It will hurt, but ditch him until he seems comfortable with who he is. He's not ready for a relationship now.

 

[Eagle653]

He's fighting his inner demons, worried about being bi/gay.

He will make you miserable until he comes to accept himself.

It will hurt, but ditch him until he seems comfortable with who he is. He's not ready for a relationship now.

Nailed it.

Anyone who's thinking of swinging toward a woman because he's worried about who will take care of him decades from now is neurotic beyond belief. And, naive.

I suspect you can do better.

 

[racer2438]

He's fighting his inner demons, worried about being bi/gay.

He will make you miserable until he comes to accept himself.

It will hurt, but ditch him until he seems comfortable with who he is. He's not ready for a relationship now.

^^^^^^^ Exactly what Lube said......... he has a long way to figure himself out and your the one to get hurt through out this. He is not ready.... Sorry but it seems that way.. you may want to move on...

 

[altlover85]

I totally agree with Lube.

Anyone who's thinking of swinging toward a woman because he's worried about who will take care of him decades from now is neurotic beyond belief. And, naive.

What Eagle653 said is important too. I think he's using this whole decades later thing as a defense mechanism for coming to terms with who he is.

I suggest moving on. I would also say if you want to meet quality guys, think about starting your coming out journey.

 

[Ninja108]

My partner is bi but he had come to terms with the fact he was emotionally and physically attracted to guys and girls.
This guy has not come to terms with that and may not for quite sometime. Don't hang around and wait for him while others who are comfortable are availble.

 

[TX-Beau]

Well, you date the closet, you'll always be second priority. Get used to it. You can't do anything that might lead people to think you mean anything to him. If you were both out, you could go to the party as his boyfriend.

But he's not out, so you're frustrated, but then you're not out either.

Also, you're not his boyfriend, you're his dirty little secret, boyfriends get to go to the Halloween party, secrets can't come because people might guess. This will never change as long as you both hide in the dark.

No matter how much affection he says he has for you, his actions are clear, you are not important enough to see the light of day.

That's not love, that's fucking selfishness and fear.

You can't fix that. You have yourself to worry about.

This guy is fucking selfish, he keeps you on the hook as backup just in case he decides he doesn't want pussy after all?

Fuck that. Walk, tell him to get back to you when you are his first priority, and he has his shit figured out.

Then come out of the closet yourself.

 

[confused10]

ok let me clear somethings up, we are in the closet however, he has many gay friends and i went to a party with him to one of the gay friends party and even kissed me right there in front of everyone, he is very happy around those friends. he then has his second half of friends, his everyday friends who think hes str8 and all. he did tell me this, hes 23 he says he loves me but part of his brain tells him no not yet your not ready to himself. he wants to get a good job be finacally ok then a relationship can be his number one goal. now to me I can deal with that up till he mentioned the girl thing. I look at life like this, I want to be sucsussful, have money, go places do things fall in love. I dont care what order they happen in. I love this guy and just utterly lost, i know for us to go futher the closet thing will become a issuse, but iam willing to come out to certain ppl if I think Iam with the guy i want and feel like he is in the same spot.