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Meeting guys online

S

seamike

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Hello! :wave: I'm 19 and haven't had a boyfriend, been on a date, and know hardly any gay people. I find it hard to meet gay guys in my current situation, I avoid the club scene which is the only way my few gay friends actually meet guys. So I went online for the first time with no real expectations or agenda rather than to just see how it worked and maybe talk to some guys.

I've been talking to this guy and we have been texting for a couple days and he asked me to meet up with him for coffee. It caught me off guard.. I'm stupid to think he wouldn't ask to meet me I guess? Like I said I'm new to this. . I made it clear that I'm not out for a hookup but just to make friends or possibly a date. He said he wouldn't be just wanting sex, hes looking for friends/relationship and just wants to meet up for some coffee and chat, and if we are both into it then maybe more. ???

Also, he is 40... He is very nice, attractive (looks great for 40), we share interests, but does this scream creepy? Or am I being paranoid about some hidden agenda and he is actually just some nice guy that wants to meet me for coffee.. I don't have a problem with him being 40 , but I know its a situation frowned upon by society for a reason.

I am very torn. Part of me just wants to go out and be my own person and meet guys and make friends and go on dates. Im tired of having no potential boyfriends and no gay friends that I can relate to and if im gonna play the online game I'm gonna need to jump in eventually..?

The other part is hesitant and scared.. what would my friends/family think about me online dating... what would they think about me meeting a 40 year old stranger :confused: but why should I care, I'm an adult?

....what was my point again? #-o

advice for me? :help:
 
Meet in a public place and you have nothing to be worried about. What's the worst that can happen? You don't hit it off and at least you know he's not the one for you. On the other hand you could make a new friend or more.

You might find (as I often have) that once you agree to meet, he will lose interest. A lot of guys online are timewasters and seem to get off on the idea of people being interested in them but don't actually want (or have the guts to) meet in person. Agreeing to meet is a good way to weed out the timewasters.

Good luck!
 
agree with carl, meet the guys early on, not after weeks of online contact. online dating sites are a great way to get to know people, but they are just a means to an end, which is meeting people in real. never forget that.

as for the age... if you feel comfortable with it, go for it. but im pretty sure that this guy wants to get it on with you. if you are only interested in a purely platonic friendships, dont meet guys who say things like "... and if we are both into it then maybe more" or "open for anything, lets see what happens." sentences like those are code for "im into you, but i dont want to come on to strong." decide for yourself if youre interested in that.
 
I've been where you were seamike when I was 18 except that I didn't have any gay friends and I actually was (and still am) attracted to older guys.

I met my first bf online and also my current one. I like having the chance to read someone's profile and see if we are compatible, as well as what they look like, ahead of time. I agree with x-cess about meeting relatively soon so you don't drag things out.

I was nervous what everyone would think and actually when I met my first bf, my roomate in college met him as well. He thought it was weird and I became distant from him and my other friends because they didn't get it either. In time I got better at not caring about what others think. It's still a struggle for me, but all of these questions about what other people think really don't matter if you're happy and with the right guy.

Good luck and meet in a public place (perhaps google him?) and tell a friend where you are going and (if possible) when you expect to be back.

And as far as meeting guys at other places, perhaps you could join a GLBT club or go to museums or other activities you like.
 
Other than the lack of common ground a 40 year old may share with a 19 year old, I don't see anything wrong with it. Who am I to say otherwise.
 
You've basically secured your own answer: "you're an adult." If you feel safe meeting this individual, it shouldn't matter if he's 40, 30, or 20. I've only met one person in real life that I'd originally met online, and that took just over four years to realize, AND I had to fly half-way around the world to meet him!

It was both worth it and the saddest thing I've ever done. He came up here to visit me the following summer, and that's when I discovered his true racist coloUrs! He made snarkist remarks about my cousin (who's half-black), but his racist comments were always abundant, but he hid them behind a mask of humor.

As for "Rule-Of-Thirds" ... both parties will live vicariously through the other: seamike - maturity, and his friend - recaptured youth.
 
I think coffee is fine. I'm not sure why Just thought coffee was a bad idea. You may want to think of going to a movie or something. It really depends on what you want, how comfortable you feel with this guy, and also what he wants.

If you have any more questions, feel free to ask.

In my case, when I met both my current bf and my ex, we'd already been talking for a month or more and decided to meet. Now, I really have about a month rule, so if I haven't met someone within a month, I would probably move on.

I hope this helps!
 
I would say meet up with him and have that coffee. The age thing shouldn't and doesn't matter. Like you said: you're an adult, and that includes going out with who you want and finding them where you want to find them.

Words of warning:
- Definitely meet up in a public place first. You were going to do that already, but it bears repeating.
- Don't do anything you don't want to do. Like x-cess said, "if we are both into it then maybe more" means he is probably into you but doesn't want to come on too strong. If he hints at having sex and you don't want to, then don't and let him know that's not why you're there. If he insists, leave. You should not feel pressured into doing something you don't want to do. Of course, if you do want to have sex with him, go for it. :)

Have fun, try to relax and feel comfortable, and see this for what it is: your first steps into the gay world, and a possible friendship with someone wonderful. ..|
 
thanks guys. I decided to go for it so I'll let you know how it goes!



I'm nervous!
 
Glad to hear it =)

I have had nothing but bad luck with online dating, so it's really nice to hear of a success story.
 
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