So one of my middle school crushes (who I'm 99.9% sure is straight), and I have recently gotten back in touch. We're both 22 now and the last time we saw eachother was when we were around 15 or 16. Back then, in middle school, I wasn't out, I was still figuring out my sexuality. Anyways, he wants to get together soon to catch up and I'm super nervous about it. Back when we used to hang out we used to watch straight porn and talk about girls and all of that, and now I'm just afraid I'm going to scare him off if I tell him I'm gay. We're going to meet up in a few days and hang out I think, but I just don't know where to begin with him. His facebook says "Christian and Moderate" in his political and religious views. I just don't want to deal with a shitty moment. What's your advice???
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Meeting up with an old straight friend!!! HELP!?!?
- Thread starter 1208Rob
- Start date
texan_slant
Sex God
I wouldn't freak out about it;
Just be yourself.
Only come out if there seems to be an opportunity for it, but I wouldn't necessarily make it the focal point, or the stress point, unless it goes there.
Just be yourself.
Only come out if there seems to be an opportunity for it, but I wouldn't necessarily make it the focal point, or the stress point, unless it goes there.
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Since you haven't seen this guy in 6 years, the assumption is that you won't be close friends or have a continuing close relationship? You might get a question like, "Are you married?" or "Dating anyone?" - and a yes/no answer is perfectly fine for these.
If he asks, tell him. If he doesn't ask, don't bother unless you're planning on having an ongoing close relationship with him.
Think of it this way... straight guys don't have to tell you that they are straight when you hang out with them. Why would a gay guy have to? Sex and sexuality is something that you usually talk about with close friends, so that's the appropriate situation in which these things should come up.
If he asks, tell him. If he doesn't ask, don't bother unless you're planning on having an ongoing close relationship with him.
Think of it this way... straight guys don't have to tell you that they are straight when you hang out with them. Why would a gay guy have to? Sex and sexuality is something that you usually talk about with close friends, so that's the appropriate situation in which these things should come up.
chace1617
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Just go meet him and have fun with him, there is no reason to come out to him if you don't want, he remembers you as you were in middle school and wants to spend some time with you, i don't think he is coming to see you having sex with a woman, if he starts talking about women you can say your opinion who is attractive and who is not. After you spend some time together you'll understand if he is cool with gay people or not and then if he ask you if you have a girlfriend you can say either no or no i'm gay. I think you should come out to him only if you see that there's a chance of you two having sex 
Lube
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I agree with Panda.
Come out to this guy, pretty much immediately (the first 10 minutes). That's not hard to do casually. Telling him which bars you go to or who you've been dating will clear things up pretty quickly, without having to scream "I'm gay!".
Why? Because you do know him but you have no recent investment in his friendship. If he can't handle it, there's no point in getting to know him again, is there?
And for all you know, he's getting back together because he heard you were gay and wants to come out to you and divulge his secret crush on you.
Ok, I'm half-kidding about that last part.
altlover85
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I'm totally on the fence about this post. I guess it really depends on where the conversation is going and if there's a reason to come out. However, if you do end up hitting it off (as friends) I would definitely come out because you don't want to waste time with him if he could be homophobic.
HornyHenry
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Having been burned a couple of times I'm fortunate to have left town after a two years of college and not seen hide nor hair of any classmates in three decades. As long as those bridges stay burned I'm Ok with it.
racer2438
JUB Addict
if your not ready to tell him just yet, then dont, it would fall under a need to know bases. It may be to early for and it may ruin the whole meeting up - again later. So just feel it out and talk about other things.
if he asks about girlfriends, you can just say , none right now I am still playing the field. it's not a lie cus you have not said what field-yet.
unless you a femm and he see's that right away then it would be out no matter what...just be calm and enjoy the meet and see where it goes from there...
if he asks about girlfriends, you can just say , none right now I am still playing the field. it's not a lie cus you have not said what field-yet.
unless you a femm and he see's that right away then it would be out no matter what...just be calm and enjoy the meet and see where it goes from there...
TX-Beau
FEAR THE LIBERAL DETENTE!
Lies of omission are still lies, whether you allow someone else to lie for you, or do it yourself, you are still making the choice to deceive.
We all know why it’s easier to let someone think you aren’t what you are. But ask yourself this, what kind of friendship can you have if he’s honest with you, but you’re not honest with him?
The longer you go, letting someone think you’re something you’re not, the bigger the deception gets, the harder it is to own up, the issue just grows and grows. You might be worried that he’s going to dislike you for being gay, but he’ll dislike you more for being gay and a liar if he’s a phobe, and you’ll just confirm a phobe’s bigotry if you pursue that course, you’ll just give him ammunition to think you’re deceptive and underhanded.
If he’s not, telling him now, or telling him later isn’t going to matter – except to you, and the issue will still get more difficult in your head no matter what. You’re not a friend to him if you assume he’s going to be a bigot, you’re not true to yourself if you let fear create deception.
You haven’t seen this guy in a long time – some pretty significant years, so you don’t really know this guy anymore, he doesn’t really know you. Already you’re worried about the lies you told when you were kids, do you really think that you can go back to that with this guy and be OK with yourself?
Do you want to go back to living a lie just because you’re afraid of someone that hasn’t been a part of your life in years?
We all have to answer that question when we get into your situation. So answer that in a way that will make you feel better about yourself. Being out isn’t about this guy, it isn’t about what the haters think, or what the non-haters think, it’s between you and your self respect.
There are plenty of people who will justify the closet by saying it doesn’t matter if someone else knows, and as far as that goes it sounds innocuous, but it emphatically matters that you believe in yourself enough to be who you are without apologies, without lying. Your honesty is between you and yourself – and it also matters that you respect your friends enough to stop trying to deceive them.
The closet is a lie. That’s what it is. It’s not privacy, it’s not honesty, it’s not natural. We all know how we end up there, we all know why people stay there, we all know how difficult being out can be, but in the end we all have to decide whether we’re going to let fear dictate the course of our lives or not - and in the end, it will be far easier to do this now, than it will be down the road.
We all know why it’s easier to let someone think you aren’t what you are. But ask yourself this, what kind of friendship can you have if he’s honest with you, but you’re not honest with him?
The longer you go, letting someone think you’re something you’re not, the bigger the deception gets, the harder it is to own up, the issue just grows and grows. You might be worried that he’s going to dislike you for being gay, but he’ll dislike you more for being gay and a liar if he’s a phobe, and you’ll just confirm a phobe’s bigotry if you pursue that course, you’ll just give him ammunition to think you’re deceptive and underhanded.
If he’s not, telling him now, or telling him later isn’t going to matter – except to you, and the issue will still get more difficult in your head no matter what. You’re not a friend to him if you assume he’s going to be a bigot, you’re not true to yourself if you let fear create deception.
You haven’t seen this guy in a long time – some pretty significant years, so you don’t really know this guy anymore, he doesn’t really know you. Already you’re worried about the lies you told when you were kids, do you really think that you can go back to that with this guy and be OK with yourself?
Do you want to go back to living a lie just because you’re afraid of someone that hasn’t been a part of your life in years?
We all have to answer that question when we get into your situation. So answer that in a way that will make you feel better about yourself. Being out isn’t about this guy, it isn’t about what the haters think, or what the non-haters think, it’s between you and your self respect.
There are plenty of people who will justify the closet by saying it doesn’t matter if someone else knows, and as far as that goes it sounds innocuous, but it emphatically matters that you believe in yourself enough to be who you are without apologies, without lying. Your honesty is between you and yourself – and it also matters that you respect your friends enough to stop trying to deceive them.
The closet is a lie. That’s what it is. It’s not privacy, it’s not honesty, it’s not natural. We all know how we end up there, we all know why people stay there, we all know how difficult being out can be, but in the end we all have to decide whether we’re going to let fear dictate the course of our lives or not - and in the end, it will be far easier to do this now, than it will be down the road.