Melbourne. What am I doing here?

[TomahawkEagle]

Hey Tilgrieog, just be who you are!!! Don't try to "fit it" by being someone you're not otherwise you'll feel miserable.

 

[topdad44]

It actually sounds like you are going through the same thing all guys go through who realize they have urged with other guys. And just because you didn't like the people you lived with, don't label ALL gay men like that! I for one am not like that at all. I watch basketball, love auto racing, am masculine etc. but am also gay. Just be the you that you are and see what happens. I think you will be happier with yourself and hence, the outside world.

 

[Deandbn]

I think that you need to meet some guys who see themselves as
regular guys with a different sexual preference
rather than
the flamboyant queens you seem to be mixed up with.

I reckon you'll have to find a different hunting ground cos the guys you want dont hang out at guy bars as often.

Rather go to places your type of guy would hang out at.

 

[crowboy]

Hey mate,

Don't think that just because you are gay means you have to be a screaming queen. There are plenty of gay guys just like you. You just don't see them and know where to find them. It is bloody hard I assure you.

I only came out late last year at the age of 35. After a few months I began using online sites to try and meet guys. From there I can assure you there are plenty of guys just like you.

Have you considered using sites like gaydar, aussiemen or manhunt? Most of the guys on those sites are after sex, which is fine if that's what you want. You can however find some guys who are after friendship, chat, relationship etc.

From online I have met a few guys just like me and I always thought I did not fit the gay mold at all. The truth is the gay mold comes in all shapes colours and sizes. It is simply the screaming queens who are noticed.

Don't try and be someone you are not mate, be yourself. I assure you, you are not alone.

Good luck mate.

 

[Kyanimal]

Actually, YOU are not in the minority at all! Even in this day, and age, the minority are the OUT Gay Guys!

My bestest of all friends moved to Melbourne, and met his future husband at a "Western Dance" venue. The awesome guy that he met had been married, and divorced, twice, had four kids, and was expecting his first grandchild! He was there merely out of Curiosity, and happened to like to dance! (It was not a particularly Gay thing, either!)

There are more "curious" Guys ALL over the place than you imagine! And, it's precisely because they aren't all that "obvious" that you're not likely spotting them!

But, that's exactly what You're looking for!

Just be Yourself! Do whatever it is You like to do! Relax! Make new friends! And, when you're least expecting it ...

The "trick" seems to be don't go out on "The Mission"! But, rather, simply enjoy yourself, and let things happen as they may! It's when you're NOT "looking" ...

And, of course ... no matter what ...

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

 

[bankside]

Sometimes gay people get dismissed by homophobic straights as "living the gay lifestyle" as though who we are is just reducible to the things we do on any given day. Being gay is who you are, not your hobbies or your social scene.

But there is a gay lifestyle! Or rather, there are many gay lifestyles, and you've landed yourself in the middle of one you don't like. I wouldn't like it either from what you describe.

I had to wait until I was 24 to meet my guy, and that was starting out in a major city. But we're not catty. We don't wear feather boas, or spend gossipy evenings at nightclubs. It works for me.

You don't have to give up on finding a guy with a certain kind of low-key masculinity if that is what you like. But please stop calling it "straight." There's nothing wrong with the gay people you've met so far, other than seeming tedious, boring and high-maintenance. But the low-key guys are always harder to find, by definition. That's how you know they are low-key.

Keep looking and they'll turn up.

 

[Kyanimal]

I just went back and read your first post, again. Guess what? The Guy my friend met, and eventually married, was originally from Hobart, too!!

Small world!

 

[simonvic05]

hey tilgrieog, small world indeed, living in melbourne too, saw this message on a sunday morning, and feel have to write something in reply.

regarding you frustration with the rental place, i guess it depends where you look a, you would expect to get the "plastic"-ish guys in Prahran, St Kilda area, i think it's stereotype of that area.

One of my friend commented the good thing about melbourne is gay guys live everywhere, so look into other area, it is quite butch crowd in the north part of the town, collingwood, fitzroy, clifton hill to name a few, you might also try Brunswich, it's funky there as well.

The inner west is picking up as well lately, many gay guys in Seddon, Yarraville, and Footscray, and the west can be cheaper than other popular gay suburbs.

regarding finding somewhat butch guys, or bi guys, well, try Liard hotel in collingwood for drinks, it's quite blokey butch bear crowd there, also Club 80 has the reputation for blokey boys as a cruising club, maybe also check out Sircuit in fitzroy, you might find the type you like there, it's a bar/crusing venue combo. After visiting those venues, you might have a different perception on 90% of the guys are plastic camp drama queens, sorry you didn't say those words, it's my generalization. And of course nothing wrong with that, I myself can b a plastic camp drama queen sometimes, lol.

regarding finding love, i guess we all have that battle to win, all the best on that, i am still having an on going affair/crush with a blokey-bi-"indenial"(that's what i call it) tradie, so can't really have my say on love.

last but not the least, i have a spare room in the inner west at the moment, it's me and another gay person, you might be interested in come have a look.

by the way, this is my first post on any forum after a long long time, just for you.

 

[mariners2451]

Just wanted to say that I am a 22yo virgin with no intimate experience with either gender. I identify as bi in my own mind and in some Internet forums, but I identify myself to the vast majority of people as straight. I don't have a high voice. I don't have a lisp. I'm not dramatic. I'm not effeminate. The list goes on of gay stereotypes that I am not (not that there's anything wrong with these things... it's just not who I am).

I, too, am attracted to mostly straight guys. Why? They're perfect, besides the fact that they're not attracted to dudes. The majority of them share common interests that most gay guys do not. They are oblivious to how hot they are and lack inhibition, which is so attractive. I know there are gay/bi guys out there with the same nature, mostly, but they are obviously much fewer and far between. They are tough to find and probably in similar shoes as we are.

Anyways, you aren't alone. I don't have the depression or yearning like you do, but I understand. Of course it would be nice to find a straight-acting guy that you found attractive, but for me it's no big deal. I just wank it and go about whatever else is important. A relationship or sexual encounter with someone I find attractive would just be bonus.

I wouldn't beat yourself up over this thing. Your sexual identity is such a small part of who you are, and I am sure that there are other aspects of life that you can focus on. Don't let this weigh you down. Whatever happens happens, but life goes on.

 

[saymyname]

^ This is homophobic.

OP: You just need to get out there more, try to find a more alternative gay scene. There's plenty of gay guys out there, the queens just stand out the most.

 

[mariners2451]

^ This is homophobic.

OP: You just need to get out there more, try to find a more alternative gay scene. There's plenty of gay guys out there, the queens just stand out the most.

How is it homophobic?

 

[saymyname]

Just wanted to say that I am a 22yo virgin with no intimate experience with either gender. I identify as bi in my own mind and in some Internet forums, but I identify myself to the vast majority of people as straight. I don't have a high voice. I don't have a lisp. I'm not dramatic. I'm not effeminate. The list goes on of gay stereotypes that I am not (not that there's anything wrong with these things... it's just not who I am).

You tell people you are straight, which perpetuates straight privilege by you taking advantage of your access to it (as opposed to coming out and serving as evidence in contrary the gay stereotypes that you seem to have such an issue with). It's funny how it's always the most closeted people that are the most concerned about gay stereotypes - have you ever actually gone out in a gay part of a city (a village?) Have you ever met a lot of gay people, been to a gay party, etc.? You'll find that the stereotype is usually something perpetuated by straight people, and people like you, who pretend to be straight. You're buying into THEIR bullshit. Once you actually come out, you'll find that there's all sorts of gay people, and most people aren't THAT surprised when a 'masculine' guy identifies as bi or gay.

I, too, am attracted to mostly straight guys. Why? They're perfect, besides the fact that they're not attracted to dudes. The majority of them share common interests that most gay guys do not.

This is so fucked up on so many levels. Straight guys are "perfect"? Do you think all straight guys are the same, or that all straight guys have the same interests? What you're saying here is that straight guys are attractive because you're so overwhelmed with the stereotypes that are perpetuated about 'flamboyant' gay guys. I'm guessing that you're just more attracted to them because they are forbidden fruit. What's sad is that you are probably destined and doomed to worship objects of affection that are ultimately unattainable, which is why you find them enticing. I'm sure I could present you any hot masculine guy, and if I told you he was also gay, he would somehow become a little bit less attractive to you. The reality is that there are tons of gay guys that don't fit your stereotype (yes, yours) but because you're so caught up in the lies perpetuated by straight people, you don't realize it and you become a victim of it. If you like guys, you should be attracted to guys, regardless of if they are gay or straight.

They are oblivious to how hot they are and lack inhibition, which is so attractive. I know there are gay/bi guys out there with the same nature, mostly, but they are obviously much fewer and far between. They are tough to find and probably in similar shoes as we are.

Again, you're stereotyping not only gay men, but straight men as well. There are plenty of straight guys that know they are hot and have plenty of inhibition.

The entire idea that there are "gay acting" and "straight acting" guys is just another way to stereotype and oppress gay people, and men in general. It's offensive and rooted in heterosexism and homophobia.

 

[ozMatty]

Not sure if it's still running as i'm a sydney guy but the Builders Arms Hotel use to have Q&A on Thursday nights. Went a few times when i was down there for work but that was a couple of years ago. Lots of fun and the crowd really wasn't what you would expect of a "Gay" crowd. Music was Alternative to rock like most the guys you would find in the bar, most friendly and every shape of size of cute.

I understand there were a few similar nights at various pubs and bars. If the pop/dance music gay bars aren't really your thing. Maybe the other nights suit you better.

The thing is these where very much "gay" nights the guy there were as out proud and comfortable with themselves and their own taste in men.

Maybe you don't need a "gay" venue at all though. Be yourself everywhere and find the places that suit you and feel right for you that has the music you like. Make friends there and in big cities like Melbourne or Sydney some of those new friends are bound to be the fool around naked sort of like minded friends .

 

[emancipado]

Is it strange to have an identity crisis at the age of 26?

A bit of my background is in my previous posts, but to bore you with a pathetic emotional problem here I go.

I was always a shy guy and attracted to straight boys as I figured it was curiosity as I too was straight but hadn't done much male bonding before. I'm from a small town in oz called Hobart, and very late in life I was still a virgin and constantly attracted to men. It's only in recent years I decided to 'fit' a label and call myself bi, except I never participate in the stereotypical gay scene and identify as a straight guy. I'm not out to my family and decided at 26 I hadn't explored this life enough so moved to Melbourne which I always loved as a vibrant, cultured city with the hopes of finally finding this identity.

Now, I figured an easy way to mingle with people was to rent a shared apartment with gay people. But 6 weeks in I am now becoming depressed and rejected as I keep meeting people who are really plastic and into fashion and feminine to talk to, and they outright tell me I'm not a good match to live with them. They must be wondering why I would tell them I'm bi or gay as I clearly just don't fit it.

At home I used to deliberately act a little flamboyant, but I realise now I was probably doing it to urge people to see that I'm attracted to men. But now here I make such a lousy homosexual that I've shied away from it. I don't even like these people! I'm now realising, dammit I'm a normal straight sport-loving bloke and I don't hang out at gay clubs. So was I even wrong to go down that path? But no, the thing is I am uncontrollably turned on by the straight people around me. And emotionally I feel like I could fall in love should I meet a confused soul like myself. But these are the feelings a 16-year-old should be having, not me who was so pathetic to have not sorted this out sooner.

The thing is now I just haven't come close to satisfying these urges, so I really wanted to kick-start it by finding the right people to live with. If I didn't, I know I would just keep doing what I did in Hobart and sit about masturbating to porn years on end. But no way can I get along with the really out-there gay people and so I realise there's no label for me to even present myself as so as to meet people. I'm miserable and homeless (in hostels now) and wondering what am I even doing here? I was about to come out of a closet but I don't even know which one anymore. Meantime I'm about to jump every straight cute boy I see in the elevator. I'm convinced now I am completely and utterly alone: a shy "straight" boy who was late to realise any gay attraction. Anyone with even a foot in that other world is far too different for me to get along with them.

How long can I put up with my misery while just getting older?

Hi dude, I'm 26 too, and I'm dealing with mu sexuality too, i've realized about 2 years ago that i'm attracted to men, Not a lot of ppl know, and it's hard , cause i don't know how to get a guy, i wanna tell ppl, but here pplare too close minded, and i have all these doubts also...it sucks... if yoy wanna talk about it, send me a private msg with your msn...