Mercury - Archived Blog Posts

[Mercury]

so for the last week, I've been writing every day. Mostly it's just my thoughts and not stories (although my last story opened to rave reviews from dachsieboy). Practise makes perfect so I guess I should keep this up. Blogs are a strange way of conducing writing. Usually when I write it's 3 hours of work that I have to block off time for. Here it's like 15 mintues and I have the building blocks for something. Not too shabby. If I keep this up, maybe I'll be able to finish the story that I've been working on FOR 2 MONTHS!!! It really shouldn't be that much work, but this is probably the only area of my life wher I am a perfectionist.

On the downside, I have $100 to last me for the next week..no food...and I promised my friend I would go out for diner with him tomorrow. I've really been stretching my money out for the last week. I only spent $20 in the last 2 days. That include all my food...and a pack of smokes. Not bad. I know I know...quit smoking and you'll save that much more money, but I'll spend it all on food and moons will start orbiting my bulbous gut. Diner tonight was Ice Cream that I found in the freezer. It cost me $2.99. I feel like I'm back in University as a starving student. Back in the good old days where I would spend $10 on chili fixins and it would last me 3 days. But now the chili fixins are too expensive and I polish it off as soon as I make it. What can I say, I got too used to having an income and have been eating accordingly. Writing also helps with the budget. All I consume when I write is coffee and cigarettes. Coffee is cheap. Cigarettes are not but whatever. It's not exactly healthy, but I just need to make it through the next 10 days.

 

[Mercury]

So I'm a little drunk right now because my roommate is going through a tough time and I'm empathizing. We solve our problems by getting drunk...no big woop, it's what we do.

Anyway I'm sitting pondering my own life because I'm pretty egocentric when it comes down to it and I realize that all my exes are moving in with people...and I'm not. Excuse me for being a little dramamtic and cliche, but every guy I have ever really considered a "boyfriend" is now living with someone else. Right down to the first guy I ever went out with. Here I am at 25, single (which is no big deal because I know I'm one of a million single 25 year olds) and every guy I've ever had a crush on/fallen in love with/lived with now seems to be getting onto the next stage in life with someone else. Someone who is in no shape or form anything like me. I know this is really annoying to read but I'm drunk so I don't care. So stop reading if you don't like it. I usually don't care about relationships but here it feels like I'm just refusing to grow up. But am I? When the hell was the last time I went out with someone or tried to communicate with anyone? The answer is a long time ago...and yes that person is now living with someone. I don't usually harp on having a boyfriend because it sounds soooooo overdramatic. Part of me doesn't really want one. Actually all of me doesn't want one. I just hate being the guy left gilted and felt sorry for. Every single one of my exes (they don't know each other at all) always ask me "So are you seeing anyone?" like they are my jewish aunt or something. I always say "No I'm focusing on different things right now." or some bullshit. It's true I really wouldn't know how to encorporate men into my life right now but it doesn't matter because they aren't exactly breaking down the door. So they say something like "Oh don't worry it'll happen." Fuuuuuccccckkkkk yyyyooooouuuu. I get so angry at that response. Once upon I time I was they're rock, I helped them through bad times and convinced them that they were destined for greater things. I assured them that they were going to have a great life and I was always going to be supportive. I was the ideal of spousal support. Everything they needed to hear, I told them. I built confidence, inspired new thinking and listened to them when they had a bad day. Now I'm being looked down on. Like they have something I don't and they can hold that over me. I gave them a start and a great story to tell and now I'm the one in need? When have I ever been in need? I've always survived the breakups, I've helped others survive breakups, I helped them survive breakups (not with me but with other people.) Now I feel lower than dirt because the people I dedicated a large portion of my time and energy into turning something more confident and assured now think they're better than me. I hate to say this..I feel I'm owed a little more than that. I hate to say it because I don't think people are owed anything...you get what you get and it's what you do with it that counts, not what it gives to you. But these people know me better that anybody and they know it's the most painful part to poke. It leads me to believe that there is no good breakup. Even when you remain friends with the person, there's still some part of them that wants to see you in pain. There has to be some way for them to look down on you so they can feel better. "Don't worry it'll happen." I'm not worried asshole, I just don't need you dictating my priorities and life plans because you got lucky with someone. I still feel like I am young and have potential to move on and whenever I get serious with someone (btw this isn't one person I'm talking about it's a few, I have short but intense relationships) I focus only on the now and not on the future. So to all of my exes out there who don't know I'm writing this, go fuck yourself. If anyone does recognize me from my gallery, "I'm so happy for you. Way to go, you deserve all the happiness it brings you because you are such a good person. I hope he is all you imagined and more. This is so exciting." or some equally nauseating bullshit line.

My life is fine, now fuck off.

 

[Mercury]

I jsut finished reading some of my old blogs and I realize that I'm pretty pessimistic. Maybe I should try and be a little more positive. Instead of bitching abou tmy life and how I hate the stage I'm in maybe I should try and be a little more optimistic about what I can do with it. I am where I am and I can move out of this space one step at a time. I'm actually starting to take those steps. If I follow the path I've set before myself, I may not be able to control the outcome with fine preceision, but at least I can feel like I'm doing something. So I think that's what I'm gonna do. I'm going to move. I'm going to stop bitching about the men I have dated and look forward to the men I will date. Maybe I should start actually seeing guys instead of telling myself I don't want to. I'm going to keep writing and working on that craft. I'm going to read more, that always makes me happy. I'm going to go back to the gym and get my body back. It's weird, I complain about what's going on but there's so much I can do. Just these small things are enough to change my attitude so I can take on bigger and better. Easier said than done but I'm going to do it the way I always do it. One baby step at a time.

 

[Mercury]

Well ladies and gentlemen the sun has me energized. Vancouver has ended it's short bout of warmth (although rainy) which was preceded by snow. Now we are back to our regular winter patterns and the sun is shining. I can feel the days get longer and light is there when I wake up. My job makes me get up VERY early some days. I'm out of the house by 6:30 am and I'm not back until 4. This morning, I left the house with my gloves on, because I knew it was going to be cold and I walked straight to the bus stop. I was listening to my discman and seeing the familiar faces waiting at the same bus stop as I do every Wednesday morning. I had no idea what the day was going to be like, all I could focus on was where to get my morning coffee. By the time I got over the bridge to the bus stop I get off at, the early morning rays of light started to peak through. I didn't see the sun, but the sky was going from black to blue. All at 6:45 in the morning. I got off the bus and walked to my store and the sky just kept getting lighter. Better yet, not a trace of a cloud in the sky. In Vancouver, the threat of rain is always upon us. Someone actually once said "If it's not raining in Vancouver, it's about to." Well not today. I went in the office and did some paperwork, came out and let the next employee in and we went back to the office, still groggy from he early morning, but coherent enough to tell stories and laugh. When we finished with our morning duties, we went back out into the store and had a full hour before we opened so we could do some restocking. Glory be the room was filled with light. The sun was up and it was so bright and cheery in the store. A month ago that light would have lasted between 2:03 and 2:16pm before fading away but this wonderful sunlight stayed throughout my entire shift. I felt wonderful. I chatted to the customers, chatted to the employees and did some things that needed doing. It was one of the few days I felt a little song in my heart that wasn't being sung by Alanis Morissette. I even danced a little. Man what a difference a little sun makes!

 

[Mercury]

I went by my old work today. It was weird. I used to have a good time there but I elected to leave for more money. It was weird seeing people again. I have seen them since I left but I guess I changed a little. I kind of felt like an outsider. We are all creatures of change I guess. I can't stay stagnant, I've never been able to. I always want more. So I leave things like that job that were good and I find myself in something new. It's always messy for a little bit, but then I get comfortable, and I more on again. I keep thinking the next incarnation will be the last but it never is. Even now I'm planning my escape from what I'm doing, which is good because I hate where I am now, but what guarentee do I have that the next thing will be better? Lately I've been thinking about how different my life would have been if I had stayed somewhere. What else would have come up. Maybe I shouldn't have left my job. Maybe I should have taken different opportunities. I don't know. I can't change that now. I can only look forward from where I am, which means more changing...and moving. When do I get the life I've dreamed of. I want Money, great friends, a cool boyfriend and fame. Who doesn't want these things, right? I just hope the next thing will be better. I don't really know what I'm searching for. My optimism tells me I'll find it, but my pessimism tells me that even if I find it, I won't be satisfied. Only one way to find out I guess. Wish me luck.

 

[Mercury]

So I had one of those moments (moments ago actually) when you suddenly remember an old memory but you can feel every sense of it. I was listening to the Backstreet Boys (don't ask) and I remember life about 4 years ago. Man it was sweet. I was in the apartment of an old boyfriend of mine and we were watching much music. I had spent the night and we both had to work in the morning so I got the bathroom first because he slept late. I was waiting for him so we could leave together and I had a car so I was going to drop him off at work. His apartment was big. He made coffee and it was ready just as I was getting out of the bathroom. He always put cinammon in his coffee grounds before turning on the coffee machine and it gave it this great aftertaste. It also changes the aroma and it permeated throughout the entire apartment. As soon as I stepped out of the bathroom I could smell the coffee and I knew he was up. I threw on my clothes and he handed me a cup, gave me a kiss on the cheek and went into the bathroom to get ready. I had nothing to do so I turned on the TV and it was on Much Music. We watched that channel constantly. So anyway, I stepped out onto his balcony with my coffee. I lit up a cigarette and drank my coffee in the cool Vancouver May sunny morning. The door was still open so I could see what was going on on the tube. Suddenly they announced that they were going to be airing the new video for the Backstreet boys at that time. We were avid pop freaks. I had been to a Backstreet Boys concert before and many of you that hate Britney will feel ashamed for how closely I follow mainstream pop. Back to the story, I tried to call out to him that the new backstreet video was going to be on but he was in the shower. So I watched the video for "More than That". He got out of the shower just as it ended. He wasn't too disappointed because Much Music reruns the same things 2000 times a day and it's not like he was never going to see the video. Then we had 5 minutes to finish our coffee and head down to my car. It wasn't too exciting, but I just remember the taste of cinnamony coffee, cigarettes, the scent of his apartment, the sound of the backstreet boys, the cool temperature of the apartment. I can even feel the pressure of the shower. Sense memory is weird. It's like the actual event is just a small part of the story. What really seems to matter is the taste and smell and sound of everything. mmmm it's good.

 

[Mercury]

Here's to the hole that never heals:
The more you rub it, the better it feels.
All the soap this side of hell,
Won't wash away that fishy smell.
Women, wine, song and vice,
Syphilis, blue balls, crabs and lice.
We've had them all; the best ones twice.
Gentlemen, to the Queen.

 

[Mercury]

I was supposed to write in this thing every day, but I guess I've been neglectful. But there's really been nothing to report. I'm just trying to wait out the next month. I submitted my story and now I'm waiting for an answer. Work sucks...what else is new. On the bright side, I started reading Thomas Wolfe. I picked up "You can't go home again" and man is it ever good. I once read this blurb by a guy who read everything Thomas Wolfe ever wrote and he said "What else is left to say". Usually when I read I picture people I know as the main character. Usually when I get a feel for a main character I picture someone I know who matches the description. The main character in "You can't go home again" is me. I am so that guy. I think a lot of other people would probably feel the same way. Just the ay this guy thinks is exactly like me.

I see my life like a story from a book or a movie or something. For the last little while I've felt like I'm a supporting character in someone else's book. Like the plot never revolves around me even though my character develops. It's always as a foil for someone else's experience. That's probably why I don't picture myslef as the main character in the books I read. But now that I'm reading Wolfe, I see myself as the main character and I feel like there is a story out there that is mine. Like I have something coming up in the future and I will be the protagonist. If I could just translate that into my writing, I sure it would sound more personal. Maybe the answer to my depression is to read more wolfe. I don't know, but it's something to think about.

 

[Mercury]

There's always something about the spring that makes me really horny. Getting out of the funk of winter, more sunlight, more energy and my hormones are raging. Usually every year at about this time I have a boyfriend I can take it out on. This year I have no man. I just have vague recollections of sex...and this website. So I do a lot of jackin'. But it doesn't quell the need for dick. Jackin' fuels fantasies. Fantasies sparks desire to actually fulfill them. But my options are limited. I am in a homo free zone at work. I hate going to bars and clubs and picking up because it is all too much work. So I've been surfing sites (ie. squirt.org and dudesnude) and I've been seeing the profiles of a lot of men. Many of which are hot, some of which aren't. Once I had sex with a guy I met over the internet but what I want right now is a little more than that. So I've been reading up on some of the local bath houses in Vancouver and I'm actually considering going. The whole process scares me.

First of all there's getting there. Some have discreet entrances so that's fine. But they require you to set up a membership and I'm gonna have to show someone my driver's license with all my info on it and lord knows what's going to be going on in his mind. Then I have to rent a room or locker, get nekkid and just "join in the fun". I'm all for the group sex part, that sounds fun. I'm all for seeing someone I want to fuck. The problem is getting from seeing somene to the actual sex. That's where I fuck up. I suffer from pressure of speech where I hate long silences during periods of unease. I also constantly feel the need to lighten a situation with humour. I don't think cracking a joke in a bath house is a great way to have a "hot" time.

On top of that there is the threat of disease. Apparently these places provide condoms and lube but still there are no guarentees. There's also the impending threat of someone you don't want approaching you and doing things no creature under the heavens should ever try. How do you say "no" in a bath house? It would be like "Okay you can fuck me but then get lost I want a gorgeous orgy." I know it's not like the porn movies where everyone is gorgeous and have dicks like baseball bats. I've been reading testimonials about these places and all ages really do go to these places but some people complain of attitude problems. My natural reaction is to close up and not let anyone near me if I feel attitude being flung my way. Even in a bath house I want to preserve SOME self-esteem.

So there I am trying to be stuck between someone's rock hard abs and their hard place. It's times like these I miss being able to pick up the phone and say "Hey, I'm comin' over!"

 

[Mercury]

Last night I Was over at a friend's place watching a movie. The movie was okay, the company was good but my mind starting wondering. I was sitting on the couch in the dark, my friend beside me and the television light up the room. We were watching some romantic comedy and it was cute, not too hokey. As I watched the the destined lovers converse on TV I had this weird thought. MAybe it's a future story, who knows. I pictured myself sitting on a couch watching a movie with a guy. His legs were stretched out on my lap and I was giving him a foot massage. We weren't talking, just staring at the TV. We were both in our sweats and for some reason it felt like the end of a very long day. We're watching this movie that neither of us are really into, it's just a distraction. He's eating a pudding cup and then out of nowhere he flings a scoop of pudding in my face. It's all over me. Suffice it to say it got my attention and I turn my head and just look at him like 'why did you do that?'. He just smiles and then starts to laugh. I'm trying to scoop the glops of pudding off my face, my expression is just befuddlement and he's laughing his ass off. I start laughing and we both just crack up on this couch. Then he leans over and kisses my cheek and licks a huge strip of pudding off my face. It felt like home. What happened after that I'm not quite sure. I just had this vision of loveliness *sigh* It was nice. It reminded me of happier times, even though this event never transpired.

 

[Mercury]

I was watching some show about the mamas and the papas. I was watching all four of them (smug little bastards) standing in a row and singing. It looked like an episode of American Idol. I have to say though, if the four of them were competing for Americn Idol, the winner would definitly be Mama Cass. She really go into the song.

 

[Mercury]

I've been hearing from a lot of old friends in the last week. Just today my boss quit and I found out that an old friend who I probably should make more of an effort to actually sit down and have a conversation with, will be taking over the position. That was the week after I heard from a huge portion of the friends I have on the east coast. I talked to a friend of mine today I haven't seen in like a month, and I MSNed with another friend for the first time in 2 weeks today. I'm just being a social butterfly (well more like moth, I really don't talk to my friends as much as I should). I think this is a good thing I also got an e-mail from a girl I worked with a year ago. Is it ever strange how this happens. And It all came into being after I took 3 weeks off from seeing no one but my coworkers and roommate. The point is: friends are cool.

 

[Mercury]

There's this huge shake up at work right now. For some reason, I think I had something to do with it, but I don't exactly know how. This job is comparatively new for me because I've only been there for about 8 months. I was at my last job for 5 years and I quit when I decided I couldn't take the bullshit anymore. When I quit the last job, there was a mass exodus of begrudged employees who felt the same way I did. In my previous store there were 6 managers, we all quit (or got fired) in the same month. It was the kind of thing bedgrudged employees all over the world dream about. Give the biggest "Fuck you" to the company by having everyone quit at the same time. So I left that job for this one that I am currently in (and don't really like).
At this new job, I am the cool guy. Not the most popular, but everyone likes it when I'm the closing manager because we have a good time while getting work done. I've gained the trust of pretty much everyone in the store because I don't participate in political bullshit that arises in every workplace. So I'm able to remain professional and objective, but people can still relate to me. Woo hoo for me. The shake up has come from my boss who has been with the company for 15 years and has now decided to quit because he can't take the bullshit. This guy started with the company when he was 16 years old, and this store is pretty much all he has ever known. He secured another job but now we're wondering how bad it was that he could put up with it for 15 years and decide that now it was too much. Before I got to this store everything was fine. Everyone was happy and now people seem to be fed up with the bullshit and want to go onto something better. Which is great, don't get me wrong. I believe people should go after what they want, but this is kind of like the same thing that happened in my last store. I've been a manager now for over a year and I'm wondering if my personality has started to really rub off on the staff who work for me. I don't tell them to quit and I maintain a positive attitude at work and stay focused but something weird is happening when people like working with you and then they decided to grab life by the horns and "leave their crummy job." Good for them, bad for me. If this is an ongoing track record, who the hell is going to want to hire me in the future?

How do you interact with employees?
- They love me. I connect with everyone until they decide to leave because they figure they are worth more than what they are being paid. Great turnover.

 

[Mercury]

I check this thing quite a bit. I like getting feedback from people about my blog and my photos. To tell you the truth, my photos are also listed on some other sites due to my closeted desire to be an exhibitionist. My gallery has somewhere in the neighborhood of 109 votes which I think is kind of nifty, but I hate to let you down boys, but those photos where taken a year ago when I was bench pressin 195 and going to the gym 5 days a week. I drank protein shakes by the gallon and measured everything I ate. I did 100 pushups a day, followed by many sets of different ab crunches to work each ab group individually. I did 35 minutes of cardio on the eliptical train before every weight session and wouldn't go within a mile of sugar products. Again that was a year ago. Now I haven't been back to the gym in 3 months, My diners usually consists of things I defrost and for lunch yesterday I had jellybeans. My only cardio is the quarter of a mile I walk to work and I have a cigarette on the way. Call it a personal crisis that I can't get my ass back in gear but I'm hoping I can get back to being the guy who aparently enduces orgasm with some of you. Alright it's resolution time. I have tomorrow off so I'm going to the gym, I promise.

 

[Mercury]

So I'm back on the website. I'm here every day. Why wouldn't I be? Anyway Everytime I log on, on that little space on the main page is the section devoted to members pictures. They change every hour, I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. Every time I log on beeprint's picture is right there. There he is, flexing his muscle, making me all aflutter. I'm not complaining mind you, I enjoy seeing him. He's got one hell of a picture gallery. Plus he's from Montreal!!! I fucking love Montreal. Sure I could send him a message saying "I think your hot" but I don't. Why? Partly I'm anti-social, partly I don't want to come off like some rabid Justin Timberlake-like fan and partly because I don't really want a response. So why am I writing this? I don't know. I just feel I should put it out there that I think beeprint is hot and all should know. I'm sure he gets a million e-mails a day but I think he's blog-worthy. So beeprint, if you're reading, I think you are hot. So there. That's right. I said it.

 

[Mercury]

Well today it was decided that I move to Toronto. The fact of the matter is I am not happy in Vancouver. It was down to 2 cities Toronto or Halifax, and Halifax didn't pan out. It's kind of disheartening that I didn't get Halifax, but I need to move. So why Toronto? Well to be honest it's the bright possibility of a new start and a chance to become a part of society instead of waiting on the sidelines. I have family and friends here but to tell you the truth I don't really feel connected to any of them. I live life on a day to day basis. Get up, go to work come home, watch some TV, maybe hang out with some friends, maybe write, come here, go to sleep only to do it all again the next day with nothing really to look forward to. I used to live in Montreal where every day was the promise of something new. New people to meet, no places to see, art, culture, society and a mentality I understood. Vancouver is just so blah. There's only so many times you can go downtown to Davie or Denman and feel like your actually outside doing something. My friends and family here aren't overly keen on me leaving, but they are supportive of it, and I don't really think they'll miss me all that much. I've become a bit of a downer since the summer. So now I'm checking out moving prices and possible apartment listings for downtown Toronto. I know a simple move won't be enough to change my outlook. You've got to kick yourself in the ass to get going. I know a few people in Toronto, so I won't be totally isolated at first, and it is just a hop skip and a jump away from Montreal. My only fear right now is the daunting task of getting there. It takes so much work, but I don't want to be the guy who was too lazy to get my ass in gear. I see people I grew up with and they are all getting married and having kids and I don't want that, at least not yet. I don't want to give in to comfort because it's easier. I've never been like that. Sometimes I remain with the harder situation just because of the belief that I will get more out of it. I stayed at a crappy job for 5 years because I thought it would give me more skills in coping with disastrous situations and it did. I've been in relationships that are hard to maintain because of distance or dynamics with the hope of broadening my emotional horizons in being able to cope with adversity and not compromising why I was in it and...well they all failed miserably, but I learned something. I set these challenges up for myself in the hopes that I'll make myself stronger because no one will do it for me. I always come out on top. Right now I have nothing to struggle with. I'm working and I'm being paid not spectacularly but a decent amount and the possibility of moving up, I have friends who like it when I tell jokes and like getting drunk with me, I have family who stick by me even if they don't always notice I'm in the room. So I've got this road map in front of me: Get promoted and make more money, stick with friends and expand my social network and meet someone...again, go to another family diner and strengthen the bonds of my brood. Sounds good but my stories are suffering because of it. I feel like I've given into something and I have less control over what I do. I want to live big. Get some recognition and the wisdom that comes from experience. I want to live a cheesy artist's life, get into many bad relationships until I see love for what it truly is. I want to prove that I actually have something to say by saying it without the burden of overshadowing image. Here I'm just the guy who dances at work and sings bad karaoke. If there's one thing I've learned from Montreal it's that there is a whole wide world of people out there and some of them think like me. I want to find them, be part of them and expose myself as one of them.

 

[Mercury]

So I've decided to stay in Vancouver for a while and just move closer to the city. Things have changed in the last little while. The job situation has gotten better. You know when you work with a group of people for so long but you feel it's just a job until one day you arrive at work and you know you're home. You know what to expect from everybody and you feel like you are part of something? Well I guess this week it happened. The people I work with are all great people and this week I guess I truly realized it. I feel like I'm really getting good at my job and I feel like I'm being respected. Whenever I start a new job I'm afraid that people are going to look at me like I'm stupid or inexperienced and I'm just some yahoo in a position of power who doesn't know what he's doing. I've been in situations with managers where I look at them like "Why are you here? You don't know what you're doing so why should I take your direction? You make me do your job because you don't have the balls to do it yourself." I feel I have gained some experience during my time on the planet that makes me a good manager. I still have a ways to go before I'm as comfortable as I'd like to be but I feel the staff listen to my directions and don't dismiss me as some asshole. They come to me for answers and depend on me to keep things going. In return I depend on them to help me and I try to make each one of them feel like they are actually contributing to the success of the whole. There are no egos, no one feels like they are above anyone else. I've been around to know that this is a dream spot for any organization. We can focus on the work without personal politics getting in the way. It may not last long, dynamics constantly change, but I feel I have a handle on where it can go. When it comes to management training I think this is a golden opportunity. Not only do I get to see how a well oiled organization runs, I have a hand in getting that organization there. So yay me.

 

[Mercury]

Well this weekend was exhausting. My store had a huge sale over the course of the weekend and I was there for every minute of it, mostly because I am one of the only ones who can lift over 20 lbs. Suffice it to say, I was a little tired last night when I got home. I just woke up and I was suprised to learn I slept for 13 hours. I guess I really needed the Zs. To make matters worse, we supplied all the employees with candy to keep energy up so they weren't slaving away with no source of food. But now I am dealing with the biggest sugar hangover in the world. So today will be health day filled with fruits, vegetables and protein so restore some semblance of normalcy to my body. I am so glad the entire experience is behind me. The sale was actually a lot of fun because I spent the day outside in the sun but by the end, my knee was killing me, my legs were incredibly stiff and my my biceps were unusually huge which normally wouldn't be such a bad thing but I've been trying to pump up my triceps at the gym so my arms have a beefier look to them (here's a tidbit if you want to work on your arms. Concentrate on triceps because they fill up 2/3 of the appearance of your arm.) So today I am going to go to the gym and do severe cardio to work off the candy binge and I want to work on my chest and back. My back, surprisingly feels completly fine after lifting all the heavy stuff. I guess I lifted right, which would be why my knee hurts. Oh well. I knopw this blog is kinda boring and seems like more of the rantings of a wannabe muscle queen but I promised I would get my bod back to a state of enducing salivation in onlookers and by golly that's just what I'm trying to do.

 

[Mercury]

Damn you Naima!!! You and your gorgeous dancer body, edgy hair and serene presence has taken away my Kahlen's title. Damn you and your luscious mohawk!!!! Kahlen was so sweet and I really wanted her to win. I have been routing for her since I saw her quirky smile on the semi finals. She worked the runway, rocked the photos and flubbed the oral portion... but at least she was cute when she did it. Oh my dear Kahlen, what a hardship for you. Well lets let the public decide the fates of these two beauties. Who will be booked? Naima has an upper hand with representation from Ford Models, but Kahlen can walk into IMG or Willimina Models and get an agent no problem. I hope an agent calls her. I WANT TO SEE KAHLEN IN FASHION SPREADS!!!

 

[Mercury]

So jeez I haven't been here for a while. I do so miss having internet at home. I have moved downtown and it is lovely here, if only I were in the apartment long enough to enjoy it. Kitty thinks the apartment is her's and I just visit her every day to feed her...which is actually true. I have never been so busy in my life. Vancouver weather has been shitty but hey there's only so much you can curse God about before it gets old. So I'm hoping to update this thing a little more often as soon as I get the internet at home because then I can just log on whenever the hell I want instead of perstering the boyfriend...oh yeah there's a new boy...*gush*