The Original Gay Porn Community - Free Gay Movies and Photos, Gay Porn Site Reviews and Adult Gay Forums

  • Welcome To Just Us Boys - The World's Largest Gay Message Board Community

    In order to comply with recent US Supreme Court rulings regarding adult content, we will be making changes in the future to require that you log into your account to view adult content on the site.
    If you do not have an account, please register.
    REGISTER HERE - 100% FREE / We Will Never Sell Your Info

    PLEASE READ: To register, turn off your VPN (iPhone users- disable iCloud); you can re-enable the VPN after registration. You must maintain an active email address on your account: disposable email addresses cannot be used to register.

  • The Support & Advice forum is a no-flame zone.
    The members offering support and advice do so with the best intention. If you ask for advice, we don't require you to take the advice, but we do ask that you listen and give it consideration.

Messed around last nite with best friend...now I'm confused

Fizzy -

He's a recently released con. Yet at least he was honest with you from the beginning - he wants money in exchange for sex/friendship. He doesn't care about you.

When you told him you didn't want to give him money anymore, he made sure to tell you that he had NO INTEREST in such an arrangement, by immediately asking for money again.

You're co-dependent. You're his customer. If you go back to him and give him money you can be his "friend" again, and have sex with him maybe, and hang out with him, and maybe have his key and meet his family and occasionally eat his mac-n-cheese. If you don't give him money(/food/weed), you're nothing to him - he doesn't want you around. Do you really need more evidence of this?

Try counseling. You're not seeing what's in front of your face.
 
wonder25 said:
Fizzy -

He's a recently released con. Yet at least he was honest with you from the beginning - he wants money in exchange for sex/friendship. He doesn't care about you.

When you told him you didn't want to give him money anymore, he made sure to tell you that he had NO INTEREST in such an arrangement, by immediately asking for money again.

You're co-dependent. You're his customer. If you go back to him and give him money you can be his "friend" again, and have sex with him maybe, and hang out with him, and maybe have his key and meet his family and occasionally eat his mac-n-cheese. If you don't give him money(/food/weed), you're nothing to him - he doesn't want you around. Do you really need more evidence of this?

Try counseling. You're not seeing what's in front of your face.
Click to expand...

Wonder25,
Thanks for the comment, but the issue is not that I don't see it. I'm just having a hard time believing that it's true, after all this time. I know everyone says to move on, but it's gonna be hard to do so because I became emotionally addicted to him.
 
Fizzboy7 said:
I think I've come to the conclusion that I might try to still hang out with him, but never pay anything for him and never give him money for his weed addiction. And this means if he asks me to smoke with him, I'll say no if it means that he wants me to be the one paying for it. If he asks to go out and eat, I'll just let him know that we're not gonna go if he has no money to pay for his own.

After all of this, if he stops calling me wanting to come over his place and chill after I cut off the funds, then I'll truly know what I mean to him.
Click to expand...

You know, this sounds very much like an addict.

I'll just do this one last time... then I'll quit.

If...then...


Fizzboy7 said:
... because I became emotionally addicted to him.
Click to expand...

That's probably as good a definition of "co-dependency" as any.

We're being very rough on you. Because we think you deserve better. Because we don't think this will end well.

There are so many alternatives available to you, yet you can't or won't let go and move on.
 
Please take the advice in this thread. There are people out there that are looking for free rides as long as possible. You need to recognize what is going on here and what the future holds for the both of you.
 
This kind of emotional addiction to an addict often comes from someone who grew up with addiction or abuse in the family. If that is the case, all the wisdom we have to offer is going to fall on deaf ears until Fizz gets some help.


Fizz, you came here seeking wisdom and advice, and from nearly every person you were given the same information. I've seen people go through this so much that I could have predicted exactly how he would respond when you confronted him. And if you go back to hanging out with him, he's going to know he can do even more, and even worse, because you don't have the self-respect or control necessary to stop yourself. He's going to hurt you so badly in all of this--I hope you have enough strength to pull yourself together when he does.

When that happens, we'll still be here if you need us.
 
Guys, I wish I would have listened. I just found out the hard way. I was in his area tonight, so I thought I would stop over to to say what's up to him before I dorve home. I hadn't heard from him all day today, and he usually calls. So before I stopped at his place, I tried to call him to let him know that I was in the area and wanted to stop by real quick to speak. I found out that his phone was turned off becuase the bill wasn't paid.

So, I knock on his door and he answers. He's shocked that I'm there, but he's looking really sad and depressed. He says "what are you doing here, I though you didn't wanna be friends anymore." Then I respond, "I just wanted to stop over real quick to see what you were up to and say what's up, because I was in your area, and I tried to call you first but your phone bill's not paid." He says, "my mom's gonna pay it tomorrow."

Then he asks, "did you bring me any money? i haven't smoked at all today and I'm broke... I have nothing" I said "no...why would I stop over just to drop off some money?" Then he says "so why did you come over? And I thought you didn't wanna be friends anymore?" I tell him that I never said we couldn't be friends. Also, I made it clear that I didn't have any cash on me to give him.

So, he says "you gotta leave now, I'm really tired and I'm gonna get some rest. Call me tomorrow."

See, usually when I leave his place, he always says that he'll call me tomorrow. When tells me to call him, I knew that he didn't want me to be around.

So I then respond "so...does this mean that by you telling me to call you, and you not saying that you'll call me... that you don't wanna be friends" He said "I don't know." Then I respond, 'it has to be either yes or no". Then he says "I don't know what you want from me bro, you gotta leave." Then he slams the door really hard.

I get in the car and drive home. I'm not a guy that usually gets emotional, but tears were in my eyes during the ride home. I know that the damage to our friendship has been done.

I never thought I would feel so hurt. Maybe he felt really hurt by me. I really think it could possibly be over between Frank & I.
 
Oh Fizz. (*8*)

You may not see it now, but he actually did you a favor.

Frank obviously has some issues, and they're not yours.

The only issues that you have are that you considered him a best friend, and he either doesn't have the ability, or the reason to know what that means.

Grieve the loss, embrace the pain, learn from it and move on. :(
 
Just don't waste time beating yourself up, Fizz. You've learned a lesson, and you at least got to have fun with him. Now, avoid such people in the future.

(*8*)
 
After all of this, maybe this is just letting me know that I should just stick with messing with girls. I don't know.
 
Fizzboy7 said:
After all of this, maybe this is just letting me know that I should just stick with messing with girls. I don't know.
Click to expand...

Don't draw faulty conclusions from this. Give yourself time.
 
These things are hard. You got addicted to him, and realized that he wasn't addicted to you (only your money).

I know it hurts, but it's time to move on. There are thousands of eligible, sane men out there who would give their eye teeth to be your friend (with, or without benefits). Find them, and hopefully you'll find a relationship that is satisfying and gives you confidence as a man, lover, friend, and partner.

Good luck and hang in there. This pain will pass, I promise.

(*8*)
 
Fizzboy7 said:
After all of this, maybe this is just letting me know that I should just stick with messing with girls. I don't know.
Click to expand...

Oh, come on. Don't insult us. You just had a dozen bi and gay guys help you through this situation. This guy is no representation to liking other guys. Girls are just as capable of using guys as this one was.

I agree with everyone's concern that you are a codependent person. As you can see, this condition causes you to suffer by attaching yourself onto individuals who can exploit and abuse you. What you are now going through is an opportunity to heal yourself. Despite the pain you are feeling, you have lost no friendship. You have gained a valuable learning experience, and I hope you are able to build a better life of relationships for it.
 
Fizzboy7 said:
After all of this, maybe this is just letting me know that I should just stick with messing with girls. I don't know.
Click to expand...

Sorry guys. I shouldn't have said that. I came to that conclusion too fast, I know there's gotta be better guys out there somewhere. I've just gotta find them.
 
Fizzboy7 said:
Thanks Tex. I will move on, eventhough it's gonna be painful.
Click to expand...

It's going to be painful either way.

At least this way, you have the control and you're making the decision to stop being used by an addict who choses drugs over family and friends.



Fizzboy7 said:
After all of this, maybe this is just letting me know that I should just stick with messing with girls. I don't know.
Click to expand...

It's not about girls or boys. It's about bad choices. If you make bad choices, the outcome is the same- regardless of of what your bad choice has in their pants.
 
So this morning things just got a little more complicated. I was at work when he called me. I was busy so I could not answer his call, but I had no intentions of answering anyway. I was surprised to find that he left me a long voicemail message, because he always says leaving messages aren't his thing.

His voicemail when like this: ''Hey, what's up. I just wanted to say that you're the reason why we probably won't be cool anymore. Last week, when I asked you for some help, I just wanted to test you out to see if you would just help me and give the money. You only ageed to give me some help with the cash when I offered for us to mess around like the old days. I don't know what your problem is, but it seems as if I'm not the one who was using you. You were using me just to get some ass, now that I gave it up again, you don't see me how you used to when we started to have a normal friendship. I didn't want it to end like this. If you don't call me back, I'll assume you're just another scumbag, and it's over.''

After hearing this message, I'm thinking to myself....''Am I really the one that's at fault for this deterioration of our friendship? Maybe we can still make things work.
 
Is this for real? Is rareboy playing a prank?

If this is real, this is how a manipulator works. Makes you doubt yourself. Emotionally blackmails you. He is sick. He is not a friend. He is a predator, and you are the weakest gazelle.
 
He's blaming you so you can come back to him again and do the same thing all over again. Don't be weak
 
It's the emotional blackmail of a user and an addict.

"It's your fault that I use drugs".

You are the one in control of the situation. Maybe the solution for you is to send him a text wishing him well and telling him that if gets into recovery, you'll be glad to support him. But you won't be second choice to his drug habit.
 
Fizzboy7 said:
I just wanted to say that you're the reason why we probably won't be cool anymore.
Click to expand...

There's your answer Fizz.

Anybody who tries to lay their shit off on someone else, while showing complete disregard for your feelings, and where you're coming from, isn't anyone that I would care to associate with, either as a friend, or a friend with "benefits."

I had a live in boyfriend once who use to come home drunk, run up my credit cards, sexually assault me in my sleep, verbally abuse me, hit me, and at one point raped me, but somehow his behavior toward me was all my fault.

Even after I sent his ass packing.

I'm telling you, from my experience, people like that are nothing but pure poison.

I'd sever all ties, block his number, and even move to another place if I had to to avoid his being able to find me.

I stand by my previous post, he did you a favor. Now run! ..|
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top