might be gay, but not sure and I'm really scared

[Matt343]

Hi, I have been thinking for a while now that I might be gay, but I'm not sure. I'm really scared about the possibility of being gay and I don't know what to do. If I found out I was gay my inkling would be to never act on it and live my life alone. I was just wondering if anyone could offer any advice. Thank you

 

[Echoes]

what makes you think you might be gay? I understand you're scared but I'd like to know the main reasons. Why would you live your life alone?
My advice is answer those questions and I'll be certainly able to provide a better advice.

 

[thermodynamics]

I can't tell you if you're gay or not. You will have to figure that out for yourself. But you can count on all of us here on the board to be as supportive and sympathetic as we can be.

Can you give us a little information about yourself, like age, how long you've had "feelings" for guys, etc... It really helps to know the context when we offer advice.

 

[Matt343]

I'm 25, I've never had a crush on any specific guy that I knew or any known celebrity for that matter, but there have been certain aspects of the male anatomy that I have been aroused by specifically the chest area. I've never been aroused by the penis or the idea of inserting but I have a gay friend who said he knows of gay couples who don't engage in that kind of behavior. Hence, this leaves me in a difficult spot.

 

[racer2438]

First off, you need to calm down and talk a long good breath and just relax, your making more stress on your self and that is making all these while thoughts run through your head.


I really don't understand what your friend means about gay couples that don't engage in that kind of behavior what is he talking about.

You may need to do some soul searching to see what it is that makes you think about guy's and about girls.

do you feel pressure by your spiritual belief's
do you think it's wrong to be gay?
Do you and have you dated girls??
Have you done any thing sexually with a girl or a guy??
What do you fantasize more of and guy/girl or both??
If you watch porn do you watch str8t/gay or other?
Do you find you like the male body more that female or other way around?

Do you have/hang out with more male/female friends?

these may be some questions you might want to think about and see what your answer might be.

But don't be scared, don't live your life alone, there are many things to help you along the way.

Your friends sounds more confusing and something does not seem right in what he told you and bad info is not going to help you any better.

There is some counseling you want to look at were you could sit and talk to someone and not be afraid to speak your mind and that may give you better info and guidance with the right info.

But you have to live life at who you are and how you feel inside w/o fear, pressure, stress. And what makes you happy.

Life is to short and there is so much in life to see and do, and you may find that special person who may be a guy/girl to share your life with. And that will be very comforting to you to know that you have something to give to someone else, part of you from your heart..and that feeling is wonderful.

I was str8t but curious but never been with a guy. Thought about things but never acted on them. I had a g/f at time and I met this guy while I was hitch hicking in the rain and he gave me ride and he washed my clothes , hot shower, gave me hot meal and a couch to sleep on. Next night we partied got buzzed on beer and we had sex. It was so amazing that I told myself this is what I was looking for and I loved it.

I left my g/f and staid with my friend and we became b/f's-----that was 26yrs ago and we are still together and I could not be more happier in my life that were I am right now.. With him for life... So things can change if you want and or let them change..

Wish you good luck in your life...

 

[SteveyBoyLA]

If you are aroused by any part of the male anatomy, I would say you have a good chance of being gay. I am guessing you have had mixed signals about your sexuality since you were young. Racer2438 asks some good questions. Go out on dates with both sexes to see if you get that funny feeling down there.

At 25, you are still young, and you need more life experiences. No need to make judgements on your gayness or lack thereof at this point in your life. Relax buddy, and if you turn out to be gay, that is the way you are. We are all entitled to live our lives without embarrassment, shame, or guilt based on who we are attracted to. Be proud of who you are.

 

[Matt343]

Thanks, I appreciate what you said and I probably am stressing more than I need to. I have answers to some of the questions you asked and others I don't. The kind of behavior I was referring to was anal inserting and oral inserting, according to my friend he knows of gay couples that don't do that when they're intimate.

 

[Matt343]

If you are aroused by any part of the male anatomy, I would say you have a good chance of being gay. I am guessing you have had mixed signals about your sexuality since you were young. Racer2438 asks some good questions. Go out on dates with both sexes to see if you get that funny feeling down there.

At 25, you are still young, and you need more life experiences. No need to make judgements on your gayness or lack thereof at this point in your life. Relax buddy, and if you turn out to be gay, that is the way you are. We are all entitled to live our lives without embarrassment, shame, or guilt based on who we are attracted to. Be proud of who you are.

I appreciate the encouragement, it may be a little while before I figure out if I'm gay or not, and I'm in counseling to help with it. If it turns out I am gay, I don't think I could ever be proud of that and the possibility of it scares me to death. I don't think being gay is wrong, but it's not a lifestyle I would want for myself and I strongly believe if it turns out I am I should live my life alone and never act on my feelings.

 

[breathe]

but it's not a lifestyle I would want for myself and I strongly believe if it turns out I am I should live my life alone and never act on my feelings.

That will change. Trust me... that will change. lol

 

[racer2438]

I appreciate the encouragement, it may be a little while before I figure out if I'm gay or not, and I'm in counseling to help with it. If it turns out I am gay, I don't think I could ever be proud of that and the possibility of it scares me to death. I don't think being gay is wrong, but it's not a lifestyle I would want for myself and I strongly believe if it turns out I am I should live my life alone and never act on my feelings.

I am not sure where your going with this responce......and your friend ----->>>>well I think he is in lala land.

I don't know of any gay men that don't "insert oral and or anal"

 

[Matt343]

I didn't mean to offend anyone with my earlier posting and I'm sorry if I did.

 

[KaraBulut]

Let's say that you are gay...

What exactly is your fear? Do you have relationships with women?

 

[DarkHelios]

I appreciate the encouragement, it may be a little while before I figure out if I'm gay or not, and I'm in counseling to help with it. If it turns out I am gay, I don't think I could ever be proud of that and the possibility of it scares me to death. I don't think being gay is wrong, but it's not a lifestyle I would want for myself and I strongly believe if it turns out I am I should live my life alone and never act on my feelings.

What do you conisder to be a gay lifestyle?

 

[Echoes]

what would be the bad part if you figured you're gay? have you had a long relationship with a woman? would you kiss a man's chest?

 

[conrad]

Homosexuality and heterosexuality refer to relationships; that is not something one discovers by oneself. You could not have arrived at your present stage without the benefit of relationship

One hopes that you already have friends of both sexes. Let that friendship grow. Friends have a way of becoming much more than friends to each other. You have been endowed with a cock and some persistent "animal urges" to go with it. I presume you have discovered the joys to be had when cock is joined to hand. What are your thoughts when your hand is rubbing your cock?

Presumably you also know a bit about the female vagina. Yes, books with pictures can be helpful and even what is available to you in abundance on this site and others. Are you drawn to become friendly with males or females? Or with both? Whichever it may be, let it flower and you may find your cock stirred in the presence of your friend. Your friend (male or female) may have similar feelings and thoughts in your direction. Let them grow.

And, when that friendship has reached the point where your cock is telling you that you want to employ it in expressing your affection, let it happen . You may be pleasantly surprised that your friend is thinking and feeling along those same lines.

Who knows, you may be one of those fortunate persons who is comfortable in expressing yourself sexually with a male or a female.

I offer my thoughts; I have been delighted sexually with both males and females. But, this is something you have to leave your aloneness to discover. Just remember that it isn't so very complicated, but it does take being in touch with another person to make that discovery. (The large size font is a concession to my somewhat impaired eyesight, but you may also take it as my way of highlighting the importance of your using your most powerful organ of sex, your brain, in moving you off your present inaction. Remember, billions of persons have managed it before you.)

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[Matt343]

what would be the bad part if you figured you're gay? have you had a long relationship with a woman? would you kiss a man's chest?

I've never had a long relationship with a girl or a guy for that matter. Kissing a guy's chest doesn't arouse me, what aroused me was simply looking at it, i never had the desire to kiss it or fondle it in any way

 

[TX-Beau]

OK, if this is bothering this much there is something there.

Thing is, you do think there is something wrong with being gay, you wouldn’t be reacting the way you are if you thought otherwise. Look at the double standard you’ve got, being gay isn’t wrong for other people, it’s just wrong for you.

Straight guys don’t have your problem. So what does that mean? Well, denial probably. I’ve known gay guys who hated it so much they got physically ill when contemplating the gay. Did that make them less gay?

No. It just meant that they couldn’t deal with it. They didn’t want to think about it, or apply it to themselves. I myself went through a phase where I couldn’t even write down the word – all the while dating women and playing the straight guy.

Did that make me less gay? No.

A lot of time in here when someone comes in and asks if they’re gay, a bunch of guys jump in and excuse the poster (I won't go into the why of that.) Saying that being attracted to men doesn’t necessarily mean you’re gay. Well maybe not gay necessarily but certainly bi. Straight men are not attracted to guys in any particular. But really, if you’re in here, asking us, you’re already beyond straight, straight men do not come in here asking those questions of a bunch of gay men. They just don’t.

What are you? Gay probably, considering what you’ve said. It’s extremely common for guys with gay issues to say what you’re saying, bi guys with gay issues usually just retreat to women, it’s only when you can’t ignore the gay that it starts eating at your psyche.

Ask yourself, why is it OK for other people to be gay, but it’s not OK for you? Why the double standard?

“…I just don’t want to be gay, it's not for me…”

Sure.

But WHY?

Answer that honestly and you’ll probably answer a lot of your other questions.

 

[Echoes]

I've never had a long relationship with a girl or a guy for that matter. Kissing a guy's chest doesn't arouse me, what aroused me was simply looking at it, i never had the desire to kiss it or fondle it in any way

Alright, I'm still missing what the bad part of being gay would be. However, what I can tell you is that you need to figure out yourself, you should try putting yourself in different scenarios for the future and see which one makes you more comfortable, but not in terms of easiness but happiness. What I mean is that you have to be what makes you happy mate, no matter if you're gay or straight or bi or whatever. Just don't lie to yourself because it's more convenient and keeps society, family, friends, happy and gives you an "easier" life. You need to find your own happiness first and start from there to cope with others, your life is your own and nobody else. Life is already tough enough to make it even harder by pretending to be someone you aren't. I don't say you should accept you're gay to be happy, that's only in the case you turn out to be gay. If you're straight it's the same story, you need to be content about who you truly are.
I don't have a clue to tell you if you're gay or not but I believe that the major issue here is that you know you may be gay and you are terrified about the idea. It's not that bad, we all have gone through it and here we are giving pieces of advice the best we could to help others, I wish you the best no matter what you "are," just embrace it.

 

[Eagle653]

I am not sure where your going with this responce......and your friend ----->>>>well I think he is in lala land.

I don't know of any gay men that don't "insert oral and or anal"

Sorry. This just isn't true. I, too, know many gay couples who do not practice anal intercourse. Not practicing oral sex is rarer, but some gay couples--for whatever reason--enjoy intimacy in other, nonsexual, ways.

Anyway, back to the OP. I'm glad you're exploring your feelings, especially attractions to chests, with a psychologist. Perhaps you're gay, bi, or straight, no one knows right now. Be open to any possibilities.

If you come to the conclusion that you're gay or bi and don't want to act on those feelings, that's your business and no one else's. But know that if you eventually want to, and force yourself not to, that can lead to other neuroses down the road. I suspect that your wanting to be celibate is more driven by denial or disgust, neither of which are healthy for you. Before you end your therapy sessions, get all this clarified in your mind.

Good luck to you. Coming out to one's self is the hardest coming out we do. It's rarely easy and takes some time. Personally, I think it's great that you're taking the time to do this, and involve a professional in the process. I hope, in the end, this makes your final conclusion easier and faster.

 

[MorrisseyX]

Hello OP, the first thing I want to say is take a deep breath.
There is no rush, relax, you don't have to decide your sexual orientation today or tomorrow.

For some people it can take years to determine their own sexual orientation. Your feelings are valid and believe in yourself.

I have a suggestion, have you ever thought of visiting the public library and reading books on homosexuality? There are so many books for young people about coming to terms with their homosexuality.