Mildly embarrassing secrets

[Lefty]

^
My granny used to do that and then when the TV came out and he got a

show she damn near creamed her crinolines....It would be too embarrassing

to tell what she did later when Milton Berle and Red Skelton and Ed Sullivan

got it on. (so to speak)

 

[jdcnow]

Brain fails I've had, recently...

>> Because we are a 24-hour convenience store, and never close, we have to stop every morning at 4:00am, when the manager comes in, and end one business day and start a new one in the computers. This means I have to count down my cash register as if I'm going home for the day. One morning, I had finished counting the actual money, and all I had to do was key the written down figures of how much of each denomination of cash money I had into the register. I literally asked one of our assistant managers one morning, "Stephanie, how many pennies are in 25 cents?" She turns around and looks at me, and almost dies laughing.

>> One Monday morning I had a truck driver come, and prepay $100.00 on Diesel. He goes out and gets his fuel. We have a huge rush with people going back to work, and all. Plus our weekly general merchandise/supply shipment comes in at 6:15am. It's a hectic zoo. So, the guy comes back in, and I don't hear what he is saying to me, because of all of the comotion. Now I've seen a lot of people, and I don't recognize him because he's not one of our regulars, and everything is happening so fast. I think he wants gas. I then do hear him tell me that he gave me a $100.00 bill. I don't remember him giving me the bill and start internally freaking out. I look around my register - no $100 bill. Maybe I put it underneath my till. So I look under there. Nope. So now, I'm really starting to freak out inside, although I remain outwardly calm, and the manager - my boss who could fire me - is literally standing a few feet away from me watching the whole thing. I don't really want to ask him again what he wanted, because I don't want to look stupid, but I do, anyway to try and stall for time. He then asks for the receipt for his gas again. It then clicks in my head: All this guy wants is a paper receipt. He's already paid me for the gas. The $100 bill I was looking for, thought I had lost, and was freaking out over didn't exist. I had already deposited the guy's $100 bill into the safe under the counter, a minute or two prior. There was no missing money all along! I told the manager, "Pay no attention to the court jester in the green T-shirt!" To which she busted out laughing.

>> While talking to someone, recently, I've lost my train of thought - in mid-sentence!

 

[Críostóir]

While talking to someone, recently, I've lost my train of thought - in mid-sentence!

Well, get used to it, because as you get to my age, it will...that is, it will...

...what were we talking about?

 

[Lefty]

Not sure if mildly is correct but its a well known

secret, I enjoy illy and his sicko sense of humour.

 

[Harke the Boeotarch]

I read Lefty's stupid posts in CE & P.

 

[Lefty]

whats really embarrassing is Harkie Malarkie pretending he can read.
everybody knows the matron does that for him.f

 

[Harke the Boeotarch]

whats really embarrassing is Harkie Malarkie pretending he can read.
everybody knows the matron does that for him.f

This thread is about your (=the poster's) embarrassing secrets, not mine.

 

[Lefty]

It was harkie.....

it was mildly embarrassing that I had to mention it.....

after all, we are talking international p/c et cetera.

 

[likecharlie]

At a reunion, my parents introduce me to a young married couple. So my parents ask: do you remember "Sally"? I'm like, "ummm... I think so..." Then I'm asked: do you remember "Tom"? And I say, "oh, HI!" lol,

 

[Kyanimal]

Compared to everything else I've been reading here ... I think I "jumped the shark" quite a few posts back! Sorry about that!!

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

 

[Esquire0399]

Oh, I have a third nipple too. :c)

But I'm not embarrassed about it at all. I'm more embarrassed about the fact that I play with it every so often.

Are you freaking kidding me? I have one too! It's more fun because it's not supposed to be there.

Hmm... secrets. Well, I have no aspirations towards drag queen-ism and I'm only very vaguely fem but I have a viscous, and I mean insane runway walk (not the guy kind). And now the world knows. Take that world!

 

[bankside]

-I eat my boogers, and honestly don't see anything wrong with it (they taste OK, but I love the bacony texture).

wow...

I'd throw up at this point, but I'd be worried he'd eat that too.

 

[Esquire0399]

Uhhh, picking your nose is fine (I do that too, but I always wash my hands right after), but eating it??

That one surprises me too.

At least you clean the dildo before eating it.

Oh, I really like it too.

Also, I demand video evidence of this strut. Preferably in your underwear.

There will never be any reproducible proof that could spread to the masses (unless it makes me rich). Just know that it's awesome.

 

[ozguy]

I get a strange thrill out of pissing in company in public urinals. I like the fact that my dick is 'on show' for others to take a peek at if they wish.

I pee in the shower, too.

 

[Lefty]

I won't name names but there is proof on the East Coast of the USA....

that condoms help prevent more than just Aids or other social diseases.

I am embarrassed that this thought did not occur to me before reading

some posts in this thread.

 

[Lefty]

^ Is no longer a virgin...thus, fair game for the JUB smart ass...

Are you ^ just 'bugging ' me.

And a dumb embarrassing question....

Are Phoenixes reborn in the ashes .....

From Thunder Eggs?

 

[ibill1]

I have this album. And I have listened to it all the way through.

WTF?

 

[jdcnow]

Well, I was interrupted while masturbating today.

OK, so about roughly 4:20 this afternoon, I was sitting up in bed in my T-shirt and pajama pants. I had just started to look at my collection of naked men porn picture files I have saved. I hear my chiuaua barking in the next room. Now since the weather has cooled down, we have our wintertime problem at my house of these squirrels that seem to mistake our roof for rent-free apartments. The noise from them moving around up there is a daily thing we put up with until we can find a permenant solution to stop them from coming back. So, I figure the dog is just barking at the squirrels until the squirrels drop all the racket for the time being.

I ignored the dog and learned the *hard* way that the dog barks for a reason.

So I'm settling down in bed and enjoying my porn. As I start to harden, no sooner do I reach down into my PJs to get down to business, do I hear a knock at my back door. So, naturally, I'm thinking, "Aw, jeez, come on..." Whoever this is had better have a damn good reason...

So I go to the back door (still clothed in my T-shirt and PJ pants, but decent). And low and behold, it's none other than the city water dept. "Yeah, we came to check out your sewer...", and I'm like, "Huh?"

Here's the punchline: The guy who's the head of the work crew is none other than a male ex-classmate from back in high school. They explain to me why they are there at my house, to fix on the sewer. I tell them that there must be some mistake, because I didn't call a sewer issue in to city hall. They're like, OK. They apologize to me and I promptly say 'thanks', and shut the back door. If one of those guys spotted my semi-wood hiding underneath my pajama pants and boxers, they didn't say anything about it.

I was polite and everything to them. But in a situation like that, how do you politely give someone the rush-off without making them feel like they're being rushed off?

 

[jdcnow]

Yeah, I'm sure he's with the city. Although, he was looking *damn* good in that cowboy hat!

And believe me >> I should be so lucky that someone should send me a male strippergram.

Turns out the city had the wrong address. I ran into the woman over the water department (the guys' boss - who happens to be my boss' sister ) at the grocery store earlier this evening, and asked her about it. Turns out the woman dispatcher who takes the calls writes in chickenscratch, so you can't hardly understand her writing. It was *Southeast* _______ Street they were after. I live on *Southwest* _______ Street. Simple mix-up is all.

 

[jdcnow]

My brain fail from this morning that I've just gotta share:

Well, this morning. I got my email from the company that handles the W-2 tax paperwork for my old employer, Dollar Tree, whom I worked for, last year, saying that my W-2 is ready for me.

So I click on over to the company's website to access my account. Obviously, because it's a secure website, I need a user ID and password. Now I had saved the email that had my user ID on it to my folder inside my Hotmail account that I save all emails that I want to keep and not get rid of.

So I go get my user ID, and I thought I remembered my password. I didn't. I had tried to remember any possible password I could think of - to no avail. After the website had kicked me out for trying too many times - THEN I remember that when I had first registered with the website, I had taken a screen-capture picture (the Print Screen key on your keyboard) of the security questions, and I saved that picture to a Microsoft Word Document on one of my old USB flash drives.

Sure enough, when I go to open the Word Document, not only to I see the screencap image with all of the security questions, but right below it is...THE USER ID AND PASSWORD I WAS LOOKING FOR ALL ALONG!!!

If I have this many brain fails in my late 20s, it's gonna be hell gettin' old...