Minor problem with bf...

[Ninja108]

I have a great,loving, caring (and very HOT) bf of almost a year now. Our relationship is good, his family likes me, the sex is great, and he's gotten over dating a guy(he's bi). Despite all this, there's one problem. He's very, very shy. He blushes easily and unless I'm around, he'll barely talk and even then I do most of it. While I'm not huge on going to clubs, I would like to be able to do other activities where we could meet people but it's ahrd because he's so quiet. What can I do to help him be more sociable?

 

[mega]

Be supportive and start small.

 

[newkidondagayblock]

Dear Ninja,
Since you are not too huge on going to bars, take him to a small eating joint first and then to other places.
Further, just because he is the silent type doesn't mean there is anything wrong with him. He just has a different personality/ temperament.
Just make sure you are there for each other.
I have just finished reading a book (don't know if moderator will allow it). Its named Personality Plus by Florence Littauer, read it. Just to know what type you guys are.

 

[RicanDAB]

Hey Ninja ...

You two are obviously a case of introvert and extrovert = opposites attract. Being a classic introvert myself, I suggest that you don't push him too hard to dive into social situations that you naturally take for granted. Like someone else said, start small and stay by his side until he develops some confidence in himself to stand on his own. As long as you make him feel respected and loved, you guys will go far

 

[KennyD]

I agree with what everyone says ... First; You are lucky to have someone like him by your side .... 2nd .. Go SLOW ... don't push and/or rush him ... Like said , go to the small places like once a week and build up .. OK ? Good Luck ..

 

[thermodynamics]

Well, as an introvert myself, and the breakfasts I have with one of my very introverted gay friends, I have a little experience with this.

You have to listen so that others will talk, and talk so that others will listen. So it's clear that you dominate conversations, but maybe you have to let him talk. Ask him questions--of any kind. If you don't let him speak, he won't. I've been in his position.

I'd start with a coffee shop, or some place that isn't too loud with too many people. Especially the too loud part. It's so much easier to be social and strike up conversation if you don't have to shout and struggle to hear the person next to you.

 

[Ninja108]

Thanks for the responses so far guys. I know I'm very lucky to have him in my life and this isn't a major issue(the bi thing was), as we're content cuddling up( he's a damn good cuddler) and watch movies than going out to clubs. I just want to help him feel less nervous around other people. He has no problem talking with me at all, just with a lot of other people.

 

[confusedboy23]

Great advice here and nothing more to add. I am a rather shy person myself and it does take time to get myself 'acclimatized' in a new environment. Start small, and I'm sure with your loving support - he'd slowly but surely become stronger and more confident. It did take me many years.......

 

[Eagle653]

Great advice here. I love the start small thing and also thermodynamics's idea about talking and listening. His shyness may be wrapped up in his perception about his sexuality. Going to clubs may be the epitome of a "mass coming out" in his mind, that he's uncomfortable with at this point.

There's a part of me that is very shy too, especially when it comes to bars and clubs. When I was first coming out, my partner (who was also my coming out mentor) introduced me to bars and clubs and the like. I really didn't want to go and resisted for a while (partly because I was, frankly, uncomfortable being around so many gay people when I wasn't that comfortable with myself). As I trusted him more, I let him introduce me to those things. He was great, because he was sensitive to my level of comfort (or not) and responded accordingly. He "pathed the way" so to speak by covering for my shyness, steering me away from the wrong bar-flies, educating me on the culture, and making me feel "protected." I know it sounds silly, but that whole scene was new to me and it was NOT a time to play sink-or-swim.

Now, it's old-hat and sometimes we go out to those places, and sometimes we don't. Sometimes I even suggest it, and sometimes he does. His patient mentorship made the difference. And, those places can be fun and have lots to offer if you're in the mood. So, I'm glad he got me out of my shell to try it and be comfortable there.

I hope you can do the same thing for your partner. Just be patient and very sensitive to his feelings and path the way for him. Let us know what happens.